grinningcat
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,663
Jun 26, 2014 13:06:35 GMT
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Post by grinningcat on Oct 28, 2014 16:47:54 GMT
That is a tough person to buy for. Is this dh's father? Does he have any hobbies? Does he enjoy going to plays or sporting events? DH and I have started to try to buy consumable type things for the parents. They really don't need any more stuff, and if they do, they've most likely gone out and bought it already. There is a playhouse that my mom enjoys going to, so my sisters and I have talked about buying her season tickets to that. DH's dad loves to grill, so I'm thinking about getting him some nice steaks and spices, or something along those lines. I'm making a family tree and we'll probably get something for his car. Boring (the car part not the family tree part). But ya... talk about baptism by fire the first year. Right off the bat I knew I had to do something with photos or family. I actually came up with the idea one day while I was surfing here. I don't think the steaks or any of that would go over for the grandparents... but I have considered it for actual parents. But not convinced because I don't think the value is there for what you pay. But definitely something to look at. |
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Post by myshelly on Oct 28, 2014 17:17:30 GMT
I hate buying presents.
Despise it.
It makes me stressed and angry and hate Christmas.
Gifting is just not in my radar of love languages.
Nothing about shopping for another person makes me happy or feel thoughtful or feel love.
I just resent having to spend the money.
I can't understand why adults exchange gifts. We're adults. We have money. We could just walk into a store and buy what we want.
I truly, truly do not understand it.
So, if I got to go from giving gifts to my whole family to giving gifts to just one person I would be ecstatic.
I would be soooo happy if my family and DH's family would just say a blanket "no gifts for adults".
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Deleted
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Aug 18, 2025 19:48:07 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Oct 28, 2014 17:17:58 GMT
A few years ago we completely dropped out of the family gift exchange. We now buy for our own kids, our parents, teachers, neighbours and eachother. Some years I would get my SIL's husband who I don't know very well and then the stress of finding something they'll actually use. They even started making up lists of what they wanted, which meant you knew what you were getting. And on my side of the family,some years everyone got a gift certificate. One year my DH and I figured it just wasn't worth the stress anymore. Does that make us a Scrooge? Maybe to some. But we're a lot less stressed during the Christmas season. And there were a few others that also decided not to participate before us, so we are definitely not alone with this thought. We're all married with kids and none of us need anything and what we do need, we buy ourselves. We now look forward to Christmas gatherings, we give the parents their gifts, the parents give everyone their gifts and then we continue the day with games, food, and awesome laughter. We even spend some time reading the Christmas story to the grand kids and we sing carols. Years ago I would spend so much time and money trying to make Christmas just right. I saw Christmas postcards/commercials/videos and there was always such a sense of peace and serenity to the photos. So in an effort to create that most magical Christmas, I would be the Martha Stewert in town. But rather than feeling the magic, I felt burnout. One year I cut back, I focused on our small family Christmas. Suddenly I had time for the small things, like popping a Christmas movie in the vehicle DVD player, grabbing some hot chocolates and cruising for Christmas light displays without stressing about who I had to shop for yet. I spent a lot of time in the home doing Christmassy things while listening to music. And you know, that was the most magical Christmas I had ever had. Buying a ton of Christmas gifts might be great for some, but I love that we keep it simpler now. I love that I don't have to figure out what someone else's husband has use for, lol. I think it's awesome that some love to shop for others, but we don't and that's ok too.  |
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bethany102399
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,859 
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Post by bethany102399 on Oct 28, 2014 17:25:27 GMT
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Post by auntkelly on Oct 28, 2014 17:34:44 GMT
Gift giving is my love language. I love to shop for presents, wrap presents and watch my friends and family open the presents. If I were in your shoes, I'd be tempted to give an inexpensive, beautifully wrapped present to everyone as they left the Christmas celebration, and call it a party favor instead of a Christmas gift. You could do something like homemade cookies or lottery tickets for the men, small scented candles for the women and dollar tree ornaments for the kids.
If anyone gives you a hard time about it, just wave them off and say "it's Christmas and this is what I like to do. Let me have my fun."
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grinningcat
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,663
Jun 26, 2014 13:06:35 GMT
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Post by grinningcat on Oct 28, 2014 17:38:07 GMT
Unfortunately we're Canuck and they don't ship outside the 50 states. I'm looking for a place that's not necessarily in Canada but doesn't double the cost with shipping. That's what always kills it for me. |
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grinningcat
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,663
Jun 26, 2014 13:06:35 GMT
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Post by grinningcat on Oct 28, 2014 17:39:29 GMT
Gift giving is my love language. I love to shop for presents, wrap presents and watch my friends and family open the presents. If I were in your shoes, I'd be tempted to give an inexpensive, beautifully wrapped present to everyone as they left the Christmas celebration, and call it a party favor instead of a Christmas gift. You could do something like homemade cookies or lottery tickets for the men, small scented candles for the women and dollar tree ornaments for the kids. If anyone gives you a hard time about it, just wave them off and say "it's Christmas and this is what I like to do. Let me have my fun." I have said that. Most people just laugh, but oddly some really react negatively. I was surprised to learn that people hate gifts of all kinds. Giving or receiving. |
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Post by myshelly on Oct 28, 2014 17:43:15 GMT
Gift giving is my love language. I love to shop for presents, wrap presents and watch my friends and family open the presents. If I were in your shoes, I'd be tempted to give an inexpensive, beautifully wrapped present to everyone as they left the Christmas celebration, and call it a party favor instead of a Christmas gift. You could do something like homemade cookies or lottery tickets for the men, small scented candles for the women and dollar tree ornaments for the kids. If anyone gives you a hard time about it, just wave them off and say "it's Christmas and this is what I like to do. Let me have my fun." I have said that. Most people just laugh, but oddly some really react negatively. I was surprised to learn that people hate gifts of all kinds. Giving or receiving. This is me. I DESPISE giving or receiving. |
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grinningcat
Pearl Clutcher
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Jun 26, 2014 13:06:35 GMT
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Post by grinningcat on Oct 28, 2014 17:46:02 GMT
I hate buying presents. Despise it. It makes me stressed and angry and hate Christmas. Gifting is just not in my radar of love languages. Nothing about shopping for another person makes me happy or feel thoughtful or feel love. I just resent having to spend the money. I can't understand why adults exchange gifts. We're adults. We have money. We could just walk into a store and buy what we want. I truly, truly do not understand it. Because it's fun? Because going and buying something for yourself doesn't have the same effect as someone else gifting it to you? Often because it's something we saw and just knew the other person would really love it? If I'm in a store and see something I know you'd like (could be something as simple as a chocolate bar) why wouldn't I just pick it up and give it to you? I was thinking of you and thought I'd do something nice or get something nice to say "I love that we're friends/family/lovers/etc"? I don't know how to explain it but for me, it's about showing the person how much I care for them and saying thank you for being in my life. Even if they have more money than I do. It's not about keeping track of how much is spent or how easy it would be just to buy stuff on your own, it's the sentiment. |
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grinningcat
Pearl Clutcher
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Jun 26, 2014 13:06:35 GMT
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Post by grinningcat on Oct 28, 2014 17:51:01 GMT
I have said that. Most people just laugh, but oddly some really react negatively. I was surprised to learn that people hate gifts of all kinds. Giving or receiving. This is me. I DESPISE giving or receiving. I see that. Though I don't really understand why. But I accept that's who you are, and I guess I would honour that... though I'd probably forget and bring you a favourite drink or something like that when I'm out and about. Because sometimes I give things as small as that. Just because. So I apologize for people who like to give... we're just trying to show you that we like you in our lives. |
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Post by myshelly on Oct 28, 2014 18:01:51 GMT
Because it's fun? Because going and buying something for yourself doesn't have the same effect as someone else gifting it to you? Often because it's something we saw and just knew the other person would really love it? If I'm in a store and see something I know you'd like (could be something as simple as a chocolate bar) why wouldn't I just pick it up and give it to you? I was thinking of you and thought I'd do something nice or get something nice to say "I love that we're friends/family/lovers/etc"? I don't know how to explain it but for me, it's about showing the person how much I care for them and saying thank you for being in my life. Even if they have more money than I do. It's not about keeping track of how much is spent or how easy it would be just to buy stuff on your own, it's the sentiment. I get more pleasure from going and buying something for myself than I do from receiving it as a present. I have never experienced seeing something and knowing someone else would like it and wanting to buy it for them. My mind doesn't work that way. I have no idea what other people would like, even those closest to me like my husband. |
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grinningcat
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,663
Jun 26, 2014 13:06:35 GMT
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Post by grinningcat on Oct 28, 2014 18:02:36 GMT
Because it's fun? Because going and buying something for yourself doesn't have the same effect as someone else gifting it to you? Often because it's something we saw and just knew the other person would really love it? I get more pleasure out if buying something for myself than someone giving it to me. I have never been shopping and seen something and thought another person would love it. My brain just doesn't work that way. I have no idea what another person would love. Even the people closest to me like my husband. [/quote] Oh. Okay. Weird, but we're all different. I see stuff all the time, whether it's favourite snacks or drinks or books on subjects I know someone is interested in or silly toys or sticky notes. Or sharpies... everyone I know loves sharpies. I guess I just absorb what they use or like or have admired and just remember that stuff. I keep a list going in my head of those things for gift giving occasions so I always have something at hand for those occasions. |
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perumbula
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Posts: 3,439
Location: Idaho
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Post by perumbula on Oct 28, 2014 18:05:07 GMT
We've been drawing names in my family since I was little. it transitioned easily over when we became adults. The cousins draw names for each other and the adults now draw for a couple instead of individuals. My husband's family has gone from buying for everyone when we first got married, to drawing names, and now we do a white elephant gift exchange with the cousins not buying anything for each other anymore at all.  There was some discussion when the cousins started becoming adults that those parents wanted their adult kids invited into the adult exchange and others wanted it to stay generational. Now the exchange has just been dropped altogether. I didn't like that his parents wanted to be included in the name drawing. that just felt weird. Everyone wanted to buy for the parents anyway and they kept buying for everyone themselves so one kid would get a gift that was different from everyone else (but same value) rather than getting an extra. I do appreciate the way it's done because it does help my budget a lot and leaves me more to buy for my kids. Since we don't have a huge budget for Christmas, that little bit does help. It is sad to wake up Christmas morning and realize that out of the whole Christmas season I would get three presents. Total. It's times like that when I think it might be nice to exchange with more people. |
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Post by marysue63 on Oct 28, 2014 18:20:21 GMT
We have done this for many years too and it's evolved over the years. It used to be that all the adults would draw names among themselves, and the kids were exchanged among themselves. That worked well when the first chunk of cousins were all within 7 years of each other. Then the next wave came and the 7 year spread turned into a 19 year spread and it didn't work as well.
What we do now, and have been for 4 or so years is that just the 5 sisters draw names. We all buy for our own spouses and kids. And the BILs exchange among themselves, but not formally. It's usually some new cool gadget. And for the past 2 years the sisters gift had to be homemade from an idea on Pinterest. We don't really have a limit anymore as no one goes way overboard.
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Post by gmcwife1 on Oct 28, 2014 19:57:04 GMT
What you see as nonsense is how we have been doing it for years. If we had to buy for everyone we would not be part of Chirstmas Eve with my cousins because we could not afford it. We average 50 people that night and even if I only spent $10 a person that would be $500. BTW, I have received some sucky gifts in the past, but know where the person's heart is and that is what really matters. I get what you're saying. The budget per person is $200 max, which means $400 total for the two of us. I could do the whole 20+ person family for that much and have leftover! WOW that is a large gift amount!! Ours is $50.00 and feels good. Not too much and not too little. $200.00 is way too much for my family. I don't think my sister and BIL spend that much on their kids even! |
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Deleted
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Aug 18, 2025 19:48:07 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Oct 28, 2014 20:01:38 GMT
I'm in the same camp, i don't care for receiving gifts. I value the relationship but I prefer to do the purchasing for myself, in fact I get quite the "high" if I can spend money on myself.  I'm also very particular about the stuff I buy so usually if someone has bought me something I cringe a little because I have to show appreciation by using it but it's not something I would have purchased. Just the other day my SIL tagged me in a FB post on a buy/sell sight. Someone had made a decor piece out of an old window, star, wreath, and shelf. It was cute but so not my thing. I do decorate with old windows so my SIL thought I would love it, but I'd sooner make it and save the money. Plus the colours and everything about it screamed country and my house is more shabby. So that was something she would have bought me if we did gift exchanges and she would have thought she had gotten me the perfect gift, and I would have had to display it, and cringe. My sister just had a good friend give her a canvas art piece for her birthday. My sister loves the friendship but hates when people buy her stuff like that because she prefers to decorate her house to her style, not what a friend thinks will work. And the art piece was nothing like what she would have picked, and thankfully it was too small for the wall her friend had in mind, so now she'll use it elsewhere, but she still feels like she has to use it for a year or two. And that's another example of a good friend buying something that she thought her friend would love, but didn't quite get it right. That's why I'm not into buying gifts for adult. At least not the kind of gifts the recipient would have to use or display. I think buying coffee or treats is totally different. We do that between my friends and I all the time, there's no pressure to love it and use it. |
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Post by lbp on Oct 28, 2014 20:07:39 GMT
My family is very small so we buy for everyone.
However, when I was little my mom's family would draw names. The kids (cousins) would draw kids names and the adults would draw adult names. One year when I was 6 I picked out and bought my cousin a awesome big, red fire truck with a light on top and a siren. Guess what I got? Days of the week under panties!!! I was so bummed! (I'm sure his mom picked those out!) |
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Post by myshelly on Oct 28, 2014 20:21:54 GMT
I'm in the same camp, i don't care for receiving gifts. I value the relationship but I prefer to do the purchasing for myself, in fact I get quite the "high" if I can spend money on myself. I'm also very particular about the stuff I buy so usually if someone has bought me something I cringe a little because I have to show appreciation by using it but it's not something I would have purchased. Just the other day my SIL tagged me in a FB post on a buy/sell sight. Someone had made a decor piece out of an old window, star, wreath, and shelf. It was cute but so not my thing. I do decorate with old windows so my SIL thought I would love it, but I'd sooner make it and save the money. Plus the colours and everything about it screamed country and my house is more shabby. So that was something she would have bought me if we did gift exchanges and she would have thought she had gotten me the perfect gift, and I would have had to display it, and cringe. My sister just had a good friend give her a canvas art piece for her birthday. My sister loves the friendship but hates when people buy her stuff like that because she prefers to decorate her house to her style, not what a friend thinks will work. And the art piece was nothing like what she would have picked, and thankfully it was too small for the wall her friend had in mind, so now she'll use it elsewhere, but she still feels like she has to use it for a year or two. And that's another example of a good friend buying something that she thought her friend would love, but didn't quite get it right. That's why I'm not into buying gifts for adult. At least not the kind of gifts the recipient would have to use or display. I think buying coffee or treats is totally different. We do that between my friends and I all the time, there's no pressure to love it and use it. Yes!! This is me exactly! I'm very picky. I very rarely like things people pick out for me. Even if they pay attention and buy something I should like in theory, I usually don't like it. Then I feel upset that they wasted their money and wonder whether I'm obligated to display it and stress about whether I'm being convincing in pretending that I like it. This explains why I also hate giving gifts - because I don't enjoy receiving gifts I have a hard time believing others do (because you are socially obligated to pretend you like whatever you get) and therefore feel like I'm wasting my money. I always wonder how the friends and family of people who love gift giving feel. I always wonder if people who say they are good at giving gifts are just fooled by the obligatory reactions of the recepients. |
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grinningcat
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,663
Jun 26, 2014 13:06:35 GMT
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Post by grinningcat on Oct 28, 2014 21:44:23 GMT
I'm in the same camp, i don't care for receiving gifts. I value the relationship but I prefer to do the purchasing for myself, in fact I get quite the "high" if I can spend money on myself. I'm also very particular about the stuff I buy so usually if someone has bought me something I cringe a little because I have to show appreciation by using it but it's not something I would have purchased. Just the other day my SIL tagged me in a FB post on a buy/sell sight. Someone had made a decor piece out of an old window, star, wreath, and shelf. It was cute but so not my thing. I do decorate with old windows so my SIL thought I would love it, but I'd sooner make it and save the money. Plus the colours and everything about it screamed country and my house is more shabby. So that was something she would have bought me if we did gift exchanges and she would have thought she had gotten me the perfect gift, and I would have had to display it, and cringe. My sister just had a good friend give her a canvas art piece for her birthday. My sister loves the friendship but hates when people buy her stuff like that because she prefers to decorate her house to her style, not what a friend thinks will work. And the art piece was nothing like what she would have picked, and thankfully it was too small for the wall her friend had in mind, so now she'll use it elsewhere, but she still feels like she has to use it for a year or two. And that's another example of a good friend buying something that she thought her friend would love, but didn't quite get it right. That's why I'm not into buying gifts for adult. At least not the kind of gifts the recipient would have to use or display. I think buying coffee or treats is totally different. We do that between my friends and I all the time, there's no pressure to love it and use it. Yes!! This is me exactly! I'm very picky. I very rarely like things people pick out for me. Even if they pay attention and buy something I should like in theory, I usually don't like it. Then I feel upset that they wasted their money and wonder whether I'm obligated to display it and stress about whether I'm being convincing in pretending that I like it. This explains why I also hate giving gifts - because I don't enjoy receiving gifts I have a hard time believing others do (because you are socially obligated to pretend you like whatever you get) and therefore feel like I'm wasting my money. I always wonder how the friends and family of people who love gift giving feel. I always wonder if people who say they are good at giving gifts are just fooled by the obligatory reactions of the recepients. You can absolutely tell when someone is faking. It's really really REALLY obvious. Even the best fakers (like me) can't completely mask it. But you know what? It's rare that I miss the mark. Does that sound egotistical? Sure. But the people I trust have told me honestly if something works or not. I'm confident for the most part in my gift giving. Those I'm not sure about I ask questions to people who know them best. And there are always generic gifts that can be used when it's really hard. And I never question if someone displays/wears/uses something or not. Not to mention if I knew you were such a hater of gifts, I wouldn't bother getting you something because knowing how you feel about my heartfelt attempt at showing you that you mean something to me would just suck the fun I get out of getting the right gift knowing that nothing is ever good enough for you. And while it would hurt to take you off the list knowing that a level of pickiness I don't understand is at play, I would abide by your wishes. |
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Post by bwife on Oct 28, 2014 21:57:01 GMT
On my moms side we have tried all kinds of things, buying for everyone, Exchanging names, boy/girl gifts, gift card exchange and now we do nothing for adults. I am totally ok with that! it got to be too much and as we all grew up and got married, we dont have the $$ to buy for everyone. We do still buy for kids on my mothers side. Everyone buys for the kids that you dont normally buy for. So for me, I buy for my cousins kids, but not for my own or my sisters. We have a $5 to $10 limit on kid gifts for the big family christmas. Everyone sticks to buying for the kids except my mom. She says its christmas and she always gets alittle something for her sisters, even when they can not afford to get her anything. I only have 1 sister, so we still all buy for each other and have our christmas with my mom on christmas Eve.
Oh my DH's side. We went from buying for all ( which was REALLY hard for us to do when all of the kids were younger) DH is the youngest of 4, there are 9 yrs between him and his brother ( who is the youngest of the 1st 3) So when he was a teen, his brothers and sisters were already married and having kids. So when we got married, There were 12 kids to buy for before we even had 1! I love christmas and giving gifts, but that was a lot to take in at 21. now that all of the kids are grown, married and having kids, They have Quickly learned that christmas is expensive! So we usually have a boy / girl exchange with a limit of $20. We try to buy fun things that you normally would not/ could not splurge on yourself any other time of year. ( lottery tickets, Expensive beer, Fancy soaps or just fun stuff!) the best thing about the boy/girl is that if you dont want to or can not afford to buy a gift, then you just dont participate and no ones feelings get hurt if a gift was not purchased for them. So the way this works is if you are a girl, you buy a girl gift. If you are a boy, you buy a boy gift. Easy peasy! We do still buy for the kids with a $5 limit. I LOVE the $5 limit. it is fun to see what you can get for $5. I really put thought into what I am getting for the kids. I am happy to say that because of this, My shopping for that side of the family is DONE! My kids are teens now, so most family members get them Giftcards, Which to me is GREAT! if they want to walk to the QT in the summer for a drink, they have a GC to use. Or for a shake at McD's or whatever.
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Post by maryland on Oct 28, 2014 22:44:12 GMT
I love the picking names idea. Anything to save money at the holidays. We are on a tight budget, and when we spend too much at Christmas, we really struggle for months afterwards. So picking names and limiting gift giving has helped us so much! I also think many just don't have time to spend shopping. I am a sahm, but with three kids (2 in high school) and their many activities, I don't even have much free time. I am also the least creative person! I try to think of good gifts, but I can't. So getting for one person is a lot less overwhelming to me.
That's just my opinion! Everyone is different. If I had money and creativity, I may enjoy picking out gifts.
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Post by crazy4scraps on Oct 29, 2014 15:28:29 GMT
I get more pleasure from going and buying something for myself than I do from receiving it as a present. THIS! When I buy it myself, it's always the right size, the right color, the right style, the right thing! And since we're fairly comfortable these days if I see something I really like, I eventually just buy it. My DH learned years ago that the best gift for me is cold hard CASH so I can buy whatever I want, whenever I want, guilt free. We're trying very hard to not turn the holidays into one giant gift grab for DD, and it's hard when everybody wants to buy her stuff. I get it that people enjoy gifting to little kids so we don't say anything, but if people knew just how much of that stuff ends up in a heap never to be looked at or played with again, maybe they would reconsider. |
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Post by ajsweetpea on Oct 29, 2014 16:46:48 GMT
We used to buy for everyone, but things got expensive and people ended up with a ton of stuff and it got overwhelming. We switched to picking names, but buying for all kids under 18. Then a few years ago, we switched again and now we do a "Yankee Swap" where you bring one item and get to pick one item and items can be "stolen", etc. It is good for some laughs! We do still buy for all kids under age 18. I'm actually relieved to not have to buy for everyone anymore and also happy to not lug home a lot of stuff and store it in my house.
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Post by bianca42 on Oct 29, 2014 17:57:19 GMT
My Mom is the oldest of 7 and here's the evolution of Christmas gifts in her family.
1. Everyone buys for everyone.
2. Buy for all the grandkids and everyone buys for parents, but rotate siblings & sibling couples. For example 1+spouse buy for 2+spouse. 2+spouse boys for 3+spouse...and it goes all the way down until single youngest buys for 1+spouse. The next year it rotates and you buy for the next couple down the list.
3. Everyone buys for the parents but rotate entire sibling families.
4. It got to be too much and they don't exchange at all other than for their parents.
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Post by bluepoprocks on Oct 29, 2014 18:32:33 GMT
I only have to buy for my sister, her two boys, my brothers son, and one friend. We don't buy for uncles, aunts, cousins and our parents and grandparents have all passed so I don't have to worry about all this stuff. Our family isn't really close. I haven't seen most of my cousins in decades. If money is tight my sister and I don't exchange presents, we just focus on the kids.
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There was some discussion when the cousins started becoming adults that those parents wanted their adult kids invited into the adult exchange and others wanted it to stay generational. Now the exchange has just been dropped altogether. I didn't like that his parents wanted to be included in the name drawing. that just felt weird. Everyone wanted to buy for the parents anyway and they kept buying for everyone themselves so one kid would get a gift that was different from everyone else (but same value) rather than getting an extra. 
