Ok, so I think we should have this out

The vast majority of peas are interesting people who I enjoy interacting with. There are also a couple obnoxious bitches who can't let things go and post the same crap over and over again and I have zero interest in ever interacting with them. There are also a handful of peas who are clearly going through a rough time and you see it in both how they perceive others comments and their own comments.

I don't know where you get that idea because I feel you are a very valued member who is embraced by this community.

I have been in here less and less. For a while there were really only three topics that seemed to dominate most threads at some point, Trump, COVID, Protests. Each of those subjects are topical and important, but became inescapable. I come here for the variety provided by people living different lives in different places with different perspectives. I’m not a huge thread starter, and quarantine has made me even more boring. A parsnip, in a world of more interesting vegetables, if you will.

A shout out to librarylady for always posting something interesting and teaching me something new. You are a bright star on this board.

I don’t think it’s that bad - presumably I would feel differently if I had been responded to in a particularly harsh way.

But, and it’s a big but, I honestly think your politics has had a huge role to play. There was always more intense discussion around election times but unfortunately this president has, undeniably, been very divisive.

Can I just say I loved all of this.  I find your posts to be reliably thoughtful and thought-provoking, and not a simply regurgitation of our chosen tribe's talking points.

I think you're right - for many of us, our lives so far have not trained us well to deal with significant adversity or given us the tools to manage our thoughts and moods.  In some case, both.  So we have these feelings of fear, anger, helplessness or whatever and we just lob them at each other like hand grenades.  Learning and practicing managing our thoughts better and how to release low-level trauma on a regular basis would probably do some of us - certainly me - a lot of good.

I haven't noticed an increase in bullying and hostility lately, but honestly I tend to have a majority opinion, meaning I'm not a likely target of hostility.  Plus I will go to great lengths to avoid conflict. 

I have noticed a lack of meaningful discourse.  For example, since approximately June 1st we've suddenly become the most woke middle-aged white women ever.  But we don't discuss the evolution of our views, even maybe from 2 weeks prior.  And we're not okay with anyone who isn't in the same place in their journey that we are. It's like we want to pretend we always thought this way.  Same thing with the pandemic and masks.  We're all health experts and anyone who questions is... well....an asshole.  To be clear, I've been one of these people on both subjects, so I'm not pointing fingers. 

I don't know whether this is worse than in the past or not.  Perhaps its a combination of massively heightened emotions with a world and worldview which is shifting seismically on a weekly basis. 

I have seen jeremysgirl be able to see both sides in different discussions. It feels like there are many times that the more outspoken peas do not want another opinion supported or understood. I have felt that puts jeremysgirl in the spotlight because she has asked questions trying to understand. She seems to be able to truly want to learn from others opinions that don’t match hers.

It’s hard for me to explain but I feel like I understand what she means. I used to answer the posts that started out with, what do they think or why would they do . . . But then after sharing what I had heard from people that thought that way and being shut down, I stopped. The poster didn’t really care or want to know. They just wanted to be supported in their opinion not try to understand someone else’s.

I was completely off base on why you might feel like a outsider some times! Which is interesting because I probably identify more with this part of your life since I have one sister that is manic bi polar and another sister that has agoraphobia. That is more of a normal thing for me.

I do stand by my impression of you being very good at seeing other opinions And being able to see them is not the same as agreeing with them! You are just good at not invalidating others feelings, opinions and experiences. And wanting to learn from them.

I agree with what many have said - there are some wonderful Peas who post. But there are also a handful of angry, bitter people who are intent on making everyone either agree with them or they will pile on, and flood the board with their bitchiness.

Life is hard (in a good year). This place hasn't been a place of escape that it used to be. I find myself not reaching for the Peas because sometimes I don't want to offend, piss off or be beat up. The days of careless posting are gone for me. I have to think and rethink every response, every opinion. Its no longer OK to say, I don't know about how I feel about 'xyz'. There's no real back and forth, with the intent of having a calm discussion.

I recall years ago, there was a thread about whether Amazon should charge everyone the same price, or if it was ok that those who got food benefits should be charged less. Initially I was against Amazon charging different prices for people - when they were providing the same service for everyone. And I was completely wrong. That thread opened my eyes and I learned so much through the sharing and talking that happened. My DH grew up poor. His family used food stamps to make ends meet. I knew this. I knew he didn't grow up having enough to eat and at one point, was homeless as a kid. But until that thread, I hadn't really thought about what it would be like, for real, to not have access to fresh, nutritional food. I completely had a change of heart in that thread (and I think it was elaine , but I could be wrong, who called me out politely and challenged my thinking). Its been awhile so I dont recall all the details, but I do remember it was that thread that opened my eyes. I miss conversations like that.

And I agree with gar . Your politics (or what people assume your politics to be) seems to make people a target.

And gmcwife1 , Im sure one or two will pop in to tell you how wrong you are. LOL

I am not a thread starting pea, but I read every day and occasionally contribute. As so many have mentioned, this board is much kinder than the old one.
And I think that the political climate and the pandemic have definitely put people on edge and made them more likely to react a bit harsher than their normal pre-COVID voice. While the board is still much nicer than the old one, some members are reacting to the current change in tone. And yes, there will always be mean girls in a group, that is an unfortunate part of participating in a message board.

Jeremysgirl and sunnycalimom (sorry, my tablet won’t let me tag you) please don’t feel left out. I always enjoy hearing from both of you, you are a positive force in helping us to understand mental illness and how it can impact anyone. Please keep posting!

This board is no different from the original as far as tone and content. It’s always been a place where you had to have thick skin and wear your big girl panties.

The peas still rally around or call out someone when need be.

The one thing that stands out to me is that Democrats had to listen to the constant bullshit of the conservative peas for 8 years when Obama was in office. However, when the tides turned they all ran off and left the board like a bunch of pussies because they could dish it out but not take it when it came to the GOP.

I have never purchased or eaten a parsnip. I'm sure they are at my grocery stores but I can't say that I've ever noticed them there. A parsnip is a very interesting vegetable to me! I'd be happy to try one if some one served it! 😜

I feel there are bullies on this site as well as some mean,nasty people. There are also "doom and gloom" people on this board. These days I'm very selective in which threads I open.

It feels like there’s a bit of revisionist history about what the board used to be like. I do think people cross the line here occasionally, but that is nothing new here or unique to this site.

In the old days of peadom, there were absolutely vicious attacks of those who were outside the primary demographic (SAHM, Christian, conservative). While it’s not always sunshine and puppies here now, I don’t see the same depth of recurring vitriol here as we had then.

It is this anger and vitriol that flows into every single thread that makes it unpleasant and uncomfortable for *everyone else*