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Post by jeremysgirl on Jul 5, 2020 22:48:10 GMT
So my neighbor posted this meme on Facebook and I'm like ready to puke. And I want to know what you would have said in response. Would you have been harsher than I was? I don't know I think I'm emotionally spent today. So here was what I responded with: I had this therapist once and I went in there ranting and raving about my ex-husband one day and what a putz he was. How I had to do everything for my kids while he drank his life away. And I was angry. Very angry. And my therapist looked me calmly in the eye and said I believe that people make the best possible choices they can given their circumstance at the time. And I looked at her like she was nuts. She said people do the best they can according to their ability in the moment they are making their decisions. And I walked away that day upset. There was an imbalance. Surely if I could do it so could he. He was simply choosing not to, right? While I put in all the hard work and sacrifice he was sitting on his ass drinking beer. I thought about what she said. And the next week I went back to see her and I asked her straight up if she really believed that. Or if it was simply a tool to try to make me feel better and not so angry. And she told me she absolutely believed that. And then she reminded me that while I was putting in the hard work and sacrifices, I was getting to know and love my kids. While he hasn't seen them in years. And pretty much has no relationship with them. And I was living a good life. A good job, a stable husband, a quality marriage, healthy, generally happy. while his choices were poor and he was actually causing himself harm by them. His life has turned out miserable. And it is all his fault. And that my friend was my lesson in what privilege really is. Privilege is having the mental and emotional capacity to live a financially secure, fully emotional and physically functional life without being dependent upon others. That is true privilege. This meme sounds to me like jealousy. For a $300 pair of Beats headphones doesn't replace being functional in our families and society.  |
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Post by Laurie on Jul 5, 2020 22:57:35 GMT
I don’t think it was bitchy and was a very honest, eye opening response. You articulated your point in a constructive way.
I wouldn’t have responded because I won’t enter into any political discussions on fb. My friends and family that post political opinions or news stories I remove from my feed because I am just over it. However, your reply wouldn’t have fallen into that category for me. You gave a different perspective and you did so in an intelligent way. You didn’t bring politics into it and kept it to another way of looking at something.
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Post by jeremysgirl on Jul 5, 2020 22:59:31 GMT
I don’t think it was bitchy and was a very honest, eye opening response. You articulated your point in a constructive way. I wouldn’t have responded because I won’t enter into any political discussions on fb. My friends and family that post political opinions or news stories I remove from my feed because I am just over it. However, your reply wouldn’t have fallen into that category for me. You gave a different perspective and you did so in an intelligent way. You didn’t bring politics into it and kept it to another way of looking at something. Thank you. I think I'm going to do some yoga and then read. Because I'm not sure how much more I can take today. I'm trying to address this type of stuff without completely losing my cool. And I admit I'm struggling today. |
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peabay
Prolific Pea
Posts: 9,575
Jun 25, 2014 19:50:41 GMT
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Post by peabay on Jul 5, 2020 23:03:01 GMT
Well, my answer would have been a big ol’ UNFRIEND because I wouldn’t want that person to be my FB friend or IRL friend.
The stereotyping and sheer racism of it is disgusting.
I’m always stunned that people 1. Feel this way and then 2. Are proud enough of it that they make it public.
I think you were really kind and maybe gave her something to chew on and think about.
But YUCK - was this a surprise to you? Did you know she harbored such hate in her heart?
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Post by SockMonkey on Jul 5, 2020 23:04:59 GMT
There are so many racist dog whistles in that meme I would have just unfriended, TBH. No, the person never outright listed race, and that was intentional so they could have deniability, but these are the same old "welfare queen" tropes that we've seen since the 80s and Ronald Reagan. The coded language is all there. And I 100% guarantee that if you called them out on that, they'd deny it, even though it is clearly a reaction to the term " white privilege." This is language adopted by people with racist views. (See also Bloomingdale, GA Mayor)This person is not ready to address their own privilege and instead seems hell bent on making sure everyone knows exactly where they stand. Can't save them all. |
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Post by jeremysgirl on Jul 5, 2020 23:05:25 GMT
Well, my answer would have been a big ol’ UNFRIEND because I wouldn’t want that person to be my FB friend or IRL friend. The stereotyping and sheer racism of it is disgusting. I’m always stunned that people 1. Feel this way and then 2. Are proud enough of it that they make it public. I think you were really kind and maybe gave her something to chew on and think about. But YUCK - was this a surprise to you? Did you know she harbored such hate in her heart? I knew he was conservative. But I've never seen him post anything like this before. I couldn't let it go by without responding. |
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peaname
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,389 
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Post by peaname on Jul 5, 2020 23:05:54 GMT
I don’t think you were being a bitch at all. I also believe everyone does the best that they can. And it’s so easy to throw stones from behind a screen. Take care of yourself!
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Post by peanutterbutter on Jul 5, 2020 23:06:42 GMT
I don't think your response was bitchy, and I think it was on point.
Just about every day anyone is doing the best they can with what they have. That's an important reminder for everyone, especially these days. All we can do is try to keep being decent people,keep learning, and keep growing. Really unless you're living their life you don't know if someone had what they have. I could make a thousand responses to that Meme, but that's not really the point of this thread, your response to them was perfectly fine and valid.
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Post by cindyupnorth on Jul 5, 2020 23:07:20 GMT
ooooooh yea!! I had a acquaintance on FB post that same one! I had to sit on my hands. I just couldn't. good for you.
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Post by ~summer~ on Jul 5, 2020 23:07:59 GMT
The extreme racism of that post would make me unfriend in an instant. If I said anything at all I would say something like “this is extremely racist and am unfriending you”.
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Post by scrapmaven on Jul 5, 2020 23:09:36 GMT
I think you said this really well. She needs to learn about what really matters. I can tell her that I'd give up all of material possessions just to have my health back. Enough said.
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Post by pierkiss on Jul 5, 2020 23:11:54 GMT
That post (not yours, the newspaper one) seems incredibly racist.
I don’t think your response was bitchy at all. I think it was perfectly fine.
I wouldn’t have bothered to reply to that. I would have hidden that person and that post super fast. I have zero patience for people who post bullshit like that. You are a better person than I am because you actually tried to point something out and explain your point of view. I wouldn’t have.
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Post by mollycoddle on Jul 5, 2020 23:15:39 GMT
You handled it very well, which does not surprise me.
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Post by jeremysgirl on Jul 5, 2020 23:16:20 GMT
He didn't react in a positive reflective way so I told him straight up the meme was racist and that I was unfriending him. And I did.
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Post by scrapmaven on Jul 5, 2020 23:20:51 GMT
BTW-she's a racist, too. I'd unfriend her faster than you can say, "oh shut up".
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Post by cindyupnorth on Jul 5, 2020 23:23:02 GMT
When I talked to my FB friend about that post, he said there are plenty of white people that qualify for that meme. So hence why it's not white privilege. He doesn't get it, and I doubt anything anyone will say will change his mind.
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Post by SockMonkey on Jul 5, 2020 23:25:17 GMT
Well, my answer would have been a big ol’ UNFRIEND because I wouldn’t want that person to be my FB friend or IRL friend. The stereotyping and sheer racism of it is disgusting. I’m always stunned that people 1. Feel this way and then 2. Are proud enough of it that they make it public. I think you were really kind and maybe gave her something to chew on and think about. But YUCK - was this a surprise to you? Did you know she harbored such hate in her heart? I knew he was conservative. But I've never seen him post anything like this before. I couldn't let it go by without responding. Your response gave him grace and space to reconsider his words. He didn't. You handled it as best you could have. |
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SabrinaP
Pearl Clutcher
Busy Teacher Pea
Posts: 4,349
Location: Dallas Texas
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Post by SabrinaP on Jul 5, 2020 23:26:12 GMT
The friend’s post was complete awful and incredibly racist. Your response was fine. I would follow it up with an unfriending.
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scrappinmama
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,843
Jun 26, 2014 12:54:09 GMT
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Post by scrappinmama on Jul 5, 2020 23:31:39 GMT
I think you responded very well. Good for you for standing up for what is right.
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basketdiva
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,611
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Post by basketdiva on Jul 5, 2020 23:34:24 GMT
I don't engage people like that. They would be unfriended immediately.
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Post by epeanymous on Jul 5, 2020 23:44:53 GMT
People are so gross.
I moderated a board where a few SAHMs would post things like this all the time (including one who lied to her husband about BC so she could have another child and put off going back to work), and I bit my tongue so hard it bled.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Apr 18, 2024 5:16:49 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jul 5, 2020 23:50:25 GMT
Not bitch in the least! Your response was measured and full of food for thought.
I'm only sorry that this caused you some upset. Feel better. You did the right thing and showed far more restraint than I'd ever dream of having!
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Dallie
Full Member
Posts: 490
Feb 25, 2020 16:33:25 GMT
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Post by Dallie on Jul 5, 2020 23:53:12 GMT
Telling someone something they do not want to hear is not being a bitch. I also think your delivery was open and lovely.
I suspect that a racist like that is not reachable with an assertion that people do the best they can. His response is simply going to be, "No, they don't" with no interest or ability to explain their position* I usually give facts about the rate of public assistance rates differentiated by race. If someone wants to argue about facts they can go ahead and make themselves look a fool.
*In full disclosure, I do not agree with the idea that people do the best they can. I am capable of explaining my position, but I find when people believe that based on race, their beliefs are so ingrained they are unable to explain it.
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Post by peano on Jul 5, 2020 23:57:10 GMT
Every time anyone speaks truth against injustice, it is one more light in a world that seems really dark right now. I admire your courage.
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Post by mikklynn on Jul 5, 2020 23:57:31 GMT
He didn't react in a positive reflective way so I told him straight up the meme was racist and that I was unfriending him. And I did. Good for you. |
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Post by freecharlie on Jul 6, 2020 0:00:37 GMT
I don't think it was bitchy, but it was long and I probably wouldn't have read it on my feed (of course, I would never post that)
I do think that post, it looks like it was in the newspaper? Shows why constantly calling it privilege is not going to get the results we are looking for.
The people who don't understand will always go to something like this.
I try to turn it to the way businesses and people used to react to teenagers and how that would pass us off and say, now think if that same thing was happening and you were 30 years old and Black. Getting to grow out of the suspicious glances and the lower service is privilege.
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Post by fiddlesticks on Jul 6, 2020 0:10:19 GMT
I think your response was great. You gave him a chance to stop and consider another perspective. You can't do a thing if he doesn't talk the opportunity. Take care of yourself too.
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scrapngranny
Pearl Clutcher
Only slightly senile
Posts: 4,759
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Post by scrapngranny on Jul 6, 2020 0:29:31 GMT
Like many people these days, I’m looking at friends and acquaintances with a much sharper eye. I’m eliminating people who are hurtful, racist, homophobic, etc. Your neighbor would be on my goodbye list.
I don’t use FB for discussing issues with anyone reading my page, but when someone who follows me posts something foul or disrespectful, I don’t discuss politics or issues on FB, that’s not what I’m there for. Don’t even get me started on people who judge others lives based on what they see from the outside.
A lot of people don’t have a clue what it is like to have a family member who is an alcoholic. I would expect a therapist to be a little more enlightened on how your ex’s drinking effects you and your kids. His drinking is robbing him of a relationship with his kids. I am that kid.
Now after many many years, I do sort of feel he did the he could do at the time. It’s not an excuse, but I don’t think he had a clue of what he was missing until I had my kids. He was able to see what a family unit looked like. My parents did not divorce but, he wasn’t emotionally there most of the time. I ended up being his caregiver after my mom died. As frustrating as it was, I cherish that time, even though he was still drinking, we got to bond in a way we never had before.
I wish you comfort as you deal with difficult issues and people. You ARE doing the VERY best you can. That is enough.
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Post by originalvanillabean on Jul 6, 2020 0:33:29 GMT
I don't find your response bitchy at all.
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Post by AussieMeg on Jul 6, 2020 0:36:40 GMT
He didn't react in a positive reflective way so I told him straight up the meme was racist and that I was unfriending him. And I did. Woohoo, go you!  I have seen at least three of my FB friends post that meme, and so far I haven't replied, I've just scrolled on by. Maybe I should just copy and paste your response, and throw in SockMonkey's "welfare queen trope" line for good measure. |
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