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Post by cindytred on Aug 9, 2020 0:17:05 GMT
I recently ended a friendship due to negativity. Its the first time I've ever done that and it was hard to do. But I feel so much better now.
Cindy
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Post by mikklynn on Aug 9, 2020 0:27:05 GMT
In my case, it was a casual friend that I cut out. I just could not have that negative energy around me.
Perhaps you block her on FB? Tell her you are taking a break.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Aug 18, 2025 20:13:41 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Aug 9, 2020 1:02:49 GMT
I was going to ask you if this was recent (4 years???). If so, I'd understand a lot of it right now. I find myself being negative very often,but I try to use it to make change. Lashing out at you forever isn't acceptable. Maybe she needs help or therapy?? Does she have other people to talk to? If you only want to see her positive posts,and she's not really a positive person, I'd limit seeing her posts and limit her in seeing yours. I would understand if my friends and family did that to me... I get that you have a lot going on right now and maybe that all feels stressful and negative in your head. Trust me when I say I have my moments too. But I've never once witnessed you trying to drag somebody else down. Never. You maintain your kindness despite your challenges. And that's the kind of person I strive to be. I'm struggling a lot lately with my inner bitch. I'm finding it really hard to have compassion lately and that doesn't feel good to me. But I'm also going through a major transformation in my thinking as well. Meaning, I'm wondering how many shit sandwiches I'm forced to eat before it's ok to serve shit back. That certainly doesn't feel good to me. And today that just struck me. And I think that's my answer, right? I don't like the kind of person *I* am around her. Thank you so much for your very kind words. That's incredible that you have that view of me, and similarly i have a positive view of you. This woman sounds like she really gets to you, and I'd try to separate myself from that, especially when you have a full plate and you are on your own journey right now. Maybe you can "snooze" her for 30 days and see if you feel better?? Good luck!! |
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scrapngranny
Pearl Clutcher
Only slightly senile
Posts: 4,949 
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Post by scrapngranny on Aug 9, 2020 1:34:44 GMT
My DH belongs to that club too. When we were first married we weren’t in a very good position. I thought when he was able to get a better job and we could move to a better house everything would be great and he would stop complaining. Nope, he got a much better job, we got a great house and now it’s always one more thing will make life wonderful.
He is retired now, that was the next plateau that was going to make life perfect. Not so fast, now he’s bored.
He’s the guy that when I say, today is really beautiful, he says, it’s supposed to be 102 starting in a couple of days. I have learned to no longer comment on negative statements. I let them go right over my head. He also will toss out statements like, I sure hope the air conditioner doesn’t quit working, right out of mid-air. Negative thoughts wrapped up in a so called positive statement.
He’s a really great guy, so I try not to take it too seriously. What’s funny is when he says he’s glad he’s not like his dad. 🤣
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scrappinwithoutpeas
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,215
Location: Northern Virginia
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Post by scrappinwithoutpeas on Aug 9, 2020 2:14:08 GMT
I think the peas have given you some insightful words and good advice, and I just want to say how inspired I am by your positive way of thinking and how you turned things around about running. I know you have a history with this person, but I think it's good advice to step back a little and not let her negativity bring you down.
I will tell you that my mom had a very negative person in her life until about 2 years before she passed away, and she could not cut this person out because it was her mother. Yes, my maternal grandmother was the most negative person I've ever met, and my mom used to struggle with that all the time. When I was a child, I was pretty oblivious to it, but as I grew older and became more aware of how much a visit to Grandma B's house brought my mom down into the doldrums, I started seeing the negativity in everything she did or said. My mom had a great relationship with her Dad though and they shared the same wry sense of humor, so that kept her going on those visits (1-2 x per year). Fast forward a lot of years to a time when my Grandma B was by then an elderly widow and eventually became unable to live by herself (broken hip & subsequent rehab, frailty on stairs in big old house, etc.)...My mom had no sisters, and her brothers (and their wives) had no interest in helping my Grandma out. So, my mom built an addition to her house and moved my Grandma in and took care of her that last 10 years of her life. Both of them grew A LOT in their relationship (much patience on my mom's part) and Grandma B's negativity was softened a little. She was lashing out partly because she was intimidated (by life basically) and had never really moved beyond that and her lack of knowing any other way to be. She was not very educated, and had no sense of humor. All she ever knew how to be was negative, and did not understand my mom's life (college-educated, career, divorce, remarriage, etc.). Mom helped turn Grandma B's negativity around, but they didn't get there until late in life. Once my mom sort of understood where the negativity came from, it took a lot of the sting out of it and she realized it was really never meant personally (even though it came off that way most of the time).
Unfortunately my mom passed only 2 years after Grandma B., but she was definitely (finally) at peace with their relationship. Irony abounds in this story because my mom was a very very positive and happy person who really should have had more time on this earth, and negative Grandma B. lived to be 94.
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paigepea
Drama Llama
Enter your message here...
Posts: 5,609
Location: BC, Canada
Jun 26, 2014 4:28:55 GMT
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Post by paigepea on Aug 9, 2020 2:18:55 GMT
How does she know you’re loosing weight? Why did she ask you about it?
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Post by karinec on Aug 9, 2020 2:35:21 GMT
Sometimes you just have to say goodbye. I recently did. I remember the quote, you can be friends for reasons, seasons, or lifetimes. Not all friends are meant to be lifetime friends. It’s not easy, but sometimes you have to put yourself first.
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Post by 950nancy on Aug 9, 2020 2:42:19 GMT
I think you are letting her get too much real estate in your head. It is really easy to do when you just want to be nice to someone you know could use a sympathetic ear. The problem is she is bringing you down. Repeatedly. She admits it isn't going to change. What would you tell your daughter if she had a friend like this? What if nothing ever changed? Do you owe this lady your friendship? Can you just unfriend her and let the cards fall where they will? Have a kind response in case she contacts you. Be honest and be done with her. Perhaps she needs someone to be honest with her (if she asks) about why she is toxic to you. OP, you are a sweet lady. You will still be a sweet lady if you unfriend her. Take care of you right now.
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pancakes
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,002
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Post by pancakes on Aug 9, 2020 5:21:16 GMT
Physically blocking her on social media aside, is it not possible to just change your mindset on her? If I read her response, I wouldn’t just let it roll off my back but I’d also think — what a joke of a response from a person I would never take seriously. Every response of hers I’d deem insignificant in my head. To the point where it’s almost hilarious the next time it happens because she’s that predictable. It’s downplaying her importance so that her lame responses don’t affect you in the least.
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RedSquirrelUK
Drama Llama
Posts: 7,077
Location: The UK's beautiful West Country
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Post by RedSquirrelUK on Aug 9, 2020 9:15:19 GMT
jeremysgirl That poor woman, spreading her misery around her! What a way to live a life. My own maternal grandmother was a bit like that, and so is her daughter (my aunt). My Mum who tries to hard to see the bright side, calls it one-downmanship. It doesn't matter what happens, my aunt has it worse and dismisses any attempt at help. My aunt has medical issues and Mum was a nurse, but she doesn't want fixing, she just wants to have a moan. Now that Mum has accepted that, she has stopped trying to offer advice and help and just listens - and then rings me up and offloads to me! But that's OK. I can absolutely see why you don't want to dump your friend, because even without the history, It's obvious that even though she doesn't reflect it back to you, your strength and positivity is helping her. You're a kind person and you want to be helpful to her, you just don't need her reactions. I'm not very good with blocking and snoozing on Facebook, but what you need is a way for her to see your uplifting, philosophical, sensible posts, but for you NOT to see her replies. Is that what snoozing does? Blocking stops her from seeing you at all, doesn't it?
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Post by gar on Aug 9, 2020 9:36:27 GMT
I'm finding it really hard to have compassion lately Is it compassion you're lacking or it actually that you've reached the point where you won't accept bullshit any more? |
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Post by jeremysgirl on Aug 9, 2020 10:58:00 GMT
How does she know you’re loosing weight? Why did she ask you about it? I've lost enough weight it's obvious in my pictures. |
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Post by jeremysgirl on Aug 9, 2020 11:01:57 GMT
pancakes said: Physically blocking her on social media aside, is it not possible to just change your mindset on her? That's what I'm struggling to do. My mindset on her has been focused on sympathy. I feel sorry for her. That's probably not healthy either. Today I'm just kind of fed up and looking for another way to look at things. And I appreciate the rest of your response. That gives me another way to view it.
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Post by jeremysgirl on Aug 9, 2020 11:12:26 GMT
I'm finding it really hard to have compassion lately Is it compassion you're lacking or it actually that you've reached the point where you won't accept bullshit any more? Well now that's the dilemma...I guess when it comes down to it I cannot decide what will make me feel worse. Staying friends with someone who drags me down because they are miserable and me having to have compassion for her. Or just unfriending and not putting up with the bullshit. And let me be clear. I am pissed. This wasn't a political post where differences of opinion are expected. This was a personal post where you expect your friends to support you. It also wasn't a post on peas where I expect naysayers and opposite thoughts. This was on Facebook where I wouldn't have even thought to post something that wasn't supportive. So I'll tell you what I did. I messaged her privately and I asked her what her intention was with her post. And she hasn't answered me. Because I've decided that I'm going to decide based on her response to my question what to do. Either she's going to own that she was being bitchy or she's going say that personal pain drove her to post it and she's sorry. I see these as the only two valid responses. And then I'm going to tell her straight up that I don't want to be friends with her and why. My BFF saw this yesterday as did my mom and my sister and everyone who did agreed that her response was being bitchy. And that her follow up to my question shows that she was being deliberate. So it wasn't just my brain working overtime to find offense. Other people saw it and we're just as shocked as me. But I've decided that bullshit stops right here. I'm not going to blow it off. This was a direct hit. And I'm not overly emotional about it. Especially after sleeping on it. But this time I'm not letting it go. I want resolution. And that is either her acknowledging it and apologiZing or her not doing so and then I can feel comfortable letting her go. |
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maryannscraps
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,948
Aug 28, 2017 12:51:28 GMT
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Post by maryannscraps on Aug 9, 2020 11:25:03 GMT
jeremysgirl May I just say that I really admire your introspect. You are an incredibly thoughtful person.
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Post by gar on Aug 9, 2020 12:12:08 GMT
jeremysgirl - I think that definitely equals ’no more bullshit’ and that’s no a bad thing. But it surely doesn’t mean you haven’t got compassion when necessary 😊
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Post by mikklynn on Aug 9, 2020 13:07:24 GMT
How does she know you’re loosing weight? Why did she ask you about it? I've lost enough weight it's obvious in my pictures. That is pretty exciting! I know you have been working on your health, so yay for you! |
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Post by jeremysgirl on Aug 9, 2020 13:18:36 GMT
I've lost enough weight it's obvious in my pictures. That is pretty exciting! I know you have been working on your health, so yay for you! Yes I've lost 38 pounds so far. I don't talk about weight loss on my Facebook wall. But I do talk about running. And I post pictures of myself quite a bit. We've been friends a long time. She can see the changes. |
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carhoch
Pearl Clutcher
Be yourself everybody else is already taken
Posts: 3,115
Location: We’re RV’s so It change all the time .
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Post by carhoch on Aug 9, 2020 13:19:02 GMT
I realize that you don’t want to cut her of but I would do it in a heartbeat , think about it what does she bring in to your life outside of misery and negativity .
Life is too short to surround yourself with people like that .
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georgiapea
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,846
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Post by georgiapea on Aug 9, 2020 15:23:31 GMT
I'd respond with a laughing emojli and say "You're so funny".
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