Need advice on divorce

I would strongly advise against doing a DIY divorce. There are so many things to consider including health insurance, pensions, house, kids, etc. If you are looking for a less expensive way to get a divorce you might consider using arbitration. It is less expensive and covers most of the issues I listed above and more. I know it seems daunting and expensive right now but, believe me, you don't want to find yourself 30 years down the road and ready to retire and realize that you don't have enough money due to the divorce. Also, women's standard of living decreases following a divorce whereas a man's increases. I urge you not to do a DIY divorce, no matter how expensive. Best of luck to you. It is hard. I have been there and I fought tooth and nail for everything when I got divorced and I am glad I did.

I agree with getting a lawyer. Having been through a divorce many years ago, it saved me from financial ruin.

Good luck and take care of yourself.

There should be some sort of legal aid where you live, I would highly recommend that. Even if you two are amicable, that can change instantly once you start dividing stuff up, including pensions/retirement, that kind of thing.

I'm sorry to hear this.  You know your ex best, how has he handled major life change in the past, is there any chance at all it could turn ugly?  I would absolutely try mediation or DIY with my DH because he has a history of resolving conflict with compromise, never talks badly about any of his exes and does not hold a grudge but dang I know most people are not like that.  When we are hurt we often try to hurt others and this is one situation where you can end up screwed.  I've seen such good advice here on getting your ducks in a row; make sure you do that!

This is just my experience. When I got divorced, we were both in the same emotional place at the same time. We both realized there was no salvaging the relationship and we both wanted out. No kids so that made it a little easier. I still went and got a lawyer because I didn't want anything to come back and bite me in another 10 or 15 years. I had worked consistently throughout our marriage and he kept getting fired from one job or another. I was worried I'd have to pay to support him and give him a portion of my retirement and I wasn't sure I could support two different households on my salary. The lawyer is there to make sure your interests are protected. There were two different fee structures for my lawyer. One was for an uncontested divorce. It was a flat rate to file, have my ex served, expenses, and a couple of appointments to make sure everything was handled. Still expensive, but I was paying for his expertise and I knew it. For a contested divorce, there was a retainer plus an hourly expense. He told me the average cost of a contested divorce is about 3x the amount of an uncontested divorce. There got to a point right towards the end that I feared we were going to go contested and I was worried where I was going to come up with the money. My ex made the statement about, "I didn't realize you had that much money in your 401k." and then went out and hired a lawyer. But the lawyer just reviewed the paperwork, told my ex it was fair, and we filed. Whew! It turned out since I was taking on the burden of the debt of the house (we'd been in it less than 2 years), that I got to keep the entirety of my 401k.

And - even with all that - 7 years later when I went to sell the house - something still hadn't been taken care of properly and we were going to have to hunt my ex down and have him sign off on some stuff. They eventually were able to take care of it without having to go to that step. But - I can't imagine how much worse it would have been for me if I'd been the one filling out all the paperwork.

My advice? Find a way to hire a lawyer or at least an arbitrator.

Lawyers can be worth their weight in gold. Don’t skimp, your future depends on it.

The lawyer is an investment, not a loss. I would advise against skipping hiring one if your lives are well intertwined and there are important matters to settle fairly such as retirement funds, health insurance (especially in the US), home ownership, etc.

My ex and I used a paralegal who did all the paperwork for us. It was $300. We weren't fighting over anything, and we were very fair about splitting things up.

If you both are pretty much in agreement, the lawyer won't cost you all that much it will be pretty cut-and-dry for might be well worth it to be sure everything is done correctly. It's when things are contentious that the lawyer fees really add up.

I used an online package for my province and completed the entire separation agreement myself which was then reviewed by both of our lawyers which helped keep costs down. We were amicable and had discussed support, custody, pensions, him buying out my portion of the home, etc. so our lawyers had very few suggestions for edits or additions. Obviously, if you have a contentious split this is not going to work but for our straight forward situation we were able to come out with the same end product for very little money.

Good luck!

I did this but it was amicable and I wrote the divorce agreement.  We never had to appear before the judge. 

My kids were 18 and 20. I kept the house and he was suppose to pay a certain amount every month. He stopped and I let it go until it totaled a lot and gave him the choice of court or he could sign a quit claim deed. It’s my house now.

We still get along. We knew we weren’t working and while his leaving was a surprise, it made my life so much better.

if this is truly an AMICABLE divorce and everyone is in agreement about the terms, maybe you can use a paralegal to complete your paperwork.  again, only if it is truly mutual, amicable, and agreeable.  if there is even a hint that you may disagree on important things, get a lawyer. 

i think and hourly rate of $175/hr is super cheap. my sister's lawyer was $500/hour and many many hours were involved.  her divorce was amicable but there was property and a child involved.  that added layer of protection for her made it worth every penny though.  

I could say that a divorce is pretty harsh, no matter whether you do it with or without a lawyer. I have been through a nasty divorce with a 2-years long court battles and being exhausted because of my ex's being rude and extremely unwilling to cooperate. He wanted literally 50/50 property division and 50/50 custody, despite the fact that such thing would be traumatizing for our son. After the divorce was finalized, I felt like I would never get married again, as my loving and caring husband turned into greedy and respectless ....hmm...person. Anyway it's not my story and your divorce could absolutely differ.
I would strongly recommend to come to a written agreement if you still want to have a diy divorce. Here I have found some useful resources related to low-cost legal aid and if you need some help with documents, I heard that people use services to have your papers filed, just look for divorce in Louisiana without a lawyer and may be that would be suitable for you. Best of luck with your divorce!

My divorce cost about $3K for the divorce and an additional $2.5K to separate out our retirement. This is absolutely NOT money I regret. I know you may not have it, but here is what the problem is: NOT NOW. The problem is later on. I would never have thought my ex would cheat me with money. He was absolutely NOT that kind of person. But he had a stroke young and went on LTD. He can't remember why he signed papers and doesn't feel like I should be expecting the same amount of child support (I didn't take spousal support against my lawyer's recommendation). He is confused and if I didn't have my divorce decree, I'd be getting no money.

My point is: You can agree on everything today, but things change. Your ex may find someone who disagrees with what he is giving you and fight the decree in some ways. If it's not rock solid, that may be an issue. You don't know the future. My ex was extremely healthy - no refined sugars passed his mouth - and exercised daily. BMI of 21 and in his 50s. He had aFib and a .02% (not 2% - .02!) of having a stroke. And he did.

Please find the money to pay someone to do it correctly.