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Post by sleepingbooty on Apr 16, 2021 18:08:05 GMT
I think it is an AGE thing. I think it's likely that older people (older than 40, say!!) don't do this, but people in their 20s and 30s do. It definitely happens in France, Switzerland, Germany and the Netherlands. I have many friends there and no one finds it shocking. No. Just no. I'm a millennial European from France, in my thirties, living with a fellow European millennial. I have lived in several Western European countries, both northern and southern. I have never encountered this bizarro "habit of ours" you mention. Not sure why you're sticking to your guns on this one. Not a single European in this thread finds it normal. I have never ever been asked to pay for dinner over at friends or acquaintances. I only split the bill when going out to a bar, restaurant or bistro and it was a mutual "let's meet up and try this place out" arrangement, not an actual invitation (in which case, the person who invites foots the bill for the entire table). At this stage, your refusal to accept the collective huh from the EuroPeas is what's most shocking in this whole affair. I always appreciate the outsider-knowing-better-than-the-actual-insiders POV, especially when advancing wacky cultural theories. It's disrespectful to a whole continent. |
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Post by sleepingbooty on Apr 16, 2021 18:14:32 GMT
I have one friend who immigrated from Germany back in the 70’s, and while she is quite thrifty I doubt that would ever cross her mind. In fact, she has often mentioned how odd it is here in the States when a group of people take someone out for their birthday and pay for the birthday person’s meal, because in her experience the birthday person is the one who pays for EVERYONE at the dinner! Yes, and in Germany, the birthday person is the one who brings cake/other snacky goodies to work to share on their birthday. Same in France. We treat others on our birthday, at work or in school. It's fun because you know that XYZ always brings special treats made by his Tunisian mother and ABC always goes for the new, fancy, trendy pastry in town, etc. Work birthdays are exciting because you get to taste a little bit of everyone's background and personality! |
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Post by miominmio on Apr 16, 2021 18:43:49 GMT
That certainly isn't normal in the UK ,or indeed in France or Germany both of which I have visited friends in their home for a meal. That must be a swiss only thing. One would usually take some wine or some flowers as a host gift but never would you ask them to pay towards a home meal. Even if we went out to a restaurant we wouldn't do it. I f we invited them for a meal we would pay. If between friends we all decided to meet up for a meal then we would split the bill. I think it is an AGE thing. I think it's likely that older people (older than 40, say!!) don't do this, but people in their 20s and 30s do. It definitely happens in France, Switzerland, Germany and the Netherlands. I have many friends there and no one finds it shocking. I also think not everyone does this - did I imply everyone did? sorry if that is so - but I don't think it is as unusual as the European Peas are saying it is. My son is 22....this is not a thing in his age group. Why do you refuse to believe us Europeans? One would think that we know how things are done in our respective countries. Actually, I find your insistance that you, as an outsider, know more about our continent than the people actually live here, to be extremely rude. |
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Post by sassyangel on Apr 16, 2021 19:10:12 GMT
I think it is an AGE thing. I think it's likely that older people (older than 40, say!!) don't do this, but people in their 20s and 30s do. It definitely happens in France, Switzerland, Germany and the Netherlands. I have many friends there and no one finds it shocking. I also think not everyone does this - did I imply everyone did? sorry if that is so - but I don't think it is as unusual as the European Peas are saying it is. My son is 22....this is not a thing in his age group. Why do you refuse to believe us Europeans? One would think that we know how things are done in our respective countries. Actually, I find your insistance that you, as an outsider, know more about our continent than the people actually live here, to be extremely rude. *bites tongue* Actually no, I’m not going to, seeing as the topic is rudeness and generalizations. I’ve seen more than a few rude generalizations about Americans, come from you recently. You’ve never once apologized or backed down on them, either. |
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Post by miominmio on Apr 16, 2021 19:56:30 GMT
My son is 22....this is not a thing in his age group. Why do you refuse to believe us Europeans? One would think that we know how things are done in our respective countries. Actually, I find your insistance that you, as an outsider, know more about our continent than the people actually live here, to be extremely rude. *bites tongue* Actually no, I’m not going to, seeing as the topic is rudeness and generalizations. I’ve seen more than a few rude generalizations about Americans, come from you recently. You’ve never once apologized or backed down on them, either. What rude generalizations? That I said that I’m tired of being called a liar? One would think that calling others «liar» would be rude? Can’t see any reason for me to apologise for being tired of that. But if you want me to spell it out for you: aztra zeneca has been paused in my country because the risk of dying from it is higher than the risk of dying from covid (for people younger than 65). That is not a lie, but a fact. |
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azcrafty
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,009
Jun 28, 2019 20:24:21 GMT
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Post by azcrafty on Apr 16, 2021 20:17:19 GMT
I'm from Hungary and this is not true there.
When we go back to visit and go over to people's house for a dinner they buy the best of the best to serve us, what they would never buy for themselves because its expansive.
Not sure who are your friends , but they might have an understanding between them that you don't know.
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Post by Really Red on Apr 16, 2021 20:43:01 GMT
I think it is an AGE thing. I think it's likely that older people (older than 40, say!!) don't do this, but people in their 20s and 30s do. It definitely happens in France, Switzerland, Germany and the Netherlands. I have many friends there and no one finds it shocking. No. Just no. I'm a millennial European from France, in my thirties, living with a fellow European millennial. I have lived in several Western European countries, both northern and southern. I have never encountered this bizarro "habit of ours" you mention. Not sure why you're sticking to your guns on this one. Not a single European in this thread finds it normal. I have never ever been asked to pay for dinner over at friends or acquaintances. I only split the bill when going out to a bar, restaurant or bistro and it was a mutual "let's meet up and try this place out" arrangement, not an actual invitation (in which case, the person who invites foots the bill for the entire table). At this stage, your refusal to accept the collective huh from the EuroPeas is what's most shocking in this whole affair. I always appreciate the outsider-knowing-better-than-the-actual-insiders POV, especially when advancing wacky cultural theories. It's disrespectful to a whole continent. Sigh. Yes, I am surprised no European Pea has heard of this, but surprise is all there is to it. Absolutely don’t think anyone’s lying. I am just surprised. I am Swiss so I am European, although I live in the US now. I understand context is difficult when you don’t write a novel about your question, but every word I said was just about being surprised, and not a refusal to accept anything or being disrespectful. You are exaggerating greatly my comments and adding context to them that was not there. I’m certainly not trying to change anybody’s long held beliefs; I just have been surprised that this was the case since I have left Europe. That is it. I can tell you that my daughter has the same experience living there now (not the one in the UK as she only moved during the pandemic and doesn’t see anybody) and my European friends here know exactly what I’m talking about. Do you want to deny that? This really wasn’t a big deal. I was just mentioning it because I found it odd. |
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Post by Really Red on Apr 16, 2021 20:44:51 GMT
I think it is an AGE thing. I think it's likely that older people (older than 40, say!!) don't do this, but people in their 20s and 30s do. It definitely happens in France, Switzerland, Germany and the Netherlands. I have many friends there and no one finds it shocking. I also think not everyone does this - did I imply everyone did? sorry if that is so - but I don't think it is as unusual as the European Peas are saying it is. My son is 22....this is not a thing in his age group. Why do you refuse to believe us Europeans? One would think that we know how things are done in our respective countries. Actually, I find your insistance that you, as an outsider, know more about our continent than the people actually live here, to be extremely rude. I am European, but now live in the US. Both my daughters live in Europe as does much of my family. |
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cycworker
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,556 
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Post by cycworker on Apr 16, 2021 20:53:50 GMT
If you can't afford to host the meal, don't invite people over. Generally folks trade off who hosts within a group of friends. Overall, agreed... reminder that sometimes you have situations like mine. Many of my friends haves homes that aren't accessible to me, so I host, in the physical sense. But we potluck it, so it isn't always on me financially. |
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peaname
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,390
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Post by peaname on Apr 16, 2021 20:56:52 GMT
We look at the world through our own lens and try to apply our own customs and norms to others even when we know the world is different. It’s just another way of doing things it’s not rude or unfair, really the American way of taking turns has the risk of unfairness because sometimes the other person can’t reciprocate.
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Post by katlady on Apr 17, 2021 0:39:23 GMT
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joelise
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,649
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Post by joelise on Apr 17, 2021 7:46:12 GMT
I’m British and have lived in Italy and spent a lot of time in France. I have never been to someone’s house for a meal and been asked to pay. I have never heard of anyone doing this.
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carhoch
Pearl Clutcher
Be yourself everybody else is already taken
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Location: We’re RV’s so It change all the time .
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Post by carhoch on Apr 17, 2021 10:38:22 GMT
I spent the fist 30 years of my life Switzerland and I still go regularly, none of my friends and family have ever ask for money in exchange of a meal .
It’s custom to bring something like a bottle of wine or flowers but that’s it .
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Post by koontz on Apr 17, 2021 13:09:39 GMT
I cannot imagine. But I bet my SIL, who lives in Holland, would totally get behind this. She's very cheap and splits the cost of dinner out (when she visits) down to the PENNY. It's truly "going Dutch" when you eat out with her. I just cannot fathom inviting someone for dinner at my home and presenting them with a bill. I've never once heard of such a thing. Yes, my Dutch friends completely understand and do this. I don't understand the title of this thread. Who is the freeloader? If everyone paid their way............. Not in this situation. That was the other thread. "Pissed Off" was the title, but it was about a freeloading visitor. I can't say I'm familiar with the idea of charging guests in one's home for dinner with *any* of the friends I have from any country. No Europeans I know would do that and they would be shocked if anyone else did. What country did this happen in? Switzerland, but from what I understand, it is not unusual. Right? I am LMAO at the thought of Greeks, Italians or Croatians doing this. My BFF, who is Croatian, was verbally abused (and I am not exaggerating) by a "friend" at her 30th birthday dinner at a restaurant, because the guests were to pay for their own meals. I didn't think twice because that's what we "tight arse Aussies" always do, but it is a massive no-no for Croatians. This person was hugely insulted because they had to pay for their own meal. And when they have family over for dinner / birthday / Christmas etc, they are expected to supply all the food and drinks. And when I say drinks, I'm not just talking beer, wine, and soda, they're expected to supply top shelf spirits too. And those Croatians drink a LOT!  I am sure you are right. All the people with whom I spoke are from the Northern part of Europe. Can you clarify if this is in a home or at a restaurant? If at a restaurant - even if one person invited everyone I think it is still assumed everyone pays their own way. I mean I have friends all the time that organize dinners and we all completely assume we are each paying. The only exception would be like a shower or birthday where there is an official “host” and then maybe you would think they are paying. A home I agree with this completely. I am Dutch, I love to entertain but I would never ever invite someone and then suggest to split the costs. If we are invited, I’ll bring flowers or a nice bottle of wine but that is it. I never heard of this! But you have to know this is a thing, right? I know a lot of Dutch people and when I mentioned it to them, they were shocked I was shocked. I am am sorry but no, I really don’t. And neither do my adult children. I can’t imagine any situation where this could be ‘a thing’. |
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Deleted
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Aug 18, 2025 20:01:18 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Apr 17, 2021 15:07:49 GMT
I am from the UK and also lived for a few years in Cyprus , never heard of this habit before.
Side note (I also voted remain and wish we were still part of Europe)
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Post by joteves on Apr 17, 2021 15:32:15 GMT
I am from the UK and also lived for a few years in Cyprus , never heard of this habit before. Side note (I also voted remain and wish we were still part of Europe) You know, I grew up in the UK, so when you (not you personally) voted to leave the EU I kind of felt betrayed, like our special bond was broken.  But Brits are always welcome in Portugal, no matter what! |
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RedSquirrelUK
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Posts: 7,077
Location: The UK's beautiful West Country
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Post by RedSquirrelUK on Apr 17, 2021 16:12:59 GMT
I am from the UK and also lived for a few years in Cyprus , never heard of this habit before. Side note (I also voted remain and wish we were still part of Europe) You know, I grew up in the UK, so when you (not you personally) voted to leave the EU I kind of felt betrayed, like our special bond was broken. But Brits are always welcome in Portugal, no matter what! I felt that our country betrayed us too. Please remember that the voting split was over 49% remain to less than 51% leave. Almost half of us didn't want to leave. But we're a democracy so we had to leave. There was a survey done a little later after the real Ts&Cs were revealed and many of those who voted to leave said that had they known, they would have voted the other way. It was a deception. I wish we hadn't left. Portugal was #2 on our next holiday list. I want to see the giant waves of Nazaré. |
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Deleted
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Aug 18, 2025 20:01:18 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Apr 17, 2021 16:41:39 GMT
My husband's family all lives in Germany. No one does this.
I lived in London for 10 years and worked with people from many different European countries. (Italy, France, Spain,Greece, Nederlands) Went to dinner at their homes many many times, this never happened.
The only time bills are split are in restaurants
I have an English friend who is incredibly cheap, and she's never done that at her home either, although if she thought it was allowed she would.
It is customary to bring wine, or offer to bring desert etc
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Post by joteves on Apr 17, 2021 19:26:55 GMT
You know, I grew up in the UK, so when you (not you personally) voted to leave the EU I kind of felt betrayed, like our special bond was broken. But Brits are always welcome in Portugal, no matter what! I felt that our country betrayed us too. Please remember that the voting split was over 49% remain to less than 51% leave. Almost half of us didn't want to leave. But we're a democracy so we had to leave. There was a survey done a little later after the real Ts&Cs were revealed and many of those who voted to leave said that had they known, they would have voted the other way. It was a deception. I wish we hadn't left. Portugal was #2 on our next holiday list. I want to see the giant waves of Nazaré. You can still come! And there is so much to see in Portugal, like my home town, Sintra - it's gorgeous! I'm still planning on visiting the UK a few more times, once this whole Covid situation is under control. I've never been to Scotland and that it definitely a dream I plan on realizing. |
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Post by gar on Apr 17, 2021 22:14:04 GMT
I am from the UK and also lived for a few years in Cyprus , never heard of this habit before. Side note (I also voted remain and wish we were still part of Europe) You know, I grew up in the UK, so when you (not you personally) voted to leave the EU I kind of felt betrayed, like our special bond was broken. But Brits are always welcome in Portugal, no matter what! Phew’ Might see you in September - pandemic permitting 😉 And yes, I voted to stay too 🙁 |
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Post by anniefb on Apr 18, 2021 1:43:09 GMT
Not something I've ever encountered in Austria and I've spent a lot of time there with family and friends.
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Post by lesley on Apr 18, 2021 2:37:34 GMT
Chiming in as a "frugal Scot", I’ve never experienced this.  Even when my sister-in-law and I used to split Christmas dinners, we each prepared separate courses. No money ever changed hands. |
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serialpurrs
New Member
Posts: 4
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Post by serialpurrs on Apr 18, 2021 2:51:32 GMT
I am one of the Europeans, though quiet on the board, and I have never heard about sharing costs like that. Many young people like collegestudents etc do sometimes throw money in the pot to have a nicer meal with friends. Of course there is also the whole potluck style dinner, but never like you described. Makes me a bit embarrassed, and it is certainly not something which happens everywhere.
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Post by guzismom on Apr 18, 2021 14:21:17 GMT
I felt that our country betrayed us too. Please remember that the voting split was over 49% remain to less than 51% leave. Almost half of us didn't want to leave. But we're a democracy so we had to leave. There was a survey done a little later after the real Ts&Cs were revealed and many of those who voted to leave said that had they known, they would have voted the other way. It was a deception. I wish we hadn't left. Portugal was #2 on our next holiday list. I want to see the giant waves of Nazaré. You can still come! And there is so much to see in Portugal, like my home town, Sintra - it's gorgeous! I'm still planning on visiting the UK a few more times, once this whole Covid situation is under control. I've never been to Scotland and that it definitely a dream I plan on realizing. Portugal is FAB. I have had the pleasure of seeing both the waves in Nazare and Sintra. As to asking to pay for your meal at a friend's house....I talked to my daughter who lives in France and her French boyfriend and they both said 'no, never'. |
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But Brits are always welcome in Portugal, no matter what!
Even when my sister-in-law and I used to split Christmas dinners, we each prepared separate courses. No money ever changed hands. 
