zookeeper
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,909
Aug 28, 2014 2:37:56 GMT
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Post by zookeeper on May 2, 2021 15:22:41 GMT
My bonus daughter who just turned 18 is pissing away a four year college scholarship in Houston to move to CA with a 27 year old man. He has groomed her and brain washed her into thinking that this is a good move for her. They will be living together in San Diego within one week week of her high school graduation. He has no job. Neither does she. She thinks that he is going to take care of her.
She does not live with us. This all happened under her mother's roof.
Prayers for her to come to her senses before she actually gets in the car with him and leaves. We are sick to our stomachs and heart broken.
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Post by Monica* on May 2, 2021 15:30:02 GMT
I am so sorry this is happening to your family. I don't have any advice other than acceptance once you have tried to dissuade her/talk sense into her. I have realized with children becoming adults that I don't always agree with their decisions but that I can't control them. Sometimes they have to learn the hard way. And it's heartbreaking.
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Post by ntsf on May 2, 2021 15:30:24 GMT
I am so sorry your family is going through this. I never understood people without huge resources coming to the most expensive state...
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Post by katlady on May 2, 2021 15:31:37 GMT
I so sorry!! I hope she changes her mind. So many young people come to California, thinking it is all sun, beach, and fun. They don’t realize they have to eat and live somewhere too! I really hope someone can talk her out of it! Hugs to you!!
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zookeeper
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,909
Aug 28, 2014 2:37:56 GMT
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Post by zookeeper on May 2, 2021 15:32:56 GMT
Sometimes they have to learn the hard way. And it's heartbreaking. This is exactly where we are right now. Life is going to have to kick her right in the ass. He has a history of being abusive and controlling so we just hope that she stays safe until the moment that she calls us for help. We have already told her that we will never say "I told you so". We will come get her and bring her home.
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michellegb
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,915
Location: New England and loving it!
Jun 26, 2014 0:04:59 GMT
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Post by michellegb on May 2, 2021 15:33:10 GMT
I'm so sorry. That is a crazy decision but so many people that age just can't think beyond the moment. I hope that something makes her come to her senses before she leaves.
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Post by pierkiss on May 2, 2021 15:42:23 GMT
I’m so sorry. This happened to my oldest cousin. She met this guy during her 1st semester of college. She had a full ride to university of maryland. He convinced her to quit and move a few states away, far from her family and friends. She did. Immediately got pregnant with her first, and a few years later her 2nd.
She flat out admitted when her kids were 2 & 4 that it was a humongous mistake, and she wishes she had made a different choice. Quitting school and marrying her husband are her 2 biggest regrets. She does not regret her children though. They are still married. Not sure how or why, but they are.
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Post by Monica* on May 2, 2021 15:47:01 GMT
Sometimes they have to learn the hard way. And it's heartbreaking. This is exactly where we are right now. Life is going to have to kick her right in the ass. He has a history of being abusive and controlling so we just hope that she stays safe until the moment that she calls us for help. We have already told her that we will never say "I told you so". We will come get her and bring her home. The right attitude. She's young and making a mistake in all likelihood. But there is still hope.
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Post by iamkristinl16 on May 2, 2021 16:01:14 GMT
Hopefully even if she does move with him, she will come to her senses before the start of the school year. Maybe try to convince her to at least continue with what she needs to do for school in the event that she changes her mind? Or why can't he move to the town where her college is instead of them going to California? Help her look at what the realities will be or need to be when they get to California in regards to work, costs of living, etc.
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zookeeper
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,909
Aug 28, 2014 2:37:56 GMT
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Post by zookeeper on May 2, 2021 16:11:09 GMT
Or why can't he move to the town where her college is instead of them going to California? Help her look at what the realities will be or need to be when they get to California in regards to work, costs of living, etc. Believe me, we have brought all of this up. He has family there so that is where he wants to go. He does not care about her. She is only serving a means to an end for him. He wants her to work to help pay rent while he stays home and plays video games.
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Post by katlady on May 2, 2021 16:13:00 GMT
Or why can't he move to the town where her college is instead of them going to California? Help her look at what the realities will be or need to be when they get to California in regards to work, costs of living, etc. Believe me, we have brought all of this up. He has family there so that is where he wants to go. He does not care about her. She is only serving a means to an end for him. He wants her to work to help pay rent while he stays home and plays video games. I wish there was a thumbs down feature! He sounds like a real winner (sarcasm).
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Post by scrapbookwriter on May 2, 2021 16:18:30 GMT
Can she defer her scholarship for a year rather than outright reject it?
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peabay
Prolific Pea
Posts: 9,586
Jun 25, 2014 19:50:41 GMT
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Post by peabay on May 2, 2021 16:20:17 GMT
Sometimes they have to learn the hard way. And it's heartbreaking. This is exactly where we are right now. Life is going to have to kick her right in the ass. He has a history of being abusive and controlling so we just hope that she stays safe until the moment that she calls us for help. We have already told her that we will never say "I told you so". We will come get her and bring her home. Perfect. You're handling this the best way you can: "if you want to come home, call. We'll get you. No questions asked. You always have a home here and we will always love you and be here for you."
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Post by maryland on May 2, 2021 16:24:08 GMT
That's so tough, I am sorry you are dealing with this. I hope they both come to their senses and realize this isn't a good idea. And giving up a college scholarship makes it even worse.
This is different, but my one of my daughter's best friends has a hs senior brother that is giving up a college scholarship for two very competitive Big Ten universities to stay near his girlfriend (same age at least) of just a few months. The family is upset too.
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gsquaredmom
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,078
Jun 26, 2014 17:43:22 GMT
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Post by gsquaredmom on May 2, 2021 16:25:31 GMT
I would find a way to suggest that she ask the school if they can hold her admission and scholarship for a year. That way if she decides she wants that after all she may the option.
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Post by Skellinton on May 2, 2021 16:26:27 GMT
I can’t even imagine who hard that must be to witness, especially since you said he has been abusive, I know you will both keep your lines of communication open and that is the best thing you can do. Don’t you wish you could have some sort of fairy godmother or ghosts of Christmas future show her what her life would be like if she went to California and alternatively if she went to college?
I am sorry.
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zookeeper
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,909
Aug 28, 2014 2:37:56 GMT
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Post by zookeeper on May 2, 2021 16:27:00 GMT
Can she defer her scholarship for a year rather than outright reject it? We are looking into this.
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Post by NanaKate on May 2, 2021 16:29:01 GMT
I’m so sorry. Hope she wakes up soon.
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DEX
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,354
Aug 9, 2014 23:13:22 GMT
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Post by DEX on May 2, 2021 16:43:25 GMT
I wonder if the school would consider a "gap" year. Many HS graduates are taking a year off before going to college. I knew a girl in HS who had a boyfriend at West Point. He quit after his first year to come home to be with her. They broke up shortly after.
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Post by revirdsuba99 on May 2, 2021 16:58:21 GMT
we just hope that she stays safe until the moment that she calls us for help. We have already told her that we will never say "I told you so". We will come get her and bring her home. Make sure to tell her to memorize your phone numbers. WE have gotten out of the habit of remembering numbers with programed cell phone.
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Post by revirdsuba99 on May 2, 2021 17:00:43 GMT
I wish there was a thumbs down feature! There is one in the view all smileys
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Apr 24, 2024 7:42:37 GMT
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Post by Deleted on May 2, 2021 17:04:15 GMT
All you can do is give guidance. I totally agree with the sentiment that sometimes they’ve just got to learn from their mistakes.
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zookeeper
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,909
Aug 28, 2014 2:37:56 GMT
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Post by zookeeper on May 2, 2021 17:13:36 GMT
And now they are leaving for CA tomorrow. He wants to take her away before we can try to change her mind. Oh...did I forget to mention that although they did not grow up in the same house...he is her step brother. They have really only known each other for the last 1.5 years but this still reeks of massive ick factor. He is a fucking predator.
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Post by katlady on May 2, 2021 17:19:26 GMT
And now they are leaving for CA tomorrow. He wants to take her away before we can try to change her mind. Oh...did I forget to mention that although they did not grow up in the same house...he is her step brother. They have really only known each other for the last 1.5 years but this still reeks of massive ick factor. He is a fucking predator. So many danger signs! I hope all goes well. BTW, is school done for the year? Is she dropping out of high school now?
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Post by FrozenPea on May 2, 2021 17:20:58 GMT
I am sorry.
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Post by paulao on May 2, 2021 17:21:36 GMT
What is a “bonus daughter”? If she is not yet 18, can he be charged for something with a minor?
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zookeeper
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,909
Aug 28, 2014 2:37:56 GMT
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Post by zookeeper on May 2, 2021 17:22:34 GMT
Is she dropping out of high school now? She is home schooled online. She can at least finish getting her diploma from CA.
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Post by SockMonkey on May 2, 2021 18:23:52 GMT
I'm really sorry you're going through this. I hope she comes to her senses sooner rather than later. Hugs.
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Post by its me mg on May 2, 2021 18:25:02 GMT
What is a “bonus daughter”? If she is not yet 18, can he be charged for something with a minor? Nice way of staying step-child
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Post by librarylady on May 2, 2021 18:36:16 GMT
So very many outrageous red flags here.
I am sorry you are suffering through this and we all know she has nothing but heart ache in the future.
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