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Post by papersilly on May 3, 2021 3:00:30 GMT
Sorry you are going through this. I just hope your daughter knows she can come home anytime and for any reason. no questions asked. Plane ticket is waiting any time.
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Post by mikewozowski on May 3, 2021 4:32:24 GMT
i would try to make sure she is on long term and reliable birth control. lots of young girls are getting the implant thing these days and young professionals my daught4er knows are getting IUDs. they used to not give IUDs to young women, but they do now.
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zookeeper
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,909
Aug 28, 2014 2:37:56 GMT
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Post by zookeeper on May 3, 2021 14:25:16 GMT
She's gone. Headed to CA with the predator. I pray that she comes to her senses soon. Lord, please look after her. I can't stop crying.
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Post by Tearisci on May 3, 2021 14:41:13 GMT
DS dropped out of school with a great financial aid package his first year to move in with his then boyfriend who told him college wasn't important. Of course, they broke up as a lot of 19 year olds do as we suspected they would. DS is now married, finished college last year and has a great job. He rebounded from an early mistake and I think it matured him a lot so don't lose hope!
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muggins
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,861
Jul 30, 2017 3:38:57 GMT
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Post by muggins on May 3, 2021 15:38:54 GMT
i would try to make sure she is on long term and reliable birth control. lots of young girls are getting the implant thing these days and young professionals my daught4er knows are getting IUDs. they used to not give IUDs to young women, but they do now. My DD got an implant in her upper arm just before she started uni at 17 in the U.K. It certainly put my mind at ease regarding unwanted pregnancy. OP - I’m so sorry she’s going through with this. Hopefully it’ll be a very quick life lesson and she’ll be back home soon.
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Post by scrapcat on May 3, 2021 16:55:21 GMT
This is scary. I just heard of a similar situation that turned out to be human trafficking. Apparently, fairly common practice in human trafficking situations to start as a relationship. I don't know what else can be done but make her aware that there is always a one-way plane ticket available to her to come back. And maybe find organizations in the area she is moving that she could reach out to, women's shelters and others that offer refuge for victims.
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Post by snoopy on May 3, 2021 17:21:03 GMT
I’m so sorry you are in this situation. I can’t imagine how hard this is for you and the other parents in her life.
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Post by mellyw on May 3, 2021 17:45:53 GMT
I am so sorry. I will keep her in my thoughts. Just a hard situation for you to handle.
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Post by hockeyfan06 on May 3, 2021 17:58:10 GMT
Very sad to hear she left. I can't imagine how heartbroken you are for her. Praying that she will be back home soon. Just stay in constant contact with her.
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Post by silverlining on May 3, 2021 21:32:40 GMT
How heartbreaking! She's unfortunately going to have to figure this out for herself. It sounds like there isn't anything anyone could tell her that would make her change her mind. It seems like you have a good non-parent relationship with her. If you have a chance to talk to her, maybe you can ask her some questions like:
It seems like you really love this guy. What are the qualities you love about him? What does he love about you? What are the things you enjoy doing together? What do you imagine a future living with him would be like? Do you feel ready to have children? Does he? What kind of dad do you think he'd be?
It's possible that if you can ask questions in a non judgmental way, she might begin thinking for herself about what she wants and doesn't want in a partner.
And yes, I agree about the birth control!
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seaexplore
Prolific Pea
Posts: 8,400
Apr 25, 2015 23:57:30 GMT
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Post by seaexplore on May 3, 2021 23:27:24 GMT
She's gone. Headed to CA with the predator. I pray that she comes to her senses soon. Lord, please look after her. I can't stop crying. I'm so sorry. I hope she comes to her senses and stays safe in the mean time.
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Post by lucyg on May 4, 2021 0:03:11 GMT
I’m sorry. Hopefully she will be back very soon!
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Post by Zee on May 4, 2021 0:15:47 GMT
Every life mistake is an opportunity to learn. Just keep communication open, stop acting like her world is ending (you don't want to push her away or help isolate her), and I'm unsure why he's being villainized by the entire Pea community who doesn't know him but maybe knock that off too unless you have a really good reason to worry about him that you haven't shared here.
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Post by katlady on May 4, 2021 1:06:33 GMT
Every life mistake is an opportunity to learn. Just keep communication open, stop acting like her world is ending (you don't want to push her away or help isolate her), and I'm unsure why he's being villainized by the entire Pea community who doesn't know him but maybe knock that off too unless you have a really good reason to worry about him that you haven't shared here. The OP said he is a abusive and controlling. And she also mentioned that his father even said he is not a good person.
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used2scrap
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,034
Jan 29, 2016 3:02:55 GMT
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Post by used2scrap on May 4, 2021 2:08:37 GMT
Every life mistake is an opportunity to learn. Just keep communication open, stop acting like her world is ending (you don't want to push her away or help isolate her), and I'm unsure why he's being villainized by the entire Pea community who doesn't know him but maybe knock that off too unless you have a really good reason to worry about him that you haven't shared here. The OP said he is a abusive and controlling. And she also mentioned that his father even said he is not a good person. Not to mention a late 20s something encouraging an 18 year old to quit school, pass up a scholarship and forgo college...
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Post by librarylady on May 4, 2021 2:13:51 GMT
A person who loves another wants the best for that person and does not try to limit opportunities and relationships with the love object.
This man wants to control a young girl and deprive her of opportunities for a full life. ...not to mention the age difference and life experiences the man has had. ...and to head across the country with no real plan nor money does not bode well.
On a related situation in our family....a great niece ran off 3 states away with an internet romance. After a year, her aunt went to Tennessee and offered to bring her back home. She came and has worked on making better decisions.
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Post by katlady on Jun 16, 2021 16:51:30 GMT
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zookeeper
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,909
Aug 28, 2014 2:37:56 GMT
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Post by zookeeper on Jun 17, 2021 3:40:25 GMT
katlady We really don't know. She had allowed us to see her on Life 360 then she suddenly turned off the permissions on May 29. DH asked her about it and she said that it was using too much space on her phone. DH and I think that the fucking asshole told her to turn it off so he can complete his control over her. He is effectively alienating her from those that love her. It is classic behavior for a narcissistic predator. She has not called or reached out to us. I am praying for some sort of contact on Father's Day.
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Post by greendragonlady on Jun 17, 2021 3:43:17 GMT
katlady We really don't know. She had allowed us to see her on Life 360 then she suddenly turned off the permissions on May 29. DH asked her about it and she said that it was using too much space on her phone. DH and I think that the fucking asshole told her to turn it off so he can complete his control over her. He is effectively alienating her from those that love her. It is classic behavior for a narcissistic predator. She has not called or reached out to us. I am praying for some sort of contact on Father's Day. I'm so sorry that you're going through this. I hope she's ok, and hope she comes to her senses soon and comes home.
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Post by katlady on Jun 17, 2021 3:53:25 GMT
katlady We really don't know. She had allowed us to see her on Life 360 then she suddenly turned off the permissions on May 29. DH asked her about it and she said that it was using too much space on her phone. DH and I think that the fucking asshole told her to turn it off so he can complete his control over her. He is effectively alienating her from those that love her. It is classic behavior for a narcissistic predator. She has not called or reached out to us. I am praying for some sort of contact on Father's Day. I am so sorry! I hope she reaches out to you soon!
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Post by mom on Jun 17, 2021 12:57:34 GMT
katlady We really don't know. She had allowed us to see her on Life 360 then she suddenly turned off the permissions on May 29. DH asked her about it and she said that it was using too much space on her phone. DH and I think that the fucking asshole told her to turn it off so he can complete his control over her. He is effectively alienating her from those that love her. It is classic behavior for a narcissistic predator. She has not called or reached out to us. I am praying for some sort of contact on Father's Day. I am so sorry. Does she have snapchat? You can see locations on that as well.
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zookeeper
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,909
Aug 28, 2014 2:37:56 GMT
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Post by zookeeper on Jun 17, 2021 15:24:31 GMT
Does she have snapchat? You can see locations on that as well. Yes! I did not know that about Snapchat. I will check into this. Thank you!
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Post by crimsoncat05 on Jun 17, 2021 16:08:10 GMT
She has not called or reached out to us. I am praying for some sort of contact on Father's Day. (((hugs, peafriend))) I really hope you hear from her over the weekend...
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luckyexwife
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,067
Jun 25, 2014 21:21:08 GMT
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Post by luckyexwife on Jun 17, 2021 16:10:55 GMT
Does she have snapchat? You can see locations on that as well. Yes! I did not know that about Snapchat. I will check into this. Thank you! There is location, but it's also easy to turn off. I have my location turned off all the time. Good luck...I hope she reaches out to you soon.
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Post by busy on Jun 17, 2021 16:21:28 GMT
katlady We really don't know. She had allowed us to see her on Life 360 then she suddenly turned off the permissions on May 29. DH asked her about it and she said that it was using too much space on her phone. DH and I think that the fucking asshole told her to turn it off so he can complete his control over her. He is effectively alienating her from those that love her. It is classic behavior for a narcissistic predator. She has not called or reached out to us. I am praying for some sort of contact on Father's Day. At that age, and with parents who'd been so disapproving of my choices, I wouldn't allow them to view my location either. I wouldn't want to answer for everything. I 100% get why you're worried and think that's valid, but I think you need to dial waaaay back and be sure she feels nothing but supported and loved rather than judged. If she knows you hate him and hate her decisions, she could be be very unwilling to reach out if she needs help and/or things are bad with him. Be sure she knows you're a safe place to land and "I told you so" will never ever be uttered or implied. Do not try to e-stalk her if she's blocked location access. That's violating boundaries, not to mention normalizing behavior we'd find troublesome in a partner.
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zookeeper
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,909
Aug 28, 2014 2:37:56 GMT
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Post by zookeeper on Jun 17, 2021 19:04:07 GMT
busy Did you read any of the thread prior to your post? We have made it abundantly clear that we will never say "I told you so" and that she can call at any time and we will get her home. She is the one who had offered to let us see where she is on our life 360 and we never, not even once, said anything to her about where she was going or why she was where she was. Believe me...we have been very hands off. We only send her messages telling her that we love her.
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peabay
Prolific Pea
Posts: 9,589
Jun 25, 2014 19:50:41 GMT
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Post by peabay on Jun 17, 2021 19:37:34 GMT
Another option if you still pay her phone bill is to look at the Find My... app under devices. You can at least still see that she's alive and where she is.
I wouldn't care if people thought it indicated a lack of boundaries - I'm concerned about this kid's health and welfare.
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Post by nine on Jun 17, 2021 23:19:48 GMT
I am so sorry your family is going through this. I never understood people without huge resources coming to the most expensive state... What does this mean? It means that CA is very difficult to live in unless you are making lots of money. Rent, taxes, gas, food. It’s all right up there.
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Post by Scrapper100 on Jun 18, 2021 0:36:54 GMT
Hugs. I hope you hear from her on Sunday.
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Post by mom on Jun 18, 2021 0:41:25 GMT
Another option if you still pay her phone bill is to look at the Find My... app under devices. You can at least still see that she's alive and where she is. I wouldn't care if people thought it indicated a lack of boundaries - I'm concerned about this kid's health and welfare. I agree. If this was a normal girlfriend/boyfriend situation I would say MYOB. But this isn't. Sometimes you just need to know your child is alive.
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