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Post by Deleted on Sept 15, 2021 22:05:35 GMT
What others said about hospice follows pretty much my experience with hospice last February and March. It was so confusing, so agonizing to make these decisions. So many complications and what if's. My husband was on hospice for about 5 or 6 weeks before he passed away. All said and done, I have to admit going to the hospice we chose was the best decision we could have made. Jared passed away very peacefully in his sleep, in no pain. I feel like I got a lot of support from the hospice and actually plan to contact them soon about how to get through the holidays (I did go to their 6 week session of grief support and found it helpful). I wish I could do something to help prevent you from going through this agony. Just know that I and so many Peas here have been in a similar journey and we are here to help you. The journey does not end after our loved one is gone. We will stay with you on this journey as we have stayed with each other here (one reason I love 2Peas Refugees so much). Please try to rest tonight. Easier said than done I know. We are surrounding you two with love and care. Thank you. I wish that we gelled with the hospice team. The nurse might be easier to deal with after we make decisions. The social worker came yesterday and she seemed very rushed and brief. We didn't learn anything about counseling for DD and me. I didn't receive any paperwork, etc. We did tell her that besides Gary's care at this time, our main worry is just getting by. She arranged for a "shopping spree" and someone went food shopping for us at WalMart and delivered a ton of food. That helps!
I'm so sorry about your beloved Jared. Now you have me thinking that Gary has been sleeping in his own room, since he gets up a lot at night. I have the baby monitor so I could hear him breathing and he could ask me for anything.... It's not the same as sleeping together, and I miss that, but I don't want to pressure him. He needs his space and comfort items & we don't really fit in a queen-size bed with all of that.
I made a note about the grief therapy. Thank you. I think that DD and I will be just as busy after he's gone. I'm sure we'll have to clear out the apartment and move. Not sure about anything right now, but thank you for your words. I can't imagine how hard it will be. He's at peace with things and I'm devastated. I'm sorry you had to go through that, and continue to go through the grief. Hugs to you. xoxo
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Post by Deleted on Sept 15, 2021 22:11:29 GMT
Sooooooo much this! So much this. This bears repeating 1000 times. I wish someone had suggested this when my husband was in his last days. I got time about an hour before he died and by then he was struggling so hard to breathe that he couldn’t really talk. I have so many regrets about that time. I believe you met your husband right around the time I met mine, if I'm remembering correctly..... Your love for him was ALWAYS apparent. I'm sorry that you didn't have time to talk things over with him in the end. Hugs to you!! I'm sure he knew how much you adored him.
I DO have time daily/nightly to just sit with Gary. After DD goes to bed, he and I have "alone time" to talk, hug and be very frank about things. I'm blessed that we both have had 13 years to talk SO very much. We've always left heartfelt love notes to each other, almost daily. He'd put them in places he knew I'd visit the next day. Speaking freely came easily to both of us, so this relationship was always SO very special. I'm blessed, and he always says that he's the blessed one.
We'll continue to talk and just be together.. We both want as much time to shut out the world and be alone at night. xoxo
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Post by Deleted on Sept 15, 2021 22:19:01 GMT
I have nothing of any significance to add other than my continued support and warmest thoughts to you both. I admire you greatly @bergdorfblonde for holding it together when your mind and heart must be in constant free fall. I wonder if your friend who brought pizza would be willing to be with you during your next meeting? Her support and recent experiences may help steer the conversation to give you answers to questions you don’t even realise you have. I only have 1 friend nearby. I met her on a planeride to LI, where she's also from. That was about 3 years ago (or longer) and we haven't met up since then! She recently said that she "had to meet Gary", because of her beloved husband's passing. She came by twice so far and it's been nice. But she's busy with her own medical issues and friends. She's given us both advice about hospice, end of life cancer, religion, beliefs, facts and has asked questions. We have had a few hospice people coming throughout the day, so I'm not sure she'd stop to come and listen in.
What you said was spot on though. Yup, my heart and mind are in a constant free-fall. I'm kept super busy with paperwork, calls, making appts., figuring things out and caring for Gary. When I go to bed is when it all hits me. I'm SURE I'll need tons of therapy and help as we progress. I'm blessed to have my sisters and mom checking in on me, but there are days where I just can't or won't pick up the phone.
Hoping I/we will figure this all out. Thank you. xo
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Post by Deleted on Sept 15, 2021 22:30:05 GMT
I don't know if I did this correctly, but I was trying to quote what Lettuce said. My husband of 51 1/2 yrs (we were actually together 60 yrs as we have been together since we were 13) passed away 03/25/2021 of Kidney Cancer that went to the lung and then to the brain, after beating it back for the last 5 years. My biggest regret is at the end when we called in Hospice, I still wore my "Caregiver" hat. I was so concerned and worried and scared and I really thought he would pull out and amaze the doctors once again. I think about it every day still. I wish I had just let Hospice be the "Caregiver" and that I sat with him more and just held his hand and told him how much I loved him and our wonderful life together. I sat with him and told him all these things and held his hand, but I wish I had stayed in that chair beside him instead of checking the charts and questioning the Hospice workers to make sure they were taking care of him the way he should be taken care of. They are trained professionals or you would not have them there. My wish for you is that you just sit down beside him and hold his hand and keep telling him how much you love him. I'm so sorry about your beloved husband. What you said is EXACTLY how I feel. I've been his protector, caregiver, etc., and actually helped him beat so many medical issues, including his 9 year bout with bladder/prostate cancer. He's had SO many hospital emergencies and stays and he made it through. I stayed in hospital with him each time, taking notes and trying to figure out how best to fight for him. This time it seems like I have to switch to end of life decisions and paperwork. It's killing me that we can't beat this one too. He's okay with it. He's at peace. I'm the one who doesn't know what to do if I'm not checking his stats, filling his meds, watching what he eats and trying each day to get him healthier. This is ALL new!
Once he is 100% certain that he's done with Moffitt/chemo/care, and he is trusting Hospice, then I'll have to let go and just appreciate our final time together. It's so hard.
As I've shared, I DO get to hold his hand, spend a lot of time with him and talk honestly. We have a wonderful love together and we're open, honest and forthcoming. We are both blessed and it won't stop. Thank you. xo
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Post by Deleted on Sept 15, 2021 22:37:57 GMT
Your story brings me to tears. My dad passed a few years ago, and his 5 daughters and wife all took turns being in his hospital with him. Looking back it makes me glad that we were all there for my mom and to spend time with my dad. As for me getting someone else to support me, it's unfortunately long-distance. A few sisters want to visit to see Gary now. My son also wants to come (all from NY). Gary's daughter lives in FL and keeps saying she wants to come see him, but we'll see......... So, really I have no one who could be there with me. DD33 has been a big help so far (as much as she could be--I assess her to be about 12 years old, emotionally because of her bipolar). We have no family and no friends here to speak of. My "airplane friend" came back today, however, to bring Gary her homemade veggie soup. She visited for a bit. She's been a wonderful bright part of our day.
My brain is mush these past few days, so I apologize to everyone else for not being on here, for not reading their personal stories, to jenjie who gives so much of herself to help others......... I've been having awful migraines, so whenever I can, I rest and try to get it together.
Quickly: Gary and I talk every single day. We always have. We're figuring out where hospice would send him if he gets much worse. They already brought the "white box" of serious meds here. Gary has no problem with going to a hospital, but he still worries about me driving alone. I keep telling him to stop worrying about me, but he's very distracted by it. He knows I have limitations with my pain and vision.
We spoke and asked the social worker, chaplain, nurse, about cremation. We were under the assumption that the V.A. would handle that for free. We're still trying to get answers. I don't want him buried here, as I'll probably move out shortly thereafter. I don't need a headstone. I just need them to take care of the cremation and give his remains to me. I'll keep trying to get through to get the answers.
Gary had a decent day today. He's getting around with his walker and doesn't seem to be in pain too badly. I have to watch the pain meds they gave him since he keeps wanting more. He's never been on pain meds, but I don't want him on too much if he's not in bad pain yet.
We got a transfer wheelchair so I could get him to the car if needed. We got a portable potty thingie too. Didn't get the transfer shower chair yet, and he's no longer able to get in the shower. Waiting for the aide to come to wash him. The last thing he needs is to think he could stand and try it on his own. Trying to avoid falls and bone-breaks......
Gary's in a good place, mentally and spiritually. At least that's what he tells me. I hope he's not going through more than that. He hasn't told his youngest son that he has a short time left. He's still hurt that his son didn't invite him to his wedding a week ago. (His son didn't know how Gary was feeling when he made the plans, so it certainly wasn't with his health in mind.) Gary is very hurt because this son was so close to him. He's 31. It's not up to me to tell his son, but I think he needs to be told the truth. Hope we figure it out soon!
I'll get back to some other posts when I can. Gotta make dinner and do some cleaning while Gary's okay and I'm not in bed with my migraine. Thanks SO much for your heartfelt posts, advice and ideas. I am so very sorry to all of you who have gone through this journey with your family member. It's a hard and draining road, and I appreciate you all being so truthful. My heart goes out to you all.
xoxo Chris
I can tell you that the VA doesn't pay the funeral home, they reimburse the family the cost but not in all cases. My husbands uncle was a Veteran and I know his wife was surprised that it wasn't a guarentee. Here is the link that explains it all. www.va.gov/burials-memorials/veterans-burial-allowance/I wouldn't be having any funeral/wake/memorial, etc. Nothing but having him cremated. He thought that the VA would help cover that expense. We've both been trying to call them to ask, but haven't heard anything yet. I'll have to ask the social worker since (sadly) I wouldn't even have the money to lay out to have him cremated on my own. It'll be at the top of my list to figure out. |
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Post by jenjie on Sept 15, 2021 22:45:16 GMT
I can tell you that the VA doesn't pay the funeral home, they reimburse the family the cost but not in all cases. My husbands uncle was a Veteran and I know his wife was surprised that it wasn't a guarentee. Here is the link that explains it all. www.va.gov/burials-memorials/veterans-burial-allowance/I wouldn't be having any funeral/wake/memorial, etc. Nothing but having him cremated. He thought that the VA would help cover that expense. We've both been trying to call them to ask, but haven't heard anything yet. I'll have to ask the social worker since (sadly) I wouldn't even have the money to lay out to have him cremated on my own. It'll be at the top of my list to figure out. Unfortunately this is the max you’re going to receive and it will be reimbursed, not paid up front. “If the person passed away in a non-service-related manner, then the reimbursement is up to $300. The exception is a non-service-related death that occurs while the veteran is admitted to a VA hospital, in which case the amount is up to $749.” You can have an honor guard, taps and flag folding at no cost if you choose. www.neptunesociety.com/resources/veteran-cremation-costs-military-members-families-need-know |
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Post by sunshine on Sept 15, 2021 22:56:54 GMT
I’m so sorry. I will keep you and Gary in my thoughts as you move forward.
As for the VA paying for cremation-my father is a vet living in a VA facility. We were told they don’t cover cremation expenses, but he could receive a military burial at no cost. It looks like as a spouse you would get a small reimbursement.
Maybe there are other avenues thru vet groups that the cremation could be covered.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Sept 15, 2021 23:12:43 GMT
I wouldn't be having any funeral/wake/memorial, etc. Nothing but having him cremated. He thought that the VA would help cover that expense. We've both been trying to call them to ask, but haven't heard anything yet. I'll have to ask the social worker since (sadly) I wouldn't even have the money to lay out to have him cremated on my own. It'll be at the top of my list to figure out. Unfortunately this is the max you’re going to receive and it will be reimbursed, not paid up front. “If the person passed away in a non-service-related manner, then the reimbursement is up to $300. The exception is a non-service-related death that occurs while the veteran is admitted to a VA hospital, in which case the amount is up to $749.” You can have an honor guard, taps and flag folding at no cost if you choose. www.neptunesociety.com/resources/veteran-cremation-costs-military-members-families-need-knowThank you, friend. I'm sorry I have so many questions right now....... We both really thought that this one was taken care of. Who knew? Gary wants it all taken care of so that I don't have to be "lost" once it happens.
You are in my thoughts as I ask questions and other Peas share their experiences. I can't tell you what it means to me, and you have opened your heart to share your experiences with your beloved Fred. Hugs to you if all of this brings any of the heartbreaking times back to you. You are amazing to be helping me through this, but please take care of yourself too, okay? I adore you. xoxo
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Post by tentoes on Sept 15, 2021 23:24:37 GMT
((HUGS)) to you. My husband died very unexpectedly, so no planning took place at all. All the details were left to my grown children and myself. My heart hurts for you. It's not an easy road however you lose a loved one. Sounds like you are spending time in the most important ways.
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Post by merry27 on Sept 16, 2021 0:35:08 GMT
I’m so sorry. I know how hard this is for you. Like I said in another post, I just went through this a few months ago. I am in Arizona and not sure if each state is different but we were not allowed to continue chemo once we signed on with Hospice. Even though we knew the chemo was not a cure, we were hoping it would shrink the tumor and buy more time. We actually did one last round of chemo before signing up for hospice and in all honesty, I wish we hadn’t. The side effects of chemo made the last few weeks horrible. I know it is a tough decision and maybe he is in a different type of chemo.
Most medications were also stopped once we started hospice. Only meds that provided comfort and helped with pain were offered.
I did want to add that hospice payed most of the household bills the two months we were with them. They also provided food and a $500 gift certificate to go to dinner and see a show. Sadly, we never made it.
I wished we would have stopped all treatments and just spent time together. Hindsight is hard 🙁
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Post by hookturnian on Sept 16, 2021 0:55:39 GMT
Th ((Hugs)) to you both. Is it possible for your brother to dial in to the discussion and advocate for you guys? In my experience, doctors are not as good at communication as they think they are, when speaking to non-medical people. Perhaps if you brief your brother on your concerns and what you want to know, he can listen in on the conversation and ask the correct medical questions to get answers for you. I'm not saying that you are not able to do it yourself, just that doctors sometimes think they are being clear, when they are not. Thanks. Honestly, I've been sharing Gary's portal from Moffitt with my brother. After reading his recent PET scans, bone biopsy, etc., he doesn't think that more chemo is the answer. He thinks it's time to stop and just spend time at home. He knows how tough it's been even getting Gary to Moffitt and wheeling him around (I can't even see over his head when I wheel him!). It's taking a lot out of Gary. It's really the 2 of us who are still hoping that 1 more round of chemo might give him more time. I don't want to encourage him to stop Moffitt if he wants to continue (and drop Hospice for a bit), but as I said, I don't think that will happen......
My brother has all of his questions answered by reading the reports from Moffitt thusfar, and he said it's "dire". He checked with a few wonderful Oncologists (some who specialize in NETS), and they all agree that even with just his liver cancer being 80% on the NETS scale, that was pretty serious.
((Hugs)) I'm so sorry you are going through this. I pray for strength and comfort for you both. |
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Post by merry27 on Sept 16, 2021 1:02:12 GMT
I also wanted to add that the cheapest cremation I could find was $1200 and that wasn’t something that Hospice could help out with. We also qualified for a VA burial but just the ceremony was free- we had to pay the cremation fee up front.
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Post by Linda on Sept 16, 2021 1:08:45 GMT
I don't know any details beyond this but "Florida The state of Florida requires the Department of Health and Human Services to provide burial for poverty-stricken individuals. You must apply for burial assistance at the county health department in the county where the deceased was a resident" Are you Pasco county? if so www.pascocountyfl.net/2030/Programs-and-Services |
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Post by waffles on Sept 16, 2021 1:33:47 GMT
I don’t have time to read all the thread but wanted to let you know about Veterans Pinning Ceremonies.
Other veterans perform this ceremony at no cost.
I had a family member
That received one and it meant the world to him,
Keeping you both in my thoughts and prayers.
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Post by yivit on Sept 16, 2021 4:27:20 GMT
I wouldn't be having any funeral/wake/memorial, etc. Nothing but having him cremated. He thought that the VA would help cover that expense. We've both been trying to call them to ask, but haven't heard anything yet. I'll have to ask the social worker since (sadly) I wouldn't even have the money to lay out to have him cremated on my own. It'll be at the top of my list to figure out. There's got to be someplace nearby that does direct cremation and doesn't charge an arm and a leg. What you need is a place that actually owns their own crematorium - no middle man. The cost should be around 650. That's what I was quoted when DH passed away. I used a small funeral home locally who also did the cremation for all the independent funeral homes in the area. That price covered (as I recall - it was just over 8 years ago) picking up, getting the death certificate, performing the cremation, and providing the she's in a very basic container (it could have even been a box - I opted for a nice pewter urn but that's not required). Be advised that if your DH is a big guy, the cost may be more. There's no real way to put it delicately - plus size means more fuel and time in the crematorium. If you do find a funeral home with their own cremation facility, extra bonus: you should be able to get an obituary on their site for free. The newspapers are a huge ripoff for obits. Hugs to you and Gary. |
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Gennifer
Drama Llama
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Post by Gennifer on Sept 16, 2021 7:15:06 GMT
@bergdorfblonde I don’t have any words of wisdom, but I wanted to let you know how incredibly sorry I am that you are going through this awful, horrible thing that is every wife’s worst nightmare. You guys will be in my thoughts. 💕
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Post by lesserknownpea on Sept 16, 2021 7:26:41 GMT
The hospice nurse actually advised us that the cost for cremation varied wildly, and gave us three referrals to call and price shop. So when the time came, we knew who to call. They said funeral homes absolutely exploit people’s grief and confusion.
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twinsmomfla99
Pearl Clutcher
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Post by twinsmomfla99 on Sept 16, 2021 12:51:23 GMT
I DO have time daily/nightly to just sit with Gary. After DD goes to bed, he and I have "alone time" to talk, hug and be very frank about things. I'm blessed that we both have had 13 years to talk SO very much. We've always left heartfelt love notes to each other, almost daily. He'd put them in places he knew I'd visit the next day. Speaking freely came easily to both of us, so this relationship was always SO very special. I'm blessed, and he always says that he's the blessed one.
We'll continue to talk and just be together.. We both want as much time to shut out the world and be alone at night. xoxo
Do you have a recliner? Maybe you could move it to his bedside so you can hold hands while you fall asleep, if you think that would be comforting to you and Gary. |
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bethany102399
Pearl Clutcher
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Post by bethany102399 on Sept 16, 2021 14:03:00 GMT
We didn't learn anything about counseling for DD and me. I didn't receive any paperwork, etc. My experience with hospice was that they reached out about a month after mom's passing, but recommended grief counseling several months after the death. In my case, my mom died in May and I started the series in early October. It gives you enough time to get through the immediate needs after loosing someone, and as you're beginning to move out of the fog, then they can step in and offer you a net. Our services here, at least offer one on one therapies as well. They reached out to me maybe 3 months after mom died? it's worth an ask. I'm sorry, while I have not been there with a spouse, I've lost both of my parents. My mom was moved from the hospital to a hospice center when we knew death was eminent. I found hospice to be amazing in both cases, but it all comes down to the people and who you're dealing with. hugs |
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Post by Deleted on Sept 16, 2021 15:51:04 GMT
I DO have time daily/nightly to just sit with Gary. After DD goes to bed, he and I have "alone time" to talk, hug and be very frank about things. I'm blessed that we both have had 13 years to talk SO very much. We've always left heartfelt love notes to each other, almost daily. He'd put them in places he knew I'd visit the next day. Speaking freely came easily to both of us, so this relationship was always SO very special. I'm blessed, and he always says that he's the blessed one.
We'll continue to talk and just be together.. We both want as much time to shut out the world and be alone at night. xoxo
Do you have a recliner? Maybe you could move it to his bedside so you can hold hands while you fall asleep, if you think that would be comforting to you and Gary. He is still looking after me, so he wants me to at least get some sleep. I do have a routine with him where I help him get into his bed, I cover him, have his "toys" (laptop, phone) nearby and we talk and hug... We talk thru the baby monitor too once I'm in my room.
(And, no, we have no recliners or chairs handy. Our sectional is falling apart, but it has 3 reclining chairs. Gary's chair is SO beaten up since he spends a lot of time in it. We were planning on trying to move so we didn't want to attempt to replace any furniture. Lighter move is better. Still, I feel badly for him that he's in his beaten up recliner all day. He put pillows all over it to make it more comfortable. It's hard for him to get in and out of it.) --- Sorry, long story to explain why we don't really have recliner chairs here.....
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Post by merry27 on Sept 16, 2021 16:01:47 GMT
Do you have a recliner? Maybe you could move it to his bedside so you can hold hands while you fall asleep, if you think that would be comforting to you and Gary. He is still looking after me, so he wants me to at least get some sleep. I do have a routine with him where I help him get into his bed, I cover him, have his "toys" (laptop, phone) nearby and we talk and hug... We talk thru the baby monitor too once I'm in my room.
(And, no, we have no recliners or chairs handy. Our sectional is falling apart, but it has 3 reclining chairs. Gary's chair is SO beaten up since he spends a lot of time in it. We were planning on trying to move so we didn't want to attempt to replace any furniture. Lighter move is better. Still, I feel badly for him that he's in his beaten up recliner all day. He put pillows all over it to make it more comfortable. It's hard for him to get in and out of it.) --- Sorry, long story to explain why we don't really have recliner chairs here.....
Hospice brought us a recliner! Please let them know that you need one that is more comfortable. |
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Post by Deleted on Sept 16, 2021 17:15:04 GMT
I’m so sorry. I know how hard this is for you. Like I said in another post, I just went through this a few months ago. I am in Arizona and not sure if each state is different but we were not allowed to continue chemo once we signed on with Hospice. Even though we knew the chemo was not a cure, we were hoping it would shrink the tumor and buy more time. We actually did one last round of chemo before signing up for hospice and in all honesty, I wish we hadn’t. The side effects of chemo made the last few weeks horrible. I know it is a tough decision and maybe he is in a different type of chemo. Most medications were also stopped once we started hospice. Only meds that provided comfort and helped with pain were offered. I did want to add that hospice payed most of the household bills the two months we were with them. They also provided food and a $500 gift certificate to go to dinner and see a show. Sadly, we never made it. I wished we would have stopped all treatments and just spent time together. Hindsight is hard 🙁 My heart goes out to you, to tentoes and everyone else on here who went through a loss. I'm so sorry for you all and I find it incredible that you share your stories and give help and advice to others going through it. THANK YOU.
Hospice did begin to come as soon as Gary finished his last chemo (they came the next day!). So far they said that he could do the 1 more round at the end of the month, but it's up in the air. Not sure if it means we duck out of Hospice and then back in... Not sure he'll even do that round yet. His side effects from the last round this past weekend weren't nearly as bad as when he had chemo 18 mos ago. Maybe it's the Neulestra patch he had on? Not sure. Altogether though, his health has been deteriorating even before this chemo, so it's hard to tell.
Hospice said they'd pay 1 month of utility bills. We only have an electric bill. Water, etc., is included in our rent bill. They haven't mentioned they'd pay any of that. Those are the 2 main bills that Gary's SS check covers. I have our car loan bill which takes up most of my SSDI check. I doubt they'd cover that. We also have a cable bill that's essential. Gary uses his laptop constantly, or tv, and we NEED the landline for all doctor calls.... but the social worker only asked for 1 electric bill. I'll ask again.
The social worker did arrange for a food delivery, $300, but nothing else. Sorry you didn't make it to a dinner and a show. That's something we've wanted to do for a while but Gary hasn't felt up to it in quite a while. Nice of them to give it to you though.
I AM thinking that since the Oncologist is having a Zoom session 2 days before the next chemo, she might just say that it's no longer effective. Just a hunch.
((HUGS)) to you. My husband died very unexpectedly, so no planning took place at all. All the details were left to my grown children and myself. My heart hurts for you. It's not an easy road however you lose a loved one. Sounds like you are spending time in the most important ways. Thank you & hugs to you. Thank you for sharing your info. I'm sure it's hard on everyone here who has shared like that.  My sister might help with the details (she's an attorney), but she's in NY. Hoping to figure this all out before he gets worse. I'm already a wreck. I've never had anxiety but I think I'm getting it. I have lists going around in my head. |
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Post by Deleted on Sept 16, 2021 17:15:44 GMT
He is still looking after me, so he wants me to at least get some sleep. I do have a routine with him where I help him get into his bed, I cover him, have his "toys" (laptop, phone) nearby and we talk and hug... We talk thru the baby monitor too once I'm in my room.
(And, no, we have no recliners or chairs handy. Our sectional is falling apart, but it has 3 reclining chairs. Gary's chair is SO beaten up since he spends a lot of time in it. We were planning on trying to move so we didn't want to attempt to replace any furniture. Lighter move is better. Still, I feel badly for him that he's in his beaten up recliner all day. He put pillows all over it to make it more comfortable. It's hard for him to get in and out of it.) --- Sorry, long story to explain why we don't really have recliner chairs here.....
Hospice brought us a recliner! Please let them know that you need one that is more comfortable. THANK YOU! Great advice. I'll ask. xo |
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Post by Deleted on Sept 16, 2021 17:18:41 GMT
I also wanted to add that the cheapest cremation I could find was $1200 and that wasn’t something that Hospice could help out with. We also qualified for a VA burial but just the ceremony was free- we had to pay the cremation fee up front. Thank you for that info. Wow...... Hospice said that they'd come and transport him to a funeral home to be cremated. They did give me a name of a funeral home that works with veterans' families. I'll try to call today. |
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Post by Deleted on Sept 16, 2021 17:26:22 GMT
I don't know any details beyond this but "Florida The state of Florida requires the Department of Health and Human Services to provide burial for poverty-stricken individuals. You must apply for burial assistance at the county health department in the county where the deceased was a resident" Are you Pasco county? if so www.pascocountyfl.net/2030/Programs-and-ServicesThank you. Yes, we are in Pasco County. I'll check it out. I appreciate it. |
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Deleted
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Nov 23, 2024 23:37:03 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Sept 16, 2021 17:29:58 GMT
I don’t have time to read all the thread but wanted to let you know about Veterans Pinning Ceremonies. Other veterans perform this ceremony at no cost. I had a family member That received one and it meant the world to him, Keeping you both in my thoughts and prayers. Thank you!!! He did have a pinning ceremony on Monday. He appreciated it so very much. A Veteran and his spouse came over, did the pinning ceremony and he saluted DH. They gave him a blanket made by Hospice Veterans' families, and a homemade pocket organizer for his walker, 2 homemade bibs, homemade sock booties and gloves. They gave him a certificate along with it all. He was very touched. He said, "If I realized that Veterans did this for other Vets, I would have done it years ago." Typical. <3 |
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Post by Susie_Homemaker on Sept 16, 2021 17:32:00 GMT
I don't have any words of wisdom for you, but just wanted to offer ((hugs)) and to tell you that you are doing great and are amazingly strong- even though you probably don't feel like it, you are! Praying for comfort and wisdom for both of you.
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Deleted
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Nov 23, 2024 23:37:03 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Sept 16, 2021 18:52:07 GMT
I wouldn't be having any funeral/wake/memorial, etc. Nothing but having him cremated. He thought that the VA would help cover that expense. We've both been trying to call them to ask, but haven't heard anything yet. I'll have to ask the social worker since (sadly) I wouldn't even have the money to lay out to have him cremated on my own. It'll be at the top of my list to figure out. There's got to be someplace nearby that does direct cremation and doesn't charge an arm and a leg. What you need is a place that actually owns their own crematorium - no middle man. The cost should be around 650. That's what I was quoted when DH passed away. I used a small funeral home locally who also did the cremation for all the independent funeral homes in the area. That price covered (as I recall - it was just over 8 years ago) picking up, getting the death certificate, performing the cremation, and providing the she's in a very basic container (it could have even been a box - I opted for a nice pewter urn but that's not required). Be advised that if your DH is a big guy, the cost may be more. There's no real way to put it delicately - plus size means more fuel and time in the crematorium. If you do find a funeral home with their own cremation facility, extra bonus: you should be able to get an obituary on their site for free. The newspapers are a huge ripoff for obits. Hugs to you and Gary. Thank you for that info. Tough to read but so important. I think that it's admirable for you and others to share such personal topics. Thank you. I can't remember which person from Hospice gave us a place that works with Veterans families and gives a discounted cremation (I think it was the Chaplain), but I'll check out that place.
Yes, DH is a big guy. He's 6' and weighs about 255. I figured the price would depend on the size of the person. It works the same way with pets.
As far as an obituary, we don't know anyone down here, so there's no need (I think) to have an obit done. Having people possibly sign an online book would be nice though, since we're not having anything else. I'll add it to my list to figure out.
Thanks again.
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purplebee
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,801
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Post by purplebee on Sept 16, 2021 18:53:42 GMT
Thinking of you and sending lots of prayers for strength, comfort and courage. Hugs….
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Deleted
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Nov 23, 2024 23:37:03 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Sept 16, 2021 18:54:03 GMT
The hospice nurse actually advised us that the cost for cremation varied wildly, and gave us three referrals to call and price shop. So when the time came, we knew who to call. They said funeral homes absolutely exploit people’s grief and confusion. Thank you for that. It's pretty sad to exploit people when they are confused and at the beginning of their grief. We got 2 names so far to call, and I'm hoping that my Congressman will give me more info (he works closely with Veterans in our County). |
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My sister might help with the details (she's an attorney), but she's in NY. Hoping to figure this all out before he gets worse. I'm already a wreck. I've never had anxiety but I think I'm getting it. I have lists going around in my head.
