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Post by elaine on Sept 3, 2021 14:20:48 GMT
I don't know your husband well enough to provide a good answer. However, I do know that he was incredibly disrespectful. Is this the way he normally treats you or was this a shock?
I just reread one of your posts. I'm wondering if he is emotionally abusing you? Other people might see this great guy, but he might take out all of his anger, frustration on you. Do you know that you deserve a husband who adores and loves you and will only hold you in the highest regard? You are worth much more than you're getting. You don't have to settle for this .
This. Honestly, my thoughts reading this thread (with all of the posts by you, delila ) is that this is about so much more than that one particular comment at the party. It sounds like you are approaching the tipping point of whether you want to remain in an emotionally abusive marriage anymore if things don’t change. I think that at this point you need therapy. Couples/Marriage counseling if you really want to make the marriage work and stay in it, or individual therapy if you want the skills and mindset to be able to finally walk away from it, knowing that he won’t change and that it isn’t healthy for you. You seem very aware of what the relationship has done to you and your self-esteem; I would ask you if this is how you really want to spend the rest of your life? What if you were given only 5 more years to live? Is this how you would want to do it? If not, make changes - see if your marriage is salvageable FOR YOU (it sounds like it works just fine for him right now, but that isn’t the point), if it is, work on yourself and your marriage. If not, work on getting yourself back to a place where you feel good about yourself - and be honest about what it will take to get there. Whatever you choose, we have your back and will support you. |
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Post by drummergirl65 on Sept 3, 2021 15:22:47 GMT
I think that at this point you need therapy. Couples/Marriage counseling if you really want to make the marriage work and stay in it, or individual therapy if you want the skills and mindset to be able to finally walk away from it, knowing that he won’t change and that it isn’t healthy for you.
You seem very aware of what the relationship has done to you and your self-esteem; I would ask you if this is how you really want to spend the rest of your life? What if you were given only 5 more years to live? Is this how you would want to do it? If not, make changes - see if your marriage is salvageable FOR YOU (it sounds like it works just fine for him right now, but that isn’t the point), if it is, work on yourself and your marriage. If not, work on getting yourself back to a place where you feel good about yourself - and be honest about what it will take to get there.
What Elaine said here is very wise. I would also add to maybe get your affairs in order. Just to be prepared for the worst.
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Post by delila on Sept 3, 2021 19:14:28 GMT
As always thank you for all the kind words & Pea love.
Can we please let this die now for my mental health & well being?
I am fully aware of what I have & don’t have in my marriage & life, sometimes I just need reassurance that I am not being overly sensitive or overly reactive to something.
I grew up with a mother who told me I was overwhelming to people so I feel like I still am as an adult. She also told me I was difficult so I question everything I do & say. I came into this marriage with no self esteem & it is up to me to find some & grow from there.
Again please let this die & go away so I don’t have to see it over & over again. I’m already trying to keep my head above water & barely doing that.
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Post by delila on Sept 3, 2021 19:19:39 GMT
If your spouse said that about you would you think they were being nice or being a prick? Backstory: At a reunion with my not so DH & his friends are telling him that I’m so awesome. His answer is “you should be married to her”. I think he was being a straight up prick saying that, he says that he wasn’t & that he didn’t mean anything bad by saying it. When people say something like that to me I don’t say he’s a prick & say all the shitty things he’s done to me, I just smile & say yes he is!! Did you ever find your wedding rings? No I have not found my rings. I did replace one of them & am in the process of getting the other one replaced. It helps a lot that my girlfriend owns a jewelry shop & can help me get exactly what I want at a good price. My rings were rubies & they are a lot harder to find than diamonds so it takes a while to find the right one. Thank you for asking. |
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Post by katiekaty on Sept 3, 2021 19:37:59 GMT
My husband once made a similar comment with his friends, probably joking, I just stood and walked over and told him straight up he was damned lucky to be married to my awesomeness because his was as great as mine and he was lucky to have it available to him!
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Post by gryroagain on Sept 3, 2021 23:50:16 GMT
When I finally left my husband, I realized how incredibly damaging he was to my self esteem. I still find it mind boggling people want to date me, love me. When I look at photos of the painfully thin, guarded woman I was I just cannot believe it. Sometimes you are the frog in the pot- I certainly was.
That was a shitty thing to say, and your husband sounds like an ass.
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