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Post by kiwikate on Dec 22, 2021 9:23:57 GMT
Please be kind- this has me questioning whether I should keep crafting or not.
in summary: every year I send a gift box of cards I have made to various family members. Have done this for several years. Have only ever had nice responses. Today I get one of my own cards back with a very toxic note from one relative telling me to stop sending these (amongst other ramblings).
so now I’m wondering if people actually don’t like getting these and have been too kind to say anything. As this is the main reason I make the cards I have to ask what the heck I’m doing this for. Feeling rather foolish.
pea thoughts?
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Post by KelleeM on Dec 22, 2021 9:57:40 GMT
How awful. Is this person usually nasty or difficult to please? I would just stop gifting them your cards. I am pretty sure most people enjoy handmade cards and would like having them on hand to send out. I know I love sending and receiving them!
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Post by LavenderLayoutLady on Dec 22, 2021 10:17:17 GMT
The problem lies with that person alone!
Geez Louise!
They have no manners, and an actual mean streak.
I'm betting your cards are absolutely lovely!😁
And cards are such a wonderful gift because they keep on giving. They can be sent out to brighten another person's day! Though, I'll admit, I've framed handmade cards that I just couldn't let go, and hung them on the wall to bring me joy all year long.
Don't doubt yourself. That scrooge's meanness was especially cutting because you are so nice and don't think with such a small heart.
But I would cross that person off my gift giving list for good.
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Post by sleepingbooty on Dec 22, 2021 10:21:50 GMT
The "amongst other ramblings" suggests that this person is not ok in the head (right now anyway). They were spitting back and decided to sting where it hurt AKA your DIY personal touch. I'd stop sending anything to said relative. Not only are they being ungrateful, they are being actively mean. Your reaching out is setting something off in them, not your actual card. The current climate of division, conspiracy theories and whatnot has brought on some troublesome and very unkind reactions even within families.
I'm so sorry this has happened to you. I hope it doesn't spoil the fun you experience from cardmaking.
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Chinagirl828
Drama Llama
Melbourne, Australia
Posts: 6,679
Jun 28, 2014 6:28:53 GMT
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Post by Chinagirl828 on Dec 22, 2021 10:38:26 GMT
I don't think everyone appreciates handmade cards, but it seems yours have been well received for many years until this incident. I'd be inclined to remove this person from future handmade gifts. I'm sorry they said things to make you question the appropriateness of your gift, and hope this does not take away the joy you have in creating them.
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Post by mikklynn on Dec 22, 2021 13:20:39 GMT
Please be kind- this has me questioning whether I should keep crafting or not. in summary: every year I send a gift box of cards I have made to various family members. Have done this for several years. Have only ever had nice responses. Today I get one of my own cards back with a very toxic note from one relative telling me to stop sending these (amongst other ramblings). so now I’m wondering if people actually don’t like getting these and have been too kind to say anything. As this is the main reason I make the cards I have to ask what the heck I’m doing this for. Feeling rather foolish. pea thoughts? That relative is a complete ass. I would NEVER send them a card again. Are they normally like that? I love getting handmade cards. Most people appreciate them, I think. Don't stop because of one person. I send lots of handmade cards. |
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Post by senoritascrapper on Dec 22, 2021 13:28:01 GMT
I’m sorry that happened to you. Don’t let someone else’s unhappiness become yours. The world is so awful right now that too many people don’t act right. Enjoy your crafting and keep spreading kindness!
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Post by Linda on Dec 22, 2021 14:49:38 GMT
((((Hugs))) I would have been hurt and questioning also.
It does sound like the relative in question is the issue - if they are not normally like this and they're on the older side, I would be wondering about whether they were experiencing some age-related dementia. If this is pretty typical from them - I would cross them off my gift list and if anyone asks you why you've stopped sending gifts to 'Aunt Susie" , be honest - she was rude and hateful about the gifts I've sent in the past.
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Post by kmage on Dec 22, 2021 15:19:02 GMT
from one relative telling me to stop sending these I am so sorry that they did this! Not the normal response and clearly they are not in a good place. That said, I do NOT make my sister handmade cards. She truly believes that people who make handmade cards are "cheap and lazy." I have explained that there is a lot of work that goes into a handmade card and the supplies are expensive. She does not care about that. She thinks that it shows the most care to go to Target or the Hallmark store and get an 8.00 or 10.00 card. She does routinely pay for those cards. Ok, fine. That is her belief and I am not going to argue with her. But I won't pay for those cards either, not when I enjoy making cards and have the supplies I have bought. So what does she get? NONE CARD!!!  (((hugs))) Keep crafting! There is always one downer in the bunch. |
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Post by mrssch on Dec 22, 2021 15:24:55 GMT
Sorry this happened.
Some people are just rude and ungracious. A homemade gift is about someone taking time and talent to share a piece of themselves. Their response is not about you or your cards. It’s about them being a jerk.
Don’t let them kill your joy.
Merry Christmas.
btw. I would love to get a card box like that. Feel free to Put me on your list in their place.
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Post by riversong1963 on Dec 22, 2021 15:44:54 GMT
That sounds like a THEM problem and not a YOU problem. If you're in doubt, why not ask your other relatives if they want you to continue sending the cards? They probably love them, but you might need the re-assurance that the cards (and you) are being appreciated. I definitely get that.
There certainly was a nicer way for this person to tell you that he/she didn't want to receive the cards anymore (e.g. "I have so many of your lovely cards already," etc.). I'm not sure what the other "ramblings" were about, but it seems to me that this person is generally unhappy and unpleasant. What that person said was rude, hurtful, unacceptable, and undeserved.
My advice is to not change who YOU are because of other people. Hugs to you.
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Post by joblackford on Dec 22, 2021 17:16:46 GMT
a very toxic note from one relative telling me to stop sending these (amongst other ramblings). I agree with the others - it sounds like this one person is in a bad place, but there's no reason to believe that anyone else is secretly wishing you didn't send them cards. If you want to ask everyone if they still want to receive cards going forward that might ease your concerns, but even if they say no, that doesn't mean they didn't appreciate your kindness. There are definitely people like kmage mentioned who associate homemade things with poverty, cheapness, or laziness. Those people just don't get it. I'm not sure if your relative is like that or if they're just unpleasant or troubled. They certainly sound rude - wow. I would be shocked and deeply hurt to get a note like that in one of my own cards at Christmas  I'm so sorry that happened to you. |
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Ryann
Pearl Clutcher
Love is Inclusive
Posts: 2,635 
Location: PNW
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Post by Ryann on Dec 22, 2021 17:42:07 GMT
Please be kind- this has me questioning whether I should keep crafting or not. in summary: every year I send a gift box of cards I have made to various family members. Have done this for several years. Have only ever had nice responses. Today I get one of my own cards back with a very toxic note from one relative telling me to stop sending these (amongst other ramblings). so now I’m wondering if people actually don’t like getting these and have been too kind to say anything. As this is the main reason I make the cards I have to ask what the heck I’m doing this for. Feeling rather foolish. pea thoughts? Please don't feel foolish and definitely don't stop crafting. Your relative is a complete ass and clearly doesn't deserve the gift of your handmade cards. Please continue to make if they bring you joy - that truly is all that matters. |
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Post by Restless Spirit on Dec 22, 2021 18:49:10 GMT
Some people are bat shit crazy.
Years and years ago, when I was dating my husband, I made a card for his parents. It was on the mantle of their fireplace when I went to visit them. She went on and on and on about how she couldn’t believe that I had made a card. Stupid me thought she was impressed that I made the card. As she rattled on it on it became more apparent that she was shocked that I had enough nerve to send a homemade card. She wanted to know if I made everyone’s card or only theirs. When I told her yes, I always made handmade cards, she made some kind of remark like oh well then I guess it’s OK that we got a homemade card. She just figured that I ran out of cards so I made one for them while everyone else got the nice purchased cards.
I never, ever gave them a homemade anything, ever again. And as you can guess, we did not have a good relationship. And the real kicker? She put that damn card out on the mantle every single year. I really think she did it to embarrass me so she could tell everybody about the stupid homemade card I made. Yes, she was that kind of a person, and she was bat shit crazy.
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Ryann
Pearl Clutcher
Love is Inclusive
Posts: 2,635
Location: PNW
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Post by Ryann on Dec 22, 2021 18:55:34 GMT
Some people are bat shit crazy. Years and years ago, when I was dating my husband, I made a card for his parents. It was on the mantle of their fireplace when I went to visit them. She went on and on and on about how she couldn’t believe that I had made a card. Stupid me thought she was impressed that I made the card. As she rattled on it on it became more apparent that she was shocked that I had enough nerve to send a homemade card. She wanted to know if I made everyone’s card or only theirs. When I told her yes, I always made handmade cards, she made some kind of remark like oh well then I guess it’s OK that we got a homemade card. She just figured that I ran out of cards so I made one for them while everyone else got the nice purchased cards. I never, ever gave them a homemade anything, ever again. And as you can guess, we did not have a good relationship. And the real kicker? She put that damn card out on the mantle every single year. I really think she did it to embarrass me so she could tell everybody about the stupid homemade card I made. Yes, she was that kind of a person, and she was bat shit crazy. What a horrible thing for your MIL to do. I would have swiped the card next time I was over and play dumb as to it's disappearance.  |
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jediannie
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,081
Jun 30, 2014 3:19:06 GMT
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Post by jediannie on Dec 22, 2021 20:26:38 GMT
I'm sorry they were super unkind, they clearly are bitter and angry for some reason and took it out on you which is not cool at all.  |
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msupea
Full Member
Posts: 419
Aug 21, 2020 13:12:25 GMT
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Post by msupea on Dec 22, 2021 20:34:37 GMT
Um, they don't sound like a nice person at all. And they clearly lack manners.
Don't give it a second thought. Other than to cross them off any card/gift list you may have.
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Post by refugeepea on Dec 22, 2021 22:23:53 GMT
I am so sorry that happened to you! When someone shows you who they are, believe them! Please remember it was one person. One less person to craft for and waste time and money on next year. I honestly think the best response is no response in this situation. Send them nothing next year. They sound like someone who is self centered and thrives on drama.
If you love doing this and you have received a good overwhelming response, keep doing what you are doing!
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jediannie
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,081
Jun 30, 2014 3:19:06 GMT
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Post by jediannie on Dec 22, 2021 22:35:20 GMT
I never, ever gave them a homemade anything, ever again. And as you can guess, we did not have a good relationship. And the real kicker? She put that damn card out on the mantle every single year. I really think she did it to embarrass me so she could tell everybody about the stupid homemade card I made. Yes, she was that kind of a person, and she was bat shit crazy. This is just awful. I'm sorry you had to deal with that. |
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Post by infochick on Dec 22, 2021 22:42:44 GMT
Why do people have to be so awful?! As others have said, this relative would definitely be removed from my list of handmade gifts (or gifts altogether).
I have been very lucky with those I give my cards to. In particular, I have one coworker who has saved each of my homemade Christmas cards and she brings them out to display every year with her Christmas decorations. It means the world to me that she appreciates them so much.
More broadly, in defense of homemade cards, the price of store bought cards has skyrocketed...here I could pay anywhere from $6 to $15 for a nice card. I can also make a very nice card from my scrapbooking scraps, or I an make multiples from a single sheet of paper. It's more economical, and is something that I handmade and I feel like that in itself is special.
I love having cards on hand to give, so I wouldn't let it get you down. It does sound like a "them" problem and not a "you" problem.
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gramma
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,109
Location: Sacramento, Ca
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Post by gramma on Dec 22, 2021 23:36:49 GMT
I'd not send her any more. The mean spirited side of me might send an e-mail the rest of your family that included her message to you. I'd say something along the lines of "Sorry if I have annoyed the rest of you with my cards". Then I sit back and wait for the fireworks. I probably wouldn't but I'd want to.
If you're want a "feel good" feeling with your card making think about participating in Cards for Soldiers or Cards for Kindness. Both are great groups!!
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Post by kiwikate on Dec 23, 2021 1:24:44 GMT
Thank you all so much for your kind and wise words, I appreciate every reply! Feeling much better today- moving onwards and upwards! Merry Christmas to all the peas and thank you for this safe and happy place 😌
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ComplicatedLady
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,083
Location: Valley of the Sun
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Post by ComplicatedLady on Dec 23, 2021 4:18:02 GMT
Ugh—I am so self conscious and nervous about giving handmade gifts (even though I love receiving them).
I would be shocked at first.
Then I would think along the lines of your OP—should I continue to gift these? Does everyone think like this?
Then I would listen to the refupeas and other people (like my mom—she’d be all about my hand made gifts).
Then I would cut that person off of the gift list and keep doing my thing for everyone else—although admittedly that person’s comments would stick in my head for a while despite me moving on.
Sometimes people suck. Keep making your art and putting that love and happiness out there in the world. If people can’t smile and appreciate it, that’s on them. You keep doing your thing!
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misosoup82
New Member
Posts: 8
Dec 6, 2021 0:54:59 GMT
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Post by misosoup82 on Dec 23, 2021 13:20:03 GMT
It doesn't sound like it's about the cards at all, there may be some other issues going on? No right minded person would behave like that- even if they didn't appreciate the cards they could just put them aside and not use them? Maybe they're jealous of your talent and thoughtfulness?
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misosoup82
New Member
Posts: 8
Dec 6, 2021 0:54:59 GMT
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Post by misosoup82 on Dec 23, 2021 13:28:55 GMT
Some people are bat shit crazy. Years and years ago, when I was dating my husband, I made a card for his parents. It was on the mantle of their fireplace when I went to visit them. She went on and on and on about how she couldn’t believe that I had made a card. Stupid me thought she was impressed that I made the card. As she rattled on it on it became more apparent that she was shocked that I had enough nerve to send a homemade card. She wanted to know if I made everyone’s card or only theirs. When I told her yes, I always made handmade cards, she made some kind of remark like oh well then I guess it’s OK that we got a homemade card. She just figured that I ran out of cards so I made one for them while everyone else got the nice purchased cards. I never, ever gave them a homemade anything, ever again. And as you can guess, we did not have a good relationship. And the real kicker? She put that damn card out on the mantle every single year. I really think she did it to embarrass me so she could tell everybody about the stupid homemade card I made. Yes, she was that kind of a person, and she was bat shit crazy. I hadn't even considered this! My immediate family knows the ridiculous amount of money I spend on craft supplies and how much time I spend crafting, so they know that every handmade card or crafty item is a labour of love and time, and used a lot of craft supplies to make. My mother always asks if I have cards suitable for birthdays, and has asked me to make some especially, I even make all her Christmas cards (she donates money to an animal charity as a 'fee'). I guess someone who is mean-spirited would interpret it the wrong way, and not see the time and effort it takes to make handmade cards. And it's usually more costly than buying from a shop. |
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Post by jeremysgirl on Dec 23, 2021 13:32:57 GMT
This has got to be the most mean spirited thing I have heard in a very long time. Even if she felt that way, it was way out line to say such a thing. She could have simply thrown the cards away and been done with it.
I admit, it would get me questioning things too. I gifted a crocheted blanket I had made last Christmas to my SIL and she was so ungracious I walked away feeling terrible. I felt so stung by it, I didn't give any gifts away this year at all. So I get that feeling.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Nov 15, 2024 7:26:16 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Dec 23, 2021 14:43:29 GMT
Broken people try to break other people.
Hurt people hurt people.
I'm so sorry this happened to you OP. I'm even more sorry for the sorry person who is so bereft of kindness and civility.
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Post by babylou on Dec 23, 2021 21:25:51 GMT
This has got to be the most mean spirited thing I have heard in a very long time. Even if she felt that way, it was way out line to say such a thing. She could have simply thrown the cards away and been done with it. I admit, it would get me questioning things too. I gifted a crocheted blanket I had made last Christmas to my SIL and she was so ungracious I walked away feeling terrible. I felt so stung by it, I didn't give any gifts away this year at all. So I get that feeling. My SIL isn't very tactful about the handmade things I've given her either. Must be a SIL thing?! Anyway, I asked my husband if I should bother anymore, and he said if it makes me happy to make the stuff, then why not?! And if she doesn't like it, she can give it back, or give it away, or whatever. I guess he's right, although like many of you, it's hard to get past the initial hurt. |
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Post by don on Dec 23, 2021 22:18:25 GMT
Why should I pay $5.95 for a greeting card when I have $1500 worth of supplies and equipment to make my own?
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Post by grammadee on Dec 24, 2021 0:11:43 GMT
Please be kind- this has me questioning whether I should keep crafting or not. in summary: every year I send a gift box of cards I have made to various family members. Have done this for several years. Have only ever had nice responses. Today I get one of my own cards back with a very toxic note from one relative telling me to stop sending these (amongst other ramblings). so now I’m wondering if people actually don’t like getting these and have been too kind to say anything. As this is the main reason I make the cards I have to ask what the heck I’m doing this for. Feeling rather foolish. pea thoughts? That relative is a complete ass. I would NEVER send them a card again. Are they normally like that? ITA. I would not be sending them ANYTHING next year!
People have sometimes gifted me with supplies I don't know how or prefer not to use, but I thank them b/c their gift recognizes that I am into paper crafting, and then quietly pass those supplies on to people who WOULD use them. If someone sent me cards I didn't think I could use, I would probably do the same. But that relative was RUDE.
Keep making your cards. Send them out to people as greetings from you. Donate to a local seniors' home or one of the on line charities that collect cards for soldiers or other people. Just don't send them to THAT person.
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I'm so sorry that happened to you.
