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Post by crazy4scraps on Feb 14, 2022 23:42:55 GMT
To answer both questions, it's a photo shoot for mom and dad planned while all of us are going to be together - large family, and unusual for all of us to be in the same place at the same time. of 4 siblings, 3 agreed to split the sitting fee for the shoot, with the intention being a big photo of the whole group. Then breaking out into smaller groups. (just the grandkids with grandma and grandpa, just the siblings etc) I am adamant that we hand the photographer a shot list and that's that. 1 sibling is saying they won't contribute and the response was then while you'll be asked to be in the big group photo, no shots of your individual family will be taken. Other siblings took offense at this. The statement was made because this person has an issue with the sibling, and wants to make it a big deal, not because they want to die on the hill of denying them family photos. I honestly kind of feel like if you won't chip in toward the sitting fee, then why should you get family photos out of the deal? Yes part of the larger group because that's the point of doing this, but beyond that no. DH disagrees which is why I thought I might take the peas temperature on this. With this added information, I would say fine, the person who doesn’t want to pay a share of the sitting fee shouldn’t get to sit for any individual family photos. They shouldn’t get any prints either, not even any of the large group photos. |
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Post by 950nancy on Feb 14, 2022 23:51:08 GMT
I know this is sacrilegious on this board of former scrappers, but I'd tread carefully on blowing up the family over pictures. I think some people put way, way more importance on them and setup scenarios that are both expensive and frankly uninteresting to other family members. I showed up in the ridiculous shirts bought by someone else with my family, but there was no way in hell I was paying for that boondoggle. In my mind, taking time out of my vacation to indulge them was payment enough, I had zero interest in any of the pictures. Even as a big scrapper, I am not a fan of professional family photos. Not my thing. I have taken them for others, but wouldn't put them up in my house. Just the thought of how much money someone paid for people to go sit in a field dressed up makes me chuckle a bit. I do know lots of other people who love them and have them taken, but the fact that the one I have of my family growing up hangs behind my washing machine pretty much sums up what I'd do with them. I'm all for a good wedding photo or senior photo though. ETA: My feelings on this might be colored due to the fact that I don't have parents to give the photos to, so there's that. |
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Post by epeanymous on Feb 14, 2022 23:55:46 GMT
I am confused, bethany102399 - whose idea was the photo shoot? Who wants it? Is it a gift for mom & dad? I can see not letting the ones who refuse to contribute get individual shots. If they don't like that, they can pay their share. his is what I was going to suggest. Not everyone wants family photos. This way if they cannot afford or don't want to pay for photos of their family they just don't take them. Join the rest of the family in the group photo. To answer both questions, it's a photo shoot for mom and dad planned while all of us are going to be together - large family, and unusual for all of us to be in the same place at the same time. of 4 siblings, 3 agreed to split the sitting fee for the shoot, with the intention being a big photo of the whole group. Then breaking out into smaller groups. (just the grandkids with grandma and grandpa, just the siblings etc) I am adamant that we hand the photographer a shot list and that's that. 1 sibling is saying they won't contribute and the response was then while you'll be asked to be in the big group photo, no shots of your individual family will be taken. Other siblings took offense at this. The statement was made because this person has an issue with the sibling, and wants to make it a big deal, not because they want to die on the hill of denying them family photos. I honestly kind of feel like if you won't chip in toward the sitting fee, then why should you get family photos out of the deal? Yes part of the larger group because that's the point of doing this, but beyond that no. DH disagrees which is why I thought I might take the peas temperature on this. I just am curious about their thought process. Why do they think the other siblings should pay and they shouldn’t? |
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RosieKat
Drama Llama
PeaJect #12
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Post by RosieKat on Feb 15, 2022 0:33:34 GMT
I guess in this situation, assuming it doesn't break the bank for anyone or is otherwise out of the question, I would just suck it up and pay for whatever it took to ensure family peace. There is often a difference between what is truly fair, and what will achieve the best outcome in the situation.
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Post by jemali on Feb 15, 2022 1:18:24 GMT
Ugh I can relate to this DH has three siblings. When Dd got married we had the photographer take a photo of the whole family. His mom was in poor health and we had a feeling this was the last time the whole family would be together.
One sister did not want to be in the picture. We told her we were going to do the picture and to come be in it. At first she refused but finally joined.
She had the grumpiest face ever. Complained that she didn’t get to stand by mom. Um, the bride and groom were by her…. Didn’t want to be in it because she hadn’t dressed very nice. Well, you knew you were going to a wedding, right?
My MIL passed away 2 months later. It has been two years ago and she has not spoken to any of us since.
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Post by ScrapbookMyLife on Feb 15, 2022 1:27:58 GMT
It depends on the circumstance or situation.
If it's something in general, like lunch or dinner out, concert, ball game, craft show, etc...... everyone pays their own way, if it's something they want to do or attend. If someone cannot afford it, then they either decline (or someone offers to treat them).
We've never done a family photo shoot (other than on our own with phones and personal cameras), except at a wedding and those costs are incurred by the wedding couple/Parents(whomever is paying for photographer). If we want our own copies of a photo(s), we pay for the copies we want, through the Bridal couple or the photographer website (based on whatever is agreed to in the Wedding couple's photo contract).
If someone wanted to pay a professional photographer for a Family photo shoot, I would participate in the photos being taken and wouldn't contribute unless I had a say in the photographer that was used.
I hate the photos where the backgrounds are edited and blurred out. I like to see the backgrounds, crisp and clear. So I wouldn't want or purchase any of the photos from a blurred background photography shoot. I would happily participate in the photo shoot to complete >> "the whole Family", but I would decline if it meant contributing financially to end up with final products that I didn't like. I am not going to waste my money on something like that.
If it were a clear background photographer, I would participate and contribute financially.
Nor would I be agreeable to wearing dictated colors, that were outside the realm of my usual attire/colors.
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peabay
Prolific Pea
Posts: 9,940
Jun 25, 2014 19:50:41 GMT
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Post by peabay on Feb 15, 2022 2:36:27 GMT
We hired a photographer once for dh’s family and just paid for it ourselves. He’s one of 6 kids and it just got too complicated. Once everyone saw how nice the pictures were, they offered to write checks and we accepted them.
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Post by peasapie on Feb 15, 2022 2:56:59 GMT
I guess whoever wants to commission a photography session should pay for it.
As far as paying for dinner, we cover for someone who can’t.
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Deleted
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Nov 24, 2024 7:38:31 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Feb 15, 2022 3:20:34 GMT
I could see a situation where I'm happy to sit in a photo that someone else wants but if I don't want any photos myself then I would prefer not to be burdened with the cost.
There's mention that the person who doesn't want to pay will be excluded from getting other photos taken if they don't want to pay. Maybe that's what they actually want...nothing?
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*Marjorie*
Full Member
Posts: 362
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Jun 26, 2014 16:43:45 GMT
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Post by *Marjorie* on Feb 15, 2022 4:40:22 GMT
The person wanting the group photo as a gift for Mom and Dad pays the sitting fee. If I understand correctly, it's their gift to Mom and Dad.
If other family units wants photos of the session they pay for their individual photos.
If I'm misunderstanding the situation ignore what I just posted.
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Post by Skellinton on Feb 15, 2022 5:05:30 GMT
ETA: Was typing and didn’t see your post until now. Can you ask the photographer if they would accept one fee for the group session and what they would charge for each family to have a separate session immediately following? Then you can offer the separate session as an add on for those who want to pay for it. I wouldn’t feel bad if one family member chose not to participate in their own separate family session. This seems reasonable and equitable. Person organizing pays initial sitting fee for the clan, every family that wants separate shoots pays for their own sessions. Anyone who wants photos pays for their own. |
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Post by papercrafteradvocate on Feb 15, 2022 8:09:17 GMT
it's just family photos, there is a meal, but I'm staying out of that one besides being ready to pay for our portion. My original hope was to ask the siblings to split the sitting fee cost, as this is a big family gathering. One sibling can pay, but is refusing to. Other siblings feel like they should be included in the big group shot, but not have individual photos of their family taken. There is bad blood between the 2 sides, and honestly I don't care nor do I want to get involved. I do think that there is some validity in saying if you don't want to pay the sitting fee, then please be a part of the larger group photo and that's it. The others are reacting to the sentiment behind why this request is being made and not as much on the request itself. If there is all this bad blood—-why on earth do you all want a family photo to commemorate it?  |
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Post by papercrafteradvocate on Feb 15, 2022 8:10:35 GMT
ETA: I just read your post w/ the additional info. I think the photography session sounds like it will be a disaster. I would cancel it. unfortunately not an option. They can be civil to each other for one afternoon, I don't care if the rest of the week they spend avoiding each other. Why? |
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kibblesandbits
Pearl Clutcher
At the corner of Awesome and Bombdiggity
Posts: 3,305
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Post by kibblesandbits on Feb 15, 2022 11:34:23 GMT
Sounds like kind of a cluster**.
You didn't say WHO wants the photo session.
When I organize a family photo shoot, I pay the sitting fee. That's it. I set it up - I pay the bill. If anyone wants photos afterwards, they pay for them. That's kind of where all the $$$ add up anyway, not the sitting fee.
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Post by Spongemom Scrappants on Feb 15, 2022 12:19:40 GMT
May I suggest another option not yet mentioned?
Get another family.
Jettison your current family and replace them with mature people who are able to have an open discussion about the photo shoot and come to a mutually agreed upon and reasonable decision.
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Post by melanell on Feb 15, 2022 13:09:25 GMT
Depends on the situation, but by and large, if someone truly cannot cover the costs, then they are covered by the others. If they do not wish to pay, then it depends a bit on the how much, the what, & the why of the situation whether or not others will chip in to cover. In a photo situation, if one individual family wasn't into the idea, then we may ask that they still participate in the group photo, but we wouldn't then pay for them to have individual photos taken. If they don't want to pay for a certain restaurant, the why would matter a bit. Does the restaurant have limited items they can eat? Do they feel it's just more than they wish to pay, even if they can technically afford it? If it was extremely important that we all go to the same place to eat, and it had to be that place, then we might opt to ask that person/persons if they would be willing to come along just for the sake of being together and that we would cover the cost, kwim? Sometimes if you're the person who wants something, then it makes sense that you be the one to pay for it---at least in our family.  |
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Post by katlaw on Feb 15, 2022 15:11:06 GMT
1 sibling is saying they won't contribute and the response was then while you'll be asked to be in the big group photo, no shots of your individual family will be taken. Other siblings took offense at this. The statement was made because this person has an issue with the sibling, and wants to make it a big deal, not because they want to die on the hill of denying them family photos. I honestly kind of feel like if you won't chip in toward the sitting fee, then why should you get family photos out of the deal? Yes part of the larger group because that's the point of doing this, but beyond that no. DH disagrees which is why I thought I might take the peas temperature on this. Family can be so annoying. At this point it seems like there is nothing you yourself can do to make everyone happy. If this were my family I would send out a message saying "I would like a family photo of all of us and one of mom and dad with the grandkids. This is the sitting fee and the cost of those photos. If you want to contribute send me money. If you don't please smile for the camera. If you want photos of your family let me know so they can be added to the shot list and the photographer will let you know the cost to have these printed in the size you want." Then when you get the proofs you can forward the email to the siblings that had family photos and they can pay for the sizes they want printed and pay for them. |
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Post by ~summer~ on Feb 15, 2022 15:29:17 GMT
Whoever came up with the whole idea should pay the sitting fee for the group.
I feel like maybe you should just find a friend who can snap a photo for free though or do self timer.
I can see how - if I had no desire for a photo I wouldn’t want to pay (I would though - just to be easy going but I can see how if there’s bad blood people might not want a photo).
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bethany102399
Pearl Clutcher
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Post by bethany102399 on Feb 15, 2022 15:34:02 GMT
If there's no desire for a photo, that's fine. it's the other family member making the stink that if you don't pay you don't get individual photos of your family that's causing the issues. If there is all this bad blood—-why on earth do you all want a family photo to commemorate it?  Because mom and dad want the photo - with such a large family it's unusual to have all of us together, while there is bad blood, there's (I thought) an unspoken agreement to suck it up to spend this time together (in separate condos). I don't live in the same state as either party in this, so I had no idea how deep the issues were until this photo thing came up. |
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bethany102399
Pearl Clutcher
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Post by bethany102399 on Feb 15, 2022 15:34:31 GMT
Jettison your current family and replace them with mature people who are able to have an open discussion about the photo shoot and come to a mutually agreed upon and reasonable decision. I wish! |
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Post by Spongemom Scrappants on Feb 15, 2022 15:46:49 GMT
We all probably have a family member or two we'd like to jettison. It looks like my comment at least made you smile.
Good luck with your dilemma. I'm not sure there's really any 'winning' on this one, but I hope you can at least work it out to make the photo happen for your parents.
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bethany102399
Pearl Clutcher
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Post by bethany102399 on Feb 15, 2022 16:00:42 GMT
Good luck with your dilemma. I'm not sure there's really any 'winning' on this one, but I hope you can at least work it out to make the photo happen for your parents. thanks, this is so much deeper than "just a photo" I had no idea the landmine I was stepping on until I did it. |
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Post by gar on Feb 15, 2022 16:07:12 GMT
Good luck with your dilemma. I'm not sure there's really any 'winning' on this one, but I hope you can at least work it out to make the photo happen for your parents. thanks, this is so much deeper than "just a photo" I had no idea the landmine I was stepping on until I did it. That's a shame, I'm sure the grandparents would treasure a 'whole group' photo. |
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bethany102399
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,661
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Post by bethany102399 on Feb 15, 2022 16:19:45 GMT
That's a shame, I'm sure the grandparents would treasure a 'whole group' photo. Exactly, which is why I'm still pushing to get this done. |
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keithurbanlovinpea
Pearl Clutcher
Flowing with the go...
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Post by keithurbanlovinpea on Feb 15, 2022 16:54:18 GMT
Was the cost split sprung on the family while on vacation, or before? To me, everything related to vacation costs should be discussed and decided in advance. Even if I can afford it, if you show up to vacation all "Let's take family photos. I arranged for a photographer. Pony up your share." I would say no, even if I had the means, because this is an expense you don't just spring on family
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bethany102399
Pearl Clutcher
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Post by bethany102399 on Feb 15, 2022 17:12:36 GMT
Was the cost split sprung on the family while on vacation, or before? this is an upcoming trip- I totally hear you on springing costs. No way would I be willing to pay in that situation either. |
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Post by Darcy Collins on Feb 15, 2022 18:04:42 GMT
If there's no desire for a photo, that's fine. it's the other family member making the stink that if you don't pay you don't get individual photos of your family that's causing the issues. If there is all this bad blood—-why on earth do you all want a family photo to commemorate it? Because mom and dad want the photo - with such a large family it's unusual to have all of us together, while there is bad blood, there's (I thought) an unspoken agreement to suck it up to spend this time together (in separate condos). I don't live in the same state as either party in this, so I had no idea how deep the issues were until this photo thing came up. Then just pay for the photographer to do the group photo - there's zero need to even do individual pictures. If someone wants family pictures, do them some other time. Or frankly just set up a camera to get a group picture - it's probably going to suck anyway - I mean you have 4 families - it's not high art- just snap a damn picture and be done with the whole thing. |
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Post by katiejane on Feb 15, 2022 18:24:58 GMT
I don't tend to organise stuff until after I have quotes and cleared that a cost in that ballpark would ok.
Would they pay for a single shot? And then if others want the fancy individual photos they can pay for those.
Does it need to be a professional photoshoot? Could you use the timer on phone cameras and then set up a google album and everyone upload shots, or ask someone to take a shot?
If I was asking for photos and wanted them professionally done I would expect to pay for the session and any photos I wanted. Unless it was a gift that everyone agreed to buy.
Family can be tricky.
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Post by ~summer~ on Feb 15, 2022 18:28:30 GMT
Can someone’s girlfriend or boyfriend just take the photo? Invite them to dinner then kindly ask them to take photo Or if you are all on vacation, does someone have a camera with self timer? |
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FurryP
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Post by FurryP on Feb 17, 2022 1:13:28 GMT
But if they actually could afford it but were too cheap to pitch in, I'd have to say sorry, no can do. (like the family member that always orders appetizers, the most expensive entree, bottles of wine or multiple cocktails and wants to split the bill equally) no, not going to cover that person's part. Is your family member my friend? You forgot dessert. And there is always a doggie bag of another full meal of leftovers to take home.  |
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