anaterra
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,134
Location: Texas
Jun 29, 2014 3:04:02 GMT
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Post by anaterra on Mar 13, 2022 0:48:55 GMT
There is a person in my life who I love deeply... they were born female... they have had a mastectomy, hysterectomy and currently on testosterone...
This person used to be my aunt... but isnt my uncle yet/maybe ever... my mom just says her sibling.. that doesn't work for gender specific titles... mainly aunt uncle niece nephew...
I dont want to call them my moms sibling... sorta sounds like i dont love them...
Who are they to me now??? Is there a word...
Im not trying to be disrespectful... and i truly truly hope i am not wording anything wrong....
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Post by voltagain on Mar 13, 2022 0:51:37 GMT
There is a person in my life who I love deeply... they were born female... they have had a mastectomy, hysterectomy and currently on testosterone... This person used to be my aunt... but isnt my uncle yet/maybe ever... my mom just says her sibling.. that doesn't work for gender specific titles... mainly aunt uncle niece nephew... I dont want to call them my moms sibling... sorta sounds like i dont love them... Who are they to me now??? Is there a word... Im not trying to be disrespectful... and i truly truly hope i am not wording anything wrong.... How does this person identify themselves? Based on the surgeries and hormone treatment it sounds to me like they identify as male so would be your uncle even if the transition isn't yet complete. eta: I am going to say if you aren't close enough to ask the person then "mom's sibling" is fine but it honestly sounds to me like you know what the goal is just in denial about it. I don't get why people don't just ask the person they know to be going through a transition. |
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Post by kkrenn on Mar 13, 2022 0:52:44 GMT
I agree with voltagain
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Post by dewryce on Mar 13, 2022 0:53:08 GMT
Could you ask them their preference, are you close enough? Or your mom could ask. Just let them know you love them and support them and you want to make sure that support includes using their proper name, relationship title and pronouns. They might consider themselves your uncle even if they haven’t finished their gender reassignment surgeries.
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Post by myshelly on Mar 13, 2022 0:55:28 GMT
How does the person identify? What pronouns do they use?
If they use he/him, then Uncle.
If they use they/them, my understanding that the gender neutral of niece/nephew is nibling and the gender neutral of aunt/uncle is pibling.
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anaterra
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,134
Location: Texas
Jun 29, 2014 3:04:02 GMT
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Post by anaterra on Mar 13, 2022 1:00:13 GMT
I didn't wanna be that pea... that says asking for a friend... it was a discussion we had a work... where a co-worker has a sibling going thru transition.... this person doesnt have a lot of support...
The family is pretty conservative catholic... so you know how that goes....
Co-worker hasnt asked sibling how they want to be identified from her kids perspective...
I was wondering if there is a specific title... and the peas would know...
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anaterra
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,134
Location: Texas
Jun 29, 2014 3:04:02 GMT
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Post by anaterra on Mar 13, 2022 1:01:38 GMT
They/them is currently... they may or may not fully transition...
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Post by myshelly on Mar 13, 2022 1:02:00 GMT
I didn't wanna be that pea... that says asking for a friend... it was a discussion we had a work... where a co-worker has a sibling going thru transition.... this person doesnt have a lot of support... The family is pretty conservative catholic... so you know how that goes.... Co-worker hasnt asked sibling how they want to be identified from her kids perspective... I was wondering if there is a specific title... and the peas would know... I think the important thing is to respect how they identify. You don’t need a word to tell the whole world “this person is in the process of transitioning, but isn’t complete yet.” The moment a person says he identifies as he/him, you use Uncle. It only becomes an issue if the person identifies as they/them. |
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anaterra
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,134
Location: Texas
Jun 29, 2014 3:04:02 GMT
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Post by anaterra on Mar 13, 2022 1:04:58 GMT
Thanks yall!!
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Post by papercrafteradvocate on Mar 13, 2022 1:09:54 GMT
There is a person in my life who I love deeply... they were born female... they have had a mastectomy, hysterectomy and currently on testosterone... This person used to be my aunt... but isnt my uncle yet/maybe ever... my mom just says her sibling.. that doesn't work for gender specific titles... mainly aunt uncle niece nephew... I dont want to call them my moms sibling... sorta sounds like i dont love them... Who are they to me now??? Is there a word... Im not trying to be disrespectful... and i truly truly hope i am not wording anything wrong.... However THEY chose to be known is the right answer. |
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Ryann
Pearl Clutcher
Love is Inclusive
Posts: 2,643 
Location: PNW
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Post by Ryann on Mar 13, 2022 1:57:41 GMT
There is a person in my life who I love deeply... they were born female... they have had a mastectomy, hysterectomy and currently on testosterone... This person used to be my aunt... but isnt my uncle yet/maybe ever... my mom just says her sibling.. that doesn't work for gender specific titles... mainly aunt uncle niece nephew... I dont want to call them my moms sibling... sorta sounds like i dont love them... Who are they to me now??? Is there a word... Im not trying to be disrespectful... and i truly truly hope i am not wording anything wrong.... However THEY chose to be known is the right answer. 100% this. I’m married to a transgender woman. She is legally a woman and uses she/her pronouns. Her son still calls her “Dad” and that is my wife’s preference for that relationship. There is NOT a “one size fits all” answer to this question. |
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Ryann
Pearl Clutcher
Love is Inclusive
Posts: 2,643
Location: PNW
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Post by Ryann on Mar 13, 2022 2:00:37 GMT
I didn't wanna be that pea... that says asking for a friend... it was a discussion we had a work... where a co-worker has a sibling going thru transition.... this person doesnt have a lot of support... The family is pretty conservative catholic... so you know how that goes.... Co-worker hasnt asked sibling how they want to be identified from her kids perspective... I was wondering if there is a specific title... and the peas would know... I think the important thing is to respect how they identify. You don’t need a word to tell the whole world “this person is in the process of transitioning, but isn’t complete yet.” The moment a person says he identifies as he/him, you use Uncle. It only becomes an issue if the person identifies as they/them. No, you should always ask; never assume a person wants to be called “Uncle”, if they were previously “Aunt”. It’s a personal decision. |
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Post by Delta Dawn on Mar 13, 2022 6:48:54 GMT
I love when people tell me their pronouns up front on an email or a name badge. Then I have it right and or I am happy using they them if that makes everyone happy.
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Post by mikklynn on Mar 13, 2022 12:42:56 GMT
Could you ask them their preference, are you close enough? Or your mom could ask. Just let them know you love them and support them and you want to make sure that support includes using their proper name, relationship title and pronouns. They might consider themselves your uncle even if they haven’t finished their gender reassignment surgeries. That is exactly what I was going to suggest. Thank you for being so loving to your mom's sibling. |
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Post by melanell on Mar 13, 2022 14:33:12 GMT
I would just ask them.  And then use whatever they request, thank them for letting you know, and tell them that if at any time in the future they decide there's a name/title they feel would be even better, to let you know and you'll go with that. |
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And then use whatever they request, thank them for letting you know, and tell them that if at any time in the future they decide there's a name/title they feel would be even better, to let you know and you'll go with that.