huskergal
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Post by huskergal on Mar 25, 2022 13:03:10 GMT
He told me he had a big bag of the candy and home and brought it to school. I said let's check your backpack to see if you have any in there. FWIW, this bugs me. Did you suggest you were going to search his backpack in front of other kids? Did you include this bit of information in your email to the parents? I also have a problem with taking a candy being called stealing.  Take someone's book, phone, etc., sitting on a desk is stealing. A candy? So where do you draw the line of what is acceptable to take without permission. If he took 20 pieces of candy, is that stealing or still a non-issue? My desk is my personal space. What is on there belongs to me. No, I wasn't going to search his backpack. I told him he could show me the candy in the backpack since he offered that information. |
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huskergal
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Post by huskergal on Mar 25, 2022 13:22:03 GMT
I think you are making a bunch of assumptions about the parents that you don't know to be true, but have already decided in your mind how they much they don't care about stealing and lying. Even though you have absolutely no clue what they discussed with their child. If I had been the parent in this situation, I would not have said much more than the childs parent. I don't think its anyone else's business what punishment I give at home. If a teacher wants to designate what the punishment is, then they should have dealt with it at school. I am not making assumptions about the parents. I asked what someone else would do in the situation. I think taking things without permission and lying is a concern. I would want to know if my child did it. Had the boy not offered up that it was his candy, I would have simply made a general statement that if students are going to take candy without permission then I will no longer have it at school. I don't expect the parent to offer up what happened at home. A simple: thanks for letting us know, at least expresses some concern. Parents complain about teachers going outside their bounds. Lying is a parent issue. I think they should know. |
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Post by crazy4scraps on Mar 25, 2022 13:22:13 GMT
As a parent, I too would be more concerned about the lying than the stealing. And yes, it IS stealing even if it’s one Starburst. One thing we have really banged on as parents with our kid is that no matter what a person does that might be wrong, lying will NEVER make the situation better. True, she might get some punishment for doing the wrong thing. But the punishment for lying about it will be exponentially worse. Accidents happen. Mistakes happen. People do dumb things all the time. Lying is always intentional and therein lies the difference with why it is so much worse.
If I got that email, I would have a serious talk with my kid. I would have her hand write a sincere note of apology to the teacher for taking something that didn’t belong to her and especially for lying about it. She would replace what she took and would have to work off the value of the item I had to pay to replace.
I would rather nip a situation in the bud when it’s still a little thing instead of brushing it off until it’s a bigger problem that can’t be dealt with as easily as writing a simple note and doing some extra chores.
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huskergal
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Post by huskergal on Mar 25, 2022 13:29:50 GMT
Speaking as a parent what exactly would you be expecting me to do? If I talk to my kid privately at home you wouldn't know now would you? So I think you are out of line for suggesting the parents didn't talk to their kid. If the parents came off snippy well maybe they were having a bad day already and you just unfortunately got some of it directed your way. Point is you really don't know and are just assuming. Jr. High kids do some dumbass things and hopefully this kid learned a lesson. As his teacher I hope you can move on from this incident as well. I've moved on. But will I trust this kid. It will take awhile to rebuild trust. We work on building relationships with students. Just as with my own children, once they have lied to me, it takes awhile to earn back trust. Trust me, I know that middle school students do dumbass things. Part of my job is to teach them why doing dumbass things is not always a good choice and that they might want to rethink doing it again. |
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Post by papercrafteradvocate on Mar 25, 2022 13:46:36 GMT
Ive read through this a couple of times and if I had received your email, I would have made sure my child apologized and replaced the candy. However, I think this is something that should have had in-school consequences and the email to the parents was probably overkill. It seems like something a teacher should be able to handle on their own. I think parents need to know that he lied. And escalated the lie. I didn't care about the candy. I cared that a child took something from my desk without permission and lied about it. The lie is the issue. Had he owned up to taking it, I would have let the issue go with a chat. He never took responsibility. We do teach responsibility and citizenship at school. I think taking responsibility for actions is a very important lesson. The resolution was this: the student brought me 3 bags of candy. No apology or anything. I said I don't want the candy. He said his dad told him to give it to me. I talked to him about the incident and asked him what he should have done. He said not take the candy. And then I asked him what he should have done after he took the candy. He said he should have owned up to it. Later in the day I got a one line email from mom saying that they sent the student with candy to give to me and wanted to make sure I got it. My thought is that they didn't think stealing and lying is an issue. I am deeply bothered by that. They obviously believe their son wasn’t lying, and/or know he’s lying and are glossing over it. Then sent the candy to appease you. |
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oh yvonne
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Jun 26, 2014 0:45:23 GMT
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Post by oh yvonne on Mar 25, 2022 14:04:30 GMT
I’m the mean mom. I would have bought a replacement bag if candy and made the kid do chores to replace the cost of that candy. And I would have insisted he/she apologize. You don’t know that any of that happened. It’s possible the kid was supposed to apologize but just didn’t. that's true but the point is the way it was conveyed to Husker was the overkill THREE bags of candy. That alone is a big statement in my eyes. |
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oh yvonne
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Post by oh yvonne on Mar 25, 2022 14:06:27 GMT
Honestly, I have a personal policy that food is always meant to be shared. I would have picked the wrapper up, placed it in the trash, and simply reminded the class that trash goes in the trash can. In an age where we know that poverty and food insecurity is a real thing, I would have never put someone on the spot. Part of me still wonders if the kid took the candy... (yes, I read the update.) I also agree, homelife is such a wild card. I saw my uncle put a gun to my Aunt's head, because when he came home from work, to dinner on the table, his children had sauce on their face and that was unacceptable. Seriously, nothing will make this better. Let it go. Please. oh my gosh I hadn't thought of it like this. Food for thought. |
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Post by mom on Mar 25, 2022 14:25:18 GMT
I think you are making a bunch of assumptions about the parents that you don't know to be true, but have already decided in your mind how they much they don't care about stealing and lying. Even though you have absolutely no clue what they discussed with their child. If I had been the parent in this situation, I would not have said much more than the childs parent. I don't think its anyone else's business what punishment I give at home. If a teacher wants to designate what the punishment is, then they should have dealt with it at school. I asked what someone else would do in the situation. I think taking things without permission and lying is a concern. I would want to know if my child did it. Had the boy not offered up that it was his candy, I would have simply made a general statement that if students are going to take candy without permission then I will no longer have it at school. I don't expect the parent to offer up what happened at home. A simple: thanks for letting us know, at least expresses some concern. Parents complain about teachers going outside their bounds. Lying is a parent issue. I think they should know. You literally said: Later in the day I got a one line email from mom saying that they sent the student with candy to give to me and wanted to make sure I got it. My thought is that they didn't think stealing and lying is an issue. I am deeply bothered by that. _______________________ That is making an assumption about the parents. That they dont think stealing and lying is an issue. |
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The Great Carpezio
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Post by The Great Carpezio on Mar 25, 2022 14:33:13 GMT
I would have dealt with it the way I did when my son poked holes into the art room erasers and sorta lied/got defensive in 5th grade and gave the teacher attitude.
We talked about it. I listened to his side and had to work through a few things. Then, he had to give me $12 so I could buy a new pack on Amazon. He had to take it to the teacher and apologize.
I sent her an Email explaining what he was expected to do and let me know if he did not. I also apologized and explained how I dealt with it.
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Post by myshelly on Mar 25, 2022 14:44:44 GMT
My thought is that they didn't think stealing and lying is an issue. I am deeply bothered by that. Later in the thread you say you aren’t making assumptions. This is an assumption. You are also making assumptions on what the 3 bags of candy mean. I don’t really understand why people are thinking the candy is snarky/bad. I would have assumed it was something like the parents saying you need to pay the teacher back with more than what you took, so they either made the kid give you his own candy (he said he had bags at home) or made him pay for it. |
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The Great Carpezio
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Post by The Great Carpezio on Mar 25, 2022 15:19:20 GMT
Also, as a teacher, I would want the student to apologize and the parents to be more forthcoming with communication; however, I would probably take the candy in good faith after talking to the student.
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Post by bc2ca on Mar 25, 2022 21:19:11 GMT
Honestly, I have a personal policy that food is always meant to be shared. I would have picked the wrapper up, placed it in the trash, and simply reminded the class that trash goes in the trash can. In an age where we know that poverty and food insecurity is a real thing, I would have never put someone on the spot. Part of me still wonders if the kid took the candy... (yes, I read the update.) I also agree, homelife is such a wild card. I saw my uncle put a gun to my Aunt's head, because when he came home from work, to dinner on the table, his children had sauce on their face and that was unacceptable. Seriously, nothing will make this better. Let it go. Please.  The wrapper left behind was the most interesting part of this whole story IMHO. That and the kid self identifying as the owner of the wrapper. Was he trying to get your attention for some reason? Looking for help and it spectacularly backfired? You truly never know what is going on at home. Words like stealing & lying are far too loaded for this situation, and make it harder to achieve what I would think is the goal - to reinforce good citizenship, as opposed to just exerting power & control over another person. Wise words in your post.  So where do you draw the line of what is acceptable to take without permission. If he took 20 pieces of candy, is that stealing or still a non-issue? My desk is my personal space. What is on there belongs to me. No, I wasn't going to search his backpack. I told him he could show me the candy in the backpack since he offered that information. A candy and a bag of candy are two very different things IMHO. Obviously, yours and others vary on where their line in the sand rests. If I got that email, I would have a serious talk with my kid. I would have her hand write a sincere note of apology to the teacher for taking something that didn’t belong to her and especially for lying about it. She would replace what she took and would have to work off the value of the item I had to pay to replace. Just for the record, you can't make a kid write a sincere apology. You can order them to right an apology and at best hope that it is sincere, but I sincerely doubt it would be. At this point the kid is probably bewildered as to how we got to this point and at worst resenting the adults in their life for over reacting. Also, what the heck is the going rate for a piece of candy? Three dishes washed and dried?  |
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J u l e e
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Jun 28, 2014 2:50:47 GMT
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Post by J u l e e on Mar 25, 2022 23:14:27 GMT
I  You really wouldn’t do that, would you??! (I don’t know what happened to the quote about not getting dessert while the rest of the family ate his favorite.) |
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Post by mollycoddle on Mar 25, 2022 23:20:36 GMT
I would have dealt with it the way I did when my son poked holes into the art room erasers and sorta lied/got defensive in 5th grade and gave the teacher attitude. We talked about it. I listened to his side and had to work through a few things. Then, he had to give me $12 so I could buy a new pack on Amazon. He had to take it to the teacher and apologize. I sent her an Email explaining what he was expected to do and let me know if he did not. I also apologized and explained how I dealt with it. Well done, you. 👍🏻 |
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Post by mollycoddle on Mar 25, 2022 23:29:29 GMT
Honestly, I have a personal policy that food is always meant to be shared. I would have picked the wrapper up, placed it in the trash, and simply reminded the class that trash goes in the trash can. In an age where we know that poverty and food insecurity is a real thing, I would have never put someone on the spot. Part of me still wonders if the kid took the candy... (yes, I read the update.) I also agree, homelife is such a wild card. I saw my uncle put a gun to my Aunt's head, because when he came home from work, to dinner on the table, his children had sauce on their face and that was unacceptable. Seriously, nothing will make this better. Let it go. Please. The wrapper left behind was the most interesting part of this whole story IMHO. That and the kid self identifying as the owner of the wrapper. Was he trying to get your attention for some reason? Looking for help and it spectacularly backfired? You truly never know what is going on at home. Words like stealing & lying are far too loaded for this situation, and make it harder to achieve what I would think is the goal - to reinforce good citizenship, as opposed to just exerting power & control over another person. Wise words in your post. So where do you draw the line of what is acceptable to take without permission. If he took 20 pieces of candy, is that stealing or still a non-issue? My desk is my personal space. What is on there belongs to me. No, I wasn't going to search his backpack. I told him he could show me the candy in the backpack since he offered that information. A candy and a bag of candy are two very different things IMHO. Obviously, yours and others vary on where their line in the sand rests. If I got that email, I would have a serious talk with my kid. I would have her hand write a sincere note of apology to the teacher for taking something that didn’t belong to her and especially for lying about it. She would replace what she took and would have to work off the value of the item I had to pay to replace. Just for the record, you can't make a kid write a sincere apology. You can order them to right an apology and at best hope that it is sincere, but I sincerely doubt it would be. At this point the kid is probably bewildered as to how we got to this point and at worst resenting the adults in their life for over reacting. Also, what the heck is the going rate for a piece of candy? Three dishes washed and dried? But the point isn’t one piece of candy. By now, at that age, the kids know the rules. I don’t know any teachers who allow kids to help themselves to candy. He helped himself, didn’t bother to put the wrapper in the trash, then lied about it. He was probably showing off. But in a school, you have to be careful about letting kids help themselves to anything, because it almost always escalates. I hide my small treasures for the kids-the putty, the molding sand, the candy, etc. And I hide it for a good reason. |
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ellen
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Post by ellen on Mar 25, 2022 23:39:47 GMT
My school kids are not allowed to touch anything on my desk - ever. If you want to use my stapler, you ask. If you need a piece of tape, you ask. If I have something on my desk that you think you'd like to have, leave it alone. My desk is my personal area in my classroom. I totally get your annoyance and I'd take the three overkill bags of candy.
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Deleted
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Nov 23, 2024 14:27:21 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Mar 26, 2022 0:07:57 GMT
I am a middle school teacher. I had some candy sitting on my desk. I went to the restroom between classes. I got back after my next students were already in the room. Next to my desk was an empty candy wrapper. I made the comment: if you are going to take candy off my desk and eat it, at least get the wrapper in the trash. One young man immediately spoke up and said it was his wrapper, but he had brought the candy from home and just didn't get the wrapper in the trash. He proceeded to try and get a girl to back up his story that it came from his backpack. She declined. He told me he had a big bag of the candy and home and brought it to school. I said let's check your backpack to see if you have any in there. He immediately said that he had only brought 2 to school. He ate one in home room and one in my class. Later the girl told me that she saw him take the candy and put another in his pocket. The candy isn't the important issue. I emailed his parents and let them know that he had taken candy and then lied about it. I didn't use the words. I just reported the incident in the same manner as I did here. As a parent, what would your response be? Is this some kind of social experiment? |
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luckyjune
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Post by luckyjune on Mar 26, 2022 0:14:39 GMT
I taught for 31 years, all in middle school. It was only in the last five years I felt I had to lock my purse in a cabinet. Things have changed. I don't think I ever had anything taken, unless you count kids not returning borrowed pencils, which I don't.
That said, I stopped involving parents in situations like the one you shared. 9/10 either it didn't achieve the desired result or involving the parent caused me more stress or both. I even had a parent once tell me, "Look, he's YOUR problem during the school day. You deal with it." That pretty much sealed the deal.
So, little stuff in the classroom? I dealt with it myself. At least I knew something was being done to confront the issue, unlike if I sent a kid to the office or called home. I handled first-step cheating in class (and let admin know I'd dealt with it, incase it happened again). Certain things went right to admin, but for the most part, I was like a parent in my classroom and dealt with most things that happened.
So my advice is to deal with it yourself. And yes, it takes time for conversations about how the kid is going to make it right and what will happen next time, should they choose to pull that shenanigan again.
Oh, and if it was my kid who had taken the candy, I'd apologize to you, my kid would apologize to you (both verbally and with a letter). We'd go to the store with his money and buy you several candy bars and he'd be asking you what chore he could help out with during his lunch/recess that day. And I'd be calling you to make sure all those things happened.
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luckyjune
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Post by luckyjune on Mar 26, 2022 0:16:39 GMT
Speaking as a parent what exactly would you be expecting me to do? If I talk to my kid privately at home you wouldn't know now would you? So I think you are out of line for suggesting the parents didn't talk to their kid. If the parents came off snippy well maybe they were having a bad day already and you just unfortunately got some of it directed your way. Point is you really don't know and are just assuming. Jr. High kids do some dumbass things and hopefully this kid learned a lesson. As his teacher I hope you can move on from this incident as well. Illustrates my point beautifully. |
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Post by hop2 on Mar 26, 2022 12:44:30 GMT
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artbabe
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Post by artbabe on Mar 26, 2022 15:12:04 GMT
I also have a problem with taking a candy being called stealing. Take someone's book, phone, etc., sitting on a desk is stealing. A candy? That statement blows my mind. For goodness sake, yes, that is definitely stealing. IF you take something that is not yours, it is stealing. It is crazy to me that you don't think taking something without permission isn't stealing, just because it has a low money value. Of course it is stealing. I've been a middle school art teacher for 28 years. I have a lot of stuff in my room that kids would want to steal. If is fairly rare for something to be stolen. It happens but it isn't on my radar most of the time. Yes, a lot of kids have poor impulse control, but most have a moral compass. To say they couldn't help themselves is making excuses for them. I'm pretty familiar (28 years!) of the strengths and weaknesses of kids and I've taken a lot of classes on how adolescent brains work and learn. If a kid at that age doesn't know that stealing is wrong then there are other issues going on there. I teach kids with 50 IQs that understand that taking a piece of candy without asking is wrong. I wouldn't have handled it the same way this teacher did but I understand it. The student would definitely been talked to and sent to the office. Would I have emailed the parents? Probably not. Not because they shouldn't know that their kid steals and lies, but because I've had too many parents go on the attack and I don't need that in my life. I roll over way too easily just because I don't want the blowback. Words like stealing & lying are far too loaded for this situation, and make it harder to achieve what I would think is the goal - to reinforce good citizenship, as opposed to just exerting power & control over another person. I appreciate the emphasis on changing behavior and promoting good citizenship. That is a good way to look at it. The correct words for the situation, however, are stealing and lying. No matter how you candy coat it, that is what it is. |
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paigepea
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Jun 26, 2014 4:28:55 GMT
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Post by paigepea on Mar 26, 2022 15:34:46 GMT
As a parent I would have had my child apologize the next day. I would have responded ‘thank you’ to the teacher.
As a middle school teacher I would have handled it in my classroom without involving the parents.
When dd was in elementary I got a call from the VP because an email was sent from DD’s email account in the library, during class time, to a boy in the class. When the VP asked dd about it she said she didn’t do it. BUT, the VP told me, the email is time stamped so dd couldn’t deny it.
Dd had a miserable evening at home crying and saying she didn’t do it. A discussion with dd led us to understand that she didn’t log out of her library computer when she went back to class. Another simple discussion with the classroom teacher made it clear that dd was in class at the time the email was sent.
I remember saying to dh - why are we dealing with this. It feels like running in the halls. Can’t they deal with this at school and figure it out on their own. I was so annoyed.
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Post by 950nancy on Mar 26, 2022 16:09:25 GMT
My school kids are not allowed to touch anything on my desk - ever. If you want to use my stapler, you ask. If you need a piece of tape, you ask. If I have something on my desk that you think you'd like to have, leave it alone. My desk is my personal area in my classroom. I totally get your annoyance and I'd take the three overkill bags of candy. My desk was like this too. I had a different area in the classroom that had everything they might need to borrow in another area. The stuff on my desk was mine (all purchased by me) and my stapler, pens, and office supplies were of a much better quality than the ones I let my kids use. When you work around kids, you have to be more thoughtful than in many (not all) office situations. Kids learn the rules on the first days of class. A kid that took candy and left the wrapper was being an AH. I'd take one of the bags of candy for my secret stash and save the other two for the class. I'd also be really tempted to thank the kid every time I passed out the candy. I wouldn't do it, but I'd be tempted. |
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Post by epeanymous on Mar 26, 2022 16:47:39 GMT
Probably eight or nine years ago, my oldest was in middle school. I got an email from a teacher that my kid had failed to turn in a major assignment and then lied to him about it. My kid swore up and down they'd turned the assignment in. I let the teacher know that, and then he got much more upset about the lying. I had my kid apologize, and redo the assignment. He was really mad at my kid and they could feel that every time they went to class. The teacher wasn't trusting them, and it was really uncomfortable.
Maybe a month later, the teacher found the assignment. I guess it had fallen behind a file cabinet or something like that.
The whole experience was . . . not great. I think it can be really difficult to navigate a situation where the teacher is certain your kid did a wrong thing, and your kid is adamant that they did not. One of those two people is going to end up feeling disrespected no matter what you do, and, often, you have to muddle through as best you can.
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Post by hop2 on Mar 26, 2022 17:33:05 GMT
Probably eight or nine years ago, my oldest was in middle school. I got an email from a teacher that my kid had failed to turn in a major assignment and then lied to him about it. My kid swore up and down they'd turned the assignment in. I let the teacher know that, and then he got much more upset about the lying. I had my kid apologize, and redo the assignment. He was really mad at my kid and they could feel that every time they went to class. The teacher wasn't trusting them, and it was really uncomfortable. Maybe a month later, the teacher found the assignment. I guess it had fallen behind a file cabinet or something like that. The whole experience was . . . not great. I think it can be really difficult to navigate a situation where the teacher is certain your kid did a wrong thing, and your kid is adamant that they did not. One of those two people is going to end up feeling disrespected no matter what you do, and, often, you have to muddle through as best you can. Something similar happened to my son. There was a teacher in 7th grade who’s opening statement on back to school night contained the best that she has never lost an assignment blah blah blah… 1/2 way thru the year the teacher gave my son a zero, he went to ask her why she said she didn’t have his work. He told her he turned it in and described what was on the cover. She told him that she has never lost Antibes work in 20 years. He asked her to please look. The teacher, instead of accusing my son of lying, or even contacting me at all, went to look for the assignment and did find it and did apologize to my son and did grade his assignment and enter his grade. And I only know about this because when I was at school for a Girl Scout thing the teacher came over to tell me the whole story and how calm & polite my son was when he asked her to look and had described the cover. So now she doesn’t say she’s never lost Antibes work at back to school night anymore. 😃 |
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Post by FuzzyMutt on Mar 26, 2022 19:27:19 GMT
I also want to weigh in about the 3 bags of candy... I am a parent, but not a teacher. I work with other adults though, sharing things.... If I got your email and was so moved to "replace the candy" I would have not purchased a bag and sent a single piece. Or even a bag, knowing that you are providing treats to a whole class. Last week, CVS had a buy one get one for a dollar on bags of candy. I would have likely purchased four- one for home (given the kid says he had bags of candy at home- I don't just assume kids are lying) and given three to you to share with your class. There would have been no malice or passive aggro intent, I would simply want the sweets out of the house where I couldn't eat them! Also, my daughter was a model citizen in school, and in life so far lol But my son had his moments. Never anything awful, but he wasn't perfect. In middle school, he and his friend got suspended from the bus for a week. Whether the suspension was warranted or not, I'll let the principal decide. My response was an in person apology from me, my son offered an apology (unprompted) and quite sincere before I arrived. One irritating thing about my son is he'd rather be tortured than offer an apology that he doesn't mean. Hard heads make for a soft ss... Anyway, I didn't ground him. I didn't yell at him and take away all his things. I didn't serve desserts to people that he wasn't allowed to have (dessert is a rarity in our house anyway...) Nope. I hit him where it hurt!! The other kid had an older sister that neither boy liked. Even though the other kids mom had already said she'd have her daughter drive them to and from school, I upped it quite a bit. I PAID her to do it. I also paid her to run errands for me after school all week that week that the boys had to go around with her to do. And, I made my son hand her the money, every day. It's interesting that the amount she got every day was equal to the monthly x-box subscription he wanted. That was the last time my son got in trouble at school  Best money ever spent!! |
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Post by ExpatBackHome on Mar 26, 2022 19:50:07 GMT
Letter of apology from my child, a bag of candy sent in that my child would pay for plus loss of electronics for a period of time. For me, the stealing is bad and the lying made it worse.
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Post by voltagain on Mar 26, 2022 20:19:53 GMT
Ive read through this a couple of times and if I had received your email, I would have made sure my child apologized and replaced the candy. However, I think this is something that should have had in-school consequences and the email to the parents was probably overkill. It seems like something a teacher should be able to handle on their own. I think parents need to know that he lied. And escalated the lie. I didn't care about the candy. I cared that a child took something from my desk without permission and lied about it. The lie is the issue. Had he owned up to taking it, I would have let the issue go with a chat. He never took responsibility. We do teach responsibility and citizenship at school. I think taking responsibility for actions is a very important lesson. The resolution was this: the student brought me 3 bags of candy. No apology or anything. I said I don't want the candy. He said his dad told him to give it to me. I talked to him about the incident and asked him what he should have done. He said not take the candy. And then I asked him what he should have done after he took the candy. He said he should have owned up to it. Later in the day I got a one line email from mom saying that they sent the student with candy to give to me and wanted to make sure I got it. My thought is that they didn't think stealing and lying is an issue. I am deeply bothered by that.
I would have been the parent that replied with a simple "thank you for letting me know" I never felt the teacher was owed a more detailed explanation of what we talked about at home and what if any punishment was given. Your thoughts are extremely judgmental and completely without a bias. 6th graders often do things against parental values. The child has a dignity that should not have been pushed so far publicly in your classroom and I certainly am not going to provide you any information to be used against him should there be other issues because you don't seem to know when to stop calling out a child in public for shaming. |
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huskergal
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Post by huskergal on Mar 26, 2022 21:43:55 GMT
I think parents need to know that he lied. And escalated the lie. I didn't care about the candy. I cared that a child took something from my desk without permission and lied about it. The lie is the issue. Had he owned up to taking it, I would have let the issue go with a chat. He never took responsibility. We do teach responsibility and citizenship at school. I think taking responsibility for actions is a very important lesson. The resolution was this: the student brought me 3 bags of candy. No apology or anything. I said I don't want the candy. He said his dad told him to give it to me. I talked to him about the incident and asked him what he should have done. He said not take the candy. And then I asked him what he should have done after he took the candy. He said he should have owned up to it. Later in the day I got a one line email from mom saying that they sent the student with candy to give to me and wanted to make sure I got it. My thought is that they didn't think stealing and lying is an issue. I am deeply bothered by that.
I would have been the parent that replied with a simple "thank you for letting me know" I never felt the teacher was owed a more detailed explanation of what we talked about at home and what if any punishment was given. Your thoughts are extremely judgmental and completely without a bias. 6th graders often do things against parental values. The child has a dignity that should not have been pushed so far publicly in your classroom and I certainly am not going to provide you any information to be used against him should there be other issues because you don't seem to know when to stop calling out a child in public for shaming. Wow! There was no public shaming. If you weren't a witness to the incident, you are being very judgmental and drawing conclusions. |
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Post by myshelly on Mar 27, 2022 1:05:12 GMT
I would have been the parent that replied with a simple "thank you for letting me know" I never felt the teacher was owed a more detailed explanation of what we talked about at home and what if any punishment was given. Your thoughts are extremely judgmental and completely without a bias. 6th graders often do things against parental values. The child has a dignity that should not have been pushed so far publicly in your classroom and I certainly am not going to provide you any information to be used against him should there be other issues because you don't seem to know when to stop calling out a child in public for shaming. Wow! There was no public shaming. If you weren't a witness to the incident, you are being very judgmental and drawing conclusions. I feel like you must have some pretty unique definitions of things. You said you aren’t assuming anything, but multiple peas have shown you exactly what assumptions you’re making. And you haven’t responded to any of them. Clearly we have a different definition of “assume.” Now you don’t see how what you described in your own words in the OP could be perceived as public shaming? |
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The wrapper left behind was the most interesting part of this whole story IMHO. That and the kid self identifying as the owner of the wrapper. Was he trying to get your attention for some reason? Looking for help and it spectacularly backfired? You truly never know what is going on at home. 
You really wouldn’t do that, would you??!
Best money ever spent!!
