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Post by freecharlie on Apr 23, 2022 21:49:46 GMT
Both myvparents and my inlaws went to 90% of my kids' sports and activities and they were in a lot.
I know it was important to my kids and I think it helped build the close relationships they have with their grandparents.
My parents did kot go to KY niece and nephew's stuff as they were an hour or so away and my brother didn't always invite them. My kids just kind of expected it.
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Post by grammadee on Apr 23, 2022 22:08:31 GMT
If you want to be there, go. If not, choose some special events or tournaments you can attend and it will be really special. My MIL went to every local hockey game and every away game she could snag a ride to. They remember. But my FIL only went to important tournaments. They don't hold that against him.
I don't live near my kids' families, so attending every game is not possible. When I am in their community I go to as many of their as I can while I am there. If they lived nearby I can see myself being willingly drafted as driver to get the different kids the different places they need to go. Some of the fun is spending time with and supporting the kid. Some of it is getting to know the other parents and grandparents.
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Post by littlemama on Apr 23, 2022 22:39:12 GMT
Attending a few games a year would likely mean a lot to the child. You dont need to go to all of them though
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Post by beaglemom on Apr 23, 2022 22:45:24 GMT
My parents have come when they can, but they both still work, so I don't expect them to come. My inlaws rarely show up for our kids (they live 15 minutes from us). However they are happy to fly out of state or drive 10+ hours to watch their favorite daughter's children do sports.
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Post by crazy4scraps on Apr 23, 2022 22:56:16 GMT
My last grandparent passed away before I hit high school and prior to that she wasn’t local and didn’t drive so she never attended anything. No big deal. My own mom didn’t go to my meets. It made me too nervous for her to watch so she stayed home and I was totally fine with that.
My DD has no living grandparents so it’s a nonissue here. We go to all of her school events but there aren’t too many because art and music are her things.
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Post by 950nancy on Apr 23, 2022 23:04:40 GMT
I'd say it entirely depends on what the kids want. If they want you there, try to go to some of them. I spent 7 days a week at multiple sporting events for my kids. Didn't enjoy it, but it was what they loved and they learned a lot about life during the time they were on dozens of sports teams. When they have kids, I'll go to their sports because I remember how much my kids loved that their parents attended theirs. I'd go to one game a week for each kid if that was possible.
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Post by Merge on Apr 24, 2022 0:05:01 GMT
Not obligated. Go to a few each season maybe, but as others have said, you’ve done your time.
We’ve been attending younger DD’s performances since 6th grade, and I admit to being a little put out that she attends college right here in our city, because she expects us to keep coming to every performance. 😂 No way would I expect MIL to do that if she lived close. It’s a lot!
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Post by chaosisapony on Apr 24, 2022 0:15:00 GMT
This topic causes major drama in my family every year.
To try to be brief: My mom married a man five years ago with an adult daughter. She has a few kids, one of which is in all kinds of sports. Prior to my mom and him dating he was extremely involved with the kids. They had sleepovers at Grandpa's house all the time, he went to almost of all the games, etc. Right around the same time he moved in with my mom the adult daughter moved a couple of hours away. He doesn't see the kids nearly as much because of the distance and the fact that they are older now and want to spend time with their friends not with Grandpa. But it never fails, every single year he gets a phone call where he is screamed at for being uninvolved and uninterested in his grandkids. The fact that he and my mom don't travel 2 hours to see this kid's games all the time apparently makes him the worst parent/grandparent in the entire world.
So now, in an attempt to appease his adult daughter they go to a few games each season. From what I understand it's not a very fun way to spend the day. They drive for 2 hours, the kid often is just on the bench, his adult daughter is always angry with him so she won't talk to them while they are there, but then somehow he is expected to take the entire family out to lunch and pay for it, then he drives two hours back home. I do not understand this whole situation.
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paigepea
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Post by paigepea on Apr 24, 2022 0:25:27 GMT
My mom attends as much dance that my girls do as she can. She wouldn’t move a card game or a lunch to attend a dance competition unless I specifically asked her to. She comes to all important dance shows unless she has a major conflict.
My dad comes to all dance shows unless there is a major conflict. He isn’t interested in the competitions unless he is bored.
My ILs come to the dance shows. My MIL occasionally comes to a competition but not regularly.
Competitions are 3-4 times a year. Shows are 3 times a year.
A weekly game? No, my parents would pick and choose.
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Post by scrappinmom3 on Apr 24, 2022 3:17:47 GMT
My parents rarely went to my games (tennis and later color guard). I think it was hard because the high school stuff was too early for them to get off of work. I don’t remember being mad about it. Grandparents lived out of town. My dh and I were at 99% of our 3 kids multiple sports, even into college for our one ds. They only had my dh’s parents and they made it to a couple of things. Our oldest granddaughter is 3, The other is 2, and one dgs is coming soon, and we will be there as much as we can when they are old enough.
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pilcas
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Post by pilcas on Apr 24, 2022 4:05:38 GMT
I would go to some, not all. Honestly I think it would be unreasonable to expect grandparents to go to all. I remember when my kids were in sports the whole weekend was shot. There were days when it was freezing or raining. Not to mention the grandparents may have things to do during the weekend.
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Post by AussieMeg on Apr 24, 2022 4:17:43 GMT
Depending on how far away I lived, I would make an effort to go one or two games per month. I certainly wouldn't feel obligated to go to every match.
My son and his cousin are one year apart in age, so they never played in the same football or cricket team. My in-laws alternated who they went to see. One week they would go to watch my son, the next week they would go to watch my nephew. Once in a blue moon they boys played at the same ground one after the other, so they would stay and watch both games.
My in-laws went to the boys' football every week during winter. My FIL also went to the boys' cricket matches every week during summer. MIL never went to the cricket.
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Post by LavenderLayoutLady on Apr 24, 2022 11:56:29 GMT
I'm not a grandparent, but no, I don't think grands have an obligation to show up at grandkids' sports/extracurricular stuff.
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anaterra
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Post by anaterra on Apr 24, 2022 12:26:46 GMT
We have 6 grandchildren.. i work 4 days on 4 days off 12 hr shifts... when we work we dont go to anything... but when we are off... we try to go see them in different activities.. we went to all Christmas programs pre covid... we haven't gone since... we go to a couple of baseball n basketball games for our grandsons... we have gone to dance recitals for 1 granddaughter who does dance...
My bffs kids are into theater... i go and see each production they are in... they live 3 hrs away.... but i love them and enjoy watching them..
I dont feel obligated to go to everything... i go to what i want...
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Post by compeateropeator on Apr 24, 2022 12:32:13 GMT
I am not a grandparent but the Aunt. I do try to go to as many games as I can, however my brother lives about an hour away so nothing is local to me except for any away games that may be in my area. My parents are an hour away over a mountain but try to see at least a couple of games of some sort. His other set of grandparents are local and also will go to a home game here or there. There are plenty of ways that you can bond with the grandkids and interact with them other than attending sports events. If you are a big sports fan that is great, other than that I think a few games here and there are fine.
The problem is when they start playing school sports. When they are younger and it is recreational, the games are on the weekend and it is easier to attend. Now that some of his sports is school related, the games are after school and I work 2nd shift so I am not able to see many of those. He is still doing spring and fall recreational soccer so I can still catch a bunch of those games.
My nephew has also started to do track this year in addition to soccer and basketball. I went to my first track meet Wednesday. It was 4 hours of freezing weather to see a combined total of about 15 minutes of actual watching. Not a big fan of meets and will not make an effort to travel far for those. 😆. I will stick with attending the soccer games, which I enjoy. 😄
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Post by mikklynn on Apr 24, 2022 12:41:55 GMT
My parents lived locally when my kids were young. They came to some games and some concerts, but not all.
I think you should go to some of the games and feel no guilt about missing some of them.
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Post by iamkristinl16 on Apr 24, 2022 13:21:08 GMT
I have four boys that all play sports. They don’t have grandparents that live close by so it isn’t an option for them to attend a lot of games. My mom and stepdad try to come up once a season to see them do their sports but my stepmom has only come once (she married my dad when I was 5 so we are close). DH’s mom lives in NYC and it was like pulling teeth to get her to go to DS’s game when she visited last.
I see some grandparents that go to a lot of games, but they seem to really enjoy them. They talk to other parents and are really supportive of the team. Other grandparents come once in awhile. I don’t think there is any obligation, but I do think that if a grandparent is able they should attend sometimes. I hope that my kids live close enough that we can go to grandkids games frequently, but time will tell.
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kibblesandbits
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Post by kibblesandbits on Apr 24, 2022 14:12:04 GMT
I try to get to a couple games each season for each grandkid. It's fun. However. I've had my "sidelines" days, and I don't feel that I need to re-start. I get to have a life now, and indulge my interests, play with my own friends, and explore life. All things I put kind of on hold when raising my own kids as a SAHM.
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J u l e e
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Post by J u l e e on Apr 24, 2022 14:35:03 GMT
Every single answer here depends on lots of factors. How many grandchildren do you have? How many sports are they in? Where do you live? Do you still work? What activities do you have in your own life?
A grandparent showing up to 100% of every grandchild’s sporting events could mean they are very supportive and involved or it could mean they are lonely and have no life of their own.
A grandparent never showing up for any could mean they still work full time, live a distance away, have twelve grandchildren who each play three sports or they are hateful shrews who don’t want relationships with them.
And lots of room between the extremes.
‘You do you’ is perfectly understandable here.
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luckyjune
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Post by luckyjune on Apr 24, 2022 15:06:23 GMT
I always shared sports/theater/music schedule with the grands, with absolutely no expectation for their attendance. They attended a few games per season. They attended most concerts and always a performance of the musicals the kids were in. The kids were always thrilled to have them there and will remember their attendance, but will it be a matter of "Grandma and Grandpa went to EVERYTHING"? I didn't expect it and neither did the kids.
No grandkids here, but if/when, I see myself attending some events, but probably not all.
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Post by fotos4u2 on Apr 25, 2022 15:42:22 GMT
No grandkids yet, but I'm pretty sure I'll be the grandparent that will be at most (if not all) games because I enjoy it. I actually already miss going to games and it's only been 5 months since youngest decided she was done playing on her college team.
My mom went to most games for all three of my kids and her husband (they've been together since I was in high school) attended about half of those. My dad and stepmom however only went to maybe 3-4 games total over 15+ years--they didn't even come to games that were held in their hometown 15 min from their house. And then they wonder why they have no relationship with my kids.
My EX's dad didn't live local and the kids barely knew him before he died, but his mom went to quite a few local baseball/softball games before she got too sick to travel. She didn't go to their other sports though which didn't bother my kids. While they weren't quite as close with her as my mom it had more to do with her personality than her involvement.
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Post by melanieg on Apr 25, 2022 15:47:58 GMT
Im coming at this as an Auntie. When my niece and nephew lived here, I supported them in their sports, arts, I went to the concerts, Kinder and gr 5 grads, etc. I didnt feel obligated, I did it bc I wanted to. I didnt feel guilty if I couldnt make one due to work or a prior commitment. They now live in the same town as my parents. My mom and dad support them when they can.
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The Great Carpezio
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Post by The Great Carpezio on Apr 25, 2022 18:42:51 GMT
When my dad was alive, my mom and dad went to one or two games a year for my son(s) in hockey/lacrosse. They went to two out of three plays my son was in and went to a handful of other events (student of the month type things). My mom, on her own, doesn't attend much. She does not enjoy the sporting events. If I pushed her, she would go to one a year (she did last year but not this year for hockey). I am going to try and get her to go to a lacrosse game as my son's JV games are only an hour.
And that is the main reason, my mom has some medical issues and doesn't have much stamina (and my dad was on O2 when he was alive), so it wasn't/isn't really easy, so I did/do not push it.
My FIL hasn't been to anything (he doesn't leave the house much and is disabled) and my MIL has gone to a couple games when we had tournaments in her area (2 hours away), but it has been at least four years since that time.
As a parent of middle schoolers (rising 9th graders), I try to go to most games. Hockey has been travel hockey, and I go to about 80-90% of his games and scrimmages---about 40 a year with some stay overnight weekends (and I take him to 95% of his practices 3-5 times a week). I support him and find enjoyment in it, but he is a goalie and it is very stressful for me to watch, so I do bow out a few times a year---whether he likes it or not. Self-preservation.
Lacrosse is less stressful for me to watch as he isn't a goalie. It is still a large commitment. I am going to all the home games. I may miss a couple of away games as I have a DH that travels and another child and a FT job. (This is high school JV, so there are team busses going; I don't have to take him like travel hockey)
To sum up, I don't think grandparents need to be at all, but they should try to make an effort to go to a few; I don't think a parent even needs to go to all the games, but they should try to get to the majority (my mom only went to a couple of my brother's games growing up, even as a parent, and I think that is kinda crappy---and we have a couple of parents in hockey that rarely or never show up---95% of them come to most though).
I am sure it is nice for those who have g-parents at everything, but I really think that just showing interest enough to make it to a handful and/or occasional special events (a performance, an honor ceremony, etc...) is all that is expected.
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The Great Carpezio
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Post by The Great Carpezio on Apr 25, 2022 18:57:02 GMT
Every event? As a parent with 2 in sports & music, I encourage my parents (the local grandparents) to miss many. I tell them what ones would be important and easy for them to attend. They attend almost all the indoor music events. Those are easier in them. Honestly, they don’t need to be at them all. There are a lot. 8-12 music concerts a year. 20 high school baseball games in the spring. Tournaments for 8 weekends in the summer. Track/cross country meets every week for fall & spring. Band competitions and football games every week in the fall. Yeah, I think there is a point in this--- some activities involve A LOT more than a dozen games a year like a middle school basketball team or a 5 year old's half dozen soccer games or an activity with a couple recitals/performances a year---travel sports are a whole different beast. The amount of hours (and money) I spend on one of my children, kinda makes my head spin sometimes. He loves it, so I do it....but I admit I get a little sensitive about people who seem to try and make themselves out as "better" because they go to everything.
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breetheflea
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Post by breetheflea on Apr 25, 2022 19:20:57 GMT
My parents (divorced) have gone to 0 of my kid's sports games, school events, plays, recitals, concerts, carnivals... They are more involved with my nephew's sports stuff, and also spend more time with my sister's kids in general.
The in-laws went to one indoor soccer game because they were in town and it was game day (they live 6 hours away).
To use a phrase I hate, "it is what it is."
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Post by Restless Spirit on Apr 25, 2022 19:50:51 GMT
Every event? As a parent with 2 in sports & music, I encourage my parents (the local grandparents) to miss many. I tell them what ones would be important and easy for them to attend. They attend almost all the indoor music events. Those are easier in them. Honestly, they don’t need to be at them all. There are a lot. 8-12 music concerts a year. 20 high school baseball games in the spring. Tournaments for 8 weekends in the summer. Track/cross country meets every week for fall & spring. Band competitions and football games every week in the fall. Yeah, I think there is a point in this--- some activities involve A LOT more than a dozen games a year like a middle school basketball team or a 5 year old's half dozen soccer games or an activity with a couple recitals/performances a year---travel sports are a whole different beast. The amount of hours (and money) I spend on one of my children, kinda makes my head spin sometimes. He loves it, so I do it....but I admit I get a little sensitive about people who seem to try and make themselves out as "better" because they go to everything. Thank you for that. I admit that I’ve been staying away from the board for the most part because lately it seems like I am on the wrong side of The majority of opinions posted here. However, with that said, too often, people seem to want to pigeonhole everyone into an “either or” camp. Just like being a parent, being a grandparent is multifaceted. I know I have posted here about how I am the mother of an only child who has my only grandchild. By car, we are less than five minutes apart. By choice, I have been extremely involved in my grandson’s life, taking him to school and picking him up, going to school functions since he’s been in preschool, lower school and middle school, providing care and transportation to sports practices and games for with him when his parents were not able to because of their jobs or other obligations. All since he was three. He has played baseball, starting with t-ball since he was three. He started skating lessons at 3 and hockey at 5. He is now 15, a freshman in high school. Until this year, he played travel baseball and is now playing high school baseball. He has played AAA travel hockey since he was about 10. We don’t go to the hockey games because the games are sometimes 6 hours or more away. We are in Indiana, but they play tournaments in Ohio, Michigan, Tennessee, Kentucky, Pennsylvania and Wisconsin. Next year, he made a AAA hockey team based in a city 120 miles (2 hr drive) from here. That means twice a week travel during the week for practice. I have no idea what the game schedule will be. Any grandparent that can go to every single game is an outlier and not the norm. I just fully retired. My DH is still working part-time. I am no longer able to drive in the dark because of my glaucoma. My DH takes the grandson to the school bus every morning. I’ll pick him up from the school bus or from school and if there is any kind of baseball game or practice, then I will take him home and make sure he gets to games and practices on time. We just bought our grandson a fairly expensive set of golf clubs for his birthday. Grandpa went golfing with him and his dad on Sunday. He absolutely loves it and he’s pretty darn good. I’m sure there’s going to be many more golf outings in the future. I no longer golf because I have a bad back. We support our kids in other ways. Whenever they are doing travel baseball or hockey and are gone for the weekend or more, I take care of their three cats. I also go over multiple times during the week and clean up the kitchen and do all the dishes and occasionally do laundry. Most weeks, I cook at least one meal that can be taken over to their house because they are on the go so much. I expect that to increase with the new travel hockey schedule for next season starting in August. Please don’t tell me that I am an “uninvolved” grandparent because I don’t put butt in seat at every single ball game and hockey game. My grandson knows how involved I have been in his life since he was very small. Next year after he gets his drivers license, we will be giving him a substantial amount of money to help him buy a car. We love and support our grandson, daughter and so -in-law in a way that works best for us. He is, without a doubt, one of the best things in our lives. How ever we can help and support him we will. But it won’t be by sitting in the bleachers at every single game and practice. Sorry. Not sorry.
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Post by workingclassdog on Apr 25, 2022 20:36:46 GMT
No... as a grandparent I think games/theater/etc can be just a few here or there. If grandparent wants to go to all of that, sure no biggie.. If a grandparent never goes (and is able to) I think that is kinda sad not to go once or twice... but every single thing, no.
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lionpride92
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Post by lionpride92 on Apr 25, 2022 23:54:26 GMT
No, you definitely don’t need to be at everything. My parents come to nothing. My in-laws come to at least one event per sports season. This last winter sports season had at least five grandchildren playing at the same time so if they come more than once, I am thrilled they came over an hour away to watch.
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sweetpeasmom
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Post by sweetpeasmom on Apr 26, 2022 11:38:50 GMT
I wouldn't feel obligated nor have I ever felt that our kids' grandparents should be at every event. I do wish they had gone to more but did not expect them to be at all.
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teddyw
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Post by teddyw on Apr 26, 2022 11:46:22 GMT
If you can go sometimes that should be fine.
Do your kids expect you to be at all the games?
My kids didn’t have grandparents close so they only came to - or 2 a year. My sisters lived in the same town as my parents. My dad went to every game. When some of them played baseball & golf in HS he became one of the team drivers. Their school did not provide buses. The baseball team even nicknamed him their biggest fan. My nephews have so many good memories from this. This was my dad’s choice though because he loved sports and enjoyed watching them.
My mom worked on weekends so she rarely went to games.
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