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Post by Skellinton on Jul 22, 2022 18:23:59 GMT
But we can’t possibly know what everyone's issues are, and what everyone's triggers are - especially if we’re welcoming new people who don’t know anything about anyone. If someone says something I find hurtful, then it’s how I deal with it that’s the issue, rather than their likely oblivious statement. It’s something that came up in my therapy session this morning - unless it’s a criminal act, or a natural disaster, etc if you’re over 18, then there are no victims, only volunteers. People can choose how they wish to react to something, and we're all adults here. People can play victims, but it doesn’t mean they are victims. (And I hasten to add I am not thinking here of anyone on this board.) An example: one of the Peas sent me a really funny meme which had a photo of a wasp on it. I appreciated the humour but mentioned that I have a crippling phobia of wasps, so I had to put my finger over the image while I read the meme. The Pea apologised, but it is completely my problem. I don’t expect anyone other than my close family and best friends to remember and make allowances for my stupid phobia. 🤷🏻♀️ Exactly, you can't expect everyone to curtail conversations based on one person's biais or personal experiences. If someone is sensitive to certain issues they shouldn't read posts regarding those issues I can't read details about anyone's pet loss but I don't expect people not to post when they have lost a pet. I pop in to offer condolences, but I rarely read the OP because it upsets me too much. I am incredibly over sensitive to animal loss, does that mean no one should share here because it might upset me? Of course not. I am glad people can share here about that because I know it can be helpful, hell, I post here when I lose a pet which might make me a hypocrite, but so be it. You can not control other people's words, but you can control how you react to them. There are absolutely instances where people need to be called out for things they say, but avoiding every single pea's personal triggers is just not feasible. |
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Post by Deleted on Jul 22, 2022 18:32:23 GMT
lesley I think a lot of what you have said Lesley makes much sense . Unfortunately , my experience has been that even though I was open about our clinical vulnerability the comments I was subjected to still hurt. I felt that the poster could have phrased things differently by making her point without bringing my family into it. She made it unnecessarily personal and that is the key part of what hurt me. I would have preferred it she had talked about clinical vulnerable families in general . To be fair her post was supportive in other ways which people tried to point out to help things but because I nearly lost my husband to an unexpected health emergency to read someone saying “no one cares if you or your clinically vulnerable family live or die . You mean less than zero to them “ does hurt. No one else said said anything like that about me so she chose to put it in her post without any need. Sassyangel made a long post but here is a couple of partial screenshots .   (When I went back to find this post from Sassy Angel her account appears to still be there and not deleted ) I can understand that if you have an insect phobia then seeing a photo of an insect is unpleasant ,I get that , I am not keen on them either and an advance warning is appreciated. Unfortunately I have seen other people on this board who have also received harsh comments whilst going really hard times that must have hurt them too. For example someone struggling to keep a sick tube fed child alive without formula received harsh comments amongst supportive ones. Another example is of a recently widowed woman experiencing financial difficulties who also received harsh comments amongst supportive ones. I agree that resilience is important but so is setting boundaries against inappropriate behaviour that would be considered unacceptable by reasonable standards. edited to add that my former account was listed as ktc and I then added the name lettuce to match my bunny picture.
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lesley
Drama Llama
My best friend Turriff, desperately missed.
Posts: 7,341 
Location: Scotland, Scotland, Scotland
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Post by lesley on Jul 22, 2022 20:25:14 GMT
@lettuceagain, I'm sad that you’re still trying to justify your accusations against sassyangel when so many of us tried to plead with you that she did not say what you thought she said. She didn’t make it personal to you; she tried to explain how people who were against vaccine - you know, I’m not going into all this again.  You had almost every Pea trying to explain to you that it was your comprehension that was off, not her comment. I remember Jeremy Vine saying once (I think when he went on Strictly) something along the lines that if you can’t identify who the idiot in the room is, there’s a good chance it's you! Now I am not calling you an idiot (obviously!), but when everyone tells you you’re wrong about something, reflecting on that and accepting it is a more mature way to handle it than doubling down. Yes, it’s painful, yes it can be embarrassing to admit you’re wrong, but with it comes the relief of knowing people aren’t trying to hurt you. Anyway, the vast majority of Peas are, as you say, supportive and helpful. The few who are not still occasionally have a grain of truth in their barbs. And sometimes that can help jolt positive change in a person more than unswerving loyalty and support can. Whatever, these are just my usual Friday thoughts. I’m always much more analytical and introspective on a Friday because that’s the day I have therapy sessions! 😄 |
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Post by gar on Jul 22, 2022 20:32:08 GMT
lesley I think a lot of what you have said Lesley makes much sense . Unfortunately , my experience has been that even though I was open about our clinical vulnerability the comments I was subjected to still hurt. I felt that the poster could have phrased things differently by making her point without bringing my family into it. She made it unnecessarily personal and that is the key part of what hurt me. I would have preferred it she had talked about clinical vulnerable families in general . To be fair her post was supportive in other ways which people tried to point out to help things but because I nearly lost my husband to an unexpected health emergency to read someone saying “no one cares if you or your clinically vulnerable family live or die . You mean less than zero to them “ does hurt. No one else said said anything like that about me so she chose to put it in her post without any need. Sassyangel made a long post but here is a couple of partial screenshots . (When I went back to find this post from Sassy Angel her account appears to still be there and not deleted ) I can understand that if you have an insect phobia then seeing a photo of an insect is unpleasant ,I get that , I am not keen on them either and an advance warning is appreciated. Unfortunately I have seen other people on this board who have also received harsh comments whilst going really hard times that must have hurt them too. For example someone struggling to keep a sick tube fed child alive without formula received harsh comments amongst supportive ones. Another example is of a recently widowed woman experiencing financial difficulties who also received harsh comments amongst supportive ones. I agree that resilience is important but so is setting boundaries against inappropriate behaviour that would be considered unacceptable by reasonable standards. edited to add that my former account was listed as ktc and I then added the name lettuce to match my bunny picture. I didn't say she deleted, I said she left, which she did. Again - accurate reading, comprehension... Above...where you have highlighted Sassy's words...how can you honestly read that and think they were her own thoughts?? She says 'they' 'them' a couple of times..not 'I'. It's really not hard to read it correctly. But sure you must be able to see that by now... I should have just left it to lesley, |
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Post by revirdsuba99 on Jul 22, 2022 20:39:45 GMT
Why doesn't everyone stop responding and let this thread die... None of this today is political. Unvaccinated will remain unvaccinated. Those who are vaccinated will get boosters when they are ready..
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Post by gar on Jul 22, 2022 21:18:21 GMT
Why doesn't everyone stop responding and let this thread die... None of this today is political. Unvaccinated will remain unvaccinated. Those who are vaccinated will get boosters when they are ready.. Yep, I’m done rehashing the obvious. |
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Post by Deleted on Jul 22, 2022 22:27:09 GMT
Board bullying is an issue and multiple people have deleted their accounts because of it.
ignore it , deny it , trivialise it, the consequences of losing members remain the same.
edited to add ,
I have only been back a few days and already I am fed up with the rotten atmosphere. No wonder people keep leaving / not posting . Why are those 8000 members or 5000 guests not speaking.
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Post by gar on Jul 22, 2022 22:31:36 GMT
Board bullying is an issue and multiple people have deleted their accounts because of it. ignore it , deny it , trivialise it, the consequences of losing members remain the same. Including Sassy Angel. |
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Post by Deleted on Jul 22, 2022 22:36:29 GMT
Have a good chat with the 8000 members who have gone silent / gone away.
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Post by hop2 on Jul 23, 2022 1:14:14 GMT
Polio case found in Rockland Cty NY. Rockland area is where there was a measles outbreak a few years ago. (Reuters) - A case of polio has been identified outside New York City and confirmed by federal health officials, the New York State Health Department said on Thursday in what would be the nation's first known case of the disease in at least thirty years. Testing suggested the Rockland County case of the highly contagious virus may have originated outside of the United States, the department said in statement. "We are monitoring the situation closely and working with the New York State Department of Health and the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention to respond to this emergent public health issue to protect the health and wellbeing of county residents," Rockland County Health Commissioner Patricia Schnabel Ruppert said in a statement. The CDC, which confirmed the case, has said no cases of polio have originated in the U.S. since 1979. However, the virus has been brought into the country by travelers with polio. The last time this happened was in 1993, it said. (Reporting by Brendan O'Brien; Editing by Susan Heavey) nordot.app/922914931194576896hop2Yeah Polio is not to be messed with. My Uncle suffered the after affects of polio his whole life. I’m pretty sure we are all ‘vaccinated’ in my family though. ( I’m positive my kids had the drops, I’m old enough to have had the shot ) |
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Post by aj2hall on Jul 23, 2022 2:10:48 GMT
lesley I think a lot of what you have said Lesley makes much sense . Unfortunately , my experience has been that even though I was open about our clinical vulnerability the comments I was subjected to still hurt. I felt that the poster could have phrased things differently by making her point without bringing my family into it. She made it unnecessarily personal and that is the key part of what hurt me. I would have preferred it she had talked about clinical vulnerable families in general . To be fair her post was supportive in other ways which people tried to point out to help things but because I nearly lost my husband to an unexpected health emergency to read someone saying “no one cares if you or your clinically vulnerable family live or die . You mean less than zero to them “ does hurt. No one else said said anything like that about me so she chose to put it in her post without any need. Sassyangel made a long post but here is a couple of partial screenshots . (When I went back to find this post from Sassy Angel her account appears to still be there and not deleted ) I can understand that if you have an insect phobia then seeing a photo of an insect is unpleasant ,I get that , I am not keen on them either and an advance warning is appreciated. Unfortunately I have seen other people on this board who have also received harsh comments whilst going really hard times that must have hurt them too. For example someone struggling to keep a sick tube fed child alive without formula received harsh comments amongst supportive ones. Another example is of a recently widowed woman experiencing financial difficulties who also received harsh comments amongst supportive ones. I agree that resilience is important but so is setting boundaries against inappropriate behaviour that would be considered unacceptable by reasonable standards. edited to add that my former account was listed as ktc and I then added the name lettuce to match my bunny picture. lettuceagain, I was hoping that a few months off would give you a little distance and help you see things from a different perspective. Multiple peas tried then and now to explain that her words didn't mean what you thought they did. I'm sorry you can't see that. |
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Post by Deleted on Jul 23, 2022 7:37:45 GMT
Members have been leaving and been blocking one another in increasing amounts.
The board has became slower and quieter with fewer members posting .
Other people have also briefly raised issues with the inappropriate behaviour of some members.
I took a risk and raised the issue of bullying openly and in detail.
I knew that it would result in a backlash but I wanted the board to become a nicer place to make it more sustainable.
Some members have said that they actively choose to avoid threads where bullies dominate, other members are not aware of what keeps happening as the posts are not visible to them after blocking members they can not tolerate . A site supporter member also said very recently that she was blocking more members due to their unacceptable towards someone here.
Look at the stats board -
The number of members logged in facilitating them to be in a position of posting usually shows between roughly up to 500 on the stats page depending on the time of day.
The number of people viewing the board normally comes to around 5000 in a 24 hour period.
Those 5000 guests are people who are not logged in , therefore unable to post.
Every forum gets lurkers , but this forum is very insular and limited
If those 5000 guests are already registered members who choose not to log and interact on the board then ask yourselves why.
What is making them reluctant ?
If some of those 5000 guests are people interested in the board then ask yourselves why have they decided not to join up as a new member to be able to join in posting. What is making them reluctant ?
You have seen the screenshot upthread connected to this where new people are considered unwelcome by some prominent long term members.
The 8000 members listed on the stats board do not reflect the number of people who post here which at a quick guess would be roughly 500 as also reflected in the stats board.
It has already been mentioned on this board that some registered members are creating multiple accounts under different names.
Either because they wish to discuss a topic without being identified or because they like to create back up accounts and behave as sock puppets . This reduces the 8000 or so members to fewer in reality.
I notice that in the happy birthday thread many of the names listed for birthday wishes are for members who must have been absent for a long while, years.
People may also leave for other reasons due to a change in circumstances, that is to be expected but the unpleasant nature of this board has driven people away .
Ask yourselves why out of 8000 members only 500 or less participate and post.
I understand why many of the members here are perhaps too afraid to raise this issue , they understandably do not want get picked on because they can see what has happened to members that left before due to being bullied.
I anticipate either further backlash or deliberate bumping of other threads and creation of new threads to bury this one and make it fade away.
I have done my bit to help make this a better place for the future because there are good elements and pleasant interesting members.
I am taking a break.
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lesley
Drama Llama
My best friend Turriff, desperately missed.
Posts: 7,341
Location: Scotland, Scotland, Scotland
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Post by lesley on Jul 23, 2022 8:18:17 GMT
Good grief. @lettuceagain , one more time for posterity: sassyangel did not bully you. She just didn’t. Every other Pea told you this. Your inability to acknowledge this, and your lack of introspection is astounding. And your pomposity about the qualities of this board and the people who post here make me wonder why on earth you came back at all. Also, many of those 5000 guests you quote are search engine bots doing their thing. They are not people lurking, scared to post their bullying accusations against Peas who have disagreed with them.  |
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Post by Deleted on Jul 23, 2022 13:17:04 GMT
gillyp This is the post from the thread where Lainey’s deletion was being discussed and I can see now that my paraphrasing was not exact. My experience of Dotty was pleasant at first but her comments made me feel unwelcome at times.  Good lord what's wrong with you? This, and I'm quoting you "There were posts by Dottyscrapper recently saying that new members were not desirable and untrustworthy and that existing members should be encouraged to post more instead." is a blatant lie. No where did I say such a thing and the screen shot you have posted confirms this. You have serious comprehension issues if you interpret what I said in such a way. If you think that this will exonerate you and I quote you again "This is the post from the thread where Lainey’s deletion was being discussed and I can see now that my paraphrasing was not exact." you're mistaken. That excuse just isn't acceptable. You lied and attributed the statement to me but I won't hold my breath waiting for an apology. for the defamation. I stand by the fact that I have pointed out errors in your posts and links that you attributed to your statements about ME in the past. I make no apology for correcting misinformation whether it's about ME or anything else and I will continue to do so when I come across misrepresentation of facts and erroneous information. I'm at a loss to even attempt to understand why you linked my name to this thread. A thread that I don't participate in as it involves US domestic policies that doesn't concern me in the slightest as I don't live in the US. This is not the first time you've attempted to play the victim attached to people's posts and or accused people of saying things that they didn't. A number of people have pointed out to you that you misinterpreted @sassyangle 's post, both on the original thread months ago and again on this thread but you still don't seem to get it. You've also accused aj2hall of, and I quote your post "I was then accused by aj2hall of previously spreading disinformation regarding pandemic transmission." She did nothing of the sort! You then went on and questioned dizzycheermom, and again I quote your post "You are now bringing it up again and quoting me again asking me why I keep posting, querying what point am I trying to make ?" It was perfectly valid post from dizzy until you twisted the narrative to fit into you self belief that you were being bullied. Contrary to what you may think many members don't check into this forum on a daily basis. Finally you then stated that there was a " creation of new threads to bury this one and make it fade away". which again isn't true. If you took the time to check before you posted you will see that threads with the same title as this one - " In today's political news - part 5" have been going for a long time - the clue is in the " part 5". It's up to the original poster concerned as to when she decides to start a new thread which she has now decided on a new one titled part 6. Nothing to do with "burying this one" Again I quote above from one of your posts. You have no idea what people are going through in their private lives. Not everyone feels the need to post personal matters on the board. Maybe you should take a leaf out of your own book as to what people, you included, should post regarding accusing others of saying thing which by your interpretation turn out to be downright lies. I haven't been on the forum for over two weeks owing to some personal matters I had to deal with but I am grateful to the people who tagged me and in turn I was notified of the accusations you made against me. Please don't reply to this post as I have no wish to engage with you further. |
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Post by Deleted on Jul 24, 2022 14:28:05 GMT
I am Lettuce I raised the issue of board bullying a few days ago and how I thought it was a problem not just for me but other peas too. I have to return ( following deletion ) to address Dottyscrapper s comments and stick up for my personal reputation which she has discredited and the difficulties that families with an illness called ME/CFS experience. My family has been profoundly affected with severe disability lasting years with ME / CFS . ME = Myalgic Encephalomyelitis CFS = Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. Her comments were expressed on this recent thread which contains my views on general bullying behaviour on the 2 peas board which began a page or few before. Dotty has said she makes no apology for “correcting” my information on ME / CFS. Dotty used the word “misinformation” and applied it to my posts regarding ME/CFS. The thing is that my information (not hers) has stood the test of time as can be shown in high level official changes subsequent to our disagreement. I posted information regarding patient harm and flawed medical research. At that time Dotty expressed opposition with many of my views at the time last year. She mentioned them again in her post yesterday, so I raise this in my response to her. Months after I posted about things that Dotty disagreed with a significant change occurred . Monumental in fact .This change was within the singular top organisation in the UK that guides doctors within the National Health Service. The changes show without question that my views were accurate as all health advice to patients has done a complete U turn. The official health guidelines from the National Institute of Health and Care Excellence ( NICE ) were changed to reflect this. - They acknowledged the research to be of low quality - They acknowledged patient harm - They changed the health guidelines to reflect this. - They changed treatment practice to protect patients. If Dotty wishes to remain unapologetic and maintain her false assumption of “misinformation “ that is her choice. The new guidelines can be found here NG206 published 29 October 2021 www.nice.org.uk/guidance/ng206Like I have said differences of opinion are normal and Dotty is entitled to her views as am I. Dotty’s criticisms actually inspired me to create some threads which thankfully she did not comment on. It was a marathon containing the controversial history of ME/ CFS , current changes and live breakthroughs . I posted details of those live breakthroughs as they occurred days BEFORE they were covered in UK and international news media. They can be found in the thread below. 2peasrefugees.boards.net/thread/122944/long-covid-disability-insurance-clinicsA final thread that I set up a few days ago can be found here regarding the patchy implementation of the new health guidelines in UK clinics. 2peasrefugees.boards.net/thread/132453/update-health-clinics-patients-cfsI will possibly be deleting again after this . If I do it is with regret because there are good people on this board that I will miss. In that other thread I have tried to give suggestions to protect peas that are going through hard times to prevent them from being subjected to harsh comments that could hurt them more than casual readers. I also stated that I thought bullying was deterring people. I referred to a couple of threads where I thought 2 members of the peas were mistreated. Sometimes I feel that the treatment of people on this board can exceed reasonable and acceptable practice. ( Don’t confuse this with my own feelings of hurt , I understand that people feel I was too sensitive ) I think that board bullying in general and other members treatment would be worthy of serious thought. Blocking does not stop the behaviour. Returning to ME/CFS - Sean O’Neill is the senior writer for The Times newspaper , his daughter sadly died last year from ME/CFS last year aged 27. A coroners inquest is scheduled for next month. I would like to extend my condolences to his family. His article is behind a paywall writing about a cross party group set up recently by the former government Health Secretary Sajid Javid addressing the neglect and poor research of ME / CFS and their plans to change it. Families with ME / CFS deserve better.  |
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