peabay
Prolific Pea
Posts: 9,891
Jun 25, 2014 19:50:41 GMT
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Post by peabay on Aug 17, 2022 15:59:48 GMT
I would assume that all his “friends” on Facebook see these. I have several “friends” usually partners of actual friends and family that put things on Facebook that I don’t want to see. I don’t unblock but I change my privacy settings so that their posts no longer appear on my feed. He's sending them to me through Messenger, FB's direct messaging app.
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Post by ~summer~ on Aug 17, 2022 16:00:57 GMT
Honestly that would bug me. Even if I silenced notifications.
Someone I’m not even “friends” with - I’d unfriend him and not even think about it. It sounds like he has tons of friends on his own.
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Post by Spongemom Scrappants on Aug 17, 2022 16:01:34 GMT
Let's reframe this first. Don't worry about being non-confrontational. You don't need to *confront* but you can *communicate* with him.
To me, this is where the "little white lie" can be very appropriate.
Let his next communications to you sit unanswered for a good length of time. Don't even click on the messages. Then pop in later and type something like this: "Some of your cartoons have certainly made me chuckle and I hope they mean that you are in a happier place in your life. At this point, I'm not really using Messenger as a communication tool anymore. I wanted to let you know so you could perhaps use your time to send little things like this to someone more in need of them than I am. Wishing you the best in the future!"
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peabay
Prolific Pea
Posts: 9,891
Jun 25, 2014 19:50:41 GMT
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Post by peabay on Aug 17, 2022 16:02:43 GMT
Let's reframe this first. Don't worry about being non-confrontational. You don't need to *confront* but you can *communicate* with him. To me, this is where the "little white lie" can be very appropriate. Let his next communications to you sit unanswered for a good length of time. Don't even click on the messages. Then pop in later and type something like this: "Some of your cartoons have certainly made me chuckle and I hope they mean that you are in a happier place in your life. At this point, I'm not really using Messenger as a communication tool anymore. I wanted to let you know so you could perhaps use your time to send little things like this to someone more in need of them than I am. Wishing you the best in the future!" If I were to do it, that would be the way to do it. Very gracious.
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Post by compeateropeator on Aug 17, 2022 16:49:28 GMT
I would do the exact same thing. It does not take any effort and I am very non confrontational….very, very non confrontational. 😄
I would never say anything, I would read, cringe and move on. But I also will admit to not having a prudish sense of humor, probably 7th grade boy humor is more like it, so I might enjoy the cartoons a bit more.
For me it would be religious quotes and such. Those would make me uncomfortable, but I would continue to receive them and not say anything in the same type of situation.
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Post by papersilly on Aug 17, 2022 16:53:17 GMT
i'd turn off the notifications
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peabay
Prolific Pea
Posts: 9,891
Jun 25, 2014 19:50:41 GMT
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Post by peabay on Aug 17, 2022 16:54:06 GMT
I would do the exact same thing. It does not take any effort and I am very non confrontational….very, very non confrontational. 😄 I would never say anything, I would read, cringe and move on. But I also will admit to not having a prudish sense of humor, probably 7th grade boy humor is more like it, so I might enjoy the cartoons a bit more. For me it would be religious quotes and such. Those would make me uncomfortable, but I would continue to receive them and not say anything in the same type of situation. Funny - that I would probably say something about. Well, at the very least I wouldn't leave the obligatory smilies - I would probably totally ignore those. Or block the person.
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Post by scrapmaven on Aug 17, 2022 17:02:31 GMT
I would just turn off the notifications and move on w/my day. When you do read his jokes only respond to the ones that you truly find cute or funny. I don't think he knows that his constant jokes and memes aren't that funny. If he's a good guy, just a bit misguided then no need to confront him.
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Post by compeateropeator on Aug 17, 2022 17:08:25 GMT
I would do the exact same thing. It does not take any effort and I am very non confrontational….very, very non confrontational. 😄 I would never say anything, I would read, cringe and move on. But I also will admit to not having a prudish sense of humor, probably 7th grade boy humor is more like it, so I might enjoy the cartoons a bit more. For me it would be religious quotes and such. Those would make me uncomfortable, but I would continue to receive them and not say anything in the same type of situation. Funny - that I would probably say something about. Well, at the very least I wouldn't leave the obligatory smilies - I would probably totally ignore those. Or block the person. Yes, I would not respond with any smiles or thumbs up type emojis. I am embarrassed to say I wasn’t sure what messenger was as I have never had a Facebook account. If there is a way to stop the sound notification, that is what I would do and just go in and look at a bunch when I choose to. But I am also curious so I would have to look at them. 😉😄
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Oct 6, 2024 4:23:43 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Aug 17, 2022 17:16:21 GMT
If you don’t mind his messages, can you respond to the jokes that you don’t like with “ewww” or “yuck” or “no thanks…only like the silly ones”. Maybe he’ll get the hint and stop sending those types to you. If not, you can then turn off notifications.
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peabay
Prolific Pea
Posts: 9,891
Jun 25, 2014 19:50:41 GMT
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Post by peabay on Aug 17, 2022 17:27:53 GMT
If you don’t mind his messages, can you respond to the jokes that you don’t like with “ewww” or “yuck” or “no thanks…only like the silly ones”. Maybe he’ll get the hint and stop sending those types to you. If not, you can then turn off notifications. That's a really good idea. Thank you!
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Post by dewryce on Aug 17, 2022 18:26:34 GMT
I am not confrontational-adverse, but I would just turn off notifications as has been suggested. I’d read whenever, and probably only respond when I thought the cartoon was especially funny.
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joelise
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,649
Jul 1, 2014 6:33:14 GMT
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Post by joelise on Aug 18, 2022 8:47:54 GMT
I would assume that all his “friends” on Facebook see these. I have several “friends” usually partners of actual friends and family that put things on Facebook that I don’t want to see. I don’t unblock but I change my privacy settings so that their posts no longer appear on my feed. He's sending them to me through Messenger, FB's direct messaging app. Ahh right, that is weird! I’d turn off notifications and just ignore him.
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Post by epeanymous on Aug 18, 2022 10:15:15 GMT
I am another person who would ignore (I turned off FB messenger notifications ages ago because no one ever contacts me through that app that I actually want to hear from, I feel like). Sorry -- that is awkward!
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Post by shamrock on Aug 18, 2022 13:47:07 GMT
I’d do like others say and turn off notifications. I think I’d also comment on one that I honestly thought was a little funny and say that DH liked it too.
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Post by originalvanillabean on Aug 18, 2022 13:57:12 GMT
I have no fear of confrontation so I feel like 100% opposite of you, but frankly - I would handle it the exact same way.
Wouldn't make anything of it just interact when I want to smile or thumbs up and ignore when I don't.
No need to make anything of it because it really isn't anything.
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Post by Susie_Homemaker on Aug 18, 2022 14:18:55 GMT
Messenger has a 'restrict' option that will move the chat from your list and hide your activity so they can't see if you've read the message or not. I would use that feature or the mute feature.
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Post by disneypal on Aug 18, 2022 14:22:42 GMT
Like you, I wouldn't do anything...I probably would just stop responding to any of them.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Oct 6, 2024 4:23:43 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Aug 18, 2022 15:31:40 GMT
Ugh, some people are just weird. DH used to get tons of msgs from a bunch of his friends (in their 70's). They'd just hit the button and send them (almost daily) to every friend. One of his friends who was seemingly nice, sent out these graphic sex snippets daily. DH said, "Yeah, he used to say 'Look at her--wow' or other sexist comments IRL". This was just a rude extension of that.
My mind quickly goes to wondering how these hyber-sexual/sexist people don't even stop to think that their friends might actually be offended. Instead of telling him anything (which I'd do!), DH just ignored his messages (or so he said! LOL). So, maybe you could just not open the messages OR maybe you could tell him that they're "not your style" or something akin to that. If it were me, I'd DIRECTLY tell him that I find it offensive and I'd tell him why. But I'm sure he added you to his close friend list and he thinks it's fine to send out whatever interests him.
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Post by gigito7 on Aug 18, 2022 23:09:54 GMT
Turn off his messenger notifications. Then you won't get alerts and you can check in when you want. This is what I would do. My 90 year old cousin sends me cartoons and I had to turn off notifications because I was getting them all hours of the night. Annoying.
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Post by AussieMeg on Aug 19, 2022 0:21:41 GMT
I am friends on Facebook with a guy I went to primary school with, way back in the 70s. We don't communicate much on FB, except for the occasional reply on each other's posts about football. But I get a ton of jokes and memes from him, sent to my Messenger. I am 100% certain that he just sends them to everyone on his friend list. I'm sure that what's happening in your case as well.
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rickmer
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,137
Jul 1, 2014 20:20:18 GMT
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Post by rickmer on Aug 19, 2022 1:27:16 GMT
i would expect he is bored and maybe lonely and "follows" a bunch of pages... and forwards on stuff he wants to share because he thinks they are so amusing, everyone else must think they are funny too. i would turn off notifications and be done with it.
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dexter
Full Member
Posts: 243
Nov 28, 2016 15:57:15 GMT
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Post by dexter on Aug 19, 2022 3:00:55 GMT
Yep, I would silence notifications and just ignore.
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Post by lesserknownpea on Aug 19, 2022 8:09:16 GMT
I just want to say thank you for reaching out to him and showing such kindness. And here you are making sure you handle this situation with grace. It reminds me of the saying : it costs nothing to be kind.
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Post by jenb72 on Aug 19, 2022 14:09:59 GMT
My first thought is that it sounded like my BIL, who latched on to me pretty hard via phone and social media after he and my sister married, mostly because he can be a bit much (in person, over the phone, it doesn't matter, he just has an over the top personality) and a lot of people avoid him because of that and I generally didn't because he's my sister's husband. It could get a bit tiresome when a phone call would turn into 30 minutes to an hour of non-stop rambling from him, but it never got inappropriate or uncomfortable. I think he just liked having someone actually pay attention to what he was saying instead of tuning him out.
I speak about that all in the past tense because some things have gone down since then (not with me, but between him and my sister) and I've backed off from individual contact with him because I don't agree with some of the things he's done. I never said anything to him directly and I'm still friendly with him in person, but PMs on social media (usually memes) go unanswered. So he's slowly stopped sending me things.
Jen
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