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Post by busy on Apr 10, 2023 17:26:14 GMT
This all seems very normal and common and something that's gone on forever. Doesn't seem a hill to die on. They're his clothes and if he want his girlfriend to wear them, so be it. I wouldn't replace the things that disappear; if it bothers him, he'll get them back. I absolutely cannot imagine saying anything directly to the girlfriend about it or asking either of them to pay for it.
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Post by hop2 on Apr 10, 2023 17:28:59 GMT
I’d be tempted to send the girl a bill for a brand new shirt. Sort of kidding. I wouldn’t do it, but it would be a conscious effort to not say something.
I get your frustration
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Post by tmarschall on Apr 10, 2023 17:37:33 GMT
This all seems very normal and common and something that's gone on forever. Doesn't seem a hill to die on. They're his clothes and if he want his girlfriend to wear them, so be it. I wouldn't replace the things that disappear; if it bothers him, he'll get them back. I absolutely cannot imagine saying anything directly to the girlfriend about it or asking either of them to pay for it. I agree. I'm not sure how old he is. I might feel differently if he was 13 vs 17. But I think I would just tell him I expect him to have some nicer shirts, etc for when you all go out together. He either needs to get his shirt back or purchase something else that he can get cleaned up in. I buy clothing for family on the regular but once I give it, I don't feel like it belongs to me. If he is old enough to have a girlfriend, he's old enough to manage his wardrobe. I don't see the girl as manipulative or worrisome as some have indicated. And I really don't see how making him say "my mommy says I need to get my shirt back from you" is going to do him any favors. |
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Post by Bridget in MD on Apr 10, 2023 19:02:08 GMT
This all seems very normal and common and something that's gone on forever. Doesn't seem a hill to die on. They're his clothes and if he want his girlfriend to wear them, so be it. I wouldn't replace the things that disappear; if it bothers him, he'll get them back. I absolutely cannot imagine saying anything directly to the girlfriend about it or asking either of them to pay for it. I agree. I'm not sure how old he is. I might feel differently if he was 13 vs 17. But I think I would just tell him I expect him to have some nicer shirts, etc for when you all go out together. He either needs to get his shirt back or purchase something else that he can get cleaned up in. I buy clothing for family on the regular but once I give it, I don't feel like it belongs to me. If he is old enough to have a girlfriend, he's old enough to manage his wardrobe. I don't see the girl as manipulative or worrisome as some have indicated. And I really don't see how making him say "my mommy says I need to get my shirt back from you" is going to do him any favors. My DS is 17, will be 18 in Aug. From what I understand, she wore the shirt to dinner and he said something like "oh my mom was wondering where that shirt was!" and she responded she wasn't going to give it back. I take it is some sort of a joke between them. It was a Xmas gift to him, so to me, once I give a gift, people can do with it what they want. I guess next time I could tell him I expect him to keep all clothes.  Like somoene else upthread said, maybe he likes that she's wearing it. Someone asked how she got the shirt, did he take it off and give it to her? I honestly have no idea! But that's what I would assume. He's 6'1" and this girl is TINY, barely comes up to his shoulder, so it's gotta be HUGE on her. It probably looks like a shacket on her. Now, if this young lady shows up at my house wearing his shirt, my eyes may pop out of my head and I will have to put duct tape over my lips.  |
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msladibug
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,770 
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Post by msladibug on Apr 10, 2023 23:29:23 GMT
Pick your battles. It’s a shirt, be glad it’s not a family heirloom. It’s funny how they end to value the stuff when they have to spend their own bucks on it.
It was cool to wear yr bf’s clothes. That’s prob where the boyfriend jeans/ jackets/sweaters fashion came from.
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Post by Bridget in MD on Oct 17, 2023 14:03:40 GMT
Update! I let this go. DS and this young lady ended up breaking up late this summer, but have remained friends and I think they may be dating again (they recently went to hoco together).
This past weekend they went to the pumpkin patch and she actually brought the shirt! My DS was only wearing a tshirt to the patch, and it was a windy day, so he got cold, and she gave him the shirt to wear... and now it's back home! LOL. I came home from a friend's house, and it was casually draped over a chair at the kitchen table.
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blue tulip
Pearl Clutcher
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Post by blue tulip on Oct 17, 2023 16:58:57 GMT
Update! I let this go. DS and this young lady ended up breaking up late this summer, but have remained friends and I think they may be dating again (they recently went to hoco together). This past weekend they went to the pumpkin patch and she actually brought the shirt! My DS was only wearing a tshirt to the patch, and it was a windy day, so he got cold, and she gave him the shirt to wear... and now it's back home! LOL. I came home from a friend's house, and it was casually draped over a chair at the kitchen table. from April? you're lucky it still fits him, if he's anything like my teen boys. but happy he got it back lol  |
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Rhondito
Pearl Clutcher
MississipPea
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Post by Rhondito on Oct 17, 2023 17:10:11 GMT
This past weekend they went to the pumpkin patch and she actually brought the shirt! How does it look? Is it ratty or does it still look new? |
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Post by Bridget in MD on Oct 17, 2023 17:40:53 GMT
Update! I let this go. DS and this young lady ended up breaking up late this summer, but have remained friends and I think they may be dating again (they recently went to hoco together). This past weekend they went to the pumpkin patch and she actually brought the shirt! My DS was only wearing a tshirt to the patch, and it was a windy day, so he got cold, and she gave him the shirt to wear... and now it's back home! LOL. I came home from a friend's house, and it was casually draped over a chair at the kitchen table. from April? you're lucky it still fits him, if he's anything like my teen boys. but happy he got it back lol LOL, I had bought it big but think he's pretty much done growing (I hope at 6'1"). How does it look? Is it ratty or does it still look new? It looks pretty new! It just made me LOL to get it back, I had let it go and forgotten about it! |
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Post by workingclassdog on Oct 17, 2023 19:14:13 GMT
I would be irritated that she wasn’t returning it. But more important to me would be how my son chose to deal with it. Do you think suggesting to your son that he choose another shirt to offer her in exchange for his new one would go over well with him? Is it bothering him? Is he flattered that she wants it? Is this girl trying to prove to herself that she can make him do what she wants, even if that means going against his mother? I don’t like game playing and I would be worried about this girl’s attitude more than I was concerned about the shirt. Her flatly refusing to return it would concern me about the balance of power in their relationship. She sounds a bit manipulative and I wouldn’t care for that for my son. I think this is about more than a shirt. I think you are looking way to deep into this situation. Girls do this all the time. It's usually nothing 'deep' about it. I used to wear my boyfriend's jean jacket all the time. (this was out of high school) It just made me feel 'good' or wanted I guess. It was fun to wear and it looked good. Nothing more than that. This is something that as been done for years and years. Right or wrong. The boyfriend just needs to ask for it and say mom wants it back. No biggie. Edited: response to old post... lol |
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Post by Lexica on Oct 17, 2023 19:34:01 GMT
I would be irritated that she wasn’t returning it. But more important to me would be how my son chose to deal with it. Do you think suggesting to your son that he choose another shirt to offer her in exchange for his new one would go over well with him? Is it bothering him? Is he flattered that she wants it? Is this girl trying to prove to herself that she can make him do what she wants, even if that means going against his mother? I don’t like game playing and I would be worried about this girl’s attitude more than I was concerned about the shirt. Her flatly refusing to return it would concern me about the balance of power in their relationship. She sounds a bit manipulative and I wouldn’t care for that for my son. I think this is about more than a shirt. I think you are looking way to deep into this situation. Girls do this all the time. It's usually nothing 'deep' about it. I used to wear my boyfriend's jean jacket all the time. (this was out of high school) It just made me feel 'good' or wanted I guess. It was fun to wear and it looked good. Nothing more than that. This is something that as been done for years and years. Right or wrong. The boyfriend just needs to ask for it and say mom wants it back. No biggie. Edited: response to old post... lol Oh believe me, I used to wear my boyfriend’s clothes too and although I can’t really recall it, I’m sure my son’s girlfriends wore his too. That didn’t bother me. What caught my attention was him asking for the shirt and her saying no. My boy had one very manipulative girlfriend and perhaps that is coloring my response. She was constantly testing my son to see how far she could push him. It really annoyed me and I was happy when he moved on from that one. |
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Post by kluski on Oct 18, 2023 2:27:57 GMT
If he got it back, they likely broke up.🙃
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Like somoene else upthread said, maybe he likes that she's wearing it.
