hannahruth
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,714 
Location: Adelaide, Australia
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Post by hannahruth on Dec 7, 2023 2:10:03 GMT
I spoke to someone from the retirement office yesterday ... she is sending me an estimate of what my income would be were I to retire now ... I'm scared to find out what it is!  She is also mailing me a package of information explaining the steps I need to take to put this in motion ... There is no turning back now ... I'm really doing this! It may not be as bad as you are anticipating - when my DH was retired on medical grounds (he is a Vietnam vet) while he was pensioned off I made the choice to retire as well. I was only in my early 40's so it really was a gamble. I was worried about what my income would be but it turned out better than I thought and all we did have his income as well. Life changes when you retire and we have found that while utilities/ insurance/accommodation are all givens the rest of the spending is not. Good luck, I realised that working for an organisation that doesn't consider you as a person in the negotiations is certainly no interested in your wellbeing. |
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Post by scrapmaven on Dec 7, 2023 3:43:56 GMT
I don't think that grief has a rule book. It's very different for each individual. That you can celebrate and decorate, jeremysgirl speaks to your willingness to be open to the moment and to allow all feelings to be there. I hope that you'll be able to enjoy your decorations and your holiday season, despite the sadness that you feel. Both can exist and that's normal. Though losing my parents is far different than losing a sibling or child, I know that many years later I still have tough moments, but at the same time I can be happy, too. My mother loved the holidays and loved to look at all of the decorations and she was big on gift giving, as am I. So, it's bittersweet, right? Sometimes it's sad and sometimes it's happy. That's OK. Grief is not one size fits all. |
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Post by lucyg on Dec 7, 2023 3:44:22 GMT
I just polished off the last of the chili rice for dinner, and now I’m eating Tate’s cookies for dessert.  Tomorrow I will have to actually cook something, I guess. I thought it was going to be a quiet week, but it hasn’t turned out that way at all. Have to be out early the next two mornings, too, so I may disappear again. I’ll be back! cadoodlebug, I was in Napa this afternoon and almost called you, but it was wet and cold, and I had the 14yo in tow.  Glad you found your sunglasses! bklyngal62, hugs to you. There’s no schedule for “getting over” your grief. You will probably continue to have occasional hard days. But you’re moving on with your life, and I suspect you have some good days, too. Tearisci, I’m so sorry your mom has COVID. That’s always scary. For whatever it’s worth, my 94yo mom had it twice last year, was sick for a few days, then bounced right back afterwards. scrappinwithoutpeas, I’m sorry you’re having a hard time, too. Grief therapy or a group will be so helpful to you. Try not to let your evil (for the moment) relative get to you. |
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Post by jeremysgirl on Dec 7, 2023 10:52:08 GMT
scrappinwithoutpeas I will say to you that counseling was very beneficial to me. And scrappintoee said just a few days ago it's helping her too. I'm sorry you are having a hard time. I'm sorry to anyone having a rough time with grief. I don't think our society really knows how to help grieving people. I have realized a lot of people are really at a loss as to how to interact with someone sometimes who has a profound loss.
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Post by leannec on Dec 7, 2023 11:20:11 GMT
I spoke to someone from the retirement office yesterday ... she is sending me an estimate of what my income would be were I to retire now ... I'm scared to find out what it is! She is also mailing me a package of information explaining the steps I need to take to put this in motion ... There is no turning back now ... I'm really doing this! It may not be as bad as you are anticipating - when my DH was retired on medical grounds (he is a Vietnam vet) while he was pensioned off I made the choice to retire as well. I was only in my early 40's so it really was a gamble. I was worried about what my income would be but it turned out better than I thought and all we did have his income as well. Life changes when you retire and we have found that while utilities/ insurance/accommodation are all givens the rest of the spending is not. Good luck, I realised that working for an organisation that doesn't consider you as a person in the negotiations is certainly no interested in your wellbeing. Well, it's exactly what I thought it would be! If I didn't have this mortgage and new Jeep, I could survive on it comfortably ... but I have "things" so I will be subbing ... if I sub full time, and take my pension, I will take home about the same amount as I do now! When I am 60 (just over three years), I qualify for Canada Pension ... then I can sub fewer days ... |
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bklyngal62
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,227
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Post by bklyngal62 on Dec 7, 2023 14:06:42 GMT
I'm sorry to post this but honestly this is the only place I can come to and vent. IF you don't want to answer my question, that's totally understandable because I know it can be hard to share such personal things on a message board. But I wonder if you feel you can't vent/ talk about it with anyone in your family and/or friends? For me, I've had issues with my family where they just DON'T wanna talk about their grief, and act like " everything's just fine!" ( ugh ! ) I've also been told by one family member "it's time to move on" (gee, thanks!) Another told me "toee, you're just too emotional" (gee, thanks again!) I really hope you have not experienced that (or similar)!  I think that many people are just so afraid of the emotions with grieving, and they think it's better not to talk about it. I vehemently disagree! Also, I am *TIRED* of crying about my losses, (and maybe you are, too ? ) but I believe it is cathartic. Sending you more (( hugs ))  First I have to say I LOVE the meme. Reasons I can't talk to my family members are all of the above. When I do cry about it with them I'm told "Don't cry, it's not good to cry for him. We all miss him and he's happy up there" . |
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Post by jeremysgirl on Dec 7, 2023 15:47:27 GMT
IF you don't want to answer my question, that's totally understandable because I know it can be hard to share such personal things on a message board. But I wonder if you feel you can't vent/ talk about it with anyone in your family and/or friends? For me, I've had issues with my family where they just DON'T wanna talk about their grief, and act like " everything's just fine!" ( ugh ! ) I've also been told by one family member "it's time to move on" (gee, thanks!) Another told me "toee, you're just too emotional" (gee, thanks again!) I really hope you have not experienced that (or similar)! I think that many people are just so afraid of the emotions with grieving, and they think it's better not to talk about it. I vehemently disagree! Also, I am *TIRED* of crying about my losses, (and maybe you are, too ? ) but I believe it is cathartic. Sending you more (( hugs )) First I have to say I LOVE the meme. Reasons I can't talk to my family members are all of the above. When I do cry about it with them I'm told "Don't cry, it's not good to cry for him. We all miss him and he's happy up there" . This is gross... My mother still has moments when someone shares a memory of my brother that she cries. I'm sorry you're dealing with that. I'm sure they mean well but I have found that people who haven't lost a child either don't understand how a part of us is always going to be stuck in the past because our loved ones are not part our present and future or they react like they would be so devastated they wouldn't be able to move forward so they make you feel like you aren't grieving enough because let's face it, most of us have no choice but to move forward (jobs/other kids) and are trying desperately to grab onto any positive we can. And I don't necessarily fault other people, I honestly think they just don't get it. |
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Tomorrow I will have to actually cook something, I guess.
Glad you found your sunglasses!
I think that many people are just so afraid of the