My daughter.. troubles with grandson... I'm afraid

If you can't trust your judgement, let the professionals figure out the truth. Everything you have written about this child and this situation screams professional invention is long overdue.

Not that it adds much to the story but it's unlikely the gun that was shot was the mother's service weapon. Why would she have that at home? Did she not have to go to the armory every day and get her weapon like every other MP or Security Forces member then return it at the end of duty day?

Either way, this needs serious attention now from someone who will give a damn about the welfare of the kids, especially that baby. Wtaf.

Just a few questions, if you don't mind.
1. B is not the child who fired the gun?
2. This did not happen at your daughter's house.
3. Who told you that B hurt the other children?

Ok if you won’t call LE or CPS or the military,…what about the kids’ school? Do you know what school they go to? They probably won’t tell you anything (including if the kids even attend there) but they will most likely listen and then maybe, if you’re lucky, they will fill in the school counselor and have them build a relationship with the kids who will hopefully disclose their home life and then the school will report it. It’ll take a long time and it’s not guaranteed to work but since you’re not willing to do anything else….

Im glad you are talking to your family. If you feel that your judgement is impaired by your dementia, you have to take these things to your family and/or your therapist. They will be best equipped to sort through the situation and make sure what you believe is happening is accurate.
On the surface, it is easy for all of us to tell you to get CPS involved; however, none of us is intimately familiar with your dementia's progression and what effect that may have on your interpretation of what is happening in that household.

Your experience with CPS is NOT a reason not to involve them. If the children are truly in danger, they need to be involved.

I was under the impression that the military had very strict rules for their military families. This was relayed to me as part of a detailed story by the spouse of someone in the military so I am assuming it is factual. If it is, perhaps that is a good way to start. Especially if the weapon the boy used was a military one. And unfortunately since that episode did not result in consequences for this very disturbed young boy, he will not hesitate to do so again when the opportunity presents itself.

I got a bit lost in understanding which child is related to you, but that really doesn’t matter in this situation. Both the young girl and the toddler are in grave danger, undoubtedly hoping an adult steps up and protects them. I understand your distrust of you own mind, but please be reassured, just based on the facts you related, you are not wrong in your feelings of concern, but are feeling insecure due to things being said to you. Can your husband be the one to step up here and do the reporting so that no one can blame your health as being overreacting?

Please let us know how this progresses when you can.

I’m a little confused. When did the gun incident happen? And when you say he is harming the younger child and animals, can you give more details on what he is doing?

I don't want to beat a dead horse or pile up on you Zella. Not at all. I know in the past I have also felt as if when you came here with a problem, you poo poo'd everyone's ideas and thoughts and had so many excuses.

I also know you are now dealing with dementia, and from listening to a good friend of mine whose mom is in the early/mid stage of dementia, it does mess with you and cause all sorts of weird delusions, etc. For instance, my friends mom will call her in the middle of the night to tell her there is a snake upstairs. Multiple nights. She lives in an assisted living place. There is no upstairs, and certainly no snake. So again, I get that your mind might be distorted. 

You seem pretty on top of this, though. And while I can also understand your apprehension, it can't be easy to think about your daughter cutting you off and not letting you see your grandchild, but you also won't see your grandchild if this little boy does something more drastic. What if he starts molesting her?? This causes life long ramifications! Trust me, I know what I am talking about sadly.

There are soooooo many warning signs with him. You say you want your daughter and his father to handle this, but the fact is, they are NOT handling this. Knowing that a 9 year old (NINE!!) has sexually abused his little sister is awful, and I'm sorry if this sounds harsh, but every single adult who knew/knows this and did nothing should be ashamed. I would have called an authority the very second I knew this, no matter who it was. I honestly would not care at this point if my daughter cut me off for reporting this. It's horrifying. Like I said, I KNOW what this does to children and families as I have lived the ramifications of what it does to families. When children grow up and know that those who could have stopped it looked the other way and did nothing--that is hard to forgive. 

He's hurting animals?? Again, horrifying. That is what almost every known serial killer did when they were children. Someone has got to do something! 

You want your daughter to intervene. That's the equivalent of thoughts & prayers. Hope is not a strategy. Unsecured firearms in the home? Porn? Molestation? I'm shocked that nothing was done after a gun was fired.  Those kids are not safe in that environment.

I'm glad you're consulting your family, but if they don't think CPS needs to be involved, they're the ones not thinking clearly. I grew up in a very dysfunctional environment. You don't realize how nuts things are until you're out of it. It may be your family's "normal" so they don't understand the gravity of the situation.