Can a Pea post when she is sad? (kind of long)

I’d not be sending anything to anyone who hasn’t been in my life in the past year.

You’re a very generous person to remember everyone.

Your good manners are not being reciprocated. I would halt all the gifts, you have more than done your bit. You do not have to continue to the next generation of great nephews and nieces.

I hope your husband's health is much improved now.

Congratulations to your son on his PDH, an accomplishment that required ability and perseverance. No mean feat.

Not everyone has "gifts" as a love language or feels it necessary to keep up with people they never speak to, in the form of gifts.

May I gently say that YOU are choosing to do this, not them. It seems more important to you than to them. So do it if it makes you feel good, and stop if it's not bringing you joy.

I wouldn't ever think to send a nephew I never see (or anyone else, for that matter) a card or gift for getting their PhD. They're a full adult and that's not what I would ever think of as a gifting occasion. I would congratulate them if they posted about it on FB.

I'm sorry you're feeling sad. I would stop sending your gifts (money) to them. If you feel like you need to acknowledge them, send a card (no check or money inside).

Congratulations to your son!

You sound like a very generous person. It also doesn't sound like you have any real, meaningful relationships with these people so I am not surprised that they are not acknowledging your son's accomplishment or sending gifts. Not everyone thinks that way. Not everyone has the ability to send generous gifts for every life event.

It may be that sending money etc on these occasions is 'a given' for you, expected, traditional, a duty, the norm...whatever you want to call it. But clearly it isn't to them so it would seem that it's time to stop the habit since it's not acknowledged let alone appreciated. They probably bank on getting something generous from you without any effort on their part but they don't deserve your kindness just because they happen to be relatives.

And the fact that they're not in touch regularly about your husband speak volumes sadly. 

How are they moochers? She is choosing to send them money. (Not sure why, but this is a choice she is making.) Not everyone feels the same sense of obligation to send "generous" sums of money for each graduation.

I am fairly close to my nieces and nephews on my side. It would not have occurred to me to send a card or gift for a masters or PhD. I did cards/cash for high school and college graduations, as well as weddings, whether we could attend or not.

That said, I validate your feelings!

I no longer send any gifts to the most of the nieces and nephews on my late DH's side of the family. That started before he passed. I never received any acknowledgement of the gifts. One never even acknowledged his death.

This. I’m sorry that they are so ungracious. It speaks well of you and your thoughtfulness. Now might be a good time to re-evaluate the generous gifts.
My advice is to spend less time thinking about them. You did the generous thing for a long time and they almost certainly take it for granted that a check will be in the mail. Me, I would continue to send cards, but would leave out the checks.

I agree with what all the Peas have said....I too enjoy giving gifts...that being said that practice stopped with nieces and nephews that couldn't even pick up a phone to say Thank You...I have one nephew who married MANY years ago..went to the wedding up in Vermont a multi hour trip....gave a generous gift, and NOTHING!!! That takes all the pleasure out of the giving....even a text is acceptable these days. In some cases...just a I received your gift would be nice!
Sorry for your sadness re this .

CONGRATULATIONS to your DS on his degree...THAT is Huge!!!!

I find it really bizarre that you continue to send gifts and money to people you and your family essentially have no relationship with. If they’ve never reciprocated, why would you expect anything different now?

Do you even get thank yous from these people? If not, then a card or email is all that necessary to acknowledge a graduation, wedding,etc.

I think it’s long past time to stop sending these people gifts especially if they aren’t thanking you for them. You didn’t specifically say that’s the case, but if it is that makes it beyond bad manners on their part. I had a couple of very close aunts and an uncle who always, ALWAYS thought of us and remembered us on our birthdays, milestones and Christmas. They were like extra parents to us, IMO. My siblings and I went way out of our way to include them in our everyday lives, calling to check in on them from time to time, helping out at their houses with bigger tasks and projects, and just visiting when we were able so those relationships do exist.

If that’s what you’re hoping for but not getting from these people, they really are showing you in a not so subtle way that it’s not going to happen and you’re better off putting those resources toward the people who are actually in your life, whether they are blood relatives or not. Some of my closest adult relationships have been with friends who have become my chosen family. I get much more pleasure spending my time and money on and with those people who have shown me they truly value having me in their lives.

I do think this is a societal change. In my area graduation announcements are not a thing. Neither are big graduation parties. Usually the immediate family goes out for a meal after the graduation ceremony. We gifted our kids for their HS and college graduation as did their grandparents. That was it. None of their aunts or uncles did and it wasn’t expected. My husband has a large extended family, some are part of our lives, others minimally. I couldn’t possibly keep up with everyone. Because his family is so large we are not close to all of our nephews, some live out of state, there is no relationship and that is accepted by all.