Questions about bridal showers

I think in general, the hosts pay for the shower, but in this day and age when most all have stretched budgets, I feel the more the merrier so all the cost does not fall on one or two people. I woudl definitely offer to help pay if it was my relative.

I haven't been to a wedding shower in years, but have been to a few baby showers and all the baby showers have been both men and women, and kids. Congrats to your daughter and your family.

I would think if she offered to host a shower, she would pay for it.
Of course, we don't know how the offer or conversation came up. Were you sharing with her the reasons a shower can't be hosted at your or your mom's homes and she said "You can have it at my house"? In that case, I would expect to pay. If she came to you and said she'd like to host a shower for your daughter, then I'd expect her to pay.

I think the most important part is everyone knows what is expected upfront with no surprises.

Ask your friend.
Hosting the shower is a little unclear. Did she mean just using her home, or being the actual host (the person giving the party)?

Traditionally close family members do not host a shower.

In my circle/family, we often had a family only shower for the bridal couple.
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If a friend offered to "give a shower " then that person paid for everything.

When I host a shower in my home I expect to pay for everything, but if someone offers to contribute money or bring something, I don’t turn it down. When I’m going to a shower at someone else’s house I ask what I can do to help, because I know how expensive it is!

The only thing worse than games is the forced watching of opening gifts. Even though my house is decently sized (4500sf) it’s still hard to find any room that can comfortably seat more than about 15 people at once. It’s much nicer if people just move through the house freely and congregate in the different gathering spaces, rather than trying to cram everyone into one room for 45 minutes to unwrap presents.

I ask people to bring their gifts unwrapped (in a basket or bag, easily viewable) and they are displayed on a table so people can look at them if they’re interested. Any games are ones that can be done individually (like trivia) and not played together as a group.

Like peabay, I gave small succulents as a favor at the last shower I hosted, and they went over very well! We had about 10 different plant types and it was fun seeing people debate over which kind they wanted to take home.

I also had a prize table, and when we announced the winners of the various games (which, again, were not played as a group so people only participated if they wanted to) they could choose a prize from the table. We had things like candles, photo frames, serveware, linens, and even a letter board.

If I offered to host, I would plan on covering the costs.

I have hosted both bridal and baby showers and I don’t offer to do it without incurring the majority of the cost myself. I actually co-host with my mom so we split the costs.

Bridal showers in my area seem to be just for women while baby showers can be a mixed bag.

I always enjoy when someone does a Q&A with the groom before the event and the bride either tries to guess his answers or she has her own answers to the same questions and you see how many are the same.

In this situation I would say that your friend is providing the venue but you/your family is hosting the event and should pay for it. I would ask your friend if you can meet with her to discuss the shower and then say that you are grateful for her opening her home and that you will be providing all the food/drinks etc. If she adamantly says that she wants to pay for it all, then I guess that's OK but I wouldn't expect her to pay for it at all. Get it out in the open now because miscommunication on these types of things never goes well.

Not sure about the rest as we don't really do "showers" in Australia. We have the hen/bachelorette party which can be any form - house party, winery lunch, dinner, clubbing etc but generally not another separate event. If you don't like games as such (I hate them) a couple that we did for my daughter's hens were fun and not awkward at all. We did a "draw the dress" competition where people had to draw what they think her dress would be like and a guessing game "who is the early bird", "who cooks the most" etc.

Back when I was in a few weddings, the bridal party helped pay for the shower. I would think if she offered her home but didn’t include paying for food, etc. You need to have a conversation with her.

Did your friend actually say she would host the party? Or did she say it could be held at her house? Because that is two different things. The fact that you are paying for the wedding and that money is not an issue for her does not really matter. It is your family that is having a wedding. You need to talk to your friend without any expectations that she is paying for anything. If she offers, than great!

In the olden days. Bride's family paid for wedding.
Groom's family paid for rehearsal dinner, officiant and flowers.

It was considered unseemly for the family to throw a shower = soliciting gifts..
The bridal party often hosted a shower. But showers were generally for much smaller groups.


Times have changed in all kinds of ways. B&G and families need to decide what is best for their circumstances: who pays for what etc..

Yes, your friend has offered her home, but you both need to discuss the arrangements now..

The goal here is for everyone to survive the whole collection of events with every one happy and pleased with their participation.

I am old school, so I am going to say that since she is hosting, she is providing everything. You could politely ask if there is any she wants you to do/provide and then do that.

I can officially say I am old because to use that golden cliché, "back in my day," bridal showers were hosted by someone other than the bride or groom's immediate family.

Showers consisted of the host sending out invitations (and people actually rsvped in a timely manner), cleaning their house, and getting out their good dishes.

Decorations were a nice floral arrangement for the food table and maybe a nice lace tablecloth for the gift table. A corsage for the bride and maybe the mothers of the b/g.

Food was cake or petit fours, punch and tea, butter mints and mixed nuts, and maybe some Jordan almonds to be fancy.

Games were rare, and people didn't expect favors. The MOH or another lady would write down gifts and giver as they were opened, and maybe wrote down the brides first expression as a silly "things she will say on her wedding night" that was read out after gifts were opened. Another bridesmaid or lady would colelct the bows and ribbons and put them together to make a "hat" for the bride or a bouquet for the bride to use at the rehersal.

The whole thing was usually 2 hours, 3 max if people were chatty.

I know that some people would consider these type showers "lame" by today's standards, but the shower was about gathering together and focusing on the bride and things she was giftes to set up her household.

I was given a shower by my Dad's family in his hometown, one of DH's aunts hosted a pantry shower for his side of the family (along with a gift everyone brought a pantry item--flour, sugar, salt, condiments etc). My sorority sisters alao got together and hosted a shower for me as well.

That was a huge number of thank you notes that were written (and addressed) by me in a very short amount of time.