My oldest child just moved out. I’m so sad

I'm sorry. It is hard. Give yourself some grace going forward. You will be so excited to see him when he stops by for something he forgot!

I hear you. My only moved out a couple of weeks ago. Half way across the country 😳. Dh and I have been sleeping in his room. We miss him so much.

It’s such a weird feeling. I remember taking my oldest out to college. It was about a 3.5 hour drive from where we live and we didn’t know anyone who lived in that city. We went there the day before move in day and made a trip to the local mall. My girls were shopping and my husband and I were having coffee at the food court. I remember saying, “Can you believe we’re just going to leave her here?” It is such a change in mindset and it felt so strange when we went back home. 

Then we figured out quickly that she really needed it and we adjusted. It will be ok. 

It is a huge transition so I understand the sadness. 

I remember the day my only son moved out to live with friends in my same city. I helped him pack, gave him furniture for his room and a few things to add to their living room. I smiled and waved as he drove off. Then I went into the house and fell apart. I cried so hard that first night, all alone in that big house. It took me much longer to adjust than I thought it would. Looking back, I should have sold that big house and moved into something smaller right away. He called, but not often enough for this lonely mama. I didn’t call him too often because he needed to cut the cord and be a grown up young man. As much as I missed him, I knew that his moving out and not calling me too often meant I had done the job I was supposed to do. I raised an independent, strong, capable young man.

And those phone calls from him to tell me things like he was the only one of the group that knew how to cook made me so proud of him. The guys voted him as house chef and gave him money to grocery shop and prepare dinners. He had been helping me in the kitchen since he was about 6, standing on a chair to be able to reach the stove and doing things like stirring pots of soup for me. He loved adding the different chopped vegetables and different seasonings into the pot. He would taste the soup and say it needed this spice or that spice. As he grew up, he wanted to learn about all the spices in the cabinet and what they were typically used for. He smelled and tasted each one. And he experimented and I had to make him test things on a small bowl instead of the entire dish because some of his wild ideas were major fails.

Since it was just the two of us, he had either helped or was in the room for all aspects of cooking and cleaning so he knew so many things that these other boys had no clue about. He was shocked that their moms had never taught them how to properly handle their own home one day. When I started teaching him how to cook, I told him he was going to want to eat meals for the rest of his life so he had better learn how to make things to feed himself. It helped that my father was a terrific cook and when he retired, he took over the cooking for he and mom. My son adored his grandfather and would help him in the kitchen, learning how to sharpen a knife and watching everything my dad did. I told him he may end up married to a woman who either hated cooking or had never learned how, so he may have to cook for his family. The day he thanked me for teaching him how to run his own house was one of my most cherished memories.

And it did actually end up that his fiance never learned to cook! She was an only child raised by a single mom like he was, but her mother never cooked much and they ate a lot of frozen dinners and take out stuff. My son had taken culinary training in college so he now cooks circles around me! So my advice that he had better learn how to feed himself and his future family was spot on and he cooks all their meals and is teaching her too.

But I admit, raising him was the best time of my life and I still miss him so much. No doubt a big downside to being a single parent. I think that is just the way it goes. It is like being fired from a job you loved. I have learned to fill the empty with other things, of course, but raising my son just went by much too fast.

my daughter moved to Copenhagen end of last summer to do her masters. her younger brother started at university in our city, but the school is closer to his dad's. For the first couple of weeks he continued to go back and forth weekly but soon decided he would just stay at his dad's. he is at the library until midnight each night and it's only 20 mins back to his dad's. at that time it's closer to 45-50 mins to my place. so I lost two at the same time basically.

I totally understand his decision and support him, would never make him feel bad about it. he does come here for Christmas break and when school was done in the spring. and he comes over for dinner or I take him and youngest ds to a movie or out for dins.... but it's a big adjustment.

luckily, I still have youngest ds, he is starting grade 12 next month, he has spent almost the entire summer with me since his summer job is in my neck of the woods. I can't even imagine the loneliness that is waiting for me.... but at least his high school is across the street so even on his weeks at his dad's, he still does pop by.

big hugs to you and glad your son is doing so well! xoxo

I remember it was so hard when DS moved into an apartment with his longtime girlfriend after graduation in 2022. They are both getting their master's and live about 45 minutes away. It was a tough adjustment for me--I still haven't been able to go through his room and he's got piles of stuff he dropped there after undergrad, as well as a huge drawer full of Lego and Star Wars memorabilia. I resolved to make monthly dates to either drive there or have him come here for a meal and to catch up, and I really look forward to that.

What I can say is that moving out has done wonders for his maturity level, so there's that.

My oldest joined the Army when he was 19. He had been planning that since he was about 5. It was so incredibly painful to have him leave knowing that he wouldn't be able to come home on a whim, we had zero idea where he would end up (the answer is - all over the world), and for the first few months, there were no phone calls either. It was not a good time. There were so many tears, so often.

When my youngest left home at 20, I took him shopping for items he would need for his new apartment. It was a lot of fun getting him prepared to leave the nest. His new nest was 5 minutes away. He was also a completely exhausting teenager. I didn't cry when he left.

My 2 DS have both moved to another state for work
It’s hard
We Live in a rural town and when they  moved in their time  to the city for uni some years ago I think I grieved for about 6 months .
I am used to it now because the move has been very good for both of them …but on days like today when it is one of their birthdays and we can only connect by phone/FaceTime and not with cake and hugs and laughter I feel it all over again.
I try to remind myself that I need to be proud they have successfully left the nest and I have raised two wonderful men but …..🥹it’s still hard

It will take time to get used to it. Give time ... time. You will eventually adjust and actually enjoy and look forward to the time you do get to spend with him. Yes, it will be different, but it will also be joyful.

I'm feeling lucky as my daughter went to college 1000+ miles away, but ended up taking her first job just 30 minutes away. We've had so much fun setting up her apartment last week and are planning on meeting for lunch every week or so. I can't imagine I'll be as lucky with my son next year - he's also 1,000+ miles away at university. And honestly I know my daughter is likely to go on for a PhD who knows where - so am enjoying while it lasts! Transitions are tough!

Mine both moved out on the same day (to live together). It was sad, and then it was better, and then it got so very nice. It just takes time. You'll have lots of emotions and they are all what you should be feeling.

In my experience, they leave in one of two ways. One, they're snotty and evil for a couple of months beforehand so you count the hours until they leave. Or Two, as in your case, they're unbelievably sweet during that same period, in which case you collapse in a blubbering mass upon their departure.

You can never predict which route the kid will choose, either. My son unexpectedly chose the latter and I was so broken-hearted that I couldn't look at his stuff so I redecorated his room like "freakin' France" as he put it, having returned to his former smart-@$$ self after a few months at college.

I wish you well. It does get easier.

It is so hard, and yes, it does go by way too fast. All of my girls have their own homes. One is 10 hours away. She hates it and so do we, but she doesn't have a choice at the moment. I am with her now but have to say goodbye this afternoon. I am DREADING it because I know she will hurt so bad too. Hugs to all the mamas.