Fluff WWYD - Kids forgetting things

Is child ADD?
That might be the problem.

If child is not ADD, then teach child techniques to overcome forgetfulness.
For going to school: put all things in backpack before bedtime. Put backpack in specific place each day...those sort of things.

I had a student who forgot her lunch every damn day...every day!
I would have thought the parent would get in gear to handle it, but no...Mother was called mid morning by child to say, "I don't have my lunch."
I was greatly annoyed and threatened to quit letting her call, but of course I didn't.

We would bring them the forgotten item if they called and asked for it. If they did not call to ask for it, then we let it go, figuring that they decided they didn't need it, or they found a way to deal with the issue on their own. We had one kid that always called and we'd run whatever they needed to them. And then we also had the opposite, a kid who pretty much never called, either just dealing with it, or finding an alternate solution.

Now, we did keep money on their lunch accounts at all times. So no kids was going to go all day without food or drink if they forgot their lunch or water bottle.

But even with that basic rule, there were exceptions--one time one of them left behind a part of a project, and DH noticed it as he was getting ready to go to work, just moments after the school bus went by the house. His work and the school are less than 10 minutes from one another, so rather than wait for a call while at work, he left a few minutes early and the project component reached school before our kid did.

We want our kids to feel they can call us when they make mistakes. If my kid forgets something and I refuse to help, or I give them a hard time about it; then how do I make them believe that another time, if they call from a party where things are going south, that I will come to help without giving them grief about that as well?

We look at it as building trust with the little things, in hopes that it will encourage the kids to reach out for the big things.

One of our kids used before and after school dry-erase check-lists for a few years, because they needed that kind of reminder.  In both cases, they could not use any electronics or sit down to read or play until they showed us that the checklist was complete.  In the morning that included moving everything they would need to the bench in the entryway where they would see it as they left.

I may have been willing to bring forgotten things, but I was also going to try to reduce the need to do so--for my sake and theirs. 

I don’t run my kids stuff because my school is 20 mi from one and 30 mi from the other.

Lunch is free for all so they can eat daily.

Water? They have fountains for a reason.

Instrument? Sorry- take the consequence.

HW or school books or computer? Sorry- take the consequence.

Have I ever rescued them? Nope.

Did their grade suffer? Not in the long run.

If I were a SAHM I might have rescued. My 8th grader has sent me a photo of something g needing to be signed and I just tell her to sit my name. So, maybe that’s a rescue? If she gets called on for it I will absolutely go to bat for her and tell them/show the texts that I told her to sign it.

Yep, I would want someone to help me, so why wouldnt I do the same for my child?

I don't drive so I can't rescue most of the time - I have 'given permission' for DD17 to attend a match via FB text before though - I'm FB friends with her coach and she had been absent when permission slips had been handed out. And I'll reach out to Dh on her behalf - rather than playing phone tag, she'll just text me and I'll pass along the message.

Dh has, on occasion, collected from school due to a period mishap, dropped off a project/assignment that got left behind, dropped off a lunch bag...but it's fairly rare. If it was something that was getting to be habitual, then a discussion would be had. Fortunately DH works less than a mile from home so he can fairly easily run over to the school on break or lunch. He'll also drive her to school if she misses the bus - that happens a bit more often due to anxiety (her bus has been in three accidents - in fairly quick succession).

We all forget stuff now and then. We all oversleep occasionally. So we try to give grace. BUT it's also easier for DH to help out now than it was when my oldest was in school - he went to high school in a different town than we lived (about 45 minutes away) and DH worked 45 minutes the other direction. Short of being too sick to stay in school - he just had to make do because it was a 3-hr round trip from work to school and back to work for DH.

I didn’t have this problem too much. If I was available I helped out. If I was at work then no. This was elementary school. Kids forget sometimes and I understand that. But if it was a chronic problem I would have let them suffer the consequences.

High school nope. I will occasionally bring lunch to my kiddo but not because they forgot it just because. Once I brought kid their headphones because I knew socially they needed them. That only happened once.

I did it occasionally in elementary school. mostly never did in middle or high school. we checked a lot before we went out the door.

I do still remember in 1967.. I forgot to pack in the car my ski boots. we went skiing every single weekend..dad owned a ski school... and you were expected to pack your own gear and your own lunch. and we were out the door early on saturdays. I spent the whole day sitting in the lodge.. my dad was not renting boots for me.

and 57 yrs later.. I still remember that. never forgot anything again. my dad did have extra hats and gloves in his pack.. but those were mostly for the other kids.

we all forget stuff, so if I could help out I would. but with reluctance. I once sent my dh off with the kids for a camping weekend... and forgot to pack the tent poles. dh improvised.

This. If a musical instrument or class project got forgotten I took it but they owed me the time back. It took almost an hour and a half to get to school and back so it was a considerable chunk of time. They didn't forget sports equipment for some reason.

We got up a bit early and had a routine in the morning. Homework went into the backpack after I checked it the night before and the backpacks were by the back door on their way out. I made lunches in the morning and handed them to each kid before they went out for carpool. Sports bags were on hooks in the garage just outside the door. They would still forget stuff until they understood how long it took me to deliver things.

We wanted our kids to be able to call us if they need us, but it's also our job to teach them to be organized and responsible. Taking back my time made my kids far less forgetful. They're adults now and all of them are organized and responsible but they call us for help if they need it.

As a teacher mom, I really couldn't bail them out with the possible exception of giving them money for something they needed during the years they were at the same school.

They survived.

(Breakfast and lunch were free for all for several of the years they were in school, so that took care of forgotten meals even if they didn't love what they were being served. )

I think kids deserve the same grace we allow adults. Particularly because their time and commitments are often not controlled by them. We rush them around, often on our agenda, and then wonder why they have forgotten something.

Getting out of the house with all of us trying to get to school or work, I know even with staging I would forget stuff sometimes. For example, leave without my lunch that I had sat my purse on, but only grabbed my purse on the way out the door. If my husband saw I left something, he was kind enough to drop it off. If rescue wasn’t available, then I suffered the consequences, as should be.

Imagine having someone that could help you but they decided, despite your best efforts and an occasional failure, they would allow you to suffer the consequences to prove a point. A family is a support system, if we could help, we did. If we couldn’t, we let them know and then they figured something out, but we also helped them with alternative solutions, when possible.

Now, if it were chronic, with no effort for improvement, that would a different conversation.

Heck my husband still sometimes forgets something when he leaves the house.

My kids didn’t forget things all that often but yes, I have brought things to school and also brought them to school after the day was over to get something. It didn’t happen often, even with my ADD kid.

I will say, that despite our willingness to bring forgotten items, we don't get asked to do so very often. Our oldest tended to be anxious, and they were the one who would absolutely call, but because they were anxious, they embraced the checklist "fix" we came up with, and after that they rarely forgot anything.

The kid who absolutely forgets things the most is the one who never calls. They just don't really get worked up about it, probably because it's not always the same thing being forgotten, so the consequences stay rather mild. If you bring your homework to a particular class 178 times during the year, and forget it twice, it's not a massive deal. You just need to hope you don't accumulate all your instances of forgetfulness in the same class.