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Post by hopechest on Oct 23, 2024 17:03:48 GMT
Warning: Menopausal Middle Age Existential Crisis rant ahead.
What does it even mean to be happy? Am I happy? Who exactly is happy and what does that look like?
I have a good job - stressful but good. I adore my kiddo. My husband, well...that's another story. He's a good good man, but jeez. I like where I live, we have a few dollars in the bank. On paper it's all good. #firstworldproblemsahead
Now for the rant. I am so so so resentful. I'm pissed that I feel I have to do everything. At work, at home, everything. I'm pissy and just f'n over it. I want to run away from home and just let them all wallow in their own filth and dirty socks.
I am doing all the things you're supposed to do when you feel like this. I'm doing yoga, I'm walking, I'm working on eating clean, I see a dr about hormones and menopause, I see a therapist, I have good friends that I rant too. They are all helping. But...
I am self aware to know that it's not "everyone else", but it's me. I'm the problem here. I don't set boundaries well. I take on everyone else's burden. I'm working with my therapist as to why.
I've got it down to this -- resentment is due to not feeling like anyone ever takes care of me. Which, peel back a layer goes back to childhood. I was adopted (nothing violent, just young mother), in foster care as an infant and adopted at about 9 months old. My adoptive mom did the best she could, and you can read between the lines there. Nothing super awful though. So the "no one ever took care of me", "when is it my turn" hurt is now seething resentment. Which I respond by doing more for others and being mad about it.
OK -- so now I've identified the problem. How in the world do you fix that??
I can see I need to define the "what does being taken care of" mean. Does someone do housework for me? Notice we're out of milk? That just isn't possible right now. Is it me taking time to go to a yoga class? That certainly helps, but what else? You name it I'll try it!
My therapist asks what makes you happy. I really couldn't tell her. I have things I enjoy I guess - scrapbooking (which I never actually have time to do), reading, watching movies, but is that it? What makes people happy? What makes you happy? What do you find joy and wonder in? What do happy people do exactly?
My therapist is also telling me to start to notice the good things that happen. So I'm trying at work to give more positive feedback, instill pride in the team, brag on their accomplishments. But it feel so hollow. I mean...it's their job. They are doing their job. I need to throw a parade for that? (Again - I know this is a me-problem). Then I look at my family. I'm really supposed to gush when the trash gets taken out? Really? I this just a fake it till you make it exercise?
My DH is stuck in his own battle, so he isn't in a place to help me. In fact, I'm fixing to have a conversation with him this weekend about him moving to working part time and taking time each day to work on himself. His mental health and his physical health. Go to a therapist, see the doctor, go to the gym. Get his shit together.
In the meantime, I need to figure out a way to not burn it all to the ground. I just spent an hour looking at apartments vs doing actual work that needed to be done.
So help. What does it even mean to be happy?
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Post by quinlove on Oct 23, 2024 17:14:26 GMT
I believe in the validity of this quote ~
Happiness is the
absence of the
striving for
Happiness.
- CHUANG - TZU
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Post by peano on Oct 23, 2024 17:26:00 GMT
As to happiness, take a trip down memory lane and try to recall what excited you and interested you when you were a girl. That might give you a clue into your happiness. I believe happiness is a fleeting state, but contentment is more permanent way of being.
I spent years being resentful of DH for his messiness and disorganization so I decided to give that up, as my anger had no effect on him, but made me bitter and angry all the time. Most of the time I’m able to look past it. And then when my therapist pointed out he thought DH was on the spectrum, after I got over the guilt, it was easier to see he wasn’t being the way he was out of spite. Life changing.
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Post by ~summer~ on Oct 23, 2024 17:30:25 GMT
If your husband and kid aren’t pulling their weight, can you outsource any of the chores? Hire a cleaning person once a week? I don’t think you should be pulling their slack.
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Post by mollycoddle on Oct 23, 2024 17:32:01 GMT
It is challenging for sure. Can you maybe get a cleaning service? Is your child old enough to help? I would start there.
As for being positive with your team-it really helps people to get a pat on the back, and saying positive things doesn’t cost you anything. Why not?
I tend toward pessimism, and have been training myself to frame things in a more positive way. It sure felt weird at first, but for me, it is becoming a habit to stop myself when I start with the negative thoughts. And it helps.
I wish you the best.
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Post by allison1954 on Oct 23, 2024 17:32:28 GMT
I think your therapist is asking great questions,
If you can’t define what you want or need, how will you ever know when you get there?
Everyone’s marriage / life/ job is going to look on the outside better than it is.
Don’t want what someone else has, because chances are it isn’t what you think it is.
Stay off FB, Pinterest, all the places where you think you see things you don’t have.
Chances are if they have A, there may be a lack somewhere else. nothing is perfect.
I think you needs to do some defining for yourself of what happiness means TO YOU
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Post by Merge on Oct 23, 2024 17:38:37 GMT
Does your therapist think you might be depressed? Talking to a psychiatrist about that and possibly considering medication might help.
I think all your feelings are normal, though, and I'll completely validate them. A lot of women our age were raised to believe that we should do all the caring for others and not need any caring for from them. And it's not OK. Even worse, we're told that to want or need caring is weak and selfish.
I expressed something similar to my husband a few years ago - basically I felt like everyone in the family was allowed to have a crisis, meltdown, or bad day except me. It was my job to support everyone else through their crisis while quietly never having any problems of my own that might inconvenience someone else. I have to say that he's improved somewhat on that. He at least checks in with me and does what he can to see that I'm not actively unhappy.
But with regards to how you know if you're happy - I don't think we can rely on others to make us happy. We can and should expect others to treat us with consideration and to care for us when we need it, but happiness is up to us. Sometimes I have a flash of what I would describe as extreme contentment. Usually in small moments, when my family is together and no one is having a crisis and we're all having a good time just hanging out. That makes me happy. I do other things things that I find interesting or challenging or that give me a sense of accomplishment, and those feelings are important, too, but they're not happiness.
Anyway. That's a ramble. I'm sure it's different for everyone. Good luck to you in your journey.
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Post by lurker on Oct 23, 2024 17:45:37 GMT
I can't answer that question. I assure myself that I am content and that's good enough.
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Post by ScrapbookMyLife on Oct 23, 2024 17:50:15 GMT
I have multiple thoughts on this.
I am always a "work in progress".
In the past year or so, I have questions (figuring it out as I go). How do I heal? What is the healing process? When do I know when I am healed? What makes me happy? Why does having and enforcing boundaries, make me come across as a complete bitch? What makes a narcissist they way they are. Why is it so hard to ask for help?
I have said this before on this message board and several books were recommended to me. I read a couple of them and gain some perspective from some of the words I read.
Everyone's feeling and sense of happiness is different.
For me personally......my happiness is being able to live my life.... my way and having a quiet and content home to to stay n away from the crazy external world.
Having to conform to other peoples expectations or society's expectation make me become disgruntled. Just because I live my life differently than someone else's, doesn't mean it's wrong.
Some people can be so oblivious.
Having hard conversations isn't easy. Asking for help isn't easy.
In regards to your situation.... Sounds like you are overwhelmed with responsibility.
I think you need to communicate to your Husband and children....about how you are feeling and to ask for help. Someone else, other people..... don't know what you are thinking, feeling, needing....unless you communicate it to them.
Resentment is at the root of your issue. I think you can can get rid of some of the resentment, by communicating.
I think you need to prioritize your wellbeing and not worry about things that can wait (chores).
I think finding your happiness, is determining what you enjoy doing or how you like living your life. As well as lightening your load of responsibilities.
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Post by peasapie on Oct 23, 2024 17:53:38 GMT
I can tell you what happened with me in case it helps you. I was 45 years old and started having panic attacks. I didn’t know why. Into therapy, I realized I was allowing myself to be responsible for everything. The house, the husband, the kids, all of it. I wanted everything to be … I guess being perfect.
My first step was doing something for myself every single day. That was the order my therapist gave me. I had to figure out what that meant, which I think is what you’re doing. The first thing I did was to take a bath every day. It probably sounds funny, but in my case, it was the only time I had alone where somebody didn’t need me to do something. 15 minutes in the tub stretched to 30 minutes. I started bringing a book in with me. I was finding that I really enjoyed this time to myself.
After that, I started alternating baths with walking. I literally started with walking one block, and I hated every minute of it. Then I put headphones on and played music and started walking several blocks. I was starting to like it. More alone time, time to recharge my energy. Eventually, I started going to a gym because walking wasn’t enough of a physical challenge.
Taking the time for myself was very helpful, and I started leaning to prioritize my needs along with those of my family. It’s a long story. but I hope hearing at least this much of it will help you.
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Post by ~summer~ on Oct 23, 2024 17:58:33 GMT
For me, being happy meant changing my life completely around so that it was the life I wanted, and not what everyone else wanted.
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Post by hopechest on Oct 23, 2024 18:00:59 GMT
I believe in the validity of this quote ~ Happiness is the absence of the striving for Happiness. - CHUANG - TZU Oof. Needed to hear that one. Thank you. |
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Post by Spongemom Scrappants on Oct 23, 2024 18:07:54 GMT
The first thought that came to mind for me is that it helps me to think of my life in terms of "seasons" - periods of time. Some periods of time are just tough ones... for any number of reasons. But the idea that if I just hold on and get through that season helps me to endure some of the less pleasant and more challenging times.
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pantsonfire
Drama Llama
Take a step back, evaluate what is important, and enjoy your life with those who you love.
Posts: 6,259 
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Post by pantsonfire on Oct 23, 2024 18:08:22 GMT
My therapist is also telling me to start to notice the good things that happen. So I'm trying at work to give more positive feedback, instill pride in the team, brag on their accomplishments. But it feel so hollow. I mean...it's their job. They are doing their job. I need to throw a parade for that? (Again - I know this is a me-problem). Then I look at my family. I'm really supposed to gush when the trash gets taken out? Really? I this just a fake it till you make it exercise? My DH is stuck in his own battle, so he isn't in a place to help me. In fact, I'm fixing to have a conversation with him this weekend about him moving to working part time and taking time each day to work on himself. His mental health and his physical health. Go to a therapist, see the doctor, go to the gym. Get his shit together. Will speak on the bolded part first. No. Please do not do this. You are not in the head space to have this conversation. And you will do the complete opposite of what your intentions are. I am pretty sure he is self aware of his needs. You can't force anyone to get their shit together. And you certainly can't force anyone when you are bitter at them. You need to talk with your therapist on how to approach this conversation. On the non bolded part. Yes! Have you ever seen DIR FloorTime or PCIT in action? That is EXACTLY what we learn. Have 3 rules, remind child of those 3 rules before each activity, and praise the heck out of them for following directions and doing what they are asked to do. There was also an emotions chart as part of the program and emotional learning. Not shitting ya. Hell I just praised the heck out of dh for going with dd to the infusion center and poking her with needles as he is learning to do her IgG infusions. I am beyond proud. Yes I praise my kids when they do a simple task. I say I greatly appreciate you stepping in and helping with xyz I do this with dh too. Wanna know why? Because then they are more receptive to me asking for help because they know I will be appreciative of them helping. Shit even dh learned these techniques to work with brand new teachers. He has taken critical conversation classes. It's used in so many industries and programs. You can't expect help when you go around and bitch and moan or demand. You can't raise a helper without giving thanks. Wouldn't YOU liked to be thanked and appreciated for doing something?? Give it a shot. At least 60 days (research shows 30 days is out and 60-80 is now the goal to change habits). |
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pantsonfire
Drama Llama
Take a step back, evaluate what is important, and enjoy your life with those who you love.
Posts: 6,259
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Post by pantsonfire on Oct 23, 2024 18:12:54 GMT
Increased productivity
Employees who feel appreciated are more likely to be productive and maintain or increase their performance. One study found that employees are 18 times more likely to do great work when they are recognized.
Better outcomes
Employees who feel appreciated are more likely to take ownership of their tasks and responsibilities, which can lead to better outcomes.
Higher retention
Recognition can increase employee loyalty to the company, which can lead to higher retention.
Improved health and well-being
Feeling appreciated can lead to better health, lower stress, and fewer sick days.
Here ya go. Concrete evidence.
Think of student of the month awards, teacher of the month awards, employee of the month awards.
They are all praise and bring value to people's lives.
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Post by melanell on Oct 23, 2024 18:23:25 GMT
In regards to the question of what is happy, I don't personally strive to be happy. I know that sounds weird. I strive to be content, which I view as similar, but yet feel has a marked difference. To me "happy" is a moment, an event, a trip, a meal, a tradition. It's a specific feeling at a specific time. When I do this one thing or go this one place or see this one person, I'm happy. But what about all the other hours of my life? Whereas I view "content" as looking at your most basic days, your typical routine, surroundings, situation, people you share life with, and feeling that you're okay with it. You're okay with all of those "filler" hours that make up the space between the sprinkling of "happy". And there are definitely times when I'm not content. When the crap in life reaches that tipping point, where overall I'm not okay with how things are going. When overall I think it all sucks. And that's when I have to really try to remember how contentment felt and what it looked like, and try to be patient while working to regain it. As for what makes me happy day to day---very mundane things right now. I have 2 issues going on which make it hard for me to go out and have fun in the world, so my sprinkling of "happy" throughout my day occurs in very little things, like sitting down each day before dinner to have tea with DH. A TV show that I enjoy. A song that is currently making me smile, or giving me an energy boost. Calling my Dad each evening. Don't get me wrong---sometimes DH wants to rant about something during our tea time, or my Dad has nothing to say and is falling asleep on the phone, the season ends for the show, or I grow bored with the song. And then those moments lose their "happy" shine.  But on many days Dad makes me laugh with his insane childhood stories, or DH comes home in a particularly pleasant mood, or I find a new song or show to enjoy. So, perhaps in trying to write down good things each day, you'll pick up on a pattern of times/places where you have a fairly reliable bit of happiness, or maybe you can locate a spot where with a bit of tweaking you could create a happy moment there on a regular basis. I wish you the best of luck--in regards to yourself and your DH. Hugs! |
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Post by hopechest on Oct 23, 2024 18:26:33 GMT
pantsonfire I hear ya. Thank you for that. Probably not a good plan to have a life changing conversation all guns a blazing. Appreciate the honesty. I know you're right about the praise. I do. I know it works with my 8 year old. I have no problem doing it for him. But adults. Oof. I feel like I'm talking through Sar-chasm (Inside Out 2 Reference). What I try to say something positive it just sounds so fakey and condescending. But you're right, I need to keep at it. You're right, I know you're right. This self-work-in-progress thing sure is a bitch.
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Post by ScrapbookMyLife on Oct 23, 2024 18:43:04 GMT
For me, being happy meant changing my life completely around so that it was the life I wanted, and not what everyone else wanted. This what I did. Best thing ever. |
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Post by bc2ca on Oct 23, 2024 18:51:28 GMT
My therapist is also telling me to start to notice the good things that happen. So I'm trying at work to give more positive feedback, instill pride in the team, brag on their accomplishments. But it feel so hollow. I mean...it's their job. They are doing their job. I need to throw a parade for that? (Again - I know this is a me-problem). Then I look at my family. I'm really supposed to gush when the trash gets taken out? Really? I this just a fake it till you make it exercise? As a former HR manager I can't tell you the number of times employee morale surveys came back just asking for a simple thank you and acknowledgement of their work. And every single time supervisors and managers resist because "they are just doing there job - why do they need a thank you?". Ugh. No one is asking for a parade or you to gush over anything. Just a simple thank you. A sense that they are noticed and appreciated (which is also what you are missing from your family  ). FWIW, the hardest time of my life was dealing with menopause, super stressed high schoolers and an ultra stressed didn't-know-if-he-was-going-die-of-a-heart-attack-or-fall-asleep-at-the-wheel DH all at once. I persuaded DH to try Transcendental Meditation and ending up joining along with him. Truly a game changer for both of us. For me, happiness is feeling at peace that everyone and everything is going to be okay. Kind of don't sweat the small stuff. Or try not to sweat the small stuff or even big stuff. And it doesn't mean there isn't lots happening to sweat over between myself, DH and our not fully launched YAs. For me, happiness is walking the beach and listening to the crash of the waves. Happiness is volunteering and doing something meaningful for someone else. |
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Post by needmysanity on Oct 23, 2024 18:53:29 GMT
I believe in the validity of this quote ~ Happiness is the absence of the striving for Happiness. - CHUANG - TZU ohhhh this is so good |
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Judy26
Pearl Clutcher
MOTFY Bitchy Nursemaid
Posts: 2,974
Location: NW PA
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Post by Judy26 on Oct 23, 2024 19:10:32 GMT
You need to read Codependency No More by M Beattie. Change a few details and your story is mine. This book changed my life in such a profound way. I can’t recommend it enough.
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caangel
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,734
Location: So Cal
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Post by caangel on Oct 23, 2024 19:41:38 GMT
My therapist is also telling me to start to notice the good things that happen. So I'm trying at work to give more positive feedback, instill pride in the team, brag on their accomplishments. But it feel so hollow. I mean...it's their job. They are doing their job. I need to throw a parade for that? (Again - I know this is a me-problem). Then I look at my family. I'm really supposed to gush when the trash gets taken out? Really? I this just a fake it till you make it exercise? As a former HR manager I can't tell you the number of times employee morale surveys came back just asking for a simple thank you and acknowledgement of their work. And every single time supervisors and managers resist because "they are just doing there job - why do they need a thank you?". Ugh. No one is asking for a parade or you to gush over anything. Just a simple thank you. A sense that they are noticed and appreciated (which is also what you are missing from your family ). This! Something I have started doing when I say thank you is also saying "I appreciate... your time/effort/consistency/dedication, etc" I've done this with service providers, my kids, my students, my husband, and more. The other day I was subbing and there was a student that wouldn't engage with what we were doing all morning but wasn't disruptive. In the afternoon he had an aid and he actually did the activity we were working on. During some down time I made a point of telling her that she made a difference in his day and I really appreciated it. Since she wasn't there in the morning she didn't know what she was walking into (I think she was also a sub). Instead of thinking about it as thanking people for doing the job their paid to do maybe think of it as noticing and show appreciation for HOW they are doing their job and how that impacts you, the business, the customers (not sure what you do). I know that gratitude journals have been trendy over the last several years, especially in Nov. Part of that trend is building a habit of noticing the good/positive around us that typically goes unnoticed. I think that is what your therapist is trying to get you to do as well as building your positivity muscles. Maybe thinking of it from a gratitude lense might help. But I also think it is helpful to practice being positive and faking it until you make it as needed. 😜 All that to say it sounds like you are struggling with many different situations and I hope you can find the solutions that work best for you. I've got a lot of change pending in the next few yrs and that unknown is stressing me out at times. |
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Post by hop2 on Oct 23, 2024 19:41:43 GMT
I don’t strive for happy.
I strive, work towards, less stress & more contentment.
If I balance those 2 then the happy just seems to happen.
No you don’t have to throw a parade when people do their jobs, but a thank you wouldn’t hurt. Acknowledgement. You don’t have to gush that the trash is taken out, but again a thank you wouldn’t hurt.
BUT - commenting on those things in that way is all for other people. Responding or not to things getting done will help/hinder others. And honestly if you run around pumping up everyone else you’ll probably just developed a resentment for that.
However, noticing things that you like, are good for you can refill your bucket if you will. When people do their jobs then look at what that does for you, frees up your time? Allows you to accomplish something else? THEN your ‘thank you’ will be genuine for both you & them.
It’s like the choice to see the silver lining in most situations. To see the small things that improve your day. If you do that then your actions of self care will be less hollow & more fulfilling.
The resentment comes from inside you, from your framing, the way you’re looking at things & your reactions to the things around you. It’s noticeable in the way you write about it. “Do I have to throw a parade because someone did their job” just reeks with inner resentment. You need to start actually looking at things from a different lens or you’re going to resent everything & everyone. You need a change of mindset.
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Post by don on Oct 23, 2024 20:16:30 GMT
I don’t know how many cookies it takes to make me happy, so far, it’s not 27.
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Post by Merge on Oct 23, 2024 20:18:54 GMT
I don’t strive for happy. I strive, work towards, less stress & more contentment. If I balance those 2 then the happy just seems to happen. No you don’t have to throw a parade when people do their jobs, but a thank you wouldn’t hurt. Acknowledgement. You don’t have to gush that the trash is taken out, but again a thank you wouldn’t hurt. BUT - commenting on those things in that way is all for other people. Responding or not to things getting done will help/hinder others. And honestly if you run around pumping up everyone else you’ll probably just developed a resentment for that. However, noticing things that you like, are good for you can refill your bucket if you will. When people do their jobs then look at what that does for you, frees up your time? Allows you to accomplish something else? THEN your ‘thank you’ will be genuine for both you & them. It’s like the choice to see the silver lining in most situations. To see the small things that improve your day. If you do that then your actions of self care will be less hollow & more fulfilling. The resentment comes from inside you, from your framing, the way you’re looking at things & your reactions to the things around you. It’s noticeable in the way you write about it. “Do I have to throw a parade because someone did their job” just reeks with inner resentment. You need to start actually looking at things from a different lens or you’re going to resent everything & everyone. You need a change of mindset. That's why I asked if maybe she is depressed. It just sounds like depression to me. |
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scrappinmama
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,121
Jun 26, 2014 12:54:09 GMT
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Post by scrappinmama on Oct 23, 2024 20:59:26 GMT
I will validate your feelings. We all go through those funks in life, especially mid-life and beyond. What brings me the most joy is a peaceful home life. If I don't have that, I really struggle. I think it's normally to go through periods where you and your spouse aren't on the same page. What we have started to do is have a set time to talk each week. Sometimes it's really hard and one of us walks away feeling hurt. But we always come back and there is growth and healing in the process. Please speak to your family about your feeling of lack of support.
Something that we do in our house is Thankful Thursday. We go around the dinner table and share what we are thankful for that week. I'm a big supporter of finding gratitude even through the struggles. That might be a good place to start. You don't have to do this as a group. Start with just yourself.
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peabay
Prolific Pea
Posts: 9,940
Jun 25, 2014 19:50:41 GMT
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Post by peabay on Oct 23, 2024 21:27:28 GMT
My therapist asks what makes you happy. I really couldn't tell her. I have things I enjoy I guess - scrapbooking (which I never actually have time to do), reading, watching movies, but is that it? What makes people happy? What makes you happy? What do you find joy and wonder in? What do happy people do exactly? I'll answer your question - it doesn't take a lot. I work in a school - the kids are adorable and make me happy. I absolutely love spending time with my adult children - that makes me happy. I really like having something to look forward to - I try to plan something every week that I'm excited about. We're going to watch our daughter's boyfriend run a marathon this weekend in coastal Rhode Island. Really looking to supporting him in his carb loading, staying in a hotel and being with him and my daughter. Now, the being cared about part? We share that. I was the youngest child of two very young parents who had a troubled marriage and I was kind of lost in the shuffle a lot. I know I was loved and cared about but they were both distracted by their own issues and I felt sort of forgotten. I married someone who isn't all that empathic and I really have to tell him sometimes "I need you to care about how I'm feeling right now." And it works - he really tries (and mostly succeeds.) But I know he was the fifth of 6 kids and he grew up really having to take care of himself and only think about himself - it was the only way to get his needs met. So, I would stay the course in therapy but I also might bring up what's already been mentioned: am I depressed? It kind of sounds like it. To not be able to identify sources of happiness; to feel just that everything is blah - those are depressive symptoms. There's major and there's minor depression. To me, you are highly functioning and it doesn't sound like major depression - but google "minor depression." The anhedonia really kind of sounds like it. This is a journey - I wish you the best. I really do think you can start feeling better and happier. |
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Post by Zee on Oct 23, 2024 22:02:35 GMT
Menopause and adjusting to middle age is a bitch. I had no idea until it happened to me. It wasn't just the hot flashes, it was the emotional turmoil that the hormone surges and lack of hormones caused. It's a physical AND mental upheaval.
It helped a lot to know I wasn't actually going crazy and that I could ride it out. I was straight miserable for at least a year, felt like I was gonna lose my marbles but was able to hold onto the idea that it was all hormonal.
But the best thing I've done for myself is embrace my creative side. I feel like a witch of the woods who is just now coming into her powers. My job isn't very creative and I really needed this outlet. I feel like I'm coming into my next season and I can see the positives of my body no longer being able to create life so its focus has shifted to creating art. I'm just getting started.
Maybe I'll be Grandma Moses.
Also in regards to praising your team, you're lifting them up and recognizing a job well done --it really does make a difference to be appreciated for doing, yes, the job you're paid for. Most everyone I work with is younger than me and they were raised differently than we were. Keep in mind that this is a communication skill and you're communicating in their language.
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Post by Zee on Oct 23, 2024 22:04:55 GMT
PS I've never been one to suffer in silence. I don't know what that looks like. You have to communicate what you need.
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Post by 950nancy on Oct 23, 2024 22:16:24 GMT
I don't know if I can help on the happiness side, but it sounds like lessening your load wouldn't hurt. I would drop things or lessen things that aren't really important. When you are able, have a conversation with the other two in your house and see how you can share the load. My kids did their laundry and lots of other chores by second grade. My coworkers were horrified, but eh, why shouldn't they learn to be contributing members of the household as well?
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But on many days Dad makes me laugh with his insane childhood stories, or DH comes home in a particularly pleasant mood, or I find a new song or show to enjoy. 
).
