katybee
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,462 
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Post by katybee on Oct 29, 2024 1:03:26 GMT
Let me preface this by saying I am 99.99999% sure this is NOT in my future for MANY reasons…
I got a phone call today that I NEVER expected. It was from a foster agency in Missouri (where I’m originally from) saying that three children that I am related to (my cousin’s grandchildren) are going into foster care. That side of my family has always had problems with drugs and alcohol, so it’s not completely shocking. What is shocking is that they called ME. My cousin passed away several years ago and I haven’t seen his kids (one of them is the parent of the children) since THEY were kids. Plus…I live half a country away. If the goal is reunification, wouldn’t that be difficult?
I don’t know details…except it is the father of the children who is my 2nd? cousin? I don’t even know the ages of the kids…just that there are 3. I am WAY too old to take on kids at this point, and I live in the 5th most expensive city in the country…I can’t even imagine how I could afford a big enough house. But they must be desperate, because the social worker kept saying “Oh…that shouldn’t be a problem” to every concern I have. If I still lived in Missouri, I may have considered it. (I follow a few foster advocates online and have considered it waaaaaaayyyy in the back of my mind).
Also…my cousin had 3 kids last I knew. Where are they? Why aren’t they taking them? Why would they contact a distant cousin in California? I’m going to dig around on FB and call some other cousins and try to find out more.
I feel really bad for these kids….but I know in my heart this is not the right situation for them….
Also….how did they get my phone number?
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mimima
Drama Llama
Stay Gold, Ponyboy
Posts: 5,104
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Post by mimima on Oct 29, 2024 1:19:19 GMT
Oh, wow! That's interesting. And, I'm sorry that things have progressed to this point
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Post by lucyg on Oct 29, 2024 2:12:30 GMT
wow, what a tough situation. Good luck to everyone involved.
The father is your first cousin, once removed. The kids are your first cousins, twice removed.
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Post by bc2ca on Oct 29, 2024 2:40:23 GMT
There definitely is a move in the dependency system to place kids with relatives or very close family friends as much as possible because it is in the kids' best interest. Anecdotally it has been true for me and other CASAs I know working with these kids.
I do know kids taken into dependency in CA that have been placed with family out of state and at least one situation where it was a distant cousin the young man had never met before. Hmm, these cases had moved past reunification though, which makes me question where in the system your cousin's case is. Any sort of progressive visitation (supervised, unsupervised, overnight, etc.) required for reunification is pretty impossible with the kids across the country.
There could be all sorts of reasons that the parent's siblings or other relatives have already been ruled out as carers (issues with substance abuse, job stability, house stability, etc.). Or they could be working multiple options at the same time rather than ruling out a possibility and then moving on to the next. At some point, someone has created a family tree/contact list with your name on it.
But the bottom line is you have to make the best decision for you. From a social worker's point of view, you are an ideal option so they won't let you go easily.
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Post by Hayjaker on Oct 29, 2024 2:43:01 GMT
Well, I am a child welfare supervisor in Oregon and can give you a little insight.
When we take children into foster care we definitely work hard to reunify them with their parents, but we are also required to have a concurrent plan just in case things don’t work out. Also, we are required to place kids with relatives and this begins with an extensive relative search.
It is likely they called MANY people trying to find someone able, willing, and appropriate to take on parenting responsibility for these children and keep them connected to family in any way. The search uses many public databases to gather information. Phone numbers are also obtained through word of mouth from one relative to another.
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Post by hop2 on Oct 29, 2024 21:36:46 GMT
Since you don’t know where they got your number, could it possibly be some sort of scam?
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Post by Zee on Oct 29, 2024 21:52:00 GMT
Those poor kids...but I just don't think I would or could do that at this stage of my life.
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sweetpeasmom
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,704
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Post by sweetpeasmom on Oct 30, 2024 0:07:57 GMT
My niece (just turned 9 on Saturday) was placed in foster care in 2022. My sister is a drug addict (currently clean). My mom was named guardian but she was still considered to be in foster care. When my mom had her stroke in 2023, she could no longer care for my niece. My sister wasn't complying with her family drug court and my niece was then placed in a foster home. Before it happened, DFACS reached out to me and asked if we would be willing to take her. At the time, I was focused on my mom and I just could not take on a then 7 year old, who was also autistic. That was March 2023. By September, my sister was kicked out of family drug court and they started the process to terminate her parental rights. I was still dealing with mom but even if I wasn't, I still would not have taken my niece because in all honesty, she is better off away from my sister. And if I had her, my sister would not allow me to do what I would need to do. She'd never not be around. So I didn't offer to take my niece. My sister's rights were terminated in January and we found out that my niece was officially adopted on August 21.
I say all that to show that it's ok to say no. I know that family is always the first choice but sometimes it's not the best thing for everyone all around. If you honestly do not feel you would be the best choice for these 3 children, don't do it. If my sister weren't in the picture, I might have considered it. Even though dh and I are in a different chapter of our lives now (empty nesters).
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StephDRebel
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,711
Location: Ohio
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Post by StephDRebel on Oct 30, 2024 3:58:21 GMT
My niece (just turned 9 on Saturday) was placed in foster care in 2022. My sister is a drug addict (currently clean). My mom was named guardian but she was still considered to be in foster care. When my mom had her stroke in 2023, she could no longer care for my niece. My sister wasn't complying with her family drug court and my niece was then placed in a foster home. Before it happened, DFACS reached out to me and asked if we would be willing to take her. At the time, I was focused on my mom and I just could not take on a then 7 year old, who was also autistic. That was March 2023. By September, my sister was kicked out of family drug court and they started the process to terminate her parental rights. I was still dealing with mom but even if I wasn't, I still would not have taken my niece because in all honesty, she is better off away from my sister. And if I had her, my sister would not allow me to do what I would need to do. She'd never not be around. So I didn't offer to take my niece. My sister's rights were terminated in January and we found out that my niece was officially adopted on August 21.
I say all that to show that it's ok to say no. I know that family is always the first choice but sometimes it's not the best thing for everyone all around. If you honestly do not feel you would be the best choice for these 3 children, don't do it. If my sister weren't in the picture, I might have considered it. Even though dh and I are in a different chapter of our lives now (empty nesters).
Im replying to emphasize this. We had a similar station and we're practically begged to take a 2 year old who definitely had delays but had never been tested. They went through all of her family and couldn't find anyone who could pass a drug test and didn't have domestic violence on their background check. He was the son of the son of my cousin who was adopted by my aunt and uncle and is now in her 50s. We were the only ones on our side that were local enough for him to have a relationship with my aunt and uncle and I would have loved to give that to them and take care of the sweet little one but i knew he didn't stand a chance if his grmothers birth family was around and they woukdnt leave him be. He was also adopted and is doing amazingly well. It broke me when we said no but it was 1000% the right choice. |
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