anaterra
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,134
Location: Texas
Jun 29, 2014 3:04:02 GMT
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Post by anaterra on Oct 31, 2024 0:28:21 GMT
I have a "friend" at work. She was married for 12 years but has been single now for 4/5ish... she is dating a guy n its getting serious...
Not engagement serious yet but maybe one day...
We are not allowed to wear jewelry to work.. its a factory... so all jewelry is not allowed... so her wedding rings havent been worn a whole super lot....
she has her wedding set from her 1st marriage and she absolutely LOVES IT!!! She picked out her engagement ring n she chose the band to go with it... to her it symbolizes her and her dream in her part of a marriage... she says it has nothing to do with the man who gave it to her...
Soooo when her n the new bf get to that stage she wants her original engagement ring... and for bf to save the money n they can use it for a trip or investment or something... she doesn't want him to spend a ton of money on something she may not like when she already has what "she absolutely loves"....
I think that's dumb and kinda told her so.. probably a little to bluntly...
What do you think???
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Post by AussieMeg on Oct 31, 2024 0:33:34 GMT
I think she is being very sensible. Why waste money on new rings when she already has rings she loves? Unless her new partner is dead against it, I think it's fine.
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pilcas
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,237 
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Post by pilcas on Oct 31, 2024 0:37:25 GMT
It doesnt seem right to wear the rings that symbolize her old marriage if she marries someone else. I can see the new husband not quite understanding. She doesn’t have to get a diamond as an engagement ring, it can be something else she likes, plenty of beautiful rings in the stores. She can also wear her engagement ring on the right hand occasionally but without the wedding band.
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Post by SnoopyFan on Oct 31, 2024 0:37:31 GMT
I can't imagine doing that. I think my engagement ring is pretty. I still have it, along with my wedding ring, in my jewelry box. To me, those rings are symbols of my marriage -- a marriage that lasted a long time but ultimately didn't work out. I don't plan to ever put either one of those rings on my fingers again.
I think your work friend is odd.
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pantsonfire
Drama Llama
Take a step back, evaluate what is important, and enjoy your life with those who you love.
Posts: 6,259
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Post by pantsonfire on Oct 31, 2024 0:41:12 GMT
What is wrong with using a set you love? What is odd about saving money?
She is being frugal. And if she loves the rings and wants to use them again, cool. It's HER proposal and HER wedding.
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Post by mom on Oct 31, 2024 0:42:42 GMT
I am all about saving money and being sensible. But I could not do it and like you, probably would have told her so.
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Post by melanell on Oct 31, 2024 0:45:32 GMT
I think the same thing I typically think about situations that don't involve me--if makes her happy, and doesn't hurt anyone else, then why not? Of course, that is conditional on it not being hurtful to the new husband. But if he truly doesn't care, then I certainly don't.  Plenty of people use rings that are second-hand, antique, or handed down. In those cases they don't always know the history of those rings, but in some cases the history may not be nice. But the rings don't hold the negative aspects of the previous time they were used unless you let them. We decide that rings symbolize marriage, and since we're the ones inventing that meaning, then we can decide they symbolize a current marriage instead of one they were used to symbolize previously if that feels okay to us. I hope they both agree on how to handle it and wish them the best. |
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anaterra
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,134
Location: Texas
Jun 29, 2014 3:04:02 GMT
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Post by anaterra on Oct 31, 2024 0:57:07 GMT
Im gonna ask her when we go back if it's gonna be a deal breaker if he is against the old rings.... i don't know him... but most everyone in the area thought it was not ok...
I do appreciate the different perspectives
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seaexplore
Prolific Pea
Posts: 8,878
Apr 25, 2015 23:57:30 GMT
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Post by seaexplore on Oct 31, 2024 0:59:21 GMT
Kinda weird IMO but it’s her choice and if the new guy is good with it, whatever. I’d never judge someone for doing what they want.
For me, nope. Too much baggage in my mind if Dh and I were to split and I chose to wear our ring. Fresh start, new relationship, new rings to symbolize it. I might wear it on my right hand but it’s very obviously an engagement ring as it’s a solitaire.
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caangel
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,734
Location: So Cal
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Post by caangel on Oct 31, 2024 1:16:45 GMT
What is wrong with using a set you love? What is odd about saving money? She is being frugal. And if she loves the rings and wants to use them again, cool. It's HER proposal and HER wedding. If her fiance has no issues then it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks. BUT I would be really surprised if her fiance had zero issues about it. It's not just a nice ring her ex husband gave her its her old wedding ring. There's a lot of symbolism and emotions that come along with that for both her AND her fiance. IMO she needs to be 200% sure that he has zero issues with it. If there's even a slight hesitancy sell it for the money (to save money) and find something else. Or keep it to wear as regular jewelry and buy something else for the new wedding ring. |
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Post by lisae on Oct 31, 2024 1:25:58 GMT
It really doesn't matter what you or any of us think. The only other opinion that matters is the boyfriend. If he is okay with it, then why not? If however, it really bothers him for her to wear rings she used in a commitment ceremony with another man, then she should honor his wishes and get another ring. Maybe she can have the first ring refashioned for a necklace keeping not just the stone but part of the setting as well if she ends up getting a new ring.
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Post by jill8909 on Oct 31, 2024 1:27:44 GMT
it's between them. no opinion. sorry!
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pinklady
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,064
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Post by pinklady on Oct 31, 2024 2:14:45 GMT
Smart woman.
Personally, I think spending thousands on wedding rings is stupid. A $20 Diamonique will do.
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Post by ntsf on Oct 31, 2024 3:04:33 GMT
I wear a very plain small gold band.. wedding ring. my engagement ring was a family one.. but I lost the diamond so haven't worn it for 20 yrs.
I agree it is an issue for the boyfriend and her to solve. personally I would sell the old and buy new..but I'm not much of a jewelry person.
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Post by lucyg on Oct 31, 2024 3:25:12 GMT
I have actually thought about more or less the same thing. Not that I have any plans to remarry. But some years into my marriage, I developed an allergy to gold and couldn’t wear my wedding set anymore. I had my great-grandmother’s platinum wedding band and started wearing that instead. DH and I talked about having the diamond from my engagement ring reset in a platinum ring. But he was killed before we got around to doing it. So after his death, I went ahead and had it made. Now I have a platinum set that I quit wearing years ago (he died over 30 years ago). But I’ve wondered … would there be any reason not to use the same set in another marriage? The only thing that came from my husband is the diamond. I did wear the wedding band during my marriage, but it wasn’t chosen or bought by him. I like the set, I like the memories associated with it, and I would use it again as long as the other person involved didn’t object. I don’t think it’s odd. |
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Post by compeateropeator on Oct 31, 2024 5:29:16 GMT
Well I am not married so that may skew my thoughts. If it doesn’t have a relevance to her ex or previous marriage, she loves it, and her fiancé doesn’t mind I say go for it. IMO, really no different than staying in a house you bought with an ex that you kept. Or how about a bed you had with an ex. I could be way off (and often am) but I don’t think it is that bad in the right situation.
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Post by gar on Oct 31, 2024 8:46:20 GMT
I think it's very sensible but there are few things more symbolic than a wedding ring so I find it hard to separate that from the logical aspect.
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wellway
Prolific Pea
Posts: 9,073
Jun 25, 2014 20:50:09 GMT
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Post by wellway on Oct 31, 2024 8:56:36 GMT
I guess if the boyfriend is not concerned then so be it but I'm imagining the situation where they are at a gathering and someone admires the ring and compliments the boyfriend on his choice and he has to answer, actually her first husband picked and paid for it...
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Post by lainey on Oct 31, 2024 8:58:12 GMT
It might be sensible and frugal and all that jazz but it's also weird. New bf doesn't need to spend a ton of money on something she doesn't like, they can choose a ring together and it will be special to their relationship not a constant reminder of a failed marriage.
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Post by gillyp on Oct 31, 2024 10:11:53 GMT
If the shoe were on the other foot, I would be very miffed if my new partner wanted to wear their old wedding rings as a symbol of our union. I'm not into jewellery, expensive jewellery means nothing to me so I'd happily wear a plastic ring from a Christmas Cracker if need be but I, personally, would not wear jewellery associated with a previous partner in that manner. If her new partner doesn't have an issue with it then so be it.
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Post by littlemama on Oct 31, 2024 10:37:14 GMT
It isn't something I would be comfortable with, but if she and her boyfriend want to do that, they certainly can.
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Post by JoP on Oct 31, 2024 10:59:52 GMT
No it's weird.
She could have the rings made into another piece of jewellery that she can wear. Of if she has children from that marriage maybe have something made for them.
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Post by compeateropeator on Oct 31, 2024 12:10:16 GMT
For some reason I find this question fascinating. 😄
I am just curious, would it make a difference to some if the ring set was a set that she had passed down from a parent or grandparent and then used for her first marriage? Would it then be acceptable to use the same set for a 2nd marriage?
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Post by guzismom on Oct 31, 2024 12:15:11 GMT
I am usually a very practical (and frugal) person...but if I was her bf, I would not be ok with this idea.
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Post by mikklynn on Oct 31, 2024 12:26:46 GMT
I wouldn't do it. But, I also would not judge her if she and her fiance were both ok with it.
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Post by crazy4scraps on Oct 31, 2024 12:29:17 GMT
It sounds like due to her job she doesn’t wear the rings daily anyway so what difference does it really make? I loved my wedding and engagement rings when I got them almost 40 years ago and wore them every day up until I almost couldn’t get them off when I was pregnant. Once off I couldn’t get them back on so haven’t worn them since. 🤷🏻♀️
After this many years, if I wanted to wear my rings again I probably would have them remade into a different style since my tastes have changed some over the years. Part of why I didn’t bother getting them resized was because after I stopped wearing them I realized how much they got caught on things.
I guess if she still loves the style of her original rings and her new guy doesn’t care why should anyone else? If it doesn’t represent baggage for either of them that’s all that matters.
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Post by JoP on Oct 31, 2024 13:14:29 GMT
For some reason I find this question fascinating. 😄 I am just curious, would it make a difference to some if the ring set was a set that she had passed down from a parent or grandparent and then used for her first marriage? Would it then be acceptable to use the same set for a 2nd marriage? I personally would not wear a passed down set from a parent or grandparent as my wedding/engagement rings. I may wear them on the opposite hand. |
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Post by gar on Oct 31, 2024 13:20:39 GMT
For some reason I find this question fascinating. 😄 I am just curious, would it make a difference to some if the ring set was a set that she had passed down from a parent or grandparent and then used for her first marriage? Would it then be acceptable to use the same set for a 2nd marriage? It wouldn't be different for me. I would perhaps wear them round my neck or on my other hand or something. |
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Post by gillyp on Oct 31, 2024 13:42:15 GMT
I differ from gar and JoP! I do see a difference in wearing a family piece and if my grandmother's ring wasn't too big for my sausage fingers I'd be wearing it now as my wedding band. Whether DH would agree is another matter! |
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milocat
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,615
Location: 55 degrees north in Alberta, Canada
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Post by milocat on Oct 31, 2024 13:52:40 GMT
Sounds wierd to me but it doesn't seem like she feel that way. So I say go for it and use that new ring money for something else.
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