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Post by jeremysgirl on Oct 31, 2024 16:18:05 GMT
This is about reading. This is a total nothing of a problem. Trust me, I have bigger fish to fry and you have bigger fish to fry. I know this is stupid so no need to tell me. However, the non-political threads seem to be running so slow lately, so I thought I'd add this to keep it moving.
So I thought it would be fun to get one of those posters with 100 of the best books of all time. It's a scratch off as you read them. I tend to read non-fiction so mostly for information and I had a couple of friends suggest to me lately that maybe it would do me some good to read some fiction for entertainment purposes. And what better, I thought, than some of the best books.
I have this friend. We are not super great friends, but we text maybe twice a week and get together probably 6 times a year or so for a girls night. I'll text, how was your weekend? And she'll say, great, I cleaned house, did laundry, and read all weekend. And then on Facebook she posts meme after meme about how addicted to reading she is, how she spends all her money on books, etc. So I thought who better to read through the poster with than her? So I asked her earlier this year if she was interested. She said she was and she bought the poster.
So we mutually agreed on the first book (1984) and I was reading it and wanted to talk about it. She was dragging far behind me. She kept complaining she hated the book. But I finished and then eventually she did too and she said she hated it and didn't want to talk about it. I picked the second book. The poster just said Harry Potter. So we read the first Harry Potter book at the same time. She said she enjoyed it, but she didn't want to read the rest, so she said she had plenty of other things to read if I wanted to read the rest. So I read the other 6 books.
Then it was her turn to choose. She chose The Book Thief. I thought the book was so good. She did too. And for the most part, we kept pace with one another. I finished just a little bit sooner than she did. But she made a comment that this book was much more her style. The fourth book was my turn to choose and I chose The Plague. I thought it would be interesting to make the comparisons to Covid. So as I was reading the book, she was way behind me and again, she said she didn't care for it. So we didn't get to talk much about it.
Our fifth (final) book she picked and it was The Poisonwood Bible. She chose this book over 3 weeks ago. I went right out and got it and the story was great. I totally loved it. As of yesterday, she's on page 30.
I was having a day yesterday (it was my child who passed away's birthday) and Jeremy took me to the bookstore and basically was like, get whatever you want. So I picked 4 books on the poster and I thought that I would just hold them and not read them until it was my turn to pick again. And I told this to Jeremy and he was like, why don't you just read them if you want to. And I was like, because I've committed to doing this with Friend and I feel like I should see it through. He was like, Friend is not keeping up, she's not enjoying most of the books, and you've had zero discussion of the books. You have said over and over how disappointed you are. Just forget about friend and read them.
And honestly, I'm beginning to wonder if Friend is not nearly as big of a reader as she portrays herself to be. That seems obvious to me now. And I'm also wondering if Friend is just not enjoying herself, feeling forced to read things that she doesn't want to. I also don't know if Friend just isn't into a book club type discussion because she hasn't wanted to talk in depth about anything related to these 5 books we've read. And the fact that we are moving at such different paces is really not conducive to having a mini book club anyway.
I'm definitely leaning toward just asking her outright if she doesn't really want to do this anymore. Jeremy says that Friend (he's known her longer than me) is the type that would feel confronted no matter how nicely I ask and would probably rather I just move on without her and let things just fizzle. So he's like, just read on and let her go.
I feel like I either need to talk to her and let her off the hook or just accept we committed to this and stop to wait for her. Jeremy is just like, move on and don't think twice about it. What do you think?
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Post by katlady on Oct 31, 2024 16:25:47 GMT
I would read what I want to and if she gets around to it, discuss the book as if you just read it. People read at different speeds. It also sound like she doesn’t like a lot of the books on the list. I would let this challenge just run its course without asking her about it since Jeremy said she would feel confronted. Nothing to keep you from completing the challenge! Good luck! It is something I always thought of doing, but no time right now.
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3boysnme
Full Member
Posts: 405
Aug 1, 2023 13:28:26 GMT
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Post by 3boysnme on Oct 31, 2024 16:28:04 GMT
The books on the poster are probably more detailed than say a romance book or thriller. Those books may not be what she is used to reading. I'd tell her that you are going to read ahead, and to let you know if she wanted to discuss any of them.
For me, I can't do book clubs. I tried a couple of times, but lost interest. Not in the book, but in the discussion. I read because I enjoy reading. To discuss them after, I feel like I'm back in school and I hated having to talk about the books we read. I was the kid that didn't read mandatory books in school and faked it with Cliff notes, then read them later on in life and enjoyed them.
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Post by Darcy Collins on Oct 31, 2024 16:29:18 GMT
I'm a reader, but based on my book club experience, most people are just not. We went through "deep" books, we went through "fluff" books and then just realized they were in it for the wine. Which I'm fine with just wish we'd called a wine club and sampled different wines and not a book club as I felt obligated to actually read the book!
And side note - read some historical fiction. I love it - Lilac Girls will give you a whole different perspective on WWII and not something that can actually be classified as non-fiction.
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Post by scrapmaven on Oct 31, 2024 16:30:05 GMT
It doesn't sound like she's actively participating. There's nothing to discuss if she isn't even keeping up w/the reading. I would take Jeremy's advice. Read what you want to read and if she wants to discuss a book, you'll have read it and can discuss. Stop mentioning it and let it run it's course, which it might have done, already. No guilt. No need to confront her. Just read for your enjoyment.
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dawnnikol
Prolific Pea
'A life without books is a life not lived.' Jay Kristoff
Posts: 8,555
Sept 21, 2015 18:39:25 GMT
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Post by dawnnikol on Oct 31, 2024 16:32:58 GMT
I would be annoyed if they weren't keeping up or willing to discuss it, especially this far into the poster. I would probably need the closure of giving her an out or just mentioning that I've now read XX books on the poster. I can understand life getting in the way, but just own it. Read on and if she's going to finally catch up, maybe then you can discuss them? Her posting of memes just could be for lack of anything else.
I'm sorry about yesterday though. If I had been in your shoes, I might've just said "F it" and not worried about the "friend" at all.
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Post by gillyp on Oct 31, 2024 16:33:05 GMT
I am that friend! But I would never have agreed to do what you two are doing in the first place. I really don't like being expected to read a particular book, I don't like discussing it and I would find the whole thing an enormous pressure that I could do without. But (number 2) had I agreed to do it in the first place, if you were the other reader, I think I'd say that I was holding you up and maybe we should draw a line under it. So, as that imaginary friend, you have my permission to move on.  |
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mich5481
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,760 
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Post by mich5481 on Oct 31, 2024 16:34:56 GMT
Read on your own - if she wants to pick a book you've already read, great! You shouldn't have to delay something you want to do because someone else flaked on it.
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Post by katlady on Oct 31, 2024 16:36:32 GMT
I’ve never done a book club. I’ve been intrigued by them. But like others have said, I like to read. I don’t like to analyze and discuss it. I used to hate doing book reports. I still remember in elementary school, doing a book report, I said I really liked the book and teacher asked “why?” And when I couldn’t verbalize why I liked the book she said that I probably didn’t really like the book.😢 And to this day, I hate giving reviews or critique about something. 😂
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mich5481
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,760
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Post by mich5481 on Oct 31, 2024 16:37:48 GMT
You know, I wonder if the reading memes are just to show she has a productive hobby? Like people will judge her if she says she spends all weekend watching reruns, but they won't if she says she was reading. 🤷♀️
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Post by compeateropeator on Oct 31, 2024 16:39:28 GMT
I say read on. When she gets to ones that you have read and if she wants to discuss them, then yay…if not oh well.
I would continue to pick one to read together each time she finishes hers, but I would continue to read others at the same time. If there are 100 books on the poster you will have plenty to read together if she decides to do so, but for you I would just continue to read the ones you want off your poster at your pace and scratch it when done.
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breetheflea
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,584
Location: PNW
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Post by breetheflea on Oct 31, 2024 16:41:47 GMT
My dd (19) has one of those posters. I have never heard of some of the books on it...
I also follow someone on You Tube who has a [different] poster and every few months draws a title randomly and reads the book and vlogs about it.
I am living vicariously through both of them, because there are a few classics that would be on every '100 books' poster/reading list I would not want to read (50 Shades of Grey, Lolita, Dune...)
If your friend is dragging her feet (I do that when I am not enjoying a book) just read on your own.
ETA: forgot to say I am a former English major and huge bookworm.
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wellway
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Jun 25, 2014 20:50:09 GMT
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Post by wellway on Oct 31, 2024 16:46:36 GMT
Read on. You are clearly getting more out of it than her.
If I've read it correctly you are on book five of 100 and it's taken months to achieve that, I'd just carry on regardless. Say nothing, see if she chases up this side of Christmas, she doesn't seem to be enthused about it and trying to engage her will only ruin your enjoyment.
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wellway
Prolific Pea
Posts: 9,073
Jun 25, 2014 20:50:09 GMT
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Post by wellway on Oct 31, 2024 16:58:05 GMT
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Post by littlemama on Oct 31, 2024 16:58:42 GMT
She may be a big reader, but just doesnt care for those types of books.
I read a ton, but I read what I want, when I want. I sometimes will read the classics, but they arent my main source of reading.
Life is so heavy that I prefer to read light books for the most part- rom-coms, romantic suspense, mysteries. I do read other books, but I have to be in the right mindset.
Im also not a bookclub person or someone who wants to read a book at someone else's pace and discuss. I like the idea of a book club, but I know myself well enough to know I would come to view it as a chore.
So, anyway, I wouldnt wait for her, I would just read what I want, whether it is on the poster or not. I also wouldnt judge her as "not a big reader" or someone who has disappointed you.
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Post by jeremysgirl on Oct 31, 2024 17:02:54 GMT
It is something I always thought of doing, but no time right now. I do some very silly things. Like wear the same dress for 100 days. And go completely vegan for 3 months. Hahaha...it seems I really thrive on a good challenge. The books on the poster are probably more detailed than say a romance book or thriller. Those books may not be what she is used to reading. This is true. I wondered if that's why she liked The Book Thief. It was really an easy read and it was one of the more modern ones on the poster. As was her other choice, The Poisonwood Bible. then read them later on in life and enjoyed them. I am glad you did. That's what I thought too. Some of the books I read back in college and I thought it would be nice to reread them. I went to college right after high school and yeah, college was great. But I didn't take it nearly as seriously as I did my masters from the ages of 38-41. I think maturity plays a huge part. This is why I wanted to take this challenge on at this time in my life. Which I'm fine with just wish we'd called a wine club and sampled different wines and not a book club as I felt obligated to actually read the book! This made me laugh. I'll say if any of my friends wanted to start a wine club, this book friend would probably lead the club. LOL! Lilac Girls will give you a whole different perspective on WWII and not something that can actually be classified as non-fiction. Thank you for the recommendation. I'll check it out on Goodreads. |
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Post by jeremysgirl on Oct 31, 2024 17:06:52 GMT
Stop mentioning it and let it run it's course, which it might have done, This is a good point. Last time I asked her she hadn't gotten any further. I really enjoyed this last book and I was excited to see if she was liking it. I'm just going to finish the side book I'm reading right now and not say anything else to her. I'll see if she brings it up. I am that friend! But I would never have agreed to do what you two are doing in the first place. I really don't like being expected to read a particular book, I don't like discussing it and I would find the whole thing an enormous pressure that I could do without. But (number 2) had I agreed to do it in the first place, if you were the other reader, I think I'd say that I was holding you up and maybe we should draw a line under it. So, as that imaginary friend, you have my permission to move on. This made me laugh. I can do almost anything as long as I maintain a spirit of curiosity and adventure. You know the kinds of challenges I set up for myself. I don't feel pressured by them, I thrive on them. You know, I wonder if the reading memes are just to show she has a productive hobby? Like people will judge her if she says she spends all weekend watching reruns, but they won't if she says she was reading. This is one of those things that make you go hmm.. I'm beginning to wonder this myself. |
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Post by KiwiJo on Oct 31, 2024 17:16:02 GMT
I don’t think you need to even mention this to her anymore. Just read what you want to read, and let her do the same.
I love reading, I read a lot. But I would hate to “have” to read books I don’t like and am not interested in. I also hate to discuss books I’ve read with others - i read because I enjoy reading, not because I want to dissect the book afterwards. I wonder if you expressed your wish to discuss the books with her, before you began the project? I know that if someone had suggested to me that we both read a selection of books, it wouldn’t occur to me that the other person thought that also implies discussing them as we go; that would be a deal-breaker for me.
Perhaps your friend is a people pleaser who found it too difficult to refuse your idea, and now finds it too difficult to say she doesn’t want to do it. Or perhaps she just doesn’t think it’s a big deal whether she reads the books or not.
It seems pretty obvious that after all this time, your friend just doesn’t want to continue but doesn’t know how to say so. So I think your options are to just forget the whole thing and carry on as if it had never been a thing, or to suggest to her that the project be abandoned because you get the idea she’s no longer interested and that’s ok. Either option is valid.
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Post by jeremysgirl on Oct 31, 2024 17:17:11 GMT
If I've read it correctly you are on book five of 100 and it's taken months to achieve that, I'd just carry on regardless. We started in February. I never said we had to read this poster straight through. I thought for sure along the way, we'd have other books we'd want to detour for. I was in no hurry really. And she waited for me to read all of Harry Potter series. Say nothing, see if she chases up this side of Christmas, she doesn't seem to be enthused about it and trying to engage her will only ruin your enjoyment. That's what I'm going to do. Just be quiet and see what happens. This crochet blanket would match perfectly Hahaha...leave it to you wellway to find just the right craft to go along with it. I also wouldnt judge her as "not a big reader" or someone who has disappointed you. Maybe not judging her as not being a big reader is justified criticism. But she did disappoint me. She didn't have to agree to doing this. And she still doesn't. If she called me today and told me this just wasn't working for her, I'd be like OK and go on with my bad self. I wouldn't be hurt at all. But I feel I'm fully justified in being disappointed when someone matched my commitment to doing something and then didn't hold up their end of the deal. I have a whole lot more respect for people when they can look you in the eye and say no or this doesn't work for me or I can't or this wasn't what I thought it was going to be so I need to step out than someone who is just dragging along behind me and doesn't want to be. She might be holding me up while I feel obligated to understanding that her life might be such that she can't keep up or doesn't have the mental energy to discuss the books. I'm trying to be understanding of her because I'm her friend and I don't want to hurt her. But if she doesn't want to do this, not telling me is not nice. |
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Post by jeremysgirl on Oct 31, 2024 17:19:09 GMT
Perhaps your friend is a people pleaser who found it too difficult to refuse your idea, and now finds it too difficult to say she doesn’t want to do it. I am thinking this might be the case. Like Jeremy said, he thinks if I asked her directly if she was not enjoying this and wanted to stop she would feel criticized. And maybe too, she felt like she couldn't tell me no.  |
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Post by littlemama on Oct 31, 2024 17:20:53 GMT
If I've read it correctly you are on book five of 100 and it's taken months to achieve that, I'd just carry on regardless. We started in February. I never said we had to read this poster straight through. I thought for sure along the way, we'd have other books we'd want to detour for. I was in no hurry really. And she waited for me to read all of Harry Potter series. Say nothing, see if she chases up this side of Christmas, she doesn't seem to be enthused about it and trying to engage her will only ruin your enjoyment. That's what I'm going to do. Just be quiet and see what happens. This crochet blanket would match perfectly Hahaha...leave it to you wellway to find just the right craft to go along with it. I also wouldnt judge her as "not a big reader" or someone who has disappointed you. Maybe not judging her as not being a big reader is justified criticism. But she did disappoint me. She didn't have to agree to doing this. And she still doesn't. If she called me today and told me this just wasn't working for her, I'd be like OK and go on with my bad self. I wouldn't be hurt at all. But I feel I'm fully justified in being disappointed when someone matched my commitment to doing something and then didn't hold up their end of the deal. I have a whole lot more respect for people when they can look you in the eye and say no or this doesn't work for me or I can't or this wasn't what I thought it was going to be so I need to step out than someone who is just dragging along behind me and doesn't want to be. She might be holding me up while I feel obligated to understanding that her life might be such that she can't keep up or doesn't have the mental energy to discuss the books. I'm trying to be understanding of her because I'm her friend and I don't want to hurt her. But if she doesn't want to do this, not telling me is not nice. That is true and I didnt mean to diminish your feelings. The fact is she has disappointed you, whether she realizes it or not. She should be open with you about this not being her thing. She may think she is still trying, though and that is why she hasnt said anything. I think I would just accept that she doesnt want to this and move on. If she eventually wants to come back to it, let her be responsible for that. |
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Post by melanell on Oct 31, 2024 17:41:38 GMT
I'm sorry the whole thing didn't work out as you had hoped. It definitely doesn't sound like she reads as much or as varied a selection of books as you typically do. And perhaps that she didn't really realize what it might be like taking part in the activity.
I definitely would go ahead and read any of the books at my own pace, when I wanted to do so.
Whether or not I said anything to the friend would probably depend on too many things for me to try to mention all of the if/thens here. I guess the big question is if you want to continue to get together with her about the books at all.
If so, then I'd perhaps reread a summary of the book, or skim the book if it was one I read ahead of her. But if getting together with her and having it be so different than you expected is actually something that is bringing you down each time you meet up, then that's a whole different story. 100 books is a lot of get-togethers to be unhappy throughout. Hugs!
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Post by lainey on Oct 31, 2024 17:44:07 GMT
If she agreed before she bought the poster then it's very possible she thought the books were going to be a lot more enjoyable than they are, lets face it those lists are usually very dry.
I'm all for reading what you want not what someone else tells you to. She should let you know though that it's not working for her.
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Post by getting started on Oct 31, 2024 17:47:24 GMT
I think the books on the poster may not be those that your friend prefers and now she is having trouble enjoying them and having trouble being honest with you about that. Since she is not being forthcoming about reading/discussing the books with you, I agree with Jeremy that she would not like having the conversation with you about it either.
I am more like you. I would read the books I committed to OR I would have a talk with you about why I didn't want to read them. Not talking about it would not sit well with me. However I've learned that people who aren't like me, feel confronted when you have 'real' talk and they would rather the whole thing quietly go away and pretend like it never happened.
You get to decide how you'll handle this but an added consideration might be what would my friend prefer happen, in addition to what you would prefer to do.
Edited to add:
What would I do? The old me would have a simple chat. The 2024 me would decide this is not a big enough issue to dig into and I would read on without saying anything.
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Post by Darcy Collins on Oct 31, 2024 17:47:26 GMT
It is something I always thought of doing, but no time right now. I do some very silly things. Like wear the same dress for 100 days. And go completely vegan for 3 months. Hahaha...it seems I really thrive on a good challenge. The books on the poster are probably more detailed than say a romance book or thriller. Those books may not be what she is used to reading. This is true. I wondered if that's why she liked The Book Thief. It was really an easy read and it was one of the more modern ones on the poster. As was her other choice, The Poisonwood Bible. then read them later on in life and enjoyed them. I am glad you did. That's what I thought too. Some of the books I read back in college and I thought it would be nice to reread them. I went to college right after high school and yeah, college was great. But I didn't take it nearly as seriously as I did my masters from the ages of 38-41. I think maturity plays a huge part. This is why I wanted to take this challenge on at this time in my life. Which I'm fine with just wish we'd called a wine club and sampled different wines and not a book club as I felt obligated to actually read the book! This made me laugh. I'll say if any of my friends wanted to start a wine club, this book friend would probably lead the club. LOL! Lilac Girls will give you a whole different perspective on WWII and not something that can actually be classified as non-fiction. Thank you for the recommendation. I'll check it out on Goodreads. It's absolutely horrific - just so you're warned. Any doubt of the horror of the Nazi's will be dispelled - in very, very graphic detail. |
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Post by ScrapbookMyLife on Oct 31, 2024 17:48:31 GMT
I would continue to read the books without her.
I would be honest and say "I'm going continue reading on with the next books on the list". If you are not loving the books, please feel free to abandon the list....it won't hurt my feelings. If you do read a book from the list and want to discuss it, please let me know.
I personally, only want to read books of my own choosing. I wouldn't like having to read from a list or the book of the month. That is why I have never joined a book club.
I also don't hesitate to abandon a book, if I am not loving it. I try to always give a book at least two (or three) chapters, as some books start off slow or it takes a bit to get used to a "new to me" Authors writing style.
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Post by Laurie on Oct 31, 2024 17:48:38 GMT
I would read it now. However, I would probably just keep that to myself and then if those books are picked just go along with it. It sounds like this is going to fizzle out well before the 100 are done. Not due to you but her. So for now just pick other books and read those along with her. If it fizzles out with her then you can go ahead and scratch these 4 books off.
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Post by Zee on Oct 31, 2024 17:58:41 GMT
I would just let it go and move on. Not everyone makes a direct declaration on their intent if they think it might hurt someone else's feelings, and I think that may be what's going on here. I'd let her off the hook quietly.
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Post by Laurie on Oct 31, 2024 17:58:47 GMT
If she agreed before she bought the poster then it's very possible she thought the books were going to be a lot more enjoyable than they are, lets face it those lists are usually very dry.
I'm all for reading what you want not what someone else tells you to. She should let you know though that it's not working for her.
While I agree I like challenges because it pushes me out of my reading box. Right now our library is doing book-opoly. One of the squares I landed on was a book set in a different century. Those usually aren't my type of books but I chose Pride and Prejudice. Right now my square is an award winning book. The librarian gave me a book to try. Again it is not my type of book but I am going to see it through and continue on with the game. Although part of it is because I want my team to win. LOL Same thing last February when I did Blind Date with a Book. I would have never chose the books that I read but I ended up liking all of them. I think the key with these things is keeping an open mind and just enjoying it for what it is. ETA: Do you have a link to this poster jeremysgirl ? |
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Post by Darcy Collins on Oct 31, 2024 18:02:45 GMT
If she agreed before she bought the poster then it's very possible she thought the books were going to be a lot more enjoyable than they are, lets face it those lists are usually very dry.
I'm all for reading what you want not what someone else tells you to. She should let you know though that it's not working for her.
While I agree I like challenges because it pushes me out of my reading box. Right now our library is doing book-opoly. One of the squares I landed on was a book set in a different century. Those usually aren't my type of books but I chose Pride and Prejudice. Right now my square is an award winning book. The librarian gave me a book to try. Again it is not my type of book but I am going to see it through and continue on with the game. Although part of it is because I want my team to win. LOL Same thing last February when I did Blind Date with a Book. I would have never chose the books that I read but I ended up liking all of them. I think the key thing with these things is keeping an open mind and just enjoying it for what it is. ETA: Do you have a link to this poster jeremysgirl ? Oh read it!!!! This is one of my favorites! |
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