|
|
Post by disneypal on Oct 31, 2024 22:54:53 GMT
I agree with Jeremy. Seems like you do a lot of the initiating, so perhaps friend isn’t that much into it or doesn’t have time.
I would read what I want in the poster & it’s ok to get ahead of her without telling her. When she picks a book, read it & when it’s your turn, pick one you haven’t read. If she doesn’t mention it, don’t bring it up, let her be the first to start the conversation & see how it goes
|
|
anaterra
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,134
Location: Texas
Jun 29, 2014 3:04:02 GMT
|
Post by anaterra on Oct 31, 2024 23:45:06 GMT
I love to read... i read a lot... like ur friend i post a lot of my days off was spent reading...
I would've told you from the beginning.. no thanks!!
I like to read what i like... and it is chick lit fluffy romance beach reads...
I have been in book clubs and realized after a bit that its not the group or the books... its me...
It sucks this is not filling ur cup in the way you thought...
|
|
|
|
Post by chaosisapony on Nov 1, 2024 1:41:44 GMT
A poster like that sounds fun, I've never heard of that.
I think though, that I am your friend. I love to read. I am an absolutely voracious reader. But I don't really like book club type discussion and it would probably be like pulling teeth for me to read most of the books you listed in your post. I approach reading like it's dessert. I want it to be a decadent experience that takes me to a happy place. I do not want to do a bunch of heavy mental chewing and then rehash that thought process all over again in a chat. It's just not for me.
A few years ago a friend and I read books together and still do occasionally. Someone was always way ahead or way behind. We rarely loved the same books. Sometimes she loved one that I just couldn't finish and vice versa. Eventually us reading together fizzled out and now we just send each other recommendations here and there like "If you're in the mood for a scary, supernatural blah blah I loved this book!"
|
|
|
|
Post by crazy4scraps on Nov 1, 2024 4:35:48 GMT
Since it seems like neither of you are getting what you wanted out of this situation, my vote would be to say something. The next time you get together, you could just ask “Hey, is this turning out to be what you thought it would be going in? You can be honest and it really won’t hurt my feelings if it’s not and you want to either change things up or bail.” I wouldn’t like having things continue to drag on the way they are. Maybe if you offer her an easy out she will be grateful for it.
I used to belong to a craft group that got together once a month. I really liked the people in the group but at the time life was getting really overwhelming. My mom and MIL needed extra time and care. I was working basically full time and having a hard time committing to doing the projects to the point that I dreaded going to the meetings. I just knew certain members would chastise me for not getting the assigned projects done, and it felt like one more chore on my to do list. So I quit, and OMG it felt like a huge burden was lifted. While I missed getting together with the group and the social part of it, I didn’t miss the rest of it. At all.
|
|
StephDRebel
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,711 
Location: Ohio
|
Post by StephDRebel on Nov 1, 2024 4:36:14 GMT
You know, I wonder if the reading memes are just to show she has a productive hobby? Like people will judge her if she says she spends all weekend watching reruns, but they won't if she says she was reading. 🤷♀️ She's reading the subtitles. 😆 Im a reader, but I go through phases where I just can't get through a book, especially if it's become part of my to do list but I would have started a chat and checked in every few chapters to discuss as we go. My memory is terrible and I read before bed so I'd have a hard time discussing it later. |
|
|
|
Post by candygurl on Nov 1, 2024 12:45:58 GMT
Just wanted to comment that I read The Book Thief in February and it’s one of the best books I’ve read this year!
|
|
|
|
Post by lesserknownpea on Nov 1, 2024 13:20:52 GMT
Becki, I’m disappointed for you that you did not get what you wanted, which was a partner in this project.
I’ve actually been fortunate in having friends who like to discuss books we read, although I’ve never been a part of an official book club. Discussing the characters, events, decisions, etc as well as the writing style and other choices made by the author with someone else makes the whole reading process even more satisfying to us. Especially when they might like a character, and I might not, and we take turns with our point of view. It’s fun.
As for your question, I would let it go, unless she brings it up. Then I’d say kindly that I was reading ahead as we seemed to be mismatched. And ask her how she wished to continue.
|
|
|
|
Post by jeremysgirl on Nov 1, 2024 14:42:03 GMT
I’ve actually been fortunate in having friends who like to discuss books we read, although I’ve never been a part of an official book club. Discussing the characters, events, decisions, etc as well as the writing style and other choices made by the author with someone else makes the whole reading process even more satisfying to us. Especially when they might like a character, and I might not, and we take turns with our point of view. It’s fun. This is really the way I romanticized this being. I'm glad you have friends like this. |
|
mich5481
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,760
|
Post by mich5481 on Nov 1, 2024 14:51:37 GMT
I’ve actually been fortunate in having friends who like to discuss books we read, although I’ve never been a part of an official book club. Discussing the characters, events, decisions, etc as well as the writing style and other choices made by the author with someone else makes the whole reading process even more satisfying to us. Especially when they might like a character, and I might not, and we take turns with our point of view. It’s fun. This is really the way I romanticized this being. I'm glad you have friends like this. Does your local library have a book club you could join? What about a community center? I think that might provide the discussion you are craving. This scenario reminds me of the Friends episode where Phoebe takes a literature class and invites Rachel. Phoebe wants to learn, while Rachel just wants to have fun. |
|
|
|
Post by jeremysgirl on Nov 1, 2024 14:54:45 GMT
Does your local library have a book club you could join? I've been following the fiction book club and their selections just don't appeal to me. The non-fiction club meets at a time when I can't and their last few picks have been snoozers anyway. I patronize the library a lot. So I do follow along. |
|
peabay
Prolific Pea
Posts: 9,940
Jun 25, 2014 19:50:41 GMT
|
Post by peabay on Nov 1, 2024 14:59:13 GMT
I have a friend who is a HUGE reader (like 3 books a week) but she would never join a book club because she hates being told what to read. That may be the case here.
I am a lover of lists and I really enjoy working my way through lists like that one. I'm working on the NYT 100 best books of the 21st century list that came out this year. I'd read about 30 of them so now I'm working on the other 70.
I understand being disappointed this didn't work out the way you wanted (and I've loved all the books you've loved so far!) but I would just keep reading at your own pace and let her catch up if she wants to.
|
|
|
|
Post by padresfan619 on Nov 1, 2024 15:02:25 GMT
I love to read but I also can completely forget about what I’ve just read when it comes time to discuss the book. Even if I really loved the book and was totally engaged I finish the book and it’s like everything I read just flew out of my brain. It’s why I avoid book clubs.
|
|
|
|
Post by fotos4u2 on Nov 1, 2024 16:24:07 GMT
I was curious about what types of books were on the list so googled it and I've read 17 of the 100 books mentioned, the majority when I was in high school (for school) or younger and of those I rated most 3 stars or lower. I'm a HUGE reader. I typically read at least a book a week, I've read 94 books so far this year. That being said most of the books on that poster I wouldn't pick up on my own and I'd probably not enjoy being told to read them. Even though I'm a huge reader I've found that I do not enjoy what most consider to be classics.
On the other hand, I joined a book club in November of last year and I'm loving it. Each member picked a book for us to read and then we met monthly to talk about one of the books. There were many books that I would not have read (and some that I didn't enjoy, but I pushed through and read anyway--luckily I'm also a fast reader) but I really enjoyed getting together and discussing the books with everyone even if it was just to say "yeah that was not my thing". It also wasn't unheard of for them to pick books I had already read in the past. I didn't re-read the books, I just read something else that month and maybe skimmed the synopsis to remind myself of what the book was about when the discussion came around.
|
|
|
|
Post by jeremysgirl on Nov 1, 2024 16:33:27 GMT
I was curious about what types of books were on the list so googled it and I've read 17 of the 100 books mentioned, the majority when I was in high school (for school) or younger and of those I rated most 3 stars or lower. I'm a HUGE reader. I typically read at least a book a week, I've read 94 books so far this year. That being said most of the books on that poster I wouldn't pick up on my own and I'd probably not enjoy being told to read them. Even though I'm a huge reader I've found that I do not enjoy what most consider to be classics. I think there's some kind of misconception here. I did not tell anyone to read anything. I asked a friend (who saw the poster before purchase) if she'd like to read through the books together. She committed to doing so. |
|
|
|
Post by fotos4u2 on Nov 1, 2024 16:49:02 GMT
I was curious about what types of books were on the list so googled it and I've read 17 of the 100 books mentioned, the majority when I was in high school (for school) or younger and of those I rated most 3 stars or lower. I'm a HUGE reader. I typically read at least a book a week, I've read 94 books so far this year. That being said most of the books on that poster I wouldn't pick up on my own and I'd probably not enjoy being told to read them. Even though I'm a huge reader I've found that I do not enjoy what most consider to be classics. I think there's some kind of misconception here. I did not tell anyone to read anything. I asked a friend (who saw the poster before purchase) if she'd like to read through the books together. She committed to doing so. Sorry, I didn't mean to imply that you told her she had to read them. I guess I'm just saying maybe she didn't realize that most of the books wouldn't be her "style" and she's struggling to get through them. Another thought, is that she's still reading her own stuff while trying to fit in "your" pick which is why it could be taking her longer to read than you anticipated. That said that I agree with Jeremy that you should just read what you want from the list and then maybe she'll read something you've already read and you can discuss it. |
|
|
|
Post by jeremysgirl on Nov 1, 2024 16:56:04 GMT
*Sigh* you know, maybe you didn't mean it, but reading through this thread and some of the posts, well...I'm just waiting for someone to blatantly say, "what did you expect with a reading list like that?" I'm pretty tough but I'm not taking this like a champ. I am very much used to being the weirdo. I have a lot of "friends" but I don't have many good friends in real life. And it pretty much comes down to the fact that I do things much differently than those around me. I just don't fit in anywhere. That's why I'm disappointed. I thought that this was an activity that I would really enjoy and it would help me connect with someone in real life on the same wavelength my brain runs on. I finally felt like I was going to cultivate a relationship based on a common interest. And this is what happened.
And maybe this was a much bigger deal to me than I originally thought when I posted the OP. I didn't realize it until I finished the thread last night and went to bed. Jeremy and I were laying there and I said to him that the part that really bothered me about the whole thing was that I was hopeful about making a connection with someone and I didn't realize just the magnitude of the disappointment I felt. It took me time to process it and realize that maybe this meant more to me than I originally thought.
|
|
mich5481
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,760
|
Post by mich5481 on Nov 1, 2024 17:02:07 GMT
Are there any independent bookstores in your area that may have reading clubs?
I know you've mentioned wanting to move upstate - is there anything like that in the area, so you can plan ahead?
I'm sorry that it didn't work out - I imagine it feels like you were investing more into this friendship.
|
|
|
|
Post by jeremysgirl on Nov 1, 2024 17:12:30 GMT
I think there's some kind of misconception here. I did not tell anyone to read anything. I asked a friend (who saw the poster before purchase) if she'd like to read through the books together. She committed to doing so. Sorry, I didn't mean to imply that you told her she had to read them. I guess I'm just saying maybe she didn't realize that most of the books wouldn't be her "style" and she's struggling to get through them. Another thought, is that she's still reading her own stuff while trying to fit in "your" pick which is why it could be taking her longer to read than you anticipated. That said that I agree with Jeremy that you should just read what you want from the list and then maybe she'll read something you've already read and you can discuss it. These books aren't my style either. I read non-fiction. I was pushing out of my comfort zone too. |
|
|
|
Post by jeremysgirl on Nov 1, 2024 17:14:41 GMT
Are there any independent bookstores in your area that may have reading clubs? I know you've mentioned wanting to move upstate - is there anything like that in the area, so you can plan ahead? I'm sorry that it didn't work out - I imagine it feels like you were investing more into this friendship. I don't know about the library. However there is a very nice yarn store there. I went in and met the owner. They have a nice space in the basement where they have open crafting twice a week. We got on so well that she was like if you do move here, please join us. And they also have an independent bookstore about two blocks from the yarn store that has a coffee bar inside and they regularly host groups there. So just more motivation to move really. |
|
sweetpeasmom
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,704
|
Post by sweetpeasmom on Nov 1, 2024 17:15:27 GMT
My TBR is long. Long long. I am always adding books to it. I love to read but I don't read as much as I want to. Add a have to read to it and I'm even slower. My only experience in a book club didn't go well bc they pooped most of the books I suggested.
It's possible she is an avid reader but just not as fast as you. Or she is reading other things while trying to read the books you guys have agreed on. I can't read more than 1 book at a time. But some are able to do multiple.
I would just ask her, hey are you still enjoying this or are you preoccupied with other things? I don't want you to feel obligated if it's not your thing.
|
|
|
|
Post by Laurie on Nov 1, 2024 17:24:40 GMT
When I said that it sounds like none of those things, I was referring to the part where you and your friend are supposed to be reading the same books together and having a discussion about them. I was not referring to you actually reading the books. You mentioned yourself that Jeremy commented "You have said over and over how disappointed you are." THAT'S what I meant. Disappointed ≠ Enjoyable. I didn't mean for you to become defensive. I am sorry I misunderstood. It has not worked out the way I thought it would and that is disappointing. I am enjoying the reading part. I dunno. I am pretty confident in who I am, what I like, what makes me happy. But you know it's tough sometimes to be the weird kid.  I am a weird kid. I now choose to use the word unique, one of a kind or even eccentric. Those are more positive sounding than weirdo. 😂 You aren’t the weird kid. You are a unique, one of a kind person that I so enjoy on this board. |
|
|
|
Post by fotos4u2 on Nov 1, 2024 18:35:12 GMT
*Sigh* you know, maybe you didn't mean it, but reading through this thread and some of the posts, well...I'm just waiting for someone to blatantly say, "what did you expect with a reading list like that?" I'm pretty tough but I'm not taking this like a champ. I am very much used to being the weirdo. I have a lot of "friends" but I don't have many good friends in real life. And it pretty much comes down to the fact that I do things much differently than those around me. I just don't fit in anywhere. That's why I'm disappointed. I thought that this was an activity that I would really enjoy and it would help me connect with someone in real life on the same wavelength my brain runs on. I finally felt like I was going to cultivate a relationship based on a common interest. And this is what happened. And maybe this was a much bigger deal to me than I originally thought when I posted the OP. I didn't realize it until I finished the thread last night and went to bed. Jeremy and I were laying there and I said to him that the part that really bothered me about the whole thing was that I was hopeful about making a connection with someone and I didn't realize just the magnitude of the disappointment I felt. It took me time to process it and realize that maybe this meant more to me than I originally thought. I'm sorry this hasn't resulted in the connection you were hoping for. I totally get it. I'm a mostly empty-nester (two of my adult kids now live with me after graduating college), no partner (and not looking for one at this time), and I work at home. I sometimes feel frustrated about my lack of friends (my pre-empty nest friends have kind of drifted away despite my trying to reach out and keep in touch) which is why I joined the book club. My oldest daughter has even suggested I look for a second club to join to open up my world even more! Too bad you couldn't join our book club. One of our members doesn't fit the traditional mold. Her first pick was "The Ghost Map: The Story of London's Most Terrifying Epidemic—and How It Changed Science, Cities, and the Modern World" by Steven Johnson and was affectionately called "the poop book" by everyone in the group (it was about a cholera outbreak). It was definitely not something the rest of us would have read but we all enjoyed discussing it anyway. |
|
|
|
Post by jeremysgirl on Nov 1, 2024 19:23:22 GMT
I am sorry I misunderstood. It has not worked out the way I thought it would and that is disappointing. I am enjoying the reading part. I dunno. I am pretty confident in who I am, what I like, what makes me happy. But you know it's tough sometimes to be the weird kid. I am a weird kid. I now choose to use the word unique, one of a kind or even eccentric. Those are more positive sounding than weirdo. 😂 You aren’t the weird kid. You are a unique, one of a kind person that I so enjoy on this board. Thank you! ❤️ I totally embrace my weirdness. I also think in the grand scheme of things people seem to like my weirdness and think that I am a nice and kind person. But when push comes to shove and the invitations go out, I am usually left out and I really feel like people don't connect with me on that kind of personal level it takes to be a close friend. I'm also coming out of a lot of isolation too between covid and losing my child both of these things drove me right out of social spaces. And I lost who I thought was my best friend because she behaved terribly after my child died. So there's kind of a hole there in my real life friend circle that I'm working to fill. |
|
|
|
Post by lesserknownpea on Nov 1, 2024 22:40:17 GMT
I am a weird kid. I now choose to use the word unique, one of a kind or even eccentric. Those are more positive sounding than weirdo. 😂 You aren’t the weird kid. You are a unique, one of a kind person that I so enjoy on this board. Thank you! ❤️ I totally embrace my weirdness. I also think in the grand scheme of things people seem to like my weirdness and think that I am a nice and kind person. But when push comes to shove and the invitations go out, I am usually left out and I really feel like people don't connect with me on that kind of personal level it takes to be a close friend. I'm also coming out of a lot of isolation too between covid and losing my child both of these things drove me right out of social spaces. And I lost who I thought was my best friend because she behaved terribly after my child died. So there's kind of a hole there in my real life friend circle that I'm working to fill. Embrace it. Love it. Let us love it. Never apologize for it. Let it draw the right people to you. Your curious, kind, ever hopeful heart is a bright spot in an often gloomy world and I am grateful for it. |
|
