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Post by gar on Mar 24, 2025 19:53:01 GMT
I’m relieved for you 😊
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Post by jeremysgirl on Mar 24, 2025 19:54:46 GMT
I liked your OP update. My heart just breaks for your dad. I almost had tears in my eyes when you posted on the dinner thread last week. Give him big hugs, maybe chocolate cake.  |
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Post by scrapmaven on Mar 24, 2025 20:16:22 GMT
Your mom is a very strong woman and your parents will get through this w/the support of their children and eachother. ((((HUGS)))).
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Post by crimsoncat05 on Mar 24, 2025 20:23:52 GMT
Update: I just saw an example of 62 years of true love. When we got there, dad was very upset and crying and they held hands and he told her what was happening but we did phrase it that dad didn't quite qualify yet but that maybe in a few months. She was more concerned with dad being so upset that she's like, well, that sounds good to me. She was upbeat and tried to make him feel better. We told her that we could take her out of the facility for dinner etc once she was permanent and that made her happy.   62 years... wow... This situation has to be so hard, for both of them. I'm glad it went okay. <<hugs>> |
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maryannscraps
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Aug 28, 2017 12:51:28 GMT
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Post by maryannscraps on Mar 24, 2025 20:31:04 GMT
I’m really glad that she took the news well. It’s so stressful and hard for everyone involved in making these kind of life changes. Hugs.
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Post by Texas Scrap on Mar 25, 2025 0:53:18 GMT
So thankful for your update. We are in a similar situation although it is my FIL and while he is not DX with dementia, there are huge emotional swings, some days he is lucid, some not plus major mobility issues. My FIL is in skilled care and not capable of safely going home, but MIL is hanging on, thinking maybe he will be fine at home. It is so hard. We had gotten a contact from the skilled care, but MIL has not taken any action so DH is about to try to move things forward. Its so tricky respect and honor parents while also trying to keep them safe.
Hopeful everyone adjusts well and you can get a good night sleep knowing both parents are safe and sound.
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tanya2
Pearl Clutcher
Refupea #1604
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Post by tanya2 on Mar 25, 2025 1:02:48 GMT
 I'm glad it went better than you had expected. Its such a hard thing to do even when you know its for the best |
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mimima
Drama Llama
Stay Gold, Ponyboy
Posts: 5,213
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Post by mimima on Mar 25, 2025 1:29:57 GMT
I'm glad for the update. Huge hugs. This is hard, I'm sorry
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Post by sunnyd on Mar 25, 2025 1:35:30 GMT
Your update made me tear up. Your parents are lovely!! I love their love!!
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Post by Spongemom Scrappants on Mar 25, 2025 11:56:25 GMT
“62 years of true love.”
What a sweet update.
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Post by mom on Mar 25, 2025 19:04:03 GMT
My mom has dementia and has been in a rehab facility for almost a month after her latest hospital visit. She was only home for 4 days prior to this last hospitalization and my 93 year old dad just can't take care of her anymore. She's an insulin dependent diabetic who use to monitor and treat her blood sugar with an insulin pump but she's no longer able to use it and has to rely on nurses to treat. The rehab facility has a long-term care unit and we are going to be moving her to that ward. We've kind of hinted about it but yesterday, she was asking me when she was coming home but told my sister earlier in the day that she might also be moving to the long-term side. Her dementia has been pretty good this week and she has been more like herself which makes this decision even harder. My poor dad is so depressed and feeling guilty. He's in tears most of the time. We decided that we needed to tell her soon so we are going down today to talk with her. Those of you who have been in this scenario, what helped and what didn't. She'll actually have more freedom once she is in long-term care. We can take her places and the facility is nice and about 5 minutes away from all of us so we see her every day. Any words of advice would be very helpful. Update: I just saw an example of 62 years of true love. When we got there, dad was very upset and crying and they held hands and he told her what was happening but we did phrase it that dad didn't quite qualify yet but that maybe in a few months. She was more concerned with dad being so upset that she's like, well, that sounds good to me. She was upbeat and tried to make him feel better. We told her that we could take her out of the facility for dinner etc once she was permanent and that made her happy.
Honestly, I am so relieved. We found out we still have some hoops to jump through from Medicaid, but we have the process going. What a gift your mom gave your dad and yourself. Bless her heart - I hope she is able to get situated and comfortable there soon! |
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Tearisci
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Post by Tearisci on Mar 25, 2025 20:48:12 GMT
“62 years of true love.” What a sweet update. It was so sweet. They were thinking about how sad the other one was and wanting to take care of them. My poor dad has been physically sick over this and just wanted what's best for her. He really shouldn't be living alone but we'll take care of him until his lease is up in July at which time he might be able to move in her room. |
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hutchfan
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Post by hutchfan on Mar 25, 2025 20:59:01 GMT
I thinking of you and your family. Sending you hugs.
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Kerri W
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Post by Kerri W on Mar 26, 2025 18:34:14 GMT
I'm posting after your update, but wanted to add this for people reading in the future. DH and I own a small assisted living facility and this is something I use daily. Transition is hard on not just the resident, but the entire family/support system. We continuously say that these choices are being made so you (resident) can be as safe as possible. We don't want something bad, like a fall, etc, to happen at home so we are making this change to keep you safe. Most residents, even with mild dementia, can understand the feeling of being safe.
I'm glad the conversation with your mom went better than you expected. This is SUCH a hard season of life for all of you. ((HUGS))
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Tearisci
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Post by Tearisci on Mar 26, 2025 19:19:20 GMT
I called and talked to her today and she went over to the longterm wing and said it wasn't as clean as the rehab wing so I told her we'd look into it. She still seems to be in good spirits but I imagine that she's struggling with it somewhat. My dad is doing really well and found out he qualifies for for VA benefits he didn't know about. This may keep in more comfortable in his apartment for awhile.
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Post by epeanymous on Mar 27, 2025 17:04:51 GMT
I’m glad the conversation was ok for her and hope she will be more comfortable.
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Post by Susie_Homemaker on Mar 27, 2025 19:50:07 GMT
found out he qualifies for for VA benefits he didn't know about. Is an elder attorney helping him/you with the process? Be forewarned, it's a lengthy one and the VA is very, very particular. I'd suggest that an attorney do the paperwork for you. Also, if you think your dad might go on medicaid in the future,, I was in the process of getting this for my mom with my (deceased) dad's benefits, but she's since entered a nursing home and is now on medicaid and while she can still get the benefit they will only give her $90 of the $1400 it would have been if she wasn't on medicaid. |
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Tearisci
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Post by Tearisci on Mar 27, 2025 20:02:17 GMT
found out he qualifies for for VA benefits he didn't know about. Is an elder attorney helping him/you with the process? Be forewarned, it's a lengthy one and the VA is very, very particular. I'd suggest that an attorney do the paperwork for you. Also, if you think your dad might go on medicaid in the future,, I was in the process of getting this for my mom with my (deceased) dad's benefits, but she's since entered a nursing home and is now on medicaid and while she can still get the benefit they will only give her $90 of the $1400 it would have been if she wasn't on medicaid. We have an elder attorney that is working on mom's medicaid application but we haven't consulted him about dad's VA benefits. What specifically can he help with that we shouldn't do ourselves. The first step is getting him into a VA doctor for a consultation which we are working on. I appreciate any info you could share! |
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Post by jill8909 on Mar 27, 2025 20:56:11 GMT
beautiful story in the update. stay strong
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Post by Susie_Homemaker on Mar 28, 2025 12:24:26 GMT
What specifically can he help with that we shouldn't do ourselves. The VA paperwork is apparently very hard to successfully navigate. This is the law firm I used. I was willing to pay their fee because the VA benefits are back-payed from the date of filing until you begin to receive benefits. I would have gotten all of the money I paid for the attorneys back. That's not going to happen now since mom is on medicaid there will be no back-pay. It is what it is. I don't regret helping her with it though. I don't have any practical advice for you since I used a law firm to file all of the paperwork. They were great to work with. So that's my advice- start by talking to the elder attorney. |
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Post by epeanymous on Mar 28, 2025 13:29:24 GMT
Is an elder attorney helping him/you with the process? Be forewarned, it's a lengthy one and the VA is very, very particular. I'd suggest that an attorney do the paperwork for you. Also, if you think your dad might go on medicaid in the future,, I was in the process of getting this for my mom with my (deceased) dad's benefits, but she's since entered a nursing home and is now on medicaid and while she can still get the benefit they will only give her $90 of the $1400 it would have been if she wasn't on medicaid. We have an elder attorney that is working on mom's medicaid application but we haven't consulted him about dad's VA benefits. What specifically can he help with that we shouldn't do ourselves. The first step is getting him into a VA doctor for a consultation which we are working on. I appreciate any info you could share! FWIW it has been about three years now and I am myself an attorney (but not in that area), and I do not recall the process being difficult to navigate or slow (my father was in hospice for only a few months and got a VA benefit that subsidized home health aides, although he and my mother ended up refusing to use them). |
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Tearisci
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Post by Tearisci on Mar 28, 2025 13:38:52 GMT
We have an elder attorney that is working on mom's medicaid application but we haven't consulted him about dad's VA benefits. What specifically can he help with that we shouldn't do ourselves. The first step is getting him into a VA doctor for a consultation which we are working on. I appreciate any info you could share! FWIW it has been about three years now and I am myself an attorney (but not in that area), and I do not recall the process being difficult to navigate or slow (my father was in hospice for only a few months and got a VA benefit that subsidized home health aides, although he and my mother ended up refusing to use them). Thanks for your advice. It's good to know different perspectives. |
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