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Post by Prenticekid on Feb 2, 2015 22:44:56 GMT
He's looking for wiggle room on how to manipulate you. If you give him a why, he will try to work his way around it or talking you out of it. And, since he's not taking no for an answer, he's not into having a relationship with you and just wants into your pants. Just say no and stop answering his e-mails. If you keep engaging, you look like you're interested.
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ingrid
Full Member
Posts: 490
Jun 26, 2014 0:52:41 GMT
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Post by ingrid on Feb 2, 2015 22:49:08 GMT
"I'm just not feeling the connection I'm looking for" always got me off the hook.
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Post by M~ on Feb 2, 2015 22:49:25 GMT
In this situation, I would say something like, "I don't want to be unkind; however, since you insist on a specific reason/specific reasons why I don't want to pursue a relationship with you, I must be frank and say that, primarily, it's because I feel that you continuously disregard my feelings, and I find that to be very disrespectful. You and I have very different personalities and it would never work out. Please honor my wishes to not contact me again. I wish you the best of luck."
Telling the truth doesn't need to be unkind. I mean, it would be unkind to say something like, "I think you're a disrespectful attention-seeking prick."
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Post by crimsoncat05 on Feb 2, 2015 22:59:55 GMT
Before you say something ask "Is it the truth? Is it helpful?...and something else..."
^^^ the 'something else' is "is it kind?"
In this case, if you do it in a kind manner, and it is the truth, I would see it as being helpful. So I would tell him--
If 'I just don't think we click' isn't enough detail for him, then you could (nicely) tell him that to you, his personality is kind of overbearing and some of the ways he acted when you went out made you uncomfortable. I don't think that's too horrible to say, if it really is the truth.
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Post by papersilly on Feb 2, 2015 23:21:13 GMT
I've told him how uncomfortable it makes me and he has made no effort to honor my requests to not be brought into his "crowd pleasing". if he wants to hear the painful truth, tell him this AGAIN. tell him you are not comfortable being in the spotlight. you are an introvert and he is an extrovert therefore, you just don't click. |
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Post by *KAS* on Feb 2, 2015 23:32:36 GMT
I'm not big on hurting peoples' feelings, but your reasoning seems perfectly justified and not superficial at all.
I'd be honest in that situation. "You're a very outgoing guy and I'm an introvert. I've expressed how pushing me into the spotlight makes me uncomfortable. I think you're better suited to someone who doesn't need to 'come out of their shell', and I'm not interested in shedding mine. Therefore, we're not a good match, and I'm going to move on. I wish you the best in your search."
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mallie
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,253 
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Post by mallie on Feb 2, 2015 23:35:56 GMT
He's looking for wiggle room on how to manipulate you. If you give him a why, he will try to work his way around it or talking you out of it. And, since he's not taking no for an answer, he's not into having a relationship with you and just wants into your pants. Just say no and stop answering his e-mails. If you keep engaging, you look like you're interested. THIS, so much this. People like that aren't looking for an honest answer. They don't actually care about listening to you or giving you what you want. They are looking for information to use to get what they want. They are like the salesman who, when they ask you why you aren't taking them up on this faaaaaaaaabulous offer, are looking for a way to convince you to buy their product. They're looking for holes, weak points, or simply ways to manipulate you to make a sale. Ways to wear you down so that you'll eventually either be convinced or give in (because actually people -- especially women -- do purchase stuff they don't want in order to 'please' salespeople or not be thought of as cheap or a bitch.) And believe me I know this scenario is a real strategy is because at one point I did commission sales and they taught us these techniques. It's called overcoming objections. The way you overcome objections is by asking questions. Truthfully, it works very well. (Although ftr, I did not use that technique.) The only way to deal with a salesman who won't take no and keeps asking questions is to walk away without a backward glance. So walk away from this salesman without a backward glance. Stop engaging, stop responding. Peace out. |
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Nov 23, 2024 0:22:46 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Feb 2, 2015 23:41:08 GMT
Nope, I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings so I tell white lies. I have a particular instance where I've had to do this for years. A family member with obnoxious kids keeps asking us to come spend a week for vacation and stay with them. She tells me it won't cost us anything because we can stay with them. The only cost will be gas to get there and any fun $ for stuff we want to do. Well,
#1 My family can't stand your kids and the last thing we want to do for our 1 week vacation is spend it with all of you.
#2 It would cost us because (*see #1 above - and we couldn't stay with you because of that)
I've tried to spare her feelings by making excuses, but one of these days, I guess I'm just going to have to come out and say it... not looking forward to that!
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Nov 23, 2024 0:22:46 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Feb 2, 2015 23:44:37 GMT
I've told him how uncomfortable it makes me and he has made no effort to honor my requests to not be brought into his "crowd pleasing". Other than that he is an okay guy. But I know this has no future because after I get home from a date with him it takes me hours to wind down from it. Also I doubt my "ugly truth" will help him in the future. grace2882 I also don't date for the sake of dating and kinda felt bullied by him into going on the 3rd, 4th, 5th and 6th date. Hes not dating for the sake of dating either and has lofty goals of running for public office. Seriously dude you don't want an introverted wife!!! I've given him the whole I'm introverted and not your type let down and he knocks it down with these long winded conversations about me "coming out of my shell". Gah! Sounds like you've already given him the hard cold truth and he isn't going to accept it. Short of becoming a raging cursing bwitch you aren't likely going to say anything harsh enough for him to hear because he lives in his own reality. I wouldn't bother trying to explain it further to him but would tell him if he keeps contacting me there will be harassment charges filed. That won't be good for any future political aspirations. |
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Post by Sassenach on Feb 3, 2015 1:59:36 GMT
It depends on whether or not I thought the man was "psychologically stable" I'm not sure if that is exactly the right phrase but you know what I mean. If you feel like he can be mature and take the truth like a grown up I would go ahead and tell him.
He's obviously confused because as an extrovert he may not be as observant as you (being an introvert) He is not picking up on the little clues that he is annoying and exhausting to you. He thinks you are having as much fun on these dates as he is.
Maybe he is just clueless and really doesn't understand why the two of you aren't working. I am an introvert too, and I would be happy to tell this clueless boar why I couldn't stand to be with him. Especially since he is so persistent about getting an answer.
I say go for it.
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Post by lisacharlotte on Feb 3, 2015 3:36:44 GMT
I would not be forced to give an answer, but that's my personality. The harder I get pushed the more I dig in. In this case I would break contact since he obviously doesn't care what you think or want. Why waste your time?
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Nov 23, 2024 0:22:46 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Feb 3, 2015 3:43:25 GMT
Is a simple "I'm just not that into you" such a brutal thing to say? Especially since he's insisting on getting an answer? Or is he requesting specific details? He is requesting specific details once in person and the second and third time via email...the short story of why I'm not interested is he is just exhausting. I'm an introvert and while I've dated tons of extroverted people he is the type that MUST make friends where ever we go. Example: If we have drinks the bartender is his new BFF and he forces me into these conversations..."O wow Olan is from the Midwest too", or "Olan lives two blocks from the bar" etc. We've went out on about six dates and twice he has sort of pushed me out in front of a crowd and literally said something like "Isn't she beautiful" or made me spin around. I've told him how uncomfortable it makes me and he has made no effort to honor my requests to not be brought into his "crowd pleasing". Other than that he is an okay guy. But I know this has no future because after I get home from a date with him it takes me hours to wind down from it. Also I doubt my "ugly truth" will help him in the future. grace2882 I also don't date for the sake of dating and kinda felt bullied by him into going on the 3rd, 4th, 5th and 6th date. Hes not dating for the sake of dating either and has lofty goals of running for public office. Seriously dude you don't want an introverted wife!!! I've given him the whole I'm introverted and not your type let down and he knocks it down with these long winded conversations about me "coming out of my shell". Gah! Honestly, he sounds like a bully (which you already nailed) and a control freak. His demands for an answer are simply more that those behaviors, and I would not give him that info. He is not entitled to it, and I don't get the impression he will stop with your answer. Remember, you do not owe him anything, and, of course, "no" is a complete sentence. |
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