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Post by lurkingsince2001 on Feb 6, 2015 1:28:41 GMT
I don't know what other family dynamics you are dealing with on top of this so I can't speak to that. But based on experiences similar to this, I doubt my husband would go at all. The insinuation that we're the fall back plan, yet expected to take care of the mother, fulfill the duties of best man, etc., yet our family is clearly somehow less than the others? The kids basically being uninvited (he didn't know it wasn't convenient for them because of school)? Travel expenses? It would not happen. Not again.
Now if your dh is going because no one else will take care of his mother or he wants to catch up with family he hasn't seen in a while, that's something for you to discuss. But I think you will save yourself a lot of headaches if you and the boys (at least) give this a pass.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Aug 18, 2025 19:47:43 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Feb 6, 2015 3:32:08 GMT
I don't know. I'd probably not get all upset like many would. It's family and if you can't deal with the realities of situations and be real with family, then who can you do that with? I would just roll with it and not read anything into any of it. It's not the hill I'd want to die one. They live in another town. If it is an issue for you I would make up a reasonable excuse and not go and not deal with fighting or fussing about it. See I guess I tend to think my family is more important than any and all others and I treat them like they are important people in my life. Because friends come and go but your family...they are there for the Good and the bad and every day in between. That should be worth something. |
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Post by 950nancy on Feb 6, 2015 4:47:33 GMT
I don't know. I'd probably not get all upset like many would. It's family and if you can't deal with the realities of situations and be real with family, then who can you do that with? I would just roll with it and not read anything into any of it. It's not the hill I'd want to die one. They live in another town. If it is an issue for you I would make up a reasonable excuse and not go and not deal with fighting or fussing about it. See I guess I tend to think my family is more important than any and all others and I treat them like they are important people in my life. Because friends come and go but your family...they are there for the Good and the bad and every day in between. That should be worth something. For me, I don't have a lot of family, so my good friends have become my family. I would hate to think they come and go. Of course some do, but so do family. I think some people just cause more drama. I would avoid those people if possible. I have two quotes in my scrapbook room: One loyal friend is worth ten thousand relatives (a favorite framed card my friend gave me) and Friends are family you chose for yourself. I love those quotes. I think we all come from different backgrounds and view our families (and in-laws) differently. I know for a fact that I cannot be real with my in-laws. |
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PaperAngel
Prolific Pea
Posts: 8,843
Jun 27, 2014 23:04:06 GMT
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Post by PaperAngel on Feb 6, 2015 6:03:17 GMT
After years of agonizing over these type of scenarios, I finally realized that different upbringings/dynamics/etc. does not excuse blatant rudeness & decided that anyone - family, friend, or stranger - who considers me or my husband/child(ren)/parents filler is not worth my time or energy. I can understand your husband attending the wedding to uphold his commitment to his mother, but would not hesitate to send regrets for you & your boys without explanation. Since the groom's other two brothers do not even plan to attend, I doubt your absence will be perceived as a negative. If the groom asks, however, your husband can simply reiterate the RSVP is for one guest; if pressed, he should express hope that all their friends will be able to attend. Best wishes...
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Kerri W
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,836 
Location: Kentucky
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Post by Kerri W on Feb 6, 2015 10:59:47 GMT
I don't know. I'd probably not get all upset like many would. It's family and if you can't deal with the realities of situations and be real with family, then who can you do that with? I would just roll with it and not read anything into any of it. It's not the hill I'd want to die one. They live in another town. If it is an issue for you I would make up a reasonable excuse and not go and not deal with fighting or fussing about it. There certainly won't be any fighting or fussing about it. I like DH's family. I also think things like this are rude. I don't really understand what realities of the situation or being real with the family you mean? I feel the reality is that his family isn't important to him and don't feel like prioritizing this weekend if we aren't really wanted there. I'm not going to cause drama, rather I would just simply stay home with a reasonable excuse to do so. I can't imagine DH would be hurt if the boys and I decided to stay home. It would bother him more that his mom wouldn't get to see the boys than anything and we'll be going to visit her a month after the wedding. |
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grinningcat
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,663
Jun 26, 2014 13:06:35 GMT
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Post by grinningcat on Feb 6, 2015 12:27:49 GMT
I can totally relate to be considered an after thought. So far we've heard from one family member that they will "try" to go to the wedding. Try. Why? Because they've already booked all their vacation days for the year and they don't have any left. It's on a Friday evening, with plenty of time between the end of the work day and the ceremony so we're not sure why a vacation day is needed. But whatever. I no longer care if they don't come, they've made it plain we are not worth their time or effort with this and other things.
So I totally understand where you're coming from. Why make an effort for someone else when they obviously can't be bothered with you? And that goes for family or friends... blood doesn't necessarily mean that they deserve loyalty if they show none themselves.
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Kerri W
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,836
Location: Kentucky
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Post by Kerri W on Feb 6, 2015 12:32:42 GMT
I can totally relate to be considered an after thought. So far we've heard from one family member that they will "try" to go to the wedding. Try. Why? Because they've already booked all their vacation days for the year and they don't have any left. It's on a Friday evening, with plenty of time between the end of the work day and the ceremony so we're not sure why a vacation day is needed. But whatever. I no longer care if they don't come, they've made it plain we are not worth their time or effort with this and other things. So I totally understand where you're coming from. Why make an effort for someone else when they obviously can't be bothered with you? And that goes for family or friends... blood doesn't necessarily mean that they deserve loyalty if they show none themselves. Wait, what?! Did I miss something? Are you getting married? If so, CONGRATULATIONS!! |
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grinningcat
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,663
Jun 26, 2014 13:06:35 GMT
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Post by grinningcat on Feb 6, 2015 12:38:20 GMT
I can totally relate to be considered an after thought. So far we've heard from one family member that they will "try" to go to the wedding. Try. Why? Because they've already booked all their vacation days for the year and they don't have any left. It's on a Friday evening, with plenty of time between the end of the work day and the ceremony so we're not sure why a vacation day is needed. But whatever. I no longer care if they don't come, they've made it plain we are not worth their time or effort with this and other things. So I totally understand where you're coming from. Why make an effort for someone else when they obviously can't be bothered with you? And that goes for family or friends... blood doesn't necessarily mean that they deserve loyalty if they show none themselves. Wait, what?! Did I miss something? Are you getting married? If so, CONGRATULATIONS!! Yes, I am. I just haven't made an announcement thread here. It's too weird to do so. But thank you very much. It's very sweet of you. |
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Aug 18, 2025 19:47:43 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Feb 6, 2015 14:17:46 GMT
Wait, what?! Did I miss something? Are you getting married? If so, CONGRATULATIONS!! Yes, I am. I just haven't made an announcement thread here. It's too weird to do so. But thank you very much. It's very sweet of you. oh my goodness!! Grinning cat, Congratulations!! |
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grinningcat
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,663
Jun 26, 2014 13:06:35 GMT
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Post by grinningcat on Feb 6, 2015 14:25:00 GMT
Yes, I am. I just haven't made an announcement thread here. It's too weird to do so. But thank you very much. It's very sweet of you. oh my goodness!! Grinning cat, Congratulations!! Thank you. It's very sweet. I feel bad, I keep hijacking threads. But thank you. |
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Aug 18, 2025 19:47:43 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Feb 6, 2015 14:30:19 GMT
oh my goodness!! Grinning cat, Congratulations!! Thank you. It's very sweet. I feel bad, I keep hijacking threads. But thank you. peas are prone to chasing rabbits...and this is worth a few threads! So happy for you! |
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grinningcat
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,663
Jun 26, 2014 13:06:35 GMT
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Post by grinningcat on Feb 6, 2015 14:35:12 GMT
Thank you. It's very sweet. I feel bad, I keep hijacking threads. But thank you. peas are prone to chasing rabbits...and this is worth a few threads! So happy for you! Great now I have this vision of the peas as a pack of greyhounds at the race track chasing Bugs Bunny as he chases the mechanical bunny! Hahahahahaha. And thank you. |
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Post by elaine on Feb 6, 2015 14:41:32 GMT
Wait, what?! Did I miss something? Are you getting married? If so, CONGRATULATIONS!! Yes, I am. I just haven't made an announcement thread here. It's too weird to do so. But thank you very much. It's very sweet of you. I figured you were getting married by something you said on the Wedding Convention thread, but thought I had missed the big announcement. So, I'll add my congratulations here too! Kerri, I wouldn't hesitate to stay home with the boys and let my Dh go to the wedding. |
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grinningcat
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,663
Jun 26, 2014 13:06:35 GMT
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Post by grinningcat on Feb 6, 2015 14:47:59 GMT
Yes, I am. I just haven't made an announcement thread here. It's too weird to do so. But thank you very much. It's very sweet of you. I figured you were getting married by something you said on the Wedding Convention thread, but thought I had missed the big announcement. So, I'll add my congratulations here too! Kerri, I wouldn't hesitate to stay home with the boys and let my Dh go to the wedding. Awww... thanks. I suppose it's something I should announce "formally" but it's just weird to make a thread all for me that basically shouts "look at me look at me" though funnily enough I don't think that when others posts. I'm a weirdo. But thank you. And I agree, she should stay home. |
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Post by coaliesquirrel on Feb 6, 2015 18:09:11 GMT
That's great for you if your family is like that. We were married at a chapel that seats 50. My mom got her knickers all in a twist because she just *assumed* that 5 of those seats were reserved for my cousin and her family - to the point of asking if cousin's youngest DD would be our flower girl WITHOUT speaking to me about it first. WE had already asked DH's BM's daughter - who conveniently was the same age and already friends w/ the nephew/RB. This cousin and I had seen each other about half a dozen times in our lives (and I was nearly 30) because she lives 2000 miles away. On those occasions we did visit, she and I never got along at all. So, my mom had to go with her tail between her legs and admit she had spoken out of turn. Just because we're "blood relation" didn't mean her family gets to claim 10% of all the seats in the place. We did have immediate family there, but we also had very dear friends who are like family to us and whose absence we would have keenly felt, had we let technical relationships prevail over emotional relationships.
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