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Post by scrappinmom3 on Feb 17, 2015 3:30:40 GMT
When my Mom died 30 years ago, she had told me that she would come back and haunt us if we cremated her, so buried she was. When my Dad died seven years after my Mom, he wanted to be cremated so we had him cremated and buried his ashes next to our Mom (with the okay of his wife of 5 years). I live near Detroit and they are buried near Pittsburgh. I only this January got back to their graves. So, I tell my children that I would like to be cremated and that I would like to be sprinkled in the Atlantic Ocean and in the Smoky Mts, two places that I love. However, after my dh and I went to the cemetery to visit my parents grave, my DD said "what if we want to be able to visit you, as in at a cemetery. I told her that it would be up to her and her brothers to decide where to "put me". My loved ones are always in my heart and in my thoughts, so where their bodies, or ashes are, does not really matter to me.
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Post by lindywholoveskids on Feb 17, 2015 7:39:40 GMT
my father in law's ashes were spread at a high peak in Yosemite (favorite place), and also in Arizona where he and my MIL went every winter..next to a large cactus. my mom is interred and cremated. I never go there, sadly. we have a very few remaining ashes left from my FIL, and they are on a high shelf in our living room.
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grinningcat
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Jun 26, 2014 13:06:35 GMT
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Post by grinningcat on Feb 17, 2015 12:40:48 GMT
My late DH always pointed out a spot on the Missouri River where he wanted his ashes spread. The day after the funeral our DDs and I drove to the spot, mixed his ashes with a huge bag of wildflower seeds and spread them along the riverbank. I was happy to be able to carry out his wishes and would hate to have to look at an urn containing his ashes for the rest of my life. For us it was the right thing to do. I really really like this idea. I love that his ashes will help the wildflowers to grow where they were spread. What a lovely lasting memory. I may have to remember this for my final wishes. As for the OP, I think spreading the ashes is a wonderful thing to do. Honestly, I'd rather have that happen than become yet another thing for someone to clean and dust a few times a year. We all know I absolutely loathe housework so there's no way I'd want to create more work for someone else. I'd prefer that my loved ones go out and have fun after I've died, donated my organ and then been cremated, than be sad.
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Post by travelsoul on Feb 17, 2015 14:00:33 GMT
I have no religious or spiritual reasons why ashes shouldn't be spread, or a body has to be buried. I think that what ever the person wanted is fine and if it is unknown, then whatever the family wants is fine.
You can turn ashes into diamonds these days. I saw this somewhere! I think that's a neat idea but I'm sure some would think it's strange.
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Post by maryland on Feb 17, 2015 14:05:47 GMT
My husband's great uncle had a place where he wanted them spread. Another family member did it, as uncle requested. We went to visit the site when we were in the area. Many people request what they want done. What a hard decision for you if you don't know the person's wishes. Sorry for your loss.
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Post by apeacalledliz on Feb 17, 2015 14:30:57 GMT
I'm pretty fine with whatever someone wants to do with the cremains of their loved one, assuming the loved one didn't leave specific instructions. What I am not OK with is what my mother wants us to do, which is dig a hole in the woods behind her house and bury her there, no marker, no casket, just her body wrapped in a blanket. I have told her that is against the law, she still insists, I have told her I have a severe dead body phobia(true), she still insists. I'm really not sure what we will do when it comes time but I'm pretty sure I won't be able to follow her instructions to the letter.
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Post by jemali on Feb 17, 2015 14:36:22 GMT
My FIL was cremated. His ashes are in an urn and the urn is buried in the military cemetery. We were not able to have the ceremony at the cemetery the same day as the funeral, there were a few days between. My MIL and dh's family didn't like the idea of him just sitting in the funeral home for the days between so we brought it home. My dd's thought it was really cool that they got to carry grandpa! We opened the urn and MIL and dh and siblings put in a note or something that reminded them of FIL inside the urn before it was buried.
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M in Carolina
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Jun 29, 2014 12:11:41 GMT
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Post by M in Carolina on Feb 17, 2015 14:42:35 GMT
My dad wanted his ashes spread at a favourite little spot on the plantation where he and his brother had lived. His brother's ashes were spread in that spot. They were good friends with the plantation owner and had his permission. The area wasn't near any other people or houses, so the ashes wouldn't harm anyone. (breathing in ashes is very bad for your lungs--like the workers at Ground Zero that got so sick)
Then my stepmother did a 180 in behaviour after my dad's memorial service. She had the ashes in an urn on the mantel of the house my dad built for her. That's not what he wanted. She's remarried, but she also runs the kennel that my dad ran and uses his name to earn extra money.
I know that the plantation owners would love to see me and dh and would take us out to where my dad was supposed to rest. I think that maybe if I put up some sort of marker in that spot that I'll feel better about at least trying to follow my father's wishes.
I never thought I would be this way, but not having a spot to go to mourn my dad made my grief harder to bear. For this reason, I've told my dh and my mother that I'm ok with whatever they want. My mother's family has a nice family plot at a small country church just outside of Pittsboro, NC. The family owned funeral home that buried my grandparents can bury me. I'd rather have more of a natural burial, which is legal in NC. I don't want a lot of money spent on a casket and flowers. I'd rather the money go to a cause that I care about--like research for MS and pancreatic diseases and to groups that help patients with disabilities deal with everyday life.
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Deleted
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Jun 18, 2024 13:25:23 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Feb 17, 2015 14:51:09 GMT
We spread my father's ashes. No issue with it. I personally would never want to keep someone's ashes in an urn in my home, so spreading them is a much better alternative IMO.
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Post by melanell on Feb 17, 2015 15:59:11 GMT
I think it's fine. Basically, I think that whatever feels right to the family is typically just fine.
I think people have very strong, emotional feelings about the way they think the death of a loved one should be handled, and sometimes that manifests itself as shock or even judgement against other ideas. But I think that really, people need to let everyone deal with death in the way that seems most respectful and best for them.
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Post by camanddanismom on Feb 17, 2015 16:12:39 GMT
This is completely my personal opinion, but I find urns creepy. There isn't a good place for them. On the mantle? On a shelf? I choose to be cremated. I like the thought of my ashes spread in a special place, preferably with my DH. I would also be okay with my urn being burried. This is what we did with my mother.
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Deleted
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Jun 18, 2024 13:25:23 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Feb 17, 2015 18:16:10 GMT
I had to spread the ashes of a close loved one and found it traumatic, not healing at all. I loved the part of going to someplace they loved, saying some words, and being close with other people. But the actual spreading of the ashes was horrific. I would not subject my loved ones to this practice and have requested burial.
I have other close loved ones who want their ashes spread and I'm dreading when that day comes. As if losing them won't be hard enough . . .
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georgiapea
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Jun 27, 2014 18:02:10 GMT
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Post by georgiapea on Feb 17, 2015 18:34:57 GMT
Someone I knew had his ashes scattered from a plane over the plant where he worked. Maybe he wanted to become dust on everyone's desk............
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Post by pierkiss on Feb 17, 2015 18:42:08 GMT
I think they should be spread. I figure if they wanted to be kept in a container they would have wanted a traditional burial. But they chose cremation, which to me means they did not want to be kept in a box forever.
My parents have specific places they want to be scattered. They do not want to sit in a box on my mantle or in a closet forever.
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Olan
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Jul 13, 2014 21:23:27 GMT
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Post by Olan on Feb 17, 2015 18:55:56 GMT
Odd. I just had this conversation with my sister over the weekend. The idea of my dead body being on display and then placed in a wooden box kinda skeeves me out. She actually was honest enough to say she doesn't care about my wishes and would disregard them...so yeah. My mother wanted to be cremated but was buried.
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Post by peasapie on Feb 17, 2015 19:10:23 GMT
I like the idea of a place to memorialize that is special to that deceased. I also have a fear of the wind catching the ashes and blowing back into my face during the act of spreading them. This happened when my kids and I tried to scatter the ashes of our dog on a lake. First we couldn't get the box open because it was screwed shut with phillips head screws, which we didn't anticipate. So we borrowed a screwdriver from someone. Then inside was a heavy plastic bag, with edges heat-sealed shut, so we had to rip that open using the same screwdriver to hack at it. (As an aside, never having seen cremated remains, I was surprised that the ashes inside looked more like gravel than like the kind of ashes in the fireplace.) Anyway, it had already become comedic by the time we finally got to the ashes themselves, and tossing them out on the lake only to have them blow back on us took any remaining possible sense of dignity out of the event. It actually is a funny, happy memory for us because of all this faldera, but I'm glad it was our dog and not my mother. My advice: when scattering ashes, be prepared for the unexpected.
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