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Post by BuckeyeSandy on Mar 11, 2015 3:14:14 GMT
Prayers and Positive Thoughts for your family flanz. It is so very difficult, more so being miles away.
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Post by flanz on Mar 11, 2015 5:48:57 GMT
One thing that was said to my sister and I when our dad was dying that brought me some comfort was this...
He is not dying because he is not eating. He is not eating because he is dying.
I have mulled that over and over again.
On his last day he did ask for ice cream. That makes me smile. He went out the way he wanted . I think you are right on. Thanks very much for sharing. hugs to you! |
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Post by flanz on Mar 11, 2015 5:53:26 GMT
I think you have gotten good advice. I will say, you know your relatives better than we do, but we had a similar situation in our family -- elderly relative unable to really eat or get up very sick with a terminal illness. She wanted to live, she was holding on purposely, and it was her decision to continue all measures to stay alive. This actually contradicted the wishes of the on-site relatives who wanted to let her go (they didn't dislike her, they just wouldn't have wanted to live in her condition and did not understand why she did). Is it possible she is the person directing this? I don't think so, but since I'm not there I can't know for sure... I suspect it's more of a case of "not wanting her to starve" thinking that it will be painful, and not wanting to "let go." I agree that people stop eating in the process of dying, and what is happening now feels forced and artificial to me. I don't want her to suffer. I do view this from my own personal lens of "I would not want my life prolonged in this situation." But it's her, not me. And with her dementia, it feels impossible to know what she would choose if she were of sound mind. I have to trust DHs sisters who love their mom a lot, have researched hospice and other options in town and think she is in the very best place for her now, etc. I really appreciate all of your kind words and helpful suggestions, your sharing your own experiences. thank you! |
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Post by flanz on Mar 11, 2015 5:54:38 GMT
At this time, I think you need to be supporting her children rather than trying to second-guess them. This is their mother, she is your mother in law. They are there with her. Trust them and support them. They need you. This is my fundamental belief and goal in all of this. I shared today wondering how others would react. thanks! |
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