I always thought the largest initial was the surname, and the other two initials were the first and middle name of the person, as well. If she doesn't use her maiden name (if she doesn't hyphenate her name) then why would she want her maiden name on the monogram?
OTOH, the manner in which she pointed it out was kid of rude.
first name initial - LAST NAME INITIAL - middle name initial Your maiden name "goes away" when you take your husband's name unless you change your middle name to be your maiden name. The person who told you to use the maiden name initial was wrong. I'm sure your friend was just trying to save you from making the same mistake, hopefully she didn't word it the way you said. There's a more tactful way to have done that.
Post by Darcy Collins on Apr 10, 2015 18:06:08 GMT
Obviously she shouldn't have pointed out an error, whether real or perceived. The tradition for married WOMEN is First - Last - Maiden. But I think most people nowadays use the men's traditional option of first - middle - last. Men can also use first - last - middle, but that's usually when the monogram's middle letter was larger making it obvious that it was the surname. Traditionally an unmarried woman would be First - Last - Middle. I think traditionally women would keep their maiden name for their middle.
I don't use my maiden name at all, so that would have been "wrong" for me as well. But I know a lot of friends who legally changed their middle names to their maiden names when they got married, so in those cases it would be right.
I think it's more common for first, middle and married last names to be used in a married woman's monogram though.
Post by scrappyoutlaw on Apr 10, 2015 18:16:08 GMT
It's becoming a thing of the past to change your middle name to your maiden name. I elected to keep my birth given middle name and drop my maiden name completely. My grandmother did the same thing and got me a monogram that had the initials set up first, last, maiden, which I consider wrong. But I just hugged her and graciously thanked her, it's the thought that counts.
Post by lisacharlotte on Apr 10, 2015 18:19:41 GMT
I thought it was a southern thing to change your maiden name to your middle name when you married. I kept my middle name and dropped my maiden name. 25 years later I wish I had kept my middle and maiden and just added my husbands name to the end. I ended up changing my Facebook profile to first maiden last so people who knew me before I married could find me.
Post by **GypsyGirl** on Apr 10, 2015 18:19:51 GMT
Traditionally, a married woman's monogram would be first name LAST NAME maiden name. However, many women no longer go by that rule (as noted above by several peas). Now a monogram can be whatever initials you choose to use. I am old school and do use the "first LAST maiden" method. Then you have people like my daughter, who has 4 names (and still single). Because of that, she can only have a straight line monogram if she wants to use all 4 initials (which she does). Or we just go with a single letter since her first & last name begin with the same letter.
ETA: While your relative was extremely rude in her delivery, I think this shows that it is very important when giving a monogrammed item to be absolutely sure of what the recipient prefers. It's a big reason why I very rarely give a monogrammed gift.
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I never officially changed my middle name to my maiden name, but I do use it that way. My original initials are JES. My married name begins with a W. While I am Jewish, I didn't exactly want my initials to be JEW. I really wanted to marry someone whose last name started with an N, as my initials would then have been my name.
I would have done the monogramming exactly as you did it.
I use my maiden name as my middle name. I was never deeply attached to my middle name, but I am proud of my family name so I kept it instead. I changed it that way for all legal documents. My college diploma actually has all four names on it (I started with my maiden name but graduated with my married name so it seemed appropriate to me). That being said, most people I know use their middle name and not their maiden name.
I wonder what my monogram would be? I kept my middle name and just stuck his last name on the end so I'm Mary Sue Maiden Married with no hyphen. I guess I would do first, LAST, maiden and just leave my middle name out.
"Well if you do, don't make the same mistake you did with mine, you put the wrong initials on it. It was suppose to be my first name initial, my married name initial and my middle name initial." ( she meant leave out her maiden name initial as the third). I was floored, first that she would point out the mistake on the gift and second that she thought what I had done was a mistake.
If you think she is close enough to make a 'guess' on what initials you should put on her monogram then why shouldn't the two of you also be close enough for her to fill you in on your error? She's still using the gift you gave her despite the error and probably would have never said anything had you not indicated you were preparing to make the same error for another family member. I see it as she was just trying to save you from making the same mistake twice.
Otherwise, I agree with scrappower, you should not have assumed.