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Post by Deleted on Apr 10, 2015 17:58:02 GMT
If she doesn't use her maiden name at all, it would be weird to include it in a monogram; did she keep or hyphenate her name? I really dislike monograms, so wouldn't use anything with mine on it. If someone wanted to give me one, at least I would make it easy because I kept my own name when getting married.
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Post by crimsoncat05 on Apr 10, 2015 17:58:37 GMT
I always thought the largest initial was the surname, and the other two initials were the first and middle name of the person, as well. If she doesn't use her maiden name (if she doesn't hyphenate her name) then why would she want her maiden name on the monogram?
OTOH, the manner in which she pointed it out was kid of rude.
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Post by shanniebananie on Apr 10, 2015 18:00:38 GMT
I would never use the maiden name unless they changed it to their middle name upon marriage. It should have been first-last-middle names.
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georgiapea
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Post by georgiapea on Apr 10, 2015 18:01:28 GMT
I prefer monograms to be made with all initials the same size so they can read first name, middle name, last name.
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Post by lumo on Apr 10, 2015 18:01:40 GMT
I'm no help, since I thought the thread topic was "Mammograms and married women" and I wondered WTH difference it could make in terms of getting a mammogram whether a woman's married or not!
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Post by mellowyellow on Apr 10, 2015 18:02:30 GMT
I have never heard of using a maiden name for a monogram. I have a ring that has first-last-middle initials.
ETA: I also think she was rude in her comment.
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Post by myshelly on Apr 10, 2015 18:02:42 GMT
She was rude.
But if she chose to take her husband's name I think it's weird to put the initial of her old last name on the bag. Unless she chose to make her old last name her new middle name.
If you choose to buy someone a monogrammed gift, you should know her well enough to know how she styles her name. If you don't, go with another gift.
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Post by littlemama on Apr 10, 2015 18:04:05 GMT
first name initial - LAST NAME INITIAL - middle name initial Your maiden name "goes away" when you take your husband's name unless you change your middle name to be your maiden name. The person who told you to use the maiden name initial was wrong. I'm sure your friend was just trying to save you from making the same mistake, hopefully she didn't word it the way you said. There's a more tactful way to have done that.
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Post by Darcy Collins on Apr 10, 2015 18:06:08 GMT
Obviously she shouldn't have pointed out an error, whether real or perceived. The tradition for married WOMEN is First - Last - Maiden. But I think most people nowadays use the men's traditional option of first - middle - last. Men can also use first - last - middle, but that's usually when the monogram's middle letter was larger making it obvious that it was the surname. Traditionally an unmarried woman would be First - Last - Middle. I think traditionally women would keep their maiden name for their middle.
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Post by littlemama on Apr 10, 2015 18:09:38 GMT
I'm no help, since I thought the thread topic was "Mammograms and married women" and I wondered WTH difference it could make in terms of getting a mammogram whether a woman's married or not! (that's how I read it the first time, too!)
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Post by alissa103 on Apr 10, 2015 18:09:38 GMT
I don't use my maiden name at all, so that would have been "wrong" for me as well. But I know a lot of friends who legally changed their middle names to their maiden names when they got married, so in those cases it would be right.
I think it's more common for first, middle and married last names to be used in a married woman's monogram though.
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Post by bianca42 on Apr 10, 2015 18:11:04 GMT
My boss changed her middle name to her maiden name and dropped her original middle name, so that would be appropriate for her. She seemed surprised that it wasn't the norm anymore.
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The Birdhouse Lady
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Post by The Birdhouse Lady on Apr 10, 2015 18:12:10 GMT
I have no clue, I always wondered what order you put them in. I am still confused, apparently you can do it whatever way you want!
ETA...I do think it was a little rude the way she told you hers was not the way she thought it should be!
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Post by scrappyoutlaw on Apr 10, 2015 18:16:08 GMT
It's becoming a thing of the past to change your middle name to your maiden name. I elected to keep my birth given middle name and drop my maiden name completely. My grandmother did the same thing and got me a monogram that had the initials set up first, last, maiden, which I consider wrong. But I just hugged her and graciously thanked her, it's the thought that counts.
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amom23
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Post by amom23 on Apr 10, 2015 18:16:38 GMT
I would have found it really strange to receive a gift that included my maiden name initial. Sorry she offended you, but I'm kinda impressed she had the guts to say something.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Apr 10, 2015 18:17:58 GMT
While her delivery stunk I don't use my maiden name in anyway shape or form and would've been baffled as to why it was included on monogramed item for me. I would've thought it was an error tbh.
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Post by lisacharlotte on Apr 10, 2015 18:19:41 GMT
I thought it was a southern thing to change your maiden name to your middle name when you married. I kept my middle name and dropped my maiden name. 25 years later I wish I had kept my middle and maiden and just added my husbands name to the end. I ended up changing my Facebook profile to first maiden last so people who knew me before I married could find me.
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Rhondito
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Post by Rhondito on Apr 10, 2015 18:20:00 GMT
This is why I never give monogrammed gifts. Besides, if the person doesn't like the item, they can't return or exchange because it has been personalized.
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Post by utmr on Apr 10, 2015 18:20:57 GMT
For a monogram I would expect First Married Maiden.
But I think she was rude to say that, so I would just go on, not worry about it and not give her any more gifts.
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janeinbama
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Post by janeinbama on Apr 10, 2015 18:21:34 GMT
In the South, women generally drop their middle name and maiden name becomes middle name when they marry. I would have done it the same way never dreaming she was still using her middle name.
The only time I check is if a woman goes by her middle name.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Apr 10, 2015 18:23:17 GMT
In the South, women generally drop their middle name and maiden name becomes middle name when they marry. I would have done it the same way never dreaming she was still using her middle name. The only time I check is if a woman goes by her middle name. Not anyone I know in my generation....even in the south...where I've been living for 15 years.
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Post by pretzels on Apr 10, 2015 18:24:23 GMT
Well, my maiden name IS my married name, so in my case, you would have been correct. But people do it differently, I guess. She was rude to point it out, though.
ETA I am in the south, and yes, that is how it is done. I'm 43.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Apr 10, 2015 18:27:20 GMT
Or you could be me! I don't have a middle name. I didn't change my maiden name to be my middle name when I got married so my monogram is 2 letters.
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Post by jesq on Apr 10, 2015 18:31:53 GMT
I never officially changed my middle name to my maiden name, but I do use it that way. My original initials are JES. My married name begins with a W. While I am Jewish, I didn't exactly want my initials to be JEW. I really wanted to marry someone whose last name started with an N, as my initials would then have been my name. I would have done the monogramming exactly as you did it.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Apr 10, 2015 18:33:08 GMT
I think this can be a good lesson to not assume. Just because you do it one way does not mean everyone does. Anyone can use what initials they choose to use. Ask first or don't do a monogram.
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Post by sillyrabbit on Apr 10, 2015 18:34:15 GMT
I use my maiden name as my middle name. I was never deeply attached to my middle name, but I am proud of my family name so I kept it instead. I changed it that way for all legal documents. My college diploma actually has all four names on it (I started with my maiden name but graduated with my married name so it seemed appropriate to me). That being said, most people I know use their middle name and not their maiden name.
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Post by jeremysgirl on Apr 10, 2015 18:35:14 GMT
I think she was a bit rude to point it out, but I agree with her. It should be first-last-middle. In my case it would be first-last-maiden as I made my maiden name my middle name when I got married.
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Post by marysue63 on Apr 10, 2015 18:38:32 GMT
I wonder what my monogram would be? I kept my middle name and just stuck his last name on the end so I'm Mary Sue Maiden Married with no hyphen. I guess I would do first, LAST, maiden and just leave my middle name out.
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Post by SnowWhite on Apr 10, 2015 18:38:34 GMT
"Well if you do, don't make the same mistake you did with mine, you put the wrong initials on it. It was suppose to be my first name initial, my married name initial and my middle name initial." ( she meant leave out her maiden name initial as the third). I was floored, first that she would point out the mistake on the gift and second that she thought what I had done was a mistake. If you think she is close enough to make a 'guess' on what initials you should put on her monogram then why shouldn't the two of you also be close enough for her to fill you in on your error? She's still using the gift you gave her despite the error and probably would have never said anything had you not indicated you were preparing to make the same error for another family member. I see it as she was just trying to save you from making the same mistake twice. Otherwise, I agree with scrappower, you should not have assumed.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Apr 10, 2015 18:43:14 GMT
It could really be appropriate either way but to declare such disdain for a gift is just wrong. Especially since it clearly doesn't bother her enough to prevent her from using the gift.
She should have graciously remained silent on the issue.
I am a southern woman who kept all her names. No hyphen. First, middle, maiden, husband's last. I only ever regret it when we buy a house with a mortgage document that requires sixty signatures.
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