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Post by Darcy Collins on Apr 10, 2015 18:44:16 GMT
I'm so glad my daughter's initials are CCC -now she just needs to find a C last name husband and she'll never have monogram trauma. J/K
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Post by cade387 on Apr 10, 2015 18:51:07 GMT
I considered hyphenating for a hot second but HR made that a miserable discussion for me so I didn't change my last name. I am still first middle maiden.
My Inlaws were very well aware of this - very well. Questioned me and my DH about it many times prior to the wedding. Wouldn't you know the first Christmas after our wedding I got a nice big LL Bean tote monogrammed with First Married Maiden (well what would have been my married name if I had taken it...)
SMH
Yeah it sits in a closet. It is the big bag in my "big bag of bags"
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Apr 25, 2024 18:11:29 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Apr 10, 2015 18:51:34 GMT
IN some regions the tradition was a girl deleted her middle name for her maiden name when she got married.
So Betty Sue Jones became Betty Jones Smith. But I haven't known anyone to do that in about 50 years. It is one of those times when an old etiquette book is out of step with current living.
It's a toss up to me as to whether or not your relative was rude. Maybe, or maybe just trying to be helpful. Personally I stay away from monogrammed gifts.
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Post by mommaho on Apr 10, 2015 18:58:25 GMT
I'm no help, since I thought the thread topic was "Mammograms and married women" and I wondered WTH difference it could make in terms of getting a mammogram whether a woman's married or not! Thank you lumo I thought the same thing!
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Post by 5peanutsnana on Apr 10, 2015 18:59:34 GMT
My DD has been married for 20 years and uses her maiden name for her middle name. She liked it so much she used it for all three of her kids middle names. I don't know if she legally changed it. She is not from the south. So for her, you would have been correct.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Apr 25, 2024 18:11:29 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Apr 10, 2015 19:05:51 GMT
Yep. I'm surprised that with so many sticklers for tradition in thank you notes, invitations, etc. that this isn't more widely known.
If this was the OP's DIL, I can totally understand why she made the comment.
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scrappert
Prolific Pea
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Location: Milwaukee, WI area
Jul 11, 2014 21:20:09 GMT
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Post by scrappert on Apr 10, 2015 19:09:10 GMT
Seriously, I read the title as Mammograms and married women!! LOL
Ok, I would use first last middle I always thought it was that way, I would never think to use the maiden name initial.
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NoWomanNoCry
Drama Llama
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Jun 25, 2014 21:53:42 GMT
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Post by NoWomanNoCry on Apr 10, 2015 19:12:52 GMT
I have always heard and seen if being done where it was like: first name LAST NAME middle name (all being initials) her maiden name initial dont go on there unless she uses that name.
Also I never heard of in the south a woman dropping her middle name and her maiden name becoming her middle name.
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Post by anxiousmom on Apr 10, 2015 19:13:11 GMT
In the South, women generally drop their middle name and maiden name becomes middle name when they marry. I would have done it the same way never dreaming she was still using her middle name. The only time I check is if a woman goes by her middle name. I am in the south and this is the way it was when I married (and in some circles still is.) I spent the first couple of years of my marriage explaining why I kept my middle name instead of using my maiden name as my middle name. I have one fairly progressive friend who hyphenates and her monogrammed items are first initial, married last initial, maiden name initial. I also thought that monogrammed items were kind of a southern thing to begin with. (ETA: turns out that keeping my middle name made for a nice monogram though-my first and middle name start with the same letter so it looks pretty)
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Post by jenjie on Apr 10, 2015 19:17:14 GMT
I'm no help, since I thought the thread topic was "Mammograms and married women" and I wondered WTH difference it could make in terms of getting a mammogram whether a woman's married or not! Me too
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Post by padresfan619 on Apr 10, 2015 19:18:49 GMT
You could get really lucky like me and marry a man with the same first letter in his last name as your maiden name . I'd be lying if I didn't fall in love with him just a little bit more when I learned his last name. My first name and maiden name start with the same letter so I am glad I didn't have to lose it! And yea, I know I could have just not changed my last name but that isn't my style. I would assume a person would only use their maiden name as an initial after marriage if they didn't have a middle name. My mom never had a middle name so when she married my dad, she decided to use her maiden name as a middle name.
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tracylynn
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Jun 26, 2014 22:49:09 GMT
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Post by tracylynn on Apr 10, 2015 19:21:16 GMT
Unless I knew she had changed her maiden name to her middle name, it never would have occurred to me to use that initial - I would have used first, middle and last - in whatever order.
That said, she might have been rude in either bringing it up, or in least bringing it up in the way she did.
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Post by 3SugarBugs on Apr 10, 2015 19:25:55 GMT
I'm a southern girl and I did change my middle name to maiden name when I married. Lucky for me, my middle name and maiden name both started with the same letter. I do think this is a more traditional southern thing, as most of my friends 'back home' monogram first name-last name-maiden name, (as do I), but it's definitely not the norm in the midwest. And I love a monogram! My midwest friends tease me incessantly about it...I monogram anything and everything!
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Post by SunnySmile on Apr 10, 2015 19:31:40 GMT
I'm no help, since I thought the thread topic was "Mammograms and married women" and I wondered WTH difference it could make in terms of getting a mammogram whether a woman's married or not! me too!
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Post by stampinbetsy on Apr 10, 2015 19:36:14 GMT
I don't use my maiden name at all. But my boss does, so we would likely differ on our opinions.
And lumo, I read the same thing at first!
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grinningcat
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Jun 26, 2014 13:06:35 GMT
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Post by grinningcat on Apr 10, 2015 19:37:31 GMT
I'm glad I read this thread because I learned something new about monograms... which have confused me.
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Post by cmpeter on Apr 10, 2015 19:47:56 GMT
I have always heard first LAST middle too.
i would not have been offended if a well meaning relative pulled me aside and said they thought I made a mistake though. I would assume they were coming from a good place and trying to be helpful.
I mean, I like them enough to exchange gifts with. I'll give them the benefit of the doubt on the correction.
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Post by SnowWhite on Apr 10, 2015 20:05:00 GMT
It could really be appropriate either way but to declare such disdain for a gift is just wrong. Especially since it clearly doesn't bother her enough to prevent her from using the gift. How are you reading disdain into her statement? You weren't even there, all we have to go on is the one side of the story. To me, her statement was simply trying to help the OP not make the same mistake again.
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Post by lisacharlotte on Apr 10, 2015 20:05:48 GMT
Taking your maiden as your middle is not an outdated tradition. I'm only 49 and women younger than me do it.
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Post by Darcy Collins on Apr 10, 2015 20:23:16 GMT
Taking your maiden as your middle is not an outdated tradition. I'm only 49 and women younger than me do it. My cousin married recently and kept her maiden name as her middle. She's in her 20s. We're also not from the south, so it's not exclusively a southern thing either. I do think it was more prevalent historically in the south - from what I hear.
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Post by MorellisCupcake on Apr 10, 2015 20:34:05 GMT
I think that was rude. My initials are K A M, with maiden name starting with a K. If I got KMA, or KMK, I'd still know it was me. On that very note.. I had a Thirty One bag monogrammed KMA, and hardly used it. I gave it to my niece who tells people it stands for Kiss My Ass.
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Post by KikiPea on Apr 10, 2015 21:02:44 GMT
I would have done First/Married/Middle.
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queenofkings
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Jun 26, 2014 15:26:41 GMT
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Post by queenofkings on Apr 10, 2015 21:03:38 GMT
I'm southern and kept my middle name when I married. I'm only 40. But my mom changed her middle to her maiden. I know it's still done, but I thought only "well-to-do" Southerners did it still. My opinion is that for a monogrammed gift I would have double checked which name she uses. Maybe the delivery of her pointing out the error sounded rude, but I'm sure she just wanted to keep you from making the same mistake again. Obviously she still liked the gift well enough to use it.
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Post by KikiPea on Apr 10, 2015 21:11:10 GMT
ETA I am in the south, and yes, that is how it is done. I'm 43. Not for everyone. I was born in the deep south and I dropped my maiden and kept my given middle. I have lived here my entire 41 years. Out of of all of my friends that took their Adan's last name, only one changed her middle to her maiden name.
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Post by jennifercw on Apr 10, 2015 21:19:54 GMT
I think it was wrong of her to assume the monogram was an error and I think this thread proves it isn't a good idea to give a monogrammed gift without knowing for sure what initials the receiver uses.
For the record, I began using my maiden name as my middle name after marriage so the "right" monogram for me is first-LAST-maiden. If someone gave me a monogram using my middle name it would be wrong for me. Obviously that doesn't make it wrong for everyone.
(ETA: The reason I use my maiden name is because it is a bit unusual, I am proud of it, and there are no sons in the family to carry it on. Thought I'd put it to use as long as I could...)
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Dani-Mani
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Post by Dani-Mani on Apr 10, 2015 21:22:11 GMT
In the South, women generally drop their middle name and maiden name becomes middle name when they marry. I would have done it the same way never dreaming she was still using her middle name. The only time I check is if a woman goes by her middle name. This is the case of everyone I know, my grandparents and parents included. A very southern tradition edition.
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AnotherPea
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Jan 4, 2015 1:47:52 GMT
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Post by AnotherPea on Apr 10, 2015 21:23:57 GMT
I agree with the OP. all of my monogrammed stuff uses my maiden name. My maiden name didn't go away when I married anymore than the rest of me did.
Everyone I've ever noticed uses maiden name for middle initial on their monograms.
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Post by originalvanillabean on Apr 10, 2015 21:29:34 GMT
Sorry OP, that she pointed out her preference in that manner. I'm sure you meant well.
I guess it is a southern thing. I got married in Texas and when I went to get a new DL, they assumed I would now go by First-Maiden-Last. I was flabbergasted, had no idea it was "normal". I told her no, I don't want to do that. She made me fill out a whole new application, but I did, to First Middle Married and that has been my name ever since. First Maiden Married, just seems odd to me. But I'm from the Midwest and had not been exposed to that option.
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Post by cmpeter on Apr 10, 2015 22:00:23 GMT
I have never heard of people changing their middle name to their maiden name until this thread. I do have plenty of friends who have hyphenated, but not dropped their middle name like that.
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Grom Pea
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Post by Grom Pea on Apr 10, 2015 22:08:38 GMT
I've always been jealous of people who have those 3 letter monograms. Growing up I had 4 initials and I added my maiden name to my middle name so I now have five initials, so no monograms for me. I'd never have realized that there was the tradition of first last maiden so I guess I would have skipped the monogram all together. Also maybe she was using the tote in your presence to show that she appreciates you, I know I will wear a shirt even if it's not my style when I see the giver, so they know I appreciate the gesture.
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