I considered hyphenating for a hot second but HR made that a miserable discussion for me so I didn't change my last name. I am still first middle maiden.
My Inlaws were very well aware of this - very well. Questioned me and my DH about it many times prior to the wedding. Wouldn't you know the first Christmas after our wedding I got a nice big LL Bean tote monogrammed with First Married Maiden (well what would have been my married name if I had taken it...)
Yeah it sits in a closet. It is the big bag in my "big bag of bags"
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My DD has been married for 20 years and uses her maiden name for her middle name. She liked it so much she used it for all three of her kids middle names. I don't know if she legally changed it. She is not from the south. So for her, you would have been correct.
I am a southern woman who kept all her names. No hyphen. First, middle, maiden, husband's last. I only ever regret it when we buy a house with a mortgage document that requires sixty signatures.
I kept all of my names as well and was regretting that yesterday when I was signing some retirement package papers. However, because I prefer the look of a 3 initial monogram, I use just the first Last maiden styling. I also have a few things from when we first married that are first Married middle. And since DD is an only and will get it all someday, I now just use the single initial of our last name on things. Since it is her first initial, it will always be correct for her!
Now days, pretty much anything goes! Here is a list that shows many of the new monogram forms being used.
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In the South, women generally drop their middle name and maiden name becomes middle name when they marry. I would have done it the same way never dreaming she was still using her middle name.
The only time I check is if a woman goes by her middle name.
I am in the south and this is the way it was when I married (and in some circles still is.) I spent the first couple of years of my marriage explaining why I kept my middle name instead of using my maiden name as my middle name.
I have one fairly progressive friend who hyphenates and her monogrammed items are first initial, married last initial, maiden name initial.
I also thought that monogrammed items were kind of a southern thing to begin with.
(ETA: turns out that keeping my middle name made for a nice monogram though-my first and middle name start with the same letter so it looks pretty)
Last Edit: Apr 10, 2015 19:17:32 GMT by anxiousmom
You could get really lucky like me and marry a man with the same first letter in his last name as your maiden name . I'd be lying if I didn't fall in love with him just a little bit more when I learned his last name. My first name and maiden name start with the same letter so I am glad I didn't have to lose it! And yea, I know I could have just not changed my last name but that isn't my style.
I would assume a person would only use their maiden name as an initial after marriage if they didn't have a middle name. My mom never had a middle name so when she married my dad, she decided to use her maiden name as a middle name.
I'm a southern girl and I did change my middle name to maiden name when I married. Lucky for me, my middle name and maiden name both started with the same letter. I do think this is a more traditional southern thing, as most of my friends 'back home' monogram first name-last name-maiden name, (as do I), but it's definitely not the norm in the midwest.
And I love a monogram! My midwest friends tease me incessantly about it...I monogram anything and everything!
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It could really be appropriate either way but to declare such disdain for a gift is just wrong. Especially since it clearly doesn't bother her enough to prevent her from using the gift.
How are you reading disdain into her statement? You weren't even there, all we have to go on is the one side of the story. To me, her statement was simply trying to help the OP not make the same mistake again.
Taking your maiden as your middle is not an outdated tradition. I'm only 49 and women younger than me do it.
My cousin married recently and kept her maiden name as her middle. She's in her 20s. We're also not from the south, so it's not exclusively a southern thing either. I do think it was more prevalent historically in the south - from what I hear.
I'm southern and kept my middle name when I married. I'm only 40. But my mom changed her middle to her maiden. I know it's still done, but I thought only "well-to-do" Southerners did it still. My opinion is that for a monogrammed gift I would have double checked which name she uses. Maybe the delivery of her pointing out the error sounded rude, but I'm sure she just wanted to keep you from making the same mistake again. Obviously she still liked the gift well enough to use it.
I think it was wrong of her to assume the monogram was an error and I think this thread proves it isn't a good idea to give a monogrammed gift without knowing for sure what initials the receiver uses.
For the record, I began using my maiden name as my middle name after marriage so the "right" monogram for me is first-LAST-maiden. If someone gave me a monogram using my middle name it would be wrong for me. Obviously that doesn't make it wrong for everyone.
(ETA: The reason I use my maiden name is because it is a bit unusual, I am proud of it, and there are no sons in the family to carry it on. Thought I'd put it to use as long as I could...)
Last Edit: Apr 10, 2015 21:22:05 GMT by jennifercw
member of twopeas since October 2002, 6,607 posts on the old board, PeaNut #: 52019
Post by originalvanillabean on Apr 10, 2015 21:29:34 GMT
Sorry OP, that she pointed out her preference in that manner. I'm sure you meant well.
I guess it is a southern thing. I got married in Texas and when I went to get a new DL, they assumed I would now go by First-Maiden-Last. I was flabbergasted, had no idea it was "normal". I told her no, I don't want to do that. She made me fill out a whole new application, but I did, to First Middle Married and that has been my name ever since. First Maiden Married, just seems odd to me. But I'm from the Midwest and had not been exposed to that option.