Deleted
Posts: 0
Apr 19, 2024 7:18:27 GMT
|
Post by Deleted on Apr 11, 2015 12:54:11 GMT
I don't think monogrammed items are highly personal. But my name is!! By making a decision to use an name I no longer officially (or even unofficially) use just because a stranger in an embroidery shop said to is rather presumptuous at best and down right insulting to rude in itself. Before ordering I'd make sure I knew what they considered to be their name.. after all it is the tag to our identity which is the most personal item any of us will ever "own"
The relative that got the bag has likely had a lot of questions from friends and co-workers who think her monogram is aWc and are confused why a bag given by family would have it monogrammed aWm. I know most of my co-workers first/last name and middle initial. I know none of their maiden names.
|
|
|
|
Post by myshelly on Apr 11, 2015 12:57:26 GMT
What I meant by saying they are highly personal is that they can't be exchanged, returned, regifted, or otherwise repurposed.
If you do not know the person well enough to even know what her name is, then you have no business buying her a monogrammed gift.
And while I think the family member in the OP might have been rude in the way she pointed it out, I do think I would be offended that my family member didn't know my chosen name.
|
|
|
|
Post by blarneygirl on Apr 11, 2015 13:16:49 GMT
Perhaps tradition has changed?I would have been married 30 years in November. I dropped my middle name when I married and have always used my family name as my middle name. I would have chosen the same as was suggested to you.
|
|
Deleted
Posts: 0
Apr 19, 2024 7:18:27 GMT
|
Post by Deleted on Apr 11, 2015 13:18:35 GMT
Perhaps tradition has changed?I would have been married 30 years in November. I dropped my middle name when I married and have always used my family name as my middle name. I would have chosen the same as was suggested to you. No one in my family ever changed their name like that....even my 96 year old grandmother didn't. So for us it just isn't done. |
|
|
|
Post by blarneygirl on Apr 11, 2015 13:24:37 GMT
Perhaps tradition has changed?I would have been married 30 years in November. I dropped my middle name when I married and have always used my family name as my middle name. I would have chosen the same as was suggested to you. No one in my family ever changed their name like that....even my 96 year old grandmother didn't. So for us it just isn't done. That's interesting. Both my mother and her mother dropped their middle names as well. Maybe there is no right or wrong, and it's just a personal choice. |
|
Deleted
Posts: 0
Apr 19, 2024 7:18:27 GMT
|
Post by Deleted on Apr 11, 2015 13:25:32 GMT
I certainly don't think there is only one right way to choose your own name.
|
|
Deleted
Posts: 0
Apr 19, 2024 7:18:27 GMT
|
Post by Deleted on Apr 11, 2015 13:27:12 GMT
I certainly don't think there is only one right way to choose your own name. LOL exactly. I don't think there is one way here, that is the point. Even in the south, not "everyone" does it one way. It is a name and very personal. Hence you should check before you order a monogrammed item. |
|
AmeliaBloomer
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,842
Location: USA
Jun 26, 2014 5:01:45 GMT
|
Post by AmeliaBloomer on Apr 11, 2015 13:32:59 GMT
...she always knew when solicitors were calling.. Yeah, it's a great way to ferret out telephone solicitors. If someone calls and asks for Mrs. MyHusband'sName, I just say she died.  |
|
gsquaredmom
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,078
Jun 26, 2014 17:43:22 GMT
|
Post by gsquaredmom on Apr 11, 2015 14:03:02 GMT
Fascinating.
In my family on both sides and everyone we knew: woman dropped maiden name. When I married I was a renegade because I kept my maiden name as a second middle name. Took me over a year to get it right with social security. They kept wanting to do one or the other. I wanted both. I recently had something monogrammed for the first time, and I used the maiden name initial. Never had to choose before, but I only got three initials. Maiden name was more important to my identity when it came right down to choosing.
|
|
AnotherPea
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,968 
|
Post by AnotherPea on Apr 11, 2015 14:10:09 GMT
Fascinating. In my family on both sides and everyone we knew: woman dropped maiden name. When I married I was a renegade because I kept my maiden name as a second middle name. Took me over a year to get it right with social security. They kept wanting to do one or the other. I wanted both. I recently had something monogrammed for the first time, and I used the maiden name initial. Never had to choose before, but I only got three initials. Maiden name was more important to my identity when it came right down to choosing. I could have written this word for word. Except the problem with SS. No issues having all four names on any of my identification. |
|
|
|
Post by blarneygirl on Apr 11, 2015 14:15:24 GMT
Fascinating. In my family on both sides and everyone we knew: woman dropped maiden name. When I married I was a renegade because I kept my maiden name as a second middle name. Took me over a year to get it right with social security. They kept wanting to do one or the other. I wanted both. I recently had something monogrammed for the first time, and I used the maiden name initial. Never had to choose before, but I only got three initials. Maiden name was more important to my identity when it came right down to choosing. This had been my line of thinking as well (combined with the fact that I was following along with my mother/grandmother name changes). It just made sense to me. This has been very enlightening to me. In all my years of gift giving, I don't think I've ever had anything monogrammed for a married relative or friend. It's a good thing too, because it seems odds are, I would have gotten it wrong! |
|
|
|
Post by pierkiss on Apr 11, 2015 14:27:15 GMT
I've always thought it was first, last and middle. I've never heard of using maiden name in place of middle name. It wouldn't matter for me because I changed my middle name to my maiden name when I got married.  |
|
janeliz
Drama Llama
I'm the Wiz and nobody beats me.
Posts: 5,631
|
Post by janeliz on Apr 11, 2015 14:56:03 GMT
Interesting thread. I dropped my middle name and use my maiden name in the middle now. I don't consider a monogram significant enough (to me, personally) that I would care if someone gave me something with my original middle initial on it, though. I'd still use it/carry it.
|
|
|
|
Post by Skellinton on Apr 11, 2015 15:23:48 GMT
I think the maiden as middle has a resurgence after a few high profile people did it - Hillary Clinton and Carolyn Kennedy pop to mind, but I'm sure there are others. Many professional women I know did it as an alternative to hyphenation but retaining their premarried name. I am on my 40's and in all my life I have never, ever, ever heard of anyone dropping their middle name when married and using their maiden name as their middle name. I am completely flabbergasted that is a thing. I know lots people who keep their maiden name or hyphenate, but I have never heard of dropping your middle name. Regarding HRC I just assumed she was hyphenated, do you think they really use their full name all the time? Nobody calls Bill Clinton "Bill Jefferson Clinton" when talking about him. I can't think of anyone that uses their middle name to be referred to by, are you sure the examples you gave are not just hyphenates? |
|
|
|
Post by gillyp on Apr 11, 2015 15:25:22 GMT
I'm finding this all very fascinating. I have NEVER heard of anyone dropping their middle name and replacing it with their maiden name. It has to be a country/regional thing as some have said, surely.  I have heard of women keeping their maiden name after marriage mainly because they are in a profession where they are well known by their maiden name, or hyphenating the two surnames. I have seen Facebook profiles with what I assumed was a maiden name and married surname. Done like that, I thought, so people could find the person on a search but it never occurred to me that that would be the person's name "in real life". My first name and my middle name are MY names, totally personal to me. My maiden name is the family I was born into and my married name is the family I married into, I would never consider dropping one of my fore names to substitute it with a surname. I find it intriguing and bizarre! Maybe it would be easier if we all did what my European and Mexican cousins do and keep our maiden name on marriage automatically.  As for monograms, they aren't something I am particularly fond of, feeling them to be old fashioned imho but it would be first name - surname - middle name if I was being pushed for how to write it.  edit, I see we are of the same mind Skellinton although I have about 20 years on you!  |
|
cab919
Full Member
Posts: 161
Location: OHIO
Jun 28, 2014 20:15:34 GMT
|
Post by cab919 on Apr 11, 2015 15:45:53 GMT
I'm in my 40's and I did not keep my maiden name. My mother and my MIL also dropped their maiden names. Both my grandmas who were born in the 1800's both dropped their maiden names. All the women in my family dropped their maiden names. I only know of one person who dropped her middle name and that was the sister of a former co-worker.
I think my sister Barb should have kept her middle name, maiden name and added on the married name because her initials would have been BARB but she too dropped her maiden name and kept her middle name.
|
|
|
|
Post by Darcy Collins on Apr 11, 2015 15:46:22 GMT
I think the maiden as middle has a resurgence after a few high profile people did it - Hillary Clinton and Carolyn Kennedy pop to mind, but I'm sure there are others. Many professional women I know did it as an alternative to hyphenation but retaining their premarried name. I am on my 40's and in all my life I have never, ever, ever heard of anyone dropping their middle name when married and using their maiden name as their middle name. I am completely flabbergasted that is a thing. I know lots people who keep their maiden name or hyphenate, but I have never heard of dropping your middle name. Regarding HRC I just assumed she was hyphenated, do you think they really use their full name all the time? Nobody calls Bill Clinton "Bill Jefferson Clinton" when talking about him. I can't think of anyone that uses their middle name to be referred to by, are you sure the examples you gave are not just hyphenates? She's definitely not hyphenated. It was actually a decision she made when Bill ran for governor. She had never taken his name, going by maiden name for her law practice. She felt it would impact Bill's political aspirations and took his name, but kept her maiden name as her middle name. ETA sorry for the typos, I was on my phone. Here's an old article after Bill first won the presidency about Hillary's name: www.nytimes.com/1993/02/14/us/again-it-s-hillary-rodham-clinton-got-that.html |
|
|
|
Post by gar on Apr 11, 2015 15:51:28 GMT
I'm no help, since I thought the thread topic was "Mammograms and married women" and I wondered WTH difference it could make in terms of getting a mammogram whether a woman's married or not! Yup |
|
|
|
Post by Darcy Collins on Apr 11, 2015 16:29:09 GMT
|
|
rickmer
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,123
|
Post by rickmer on Apr 11, 2015 16:44:06 GMT
i have never heard of anyone changing their middle name to their maiden name upon marriage. the closest to that i have heard of is people giving their children their maiden name as a middle name (not hyphenating both parents' name, literally making "barnes" or "murphy" their child's middle name).
i didn't legally change my name but assumed my dh's last name. if someone gave me a monogram with my maiden name initial, i would assume it was an error... but would never bring it up to the gift-giver.
|
|
|
|
Post by Skellinton on Apr 11, 2015 16:56:02 GMT
I am on my 40's and in all my life I have never, ever, ever heard of anyone dropping their middle name when married and using their maiden name as their middle name. I am completely flabbergasted that is a thing. I know lots people who keep their maiden name or hyphenate, but I have never heard of dropping your middle name. Regarding HRC I just assumed she was hyphenated, do you think they really use their full name all the time? Nobody calls Bill Clinton "Bill Jefferson Clinton" when talking about him. I can't think of anyone that uses their middle name to be referred to by, are you sure the examples you gave are not just hyphenates? She's definitely not hyphenated. It was actually a decision she made when Bill ran for governor. She had never taken his name, going by maiden name for her law practice. She felt it would impact Bill's political aspirations and took his name, but kept her maiden name as her middle name. ETA sorry for the typos, I was on my phone. Here's an old article after Bill first won the presidency about Hillary's name: www.nytimes.com/1993/02/14/us/again-it-s-hillary-rodham-clinton-got-that.htmlThanks for the link, but it does not say she took her maiden name and made it her middle name, it just states she didn't used to use Clinton because she kept her maiden name for professional purposes and then took Clinton when he was running for office a second term. I would be interested in seeing what her legal name is, I imagine that will be easier to find after tomorrow. |
|
|
|
Post by Skellinton on Apr 11, 2015 16:59:39 GMT
I am on my 40's and in all my life I have never, ever, ever heard of anyone dropping their middle name when married and using their maiden name as their middle name. I am completely flabbergasted that is a thing. I know lots people who keep their maiden name or hyphenate, but I have never heard of dropping your middle name. Regarding HRC I just assumed she was hyphenated, do you think they really use their full name all the time? Nobody calls Bill Clinton "Bill Jefferson Clinton" when talking about him. I can't think of anyone that uses their middle name to be referred to by, are you sure the examples you gave are not just hyphenates? She's definitely not hyphenated. It was actually a decision she made when Bill ran for governor. She had never taken his name, going by maiden name for her law practice. She felt it would impact Bill's political aspirations and took his name, but kept her maiden name as her middle name. ETA sorry for the typos, I was on my phone. Here's an old article after Bill first won the presidency about Hillary's name: www.nytimes.com/1993/02/14/us/again-it-s-hillary-rodham-clinton-got-that.htmlCarolyn Bessette -Kennedy shows up with an actual hyphen in her name when you google, but you are correct that HRC does not use a hyphen. |
|
|
|
Post by Darcy Collins on Apr 11, 2015 17:12:28 GMT
|
|
|
|
Post by Darcy Collins on Apr 11, 2015 17:29:04 GMT
She's definitely not hyphenated. It was actually a decision she made when Bill ran for governor. She had never taken his name, going by maiden name for her law practice. She felt it would impact Bill's political aspirations and took his name, but kept her maiden name as her middle name. ETA sorry for the typos, I was on my phone. Here's an old article after Bill first won the presidency about Hillary's name: www.nytimes.com/1993/02/14/us/again-it-s-hillary-rodham-clinton-got-that.htmlCarolyn Bessette -Kennedy shows up with an actual hyphen in her name when you google, but you are correct that HRC does not use a hyphen. Carolyn Bessette Kennedy's legal name had no hyphen (according to her death certificate filled out by her mother  ) Wikipedia seems to like to throw a hyphen on everyone. I was trying to confirm that the Fitzgerald was from JFK Sr. mother's maiden name and I saw that they listed her as Rose Fitzgerald-Kennedy and she definitely didn't use a hyphenated name. |
|
|
|
Post by lovemybabes on Apr 11, 2015 18:16:05 GMT
I dropped my middle (Elizabeth) and took my maiden as my middle when I got married.
It was common in my small town/area of VA.
I just figured everyone did it how they wanted.
|
|
|
|
Post by hollymolly on Apr 11, 2015 20:45:32 GMT
I'm totally not picking on you blarneygirl, but the point is really that Nobody should ever get it wrong, because they should ask first. It is up to the individual what their initials are, not tradition or a stranger in customer service or how you think it should be done or anything else. You can really only be 100% sure which initials they use if they've already told you or if you've seen other items they've had monogrammed. Otherwise ASK! *Edited to fix quote which won't stay fixed. Here's what I quoted: It's a good thing too, because it seems odds are, I would have gotten it wrong! |
|
|
|
Post by anniefb on Apr 11, 2015 20:47:01 GMT
Interesting thread. All I can say after reading the responses is that I'm going to steer away from monograms altogether!
I only know one person who dropped their middle name and replaced it with maiden on marriage. That's a friend who lives in ON Canada. I don't think it's common in New Zealand - women might keep their maiden name as part of their surname (whether hyphenated or not) but wouldn't stop using their middle name. Of course a lot of women don't change their names now anyway.
|
|
|
|
Post by blarneygirl on Apr 11, 2015 21:58:51 GMT
I'm totally not picking on you blarneygirl, but the point is really that Nobody should ever get it wrong, because they should ask first. It is up to the individual what their initials are, not tradition or a stranger in customer service or how you think it should be done or anything else. You can really only be 100% sure which initials they use if they've already told you or if you've seen other items they've had monogrammed. Otherwise ASK! *Edited to fix quote which won't stay fixed. Here's what I quoted: It's a good thing too, because it seems odds are, I would have gotten it wrong! I don't feel picked on (and forgive me for not quoting properly or just linking your name, still figuring this out...) I think everyone comes from a different perspective. Nice learning moment for me too, as I didn't realize how many preferred to maintain their given middle names to their family names. For me, it would fall into the "it's the thought that counts" category. I wouldn't think twice about someone choosing differently than I would. If it was a pretty and/or useful item, I would just use it, and probably think of the gift giver on those occasions. |
|
dylniksmor
Junior Member
Posts: 56
|
Post by dylniksmor on Apr 11, 2015 22:00:32 GMT
Well the answer to this seems pretty clear to me. It should be first name, last name, MIDDLE name. Everyone that has said it should be maiden name, uses their maiden name as a middle name, so therefor it is their MIDDLE name now.
My maiden name is also my middle name now, as I didn't have a middle name before I was married -and I call it my middle name now.
|
|
|
|
Post by Karene on Apr 11, 2015 23:28:26 GMT
This is the first time I have ever heard of replacing your middle name with your maiden name. Everyone I know either kept their maiden name as their last name or replaced it with their married name. I definitely would not use my maiden name as a middle. I like it but it ends in "er" and my married name ends in 2 "er"s so it would not sound nice at all! Besides I have always liked my middle name.
My sister gave her oldest son my mother's maiden name for a middle name. But I think it was because my grandfather was dying at the time he was born. Not quite sure why she didn't give him my grandfather's first name.
|
|
) Wikipedia seems to like to throw a hyphen on everyone. I was trying to confirm that the Fitzgerald was from JFK Sr. mother's maiden name and I saw that they listed her as Rose Fitzgerald-Kennedy and she definitely didn't use a hyphenated name.
