I was shocked a couple years ago to hear my mom make a similar comment about my brother and sister. She's never guilted anyone or even hinted at it before but one holiday she was at my house and she let loose about how my brother and sister never call her and it's the child's responsibility to call their parents and on and on. She says she was raised that way and cannot believe they aren't respectful enough to call her. (My mom seldom gets mad so this outburst was really out of character).
First, she raised us and I don't recall this ever coming up in conversation, ever. Second, why can't she just pick up the phone and call them, or me for that matter - she never calls me even and we're the closest. I was too shocked to have an actual conversation about it at the time, and we're mostly sweep-it-under-the-rug kind of people so I haven't brought it up again.
This is my predicament. My mom lays on the guilt trip so much that it makes me not want to call. I already don't like talking on the phone since I have to do it all day at work. Here's what it's like. "You never call. My friends kids call. What am I supposed to tell them. I could be dead in a ditch and no one would be calling me to check on me. I wanted you to be independent, but you need to call me. It doesn't matter that you're busy, running ragged from early am until late night, you should call me. I like to talk to you. You need to know I'm not dead. I won't call you because I don't want to intrude. Obviously you don't love your mother because you don't call enough. "
this, every time I call. No wonder I don't call much. I have to call tonight and am putting it off dreading the tirade. Usually on calls she is so upset that I haven't called that I can't get a word in, let alone fill her in on what we've been up to. Just have to listen to her complain that I don't call enough. Frustrating
mama2three Ancient Ancestor of Pea March 2003 6,215 posts PeaNut Number: 75924
I think this is a generational thing at least in part.
I'm in my 40s and I'm old enough to remember long-distance calls being an expensive once in a while thing and even in-state longdistance costing more than local (in town) calls. Now with mobiles and all in one calling plans, phone calls are no big deal.
But for older family members - THEY probably made a point of phoning their parents/grandparents on holidays (Easter, Christmas, birthdays, Mothers/Fathers Day) because they didn't routinely talk with out of town relatives on the phone due to the cost of long-distance calls - letters were the 'norm' for communication. So to them, yes, it's 'normal' for children/grandchildren to call on the holidays because that's what THEY did. To us - we call whenever so no big deal
And I think to add to that, the phone company usually had discounted rates on holidays. So it made sense to call on a holiday. When I went away to school, I always called, and then they usually made me hang up and call right back. It was cheaper for them, as I was a poor broke college student, but easier for me to call first, because it was hard to predict when I would be home. Now if we don't see them (which is rare, we are within a few miles), we make the effort to call his dad and step-mom. His mother couldn't give a crap either way, and we rarely hear from her on a holiday either.
***The Pea formerly known as Can_i_pea_2?****
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