Deleted
Posts: 0
Aug 18, 2025 19:43:37 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Apr 12, 2015 14:47:43 GMT
I'm also sorry you and your family are going though this. I work in a rehab facility. They are not designed for dementia patients and most likely they would not have kept him long. You need to be able to participate in therapy for 3 hours a day and meet specific goals to benefit from an inpatient rehab facility.Maybe that will make you feel better about where he is now.
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J u l e e
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,531
Location: Cincinnati
Jun 28, 2014 2:50:47 GMT
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Post by J u l e e on Apr 12, 2015 15:28:54 GMT
I'm so sorry this is happening. It truly is awful.
With regard to G taking care of your father in their home, it may not be the best option for him. Especially if she is not going to give him the attention/care he needs. And even more especially that he has mobility issues and she is not able to help with that. My mother took care of my father in their home, and even with hospice workers coming to the house and help from her children, friends, and neighbors, they were both still very at risk. They were both in their late 50s and my father had dementia. My mother was trying to help my father in the bathroom - he was unsteady on his feet and it was a small bathroom. She was trying to turn his body so he could walk out the door and he fell on her and they both fell into the tub. My mother's head actually knocked out shower tiles and broke through the drywall. My father landed on top of her and neither could move. They stayed that way for a long time. My mother eventually was able to roll him off of her and had to leave him laying in the tub until someone could come help her lift him out. She was determined he stay in his home for as long as he was able. It was super hard on her.
Do you think you might feel better if he was being taken care of around the clock? Especially if G doesn't seem to want to spend time by his side?
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Post by rst on Apr 12, 2015 15:35:48 GMT
The characteristic mobility issue with Supranuclear Palsy is that the patients fall backward -- which is a terribly difficult fall to catch and also very dangerous in terms of type of injury. So the environment needs to be made as safe as possible -- no tables with sharp edges in walking routes, a lot of thought given to the environment. If I recall correctly, my uncle used a reverse walker -- the kind with supports to the back. Vision issues are also a defining characteristic of the condition, along with apathy, depression, irritability and rages.
It's a lot to take care of in a home setting.
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Post by Dixie Lou on Apr 12, 2015 19:14:56 GMT
Lots of great advice and support here, thank you. My dad is looking for a neurologist and I am going to go to the appointment with him. He is capable of making decisions on his own for now. Sometimes he is lucid and sometimes not so much. Today he was telling me of some things that happened to him at the hospital but would end it with "Well that's the way they do things in the army." My dad has been quite healthy up until a year ago but we think mentally he has been going down for a couple of years. He used to be a stronger personality and would tell G or his first wife (my mom) how things were going to be in regards to money (HA.) He has always been a saver. We know G has been through bankruptcy at least once. The only cash he has left is his retirement money that she can't touch. Everything else has been co-mingled. My dad never signed his new will because G wasn't happy with it. The old one (before they were married) leaves everything to my brother and me. We don't want the money but to care for him and his health. My brother has outright told him to give him power of attorney over his money and health care and promises that it will be used only for his care. G keeps saying they need that money to pay bills (that she has run up.) Rehab wasn't going to help him too much. He has mobility issues over and above the PSP problem so it's all so complicated. Rehab isn't going to cure him. He told me today that I get the credit for him not being in rehab. I asked him if that was a good thing and he said YES. He wants me to go wheelchair shopping with him. I love him so much and I am very sad for him and for what I am losing. Looking forward to the dr appointment. Is it strange that the doctor never talked to my dad about his diagnosis? Is it wrong that the security officer at the hospital threatened my dad with going to a judge to make him stay at the hospital? Also, I realized the other day that G told my dad that ambien was taken off the market because she didn't want him on it. Now he is on something else to help him sleep. He figured out that she lied to him because I am still getting my ambien every month.  Makes us wonder what other liberties she has taken with his medication. |
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Post by rst on Apr 12, 2015 21:28:29 GMT
Ideally, the doctor should have had a conversation with your dad and with the entire family support (assuming your dad gave permission) about the dx and what to expect. Reality is, many hospital doctors are going to leave that to the specialist who you are going to select and see after discharge, assuming that a longer relationship and increased opportunities for give and take will make that conversation more profitable coming from the specialist.
I can't speak to the security guard's actions. That's not something I've encountered, and I don't know why they would say that to him.
Ambien is not a great idea for people with movement disorders, so it may be that there was input from a doctor that motivated her action? Or do you thing she could have seen a correlation between symptoms/behaviors and his use of it?
If you seriously believe that she is witholding medications or manipulating him to his detriment, then you have a responsibility to intervene and ensure that she doesn't have that control. If you are feeling a lot of anger and frustration about a situation that is painful and sad and out of control, and she's a handy target for some of that frustration, then maybe it would be a good idea to find some way to redirect that. In your original post you state that overall you love her to death despite some misgivings about her finances, but over the course of the thread, anger and criticism and outright distrust are prevailing. I know that many of us have a tendency to want to assign blame, have a good target for our rage, when we face big losses and pain. It takes a lot of grace on your part to recognize imperfection and failings, but still give the benefit of the doubt and see the positive characteristics in someone like G. The best case scenario for your dad is that everyone works together as a team and puts the focus on supporting him.
So what that might look like would be a one on one conversation with G in which you ask about the ambien and other meds, in a non-confrontational way, just information gathering. See if she needs supports to help her ensure he gets meds regularly as prescribed, gets refills on time, etc. If she's interested and can use it, you could set her up with an ap like mymedschedule -- free ap for phone or computer which can really help with complicated medication regimens. That accomplishes your goal -- to ensure that your dad gets the meds he should have. It also lets her know that you are interested, concerned, and watching out for him. But it is a supportive and positive action, and one that can build the relationship in a good way.
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Post by cindyupnorth on Apr 12, 2015 21:35:57 GMT
I work in a hosp. I see a lot of confused patients, and patients that just do not understand what they are being told, forgetful, too medicated to remember things, or just put their own spin on what they are told. I have stood there and heard a dr talk to a patient, leave, and a family member will come in, and the patient will tell them the wrong information. Take what your dad is telling you as second hand, UNLESS you are actually there, and heard the conversation.
I think it would be very very hard to make your brother POA over his married lawful wife. Unless she would sign something, it's pretty much NOT going to happen. does not matter what a will says.
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Post by Dixie Lou on Apr 12, 2015 21:57:36 GMT
rst --thank you for giving me that to think about. I am not sure. I've always loved G but there have been things through out the past couple of years that gave me a feeling of distrust. This past week was terrible and I am afraid that she is not sincere. But thank you.I will definitely give that some thought and try to calm down.
My dad has the paper work ready to sign that would make my brother POA. He can sign that (and in the past has wanted to) and put my brother in charge of his medical and finances. This would not give my brother any power over G's stuff and their co-mingled stuff, only what's left of my dad's. We know that our idea of my dad's care and Georgia's idea are different. She wants his retirement money for herself and not for my dad's care. In the past my dad has said there is no way he'll give that to her, that she would have that spent in a year.
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Post by gailoh on Apr 14, 2015 18:08:28 GMT
glad your brother is doing this, better sooner then later...your in my prayers..
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Aug 18, 2025 19:43:37 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Apr 14, 2015 18:47:00 GMT
If I am not mistaken you can give POA to anyone whom you choose to.
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Post by Dictionary on Apr 14, 2015 19:08:24 GMT
I am so sorry you are having to go through this. It seems like your dad should qualify for Hospice care which Medi-care will pay for. You should check with the hospital for long term care at home for him. At the least medi-care will pay for someone coming in to help him bathe or do any rehab exercises.
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Post by papersilly on Apr 14, 2015 20:33:57 GMT
my mom had PSP. it's a devastating illness. do your homework on the disease. PSP.org is a great resource and support. you are best able to cope when you are armed with knowledge and info about the disease and the course it follows. talk to the neurologist about the prognosis. talk to hospice care and get you dad into hospice as soon as he can qualify. hospice was a lifesaver for the 5 months she was on it before she passed. before that, she had live-in caregivers to care for her and they remained even after hospice was brought in. my mom didn't really have memory issues--she remained alert and acute to the end. it was the mobility issues that caused the greatest concern. good luck to you.
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Makes us wonder what other liberties she has taken with his medication.
