Nink
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,947 
Location: North Idaho
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Post by Nink on May 4, 2015 0:51:16 GMT
We've slept in separate rooms for years. I need to go to sleep early as I get up early. I need dark and quiet. DH has to have the fan, TV and whatever else on and flops around like a fish out of water along with snoring. We'd probably be divorced by now had we not had separate rooms.  |
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Post by bostonmama on May 4, 2015 0:52:39 GMT
i've never been able to understand (mostly) men who snore and just don't give a shit that its keeping their partner awake. i would seriously have a hard time being with someone that inconsiderate of my feelings and needs I personally snore but it isn't due to sleep apnea or anything I can fix. I guess I'm not sure what someone is supposed to do about something they can't control. And I'm not trying to be difficult. Just wondering. I think it's more the "so what?" attitude gypsymama is referring to. The husbands who essentially kick their wives out of bed or leave them without much sleep all while refusing to even get their extreme snoring checked out...or, God forbid, take a turn sleeping elsewhere so their wives can get a good night's rest. |
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Post by jenis40 on May 4, 2015 0:53:17 GMT
My DH and I have had separate bedrooms for about 9 years now (married 15). He snores like a freight train and due to his job, goes to bed at 8 pm and gets up at 2:30 am. I'm a night owl and a light sleeper. After several years of sleep deprivation, I moved to the spare bedroom. He was kind of pissy about it at first but unwilling to do anything to fix the issues. Now, we both love it. Since I've had medical issues the past couple of years, it also makes that much easier.
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Post by gypsymama on May 4, 2015 0:54:35 GMT
i've never been able to understand (mostly) men who snore and just don't give a shit that its keeping their partner awake. i would seriously have a hard time being with someone that inconsiderate of my feelings and needs I personally snore but it isn't due to sleep apnea or anything I can fix. I guess I'm not sure what someone is supposed to do about something they can't control. And I'm not trying to be difficult. Just wondering. that, to me, is understandable... i was mostly referring to the numerous posts, both on this thread and in the past, about dh's who REFUSE to go see a doc about their snoring. i would feel terrible if i was keeping my husband awake and i'd do anything i could to prevent it. obviously not all things can be prevented, but if it can... |
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julieb
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,845
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Post by julieb on May 4, 2015 0:59:59 GMT
I've been widowed forever so I don't really have anything to contribute here, other than that I don't think there's anything wrong with separate bedrooms. Sometimes it saves the marriage. Just visit each other once in a while, okay? What I find weird is separate beds in the same bedroom, like a '50s sitcom. Do people still do that ever? WHY?? My grandparents' bedrooms were both set up like that and it always freaked me out a little (although one grandmother actually slept in a different room unless we were visiting). It feels more like roommates or something. Unlike separate bedrooms, which just feels kind of oddly sophisticated. 
My grandparents had this. Twin beds, but that was 30 years ago. My in-laws have two double beds in their room because my MIL snores (that's their story). They have an extra bedroom, so you would think if it was because of snoring one of them would just sleep in there. It's strange.
My dh snores (obviously a gift from his mother) and I'll just get up and go in our guest room if I can't sleep. I can't imagine sleeping in separate rooms. We would never visit each other. 
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Post by roundtwo on May 4, 2015 1:03:55 GMT
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Post by maryland on May 4, 2015 1:09:39 GMT
It's not just men that snore. I know plenty of women that snore as well. I admit that I am the snorer in our family! And two of daughters snore occasionally. My husband is a light sleeper. I am a sahm, and he works. So I sleep on the sofa on the weeknights so he can get his sleep. On the weekends, I sleep in our room, and always tell him to let me know if I snore and I will go downstairs. With my occasional back problems, I sleep better on the sofa because I can sleep with my knees up and leaning against the back of the sofa. Works for us!
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Post by scrappyoutlaw on May 4, 2015 1:14:34 GMT
Only took me and DH a year and a half of marriage to sleep in separate rooms. :/
For us it's going to only be temporary until we can afford a new mattress. We were sharing the full size mattress with each other and the dog, I'm a sprawler and so I couldn't get comfortable. I'm sleeping in the guest room, we both are much happier and more well rested!
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Post by baslp on May 4, 2015 1:21:41 GMT
We have been married for 30 yrs . My husband is a physician so we have had separate bedrooms for 10 yrs. we both get a good nights sleep!
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Post by scrapqueen01 on May 4, 2015 2:22:00 GMT
Here I thought dh and I were the only couple sleeping in separate rooms. I'm a light sleeper so any sound or movement wakes me and I have trouble going back to sleep. Dh and I snore. I have allergies and a stopped up nose most of the time so I know I snore. Always have. Dh is very adamant that he doesn't snore. Dd and I have both told him but still denies. Whatever. I sleep crooked in the bed so I sleep much better.
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Post by laureljean on May 4, 2015 2:30:23 GMT
DH and I have had separate rooms for a few years now. It's the best thing we ever did for our marriage. We use separate bathrooms, too. It's nice having our own spaces set up the way we like, and we both sleep better. We "visit" each other regularly, but sleep separately. Works for us.
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Deleted
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May 17, 2024 21:11:48 GMT
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Post by Deleted on May 4, 2015 2:42:19 GMT
Twenty two years married here...we just moved into a new house w a super large master closet. I'm having a "bench" built across one end of the closet specifically so I can sneak in there and sleep. I adore DH but his snoring and mouth noises are killing me.
He travels a lot for work so I have no problem sleeping alone.
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Post by chlerbie on May 4, 2015 2:44:38 GMT
I totally get why some people can feel the need to do it, but for me, it's one of my favorite things--going to sleep and waking up with him. We have a full and pretty much cuddle all night, even after 15 years. If one of us is sick, however, we generally will sleep apart. He gets snuffy and snory and I get restless and feel like I'm keeping him up.
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iowgirl
Pearl Clutcher
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Post by iowgirl on May 4, 2015 2:58:36 GMT
I don't see anything wrong with it, but I can not sleep without my DH in the bed with me. We have a double size bed and we are snugglers. There have only been a handful of nights in our 27 years together that we have been apart and I had a terrible time sleeping when he wasn't there. We work together all day too. Guess we haven't killed each other yet! LOL
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Post by Zee on May 4, 2015 3:06:13 GMT
We've slept separately part of the week due to my working nights and his traveling for work for years, so it's not a big deal to us to sleep alone, but I like being next to him and vice versa.
Occasionally I snore due to allergies/sinus issues, or he does, and then one of us might go to the guest room for the night but we prefer to be together.
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Post by crazy4scraps on May 4, 2015 3:11:54 GMT
i've never been able to understand (mostly) men who snore and just don't give a shit that its keeping their partner awake. i would seriously have a hard time being with someone that inconsiderate of my feelings and needs I think in my DH's situation, he was just in complete and total denial. He would stop breathing hundreds of times a night and then would thrash around when his body was demanding more oxygen! I told him about it, then eventually complained, nagged and begged him for YEARS to go get it checked out, and he never would. He was always really tired too and that scared me. Then he went on a snowmobiling trip with "the guys". When THEY told him he snored like a freight train and could hear him through walls and closed doors he finally listened and made an appointment to get it checked out. I don't think he was trying to be an insensitive jerk, he just didn't want to believe his problem was as bad as it really was. FWIW, he didn't even make it through 3-4 hours at the sleep study place! They knew that quickly how bad it was and they sent him home (the place was only five minutes from the house). I think it's far, FAR more common than most people would imagine and a lot of people get weirded out when they even think about getting a sleep study done. I would be willing to bet that of all of his guy friends our age and older, probably 80% of them sleep with a CPAP now. DH's new machine is very quiet and it doesn't bother me at all as long as it stays "plugged in" (he has the snorkel type mask because the bigger face mask type wasn't a good fit for him). If it slips out of his nose just a little bit, the whooshing air sound seems really loud to me (it's not, but I'm just sensitive to it and need total quiet to sleep) and it always wakes me up. There really isn't anything else he could do at this point so I don't hold that against him. It's not intentional. |
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Post by alittleintrepid on May 4, 2015 3:14:35 GMT
We don't keep separate bedrooms but if I wake up and find DH snoring, I usually grab my pillow and go to sleep elsewhere!
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Post by gmcwife1 on May 4, 2015 3:39:34 GMT
Currently our home is too small for seperate bedrooms. Though I have been tempted to suggest we do that when our oldest leaves for higher education. My DH's snoring has gotten worse. He doesn't understand how annoying to my ears this can be. I have to have music on all night or I can't sleep. Our youngest is 16 and we've mentioned dh getting her room when she graduates college for the same reason. Dh works nights so I never sleep well on his nights off. And his first night off is the worst since he just naps during the day so he snores louder than normal that night  |
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YooHoot
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Post by YooHoot on May 4, 2015 3:51:25 GMT
We don't keep separate bedrooms but if I wake up and find DH snoring, I usually grab my pillow and go to sleep elsewhere! Dh has a cpap now, but before that I spent many nights getting up and sleeping on the couch. Grab the pillow, throw back the blankets, huff and puff. I was loud about it too...just to prove a point.  Cpap is a blessing! |
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Post by pepper59 on May 4, 2015 3:54:32 GMT
No, I was widowed and alone for 6 years and I hated sleeping alone. DH and I have been married 2 1/2 years and we love sleeping together. I snore, he wears ear plugs and likes a white noise machine. I got used to it quickly and we love to snuggle and be together. I would never want to sleep apart.
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Deleted
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May 17, 2024 21:11:48 GMT
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Post by Deleted on May 4, 2015 5:12:51 GMT
Right now we don't have a couch so we can't sleep apart.
I like to take a break and sleep on the couch for a couple hours but usually I go back to bed by 2. Moving to another room? I don't see that happening unless one of us gets sick.
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Post by mom on May 4, 2015 5:26:01 GMT
Nope - we love to sleep together. King size bed and we still end up snuggled up on one side.
For my DH snoring, I put Valor on him and his snoring stops so it has never been an issue.
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Deleted
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May 17, 2024 21:11:48 GMT
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Post by Deleted on May 4, 2015 5:29:01 GMT
My dh would never go for this. He feels personally offended if I'm not very close to him or try to scoot to the edge of the bed. He's been moved back in for only a week and the sleeping transition has been difficult.
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Grom Pea
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Post by Grom Pea on May 4, 2015 5:47:17 GMT
Dh had a bad back, has since he turned 30. We got married when I was 33 and he was 32. We switched to sperate rooms when he could no longer take my soft mattress and I was pregnant and couldn't stand the smell of the new mattress. We just had our second child so I'd say we are doing fine  We actually both miss cuddling but his back is awful and he is a light sleeper. I coslept with my toddler and an cosleeping with the baby. Dh slept next to our toddler for about 6 months, to transition him from cosleeping with me and not have him resent the new baby. Dh finally is back in his own bed and ds sleeps fine alone now. His back was terrible during the past 6 months so hopefully he improves. Prime always say that a marriage is in trouble when you go to separate beds, but everyone has what works for them. Eta we also each have our own king beds but I have a king and he has a cal king because he's tall. My mattress is soft and his is firm. We can't agree on anything mattress wise other than we didn't want to pay for a sleep number bed . So now the only time we share a mattress is when we're on vacation. |
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Post by gar on May 4, 2015 8:52:02 GMT
I don't see us wanting separate bedrooms, but we agree that separate bathrooms would be lovely. As soon as the kids move out ... We use separate bathroom - I LOVE it  |
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Post by scrappysurfer on May 4, 2015 10:45:16 GMT
It's a concept that intrigues me but won't happen unless we move to a bigger house with extra bedrooms. DH is a horrible snorer and I've become a light sleeper; also working night shift for a year I sleep much better during the day and very lightly at night. I'd love to create a girly oasis for my own room. Also I don't think I could get DH on board, he likes sleeping together.
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RedSquirrelUK
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Location: The UK's beautiful West Country
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Post by RedSquirrelUK on May 4, 2015 12:09:42 GMT
We only sleep apart if one of us is ill. But I'm not against it. We've only been together 20 years. MIL and FIL recently changed to twin beds in the same room after 40 years of marriage. Until then, FIL's snoring was so bad and MIL was bothered by heartburn, so if MIL didn't get to sleep first, she was awake all night. When we shared a cabin with them on holiday once, we discovered that my poor FIL had to stay up, doing crosswords to keep himself awake, until MIL had fallen asleep, which could be hours. That's the other side of the coin, when the snorer is more considerate than the snoree. (Is that a word? It is now!) |
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Post by Pahina722 on May 4, 2015 12:56:34 GMT
I'd like to have separate bedrooms. Mine is also a snorer, if I don't go to sleep first I play hell falling asleep. He also likes to watch TV to fall asleep, I can't sleep with a TV on imn the bedroom. Not to mention the fan that freezes me to death. I know that sounds kinda bitchy, but I work and he's retired so I need a restful nights sleep. Except that we both work, this is my situation completely. Oh, and I snore too, which means that if DH wakes in the middle of the night, he often can't fall back asleep. We are lucky that we have a futon in the man cave that he will go sleep on if he needs the TV to get back to sleep, but I would like to have a trundle daybed in there that is more comfortable. |
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tiffanytwisted
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you can check out any time you like, but you can never leave
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Post by tiffanytwisted on May 4, 2015 13:05:10 GMT
Didn't even read the op yet (let alone the replies) and I want to post that we are in that club.
Husband has traveled for business for the past 15 years and we've just gotten so used to sleeping alone that we only sleep together if we're away somewhere. He needs complete darkness & I like to fall asleep to the TV. He snores and I'll pass thankyouverymuch. And then there's the whole sprawl out in a bed all to yourself thing.
May not be conventional, but it works for us.
Off to read everyone else's replies . . .
ETA: Just read the other replies and it's nice to know we're not alone in our need to sleep alone, lol.
And a big sarcastic thank you to those who posted that they could never sleep w/out their significant other. OP didn't ask whether you did or not, she only asked those who sleep alone to chime in. While my husband & I choose separate rooms, I'm sure there are others who wish that wasn't the case for them. No need to rub their noses in it.
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Post by mikklynn on May 4, 2015 13:15:02 GMT
We like to sleep spooned, but occasionally one of us has taken over the guest room. Usually it's if someone is sick or after DH has had surgery. I can see the appeal.
My mom had bronchitis a few years ago and moved across the hall, so dad could sleep. After a few months, he asked her if she was coming back. She said no. His reply "It only took 75 years, but I finally have my own room!"
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