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Post by alibama on Jul 11, 2014 17:56:22 GMT
I am sure you guys are tired of hearing from me lately and all my problems so I will say I am sorry in advance. It has been a rough couple of months between my husbands accident and my mom.
Anyway I am having a really time understanding what is going on with my mom.
I short recap, we found out almost 6 weeks ago that my mom had cancer again and this time it is terminal. They gave her a few months, with chemo maybe if we are very very lucky a year. They were very upfront about it saying chances are slim that they chemo will help.
Anyway. It has taken this long for them to finally put the port in for the Chemo. They did it Tuesday and they don't want to start the chemo until next Wednesday. To me it seems like they are dragging their feet but I really don't know much about this kind of stuff. It just seems to me like they would want to get her going sooner rather later. I am so frustrated and I hate that I am so far away. I leave next Wednesday to fly down there.
The exact day that we found out my mom had cancer my Daughter in Law's dad went in the hospital for a problem, two weeks later he was diagnosed with cancer, since then he has had the port put in and done two rounds of chemo. They moved very quickly on his.
I am confused and broken hearted.
July 14. 2014 - Just a small update on my mom. She was put back in the hospital last week due to not being able to keep anything down and she was very dehydrated. The cancer is in all of her intestines which is causes a blockage so they decided to go ahead and start the chemo right away in hopes to shrink it some so she can at least get some nurishoments. The first round was Saturday so we will see how it goes from here. Thanks again to you guys. You are an amazing group of women! |
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uksue
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,527 
Location: London
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Post by uksue on Jul 11, 2014 18:02:26 GMT
I don't know the answer to your question, but just wanted to say how sorry I am for what you are going through. I will pray for your mother to get the very best treatment and that you are able to spend some quality time together.
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Post by mirabelleswalker on Jul 11, 2014 18:14:00 GMT
I'm sorry. I would imagine that since your mother's chemo is not going to be curative, but rather palliative, there is less of a sense of urgency. Your DIL's father may be on track for curative treatment, so time is more of the essence.
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valincal
Drama Llama
Southern Alberta
Posts: 5,764
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Post by valincal on Jul 11, 2014 18:20:56 GMT
I'm sorry. I would imagine that since your mother's chemo is not going to be curative, but rather palliative, there is less of a sense of urgency. Your DIL's father may be on track for curative treatment, so time is more of the essence. I have to agree with this but I can understand how frustrated and worried you must feel. It's hard, but we have to trust that the best care is being given. Sending hugs your way. |
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Post by kkooch on Jul 11, 2014 18:31:27 GMT
Sorry to hear the news, perhaps the delay is so your mom can come to terms with the news rather than have her head spinning even more than it already is? Hang in there!
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Sept 29, 2024 0:12:01 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jul 11, 2014 18:51:38 GMT
sorry to hear this news... I tend to agree with the other posters about the reasoning...but know that it doesn't make it easier for you.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Sept 29, 2024 0:12:01 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jul 11, 2014 18:59:00 GMT
I am so sorry. Cancer sucks. It sucks so bad I want to kill it. It shouldn't exist it's that bad.
I will pray for your mother today. I hope the chemo works and gives her 5 years instead of 6 months or a year. I know 5 years sounds optimistic but hey I have hope and I hope you do too! I am sending you and your mom love, warmth and light. If it's hot where you are I send cool breezes to soothe the heat.
Please take lots of photos of your mom. You will be glad you did.
With lots of love,
Elannah xoxoxo
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MDscrapaholic
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,582
Location: Down by the bay....
Jun 25, 2014 20:49:07 GMT
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Post by MDscrapaholic on Jul 11, 2014 19:00:53 GMT
I'm sorry. I would imagine that since your mother's chemo is not going to be curative, but rather palliative, there is less of a sense of urgency. Your DIL's father may be on track for curative treatment, so time is more of the essence. ^^ THIS^^ When my DH found out his cancer was back, the chemo did more harm than good. I'm sorry you're having to deal with this, cancer sucks! |
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Sept 29, 2024 0:12:01 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jul 11, 2014 19:01:03 GMT
I am sure you guys are tired of hearing from me lately and all my problems so I will say I am sorry in advance. Actually, I am not sick of hearing about your family's struggles. We all have them and I am glad you have us to talk to about them. It's not easy. No one here is judging you or saying anything negative about it. We just want you to feel like you are being heard. |
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~Susan~
Pearl Clutcher
You need to check your boobs, mine tried to kill me!!!
Posts: 3,259
Jul 6, 2014 17:25:32 GMT
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Post by ~Susan~ on Jul 11, 2014 19:19:05 GMT
I am sorry that you and your family are going through this. Also, I don't think most Peas get tired of people venting or whatnot when they have a legitimate reason. I will keep you in my thoughts.
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Post by lurkingsince2001 on Jul 11, 2014 19:31:13 GMT
I'm sorry about what you are going through. When time is of the essence and you are in a fight for every moment it's hard to understand that not everyone feels the same sense of urgency. I agree with the others about pallative versus curative. Certainly there's the possibility that she's getting less than stellar care. It's also possible they were hoping she'd change her mind because of quality of life issues. It's hard I know. Be strong, advocate if necessary, make sure her support system is taking care of itself as well as her, yourself included.
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Post by keknj on Jul 11, 2014 19:37:54 GMT
I just want to offer you my positive thoughts and hugs. I agree with the others on the fact that her chemo may be more pallative. I'm sure you can't wait until next week when you can ask all of your questions. It's so hard when you are having to rely on phone conversations.
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Post by alibama on Jul 11, 2014 19:43:55 GMT
Thanks for the replies. What you are saying makes sense. I am just having a hard time dealing with it. This is one trip I am not looking forward too. I want to see her I just don't know how to say goodbye  |
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Post by Lexica on Jul 11, 2014 19:48:17 GMT
When you get there, perhaps go to an appointment with your mom and get your questions answered. I certainly would. Hugs to you. And as stated above, listening to your problems is what the peas do best. These are real and catastrophic problems. No one is tired of offering you support. You need it and we are here for you.
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Post by mirabelleswalker on Jul 11, 2014 19:48:32 GMT
Thanks for the replies. What you are saying makes sense. I am just having a hard time dealing with it. This is one trip I am not looking forward too. I want to see her I just don't know how to say goodbye Is she going to be in the hospital or at home when you go? If she is in the hospital, ask to speak to someone in the palliative care department. They will be able to point you to resources and/or people who can help you with this process. I am so sorry you are going through this. There's a very good book called "The Etiquette of Illness" that might answer some of your questions, but I think a lot of this just involves creating your own path. Your relationship with your mother is unique and YOURS. You will know what to do. |
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Post by mikklynn on Jul 11, 2014 19:48:39 GMT
Vent away, we are here for you. Of COURSE you are having a hard time - cancer sucks.
As to things taking time, that seems pretty typical to me. Between late FIL and my DH, I have all too much experience with the "hurry up and wait" aspects of treatment. I hate waiting!
Do you have a minister you can talk to? It has really helped me to have spiritual support.
Hugs, hugs, hugs!
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Post by auntkelly on Jul 11, 2014 19:54:42 GMT
Is there anyone who is going with your mom to her appointments? If so, have you talked to that person about what the doctor said?
I'm sorry you are going through such a hard time.
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Post by christine58 on Jul 11, 2014 20:00:09 GMT
When my mom had her port put in, it was a couple days--no more than 3--till she started chemo. It very well could be what others have said...that it's pallative and not a 'cure'. HUGS...leave nothing left unsaid between you.
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Post by Pahina722 on Jul 11, 2014 20:05:34 GMT
There are so many variables involved with cancer: what kind it is; how far it's spread; what organs are involved; your mom's age and general health; her reactions to any previous treatments; other medicines she is on . . . It's crazy.
My mom had her port put in yesterday, after having lymph nodes removed two weeks earlier and (what they thought was prophylactic) mastectomy a month before that. She won't start chemo for at least two weeks because she is adamant that she and Dad are going on their annual family reunion trip! She's not even sure how many treatments she'll have, just that they will be scheduled every three weeks. In Mom's case, there is no indication that the cancer has spread beyond some of the lymph nodes, nor has she been given a 'terminal' diagnosis, so it doesn't appear that her doctor is too worried.
I know that you're worried. Since this is my third time going through cancer and treatment with my mom, I understand the stress. Try to go to the doctor's appointments so that you can get a clear understanding of the treatment and effects. And remember that she's probably far more scared than you realize and needs you to lean on. You feel free to lean on the Peas when the weight gets too much.
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Post by stargazer on Jul 11, 2014 20:24:08 GMT
We aren't sick of hearing from you - just glad you can come here to ask for advice & get some of it off your chest.
I have nothing helpful to add, sorry, but am sending p&pt your way xx
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BarbaraUK
Drama Llama
Surrounded by my yarn stash on the NE coast of England...............!! Refupea 1702
Posts: 5,961
Location: England UK
Jun 27, 2014 12:47:11 GMT
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Post by BarbaraUK on Jul 11, 2014 20:43:34 GMT
I am sorry that you and your family are going through this. Also, I don't think most Peas get tired of people venting or whatnot when they have a legitimate reason. I will keep you in my thoughts. And in my thoughts also |
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Post by 5peanutsnana on Jul 11, 2014 20:53:38 GMT
Please don't apologize. This is the place to come when you need support and need to be uplifted. So sorry for what you are going through.
My sister is in going through chemo and when her journey began it seemed like it took forever to get a plan in place.
Prayers for your mom and all of your family.
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katieh
Shy Member
Posts: 22
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Post by katieh on Jul 11, 2014 21:44:35 GMT
So sorry for what you are going through. My mom has cancer, too. Cancer sucks. Big time. Sending you lots of hugs and good thoughts!
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Post by Charlotte on Jul 11, 2014 21:52:02 GMT
Add me to the list of hugs. I am so sorry you are going through this. Cuck Fancer |
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scrapngranny
Pearl Clutcher
Only slightly senile
Posts: 4,821
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Post by scrapngranny on Jul 11, 2014 21:56:57 GMT
I pray the treatments give your mom some good quality time. Cancer is so cruel. My mom opted to not so any type of treatment for her cancer and was blessed with about a year and a half of fairly good time. It very hard to be so far away. Enjoy you time with you mom.
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Alyse
Shy Member
Posts: 43
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Post by Alyse on Jul 12, 2014 1:47:34 GMT
I'm so sorry...sending you hugs and prayers. I hate cancer...
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Post by annabella on Jul 12, 2014 1:48:58 GMT
I'm sorry you're going through this.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Sept 29, 2024 0:12:01 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jul 12, 2014 1:52:00 GMT
If she isn't in hospice care yet your doctor might suggest she go into it? I went for initial counselling (premortem) counselling and cried my eyes out but it was ok. I left feeling like I could deal with the inevitable. Hospice is there for you when you need it. If she doesn't need it then no worries. It's just an option.
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Post by Chips on Jul 12, 2014 2:07:51 GMT
I am thankful for the Peas who share their troubles, hard times and vents. It make me feel part of a bigger cause/community and is what makes NSB so much more than another message board. I am sorry you're going through this and cancer really f'ing suxs! Please let us know how your Mom is doing and how you're doing too. Love and hugs.
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Post by alibama on Jul 14, 2014 13:25:42 GMT
So many of you are dealing with the same type of thing and I am so sorry. There are just no words to say There is a small update in my original post. |
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