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Post by lbp on May 14, 2015 17:28:44 GMT
I have mentioned here several times before that my MIL, who is 80, suffers from vascular dementia. She also has COPD, Diabetes, and congestive heart failure. DH and I have been taking care of her for the last 5 years along with some help from a CNA who comes in a few hours each day while we are at work. Last week she was in the hospital for low oxygen. After 5 days they told us she would need 24 hour care. We decided to take her home and try to do this. After 3 days it became all too clear that we could not watch her round the clock. It was absolutely exhausting. There is no way we can do this and still work and we have to work.
So Monday, we put her in short term rehab at the local nursing home. She is furious!! She has cussed us and cried and screamed and tried to escape. She has thrown things at the nurses, at us, said horrible things to her room mate and has in 3 days made our life hell. The doctors and nurses tell us they do not think she will ever get to the point where she can go home again. However, she pleads with us to take her home. My husband is a basket case. He needs to see a counselor but won't because he says he doesn't have time. He can't stand the thought of her there alone and crying.
I know we will get through this, but if you have ever been there and done that, what worked best for you? We are just worn out!
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Mar 28, 2024 21:41:18 GMT
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Post by Deleted on May 14, 2015 17:34:13 GMT
((((hugs))) didn't want to read and run....wish I had great advice for you but all I can offer are hugs and prayers!
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julieb
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,845
Jul 3, 2014 16:02:54 GMT
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Post by julieb on May 14, 2015 17:34:24 GMT
My sister's MIL has also been very combative in her nursing home (Alzheimer's care). The nurses told her that her brother-in-law had her taken off of her depression meds. (BIL is decision maker.) That was a mistake and they are trying to get her back on. Is your mom on any depression meds? This may help.
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Post by lbp on May 14, 2015 17:38:26 GMT
My sister's MIL has also been very combative in her nursing home (Alzheimer's care). The nurses told her that her brother-in-law had her taken off of her depression meds. (BIL is decision maker.) That was a mistake and they are trying to get her back on. Is your mom on any depression meds? This may help. Yes, she is on depression meds and we have checked the meds that they are giving her and they are correct. I have a feeling the Doctor there will up her anxiety meds to help her calm down, especially in the evening.
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Gravity
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,229
Jun 27, 2014 0:29:55 GMT
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Post by Gravity on May 14, 2015 17:39:07 GMT
((HUGS)) to you and your DH. Be kind to yourselves. You two gave it your best shot at keeping your MIL in your home. It didn't work out. Your MIL is now living in the safest environment for her. Is there a family support group at her facility? If not, speak with the social worker about a referral to one local to you.
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scrappert
Prolific Pea
RefuPea #2956
Posts: 7,657
Location: Milwaukee, WI area
Jul 11, 2014 21:20:09 GMT
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Post by scrappert on May 14, 2015 17:39:14 GMT
I have no advice, just some support.
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Post by mikklynn on May 14, 2015 17:41:34 GMT
((HUGS)) to you and your DH. Be kind to yourselves. You two gave it your best shot at keeping your MIL in your home. It didn't work out. Your MIL is now living in the safest environment for her. Is there a family support group at her facility? If not, speak with the social worker about a referral to one local to you. I agree - you have done everything you could, and then some.
I can only add that her behavior is not unusual. Remember, this is not really her yelling at you, it's her disease. A dear friend is going through a similar situation right now.
Adding my (((hugs))).
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Post by tomocus on May 14, 2015 17:44:01 GMT
I have no advice but just wanted you to know I am praying for you and your dh as well as your MIL and this situation. hugs to you
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Sarah*H
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,967
Jun 25, 2014 20:07:06 GMT
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Post by Sarah*H on May 14, 2015 17:51:04 GMT
Yes, my MIL reacted very much the same way when she was put into a nursing home with end stage lung cancer. It was awful and my husband felt like the worst person in the world, partly because she kept telling him that he was The doctor did increase her anxiety medication and that brought everyone some respite. Once properly medicated, even though her memory was virtually gone, she was still able to play cards and watch tv until just a few days before her death. I hope that your MIL's doctor deals with this quickly and prescribes something to help with her confusion and anxiety.
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scrapngranny
Pearl Clutcher
Only slightly senile
Posts: 4,757
Jun 25, 2014 23:21:30 GMT
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Post by scrapngranny on May 14, 2015 17:59:00 GMT
I walked the same journey with my dad, he also had vascular dementia. The social worker at the care center recommend I call in hospice and that was the best thing I could have done. They have so much experience with dementia that they were able to medicate dad without turning him into a zombie. He stopped screaming and hitting the staff. It was wonderful seeing him at peace. I did it for dad and the wonderful staff who were caring for him. They were able to help dad where his own doctor was at a loss.
It is a rough road, I feel for all of you. I hope you find the help you need.
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akathy
What's For Dinner?
Still peaing from Podunk!
Posts: 4,546
Location: North Dakota
Jun 25, 2014 22:56:55 GMT
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Post by akathy on May 14, 2015 18:04:33 GMT
I'm so sorry and I agree you did everything you could to keep her home. Hopefully they will adjust her meds so that she isn't so upset and your DH can get over the guilt. Hugs!
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Mar 28, 2024 21:41:18 GMT
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Post by Deleted on May 14, 2015 18:23:51 GMT
Been there done that...it is so very hard. My mother's psychiatrist told me to take care of myself and if it was too hard to visit often...just come when I felt I could, but know that she would always blame me for being there.
Hugs..its very hard, but taking a step back and not suffering the abusive behavior was a God send...
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Mar 28, 2024 21:41:18 GMT
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Post by Deleted on May 14, 2015 21:29:06 GMT
I'm so sorry. That must be so very difficult.
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Post by bc2ca on May 14, 2015 21:38:03 GMT
{{{hugs}}} my mom never reached this level of agitation, but depression meds have definitely helped in the transition to full time care.
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Post by coffeetalk on May 14, 2015 22:23:23 GMT
Hugs and prayers for you and your DH. My DH went through a similar experience with his late DD.
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Post by beaglemom on May 14, 2015 22:27:14 GMT
Hugs!
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Post by txdancermom on May 14, 2015 22:33:22 GMT
Hugs - it is a hard decision to make, but it is probably the best for all involved.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Mar 28, 2024 21:41:18 GMT
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Post by Deleted on May 14, 2015 23:29:27 GMT
My oh so very very gentle Christian neighbor, started using language that would make sailors blush, destroyed everything in her room , punched out the nurse and broke out the windows. She did all that the day they put her Ina home. She would get very very agitated every time her husband showed up and trying to escape. Finally the doc told the family to stay away for 2 weeks until she got settled. They got her settled but she still kept swearing up a storm. So what is happening with your mil is normal.
I hope all becomes peaceful with your family quickly.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Mar 28, 2024 21:41:18 GMT
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Post by Deleted on May 14, 2015 23:31:02 GMT
I am sorry. I am so very sorry
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