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Post by meeko77 on Jul 12, 2014 12:38:20 GMT
Tell me how you handle putting your "family name" on things.
A little background: My partner and I (same sex, not legally recognized in my state) have different last names, of course. At one time I had considered changing my last name to hers, but then I started thinking with changing my professional license, going through the court system to change my name (since we aren't legally recognized) and all the other paperwork, plus the fact I have been my last name for over 36 years, I just started thinking forget about changing my name, I might as well keep it. We are planning to have children. We are still undecided on who's last name the children will have, but I am leaning towards keeping it as mine. (I would be the one to birth the child, or the one to adopt, since we can not adopt jointly).
Anyway, I see all these really cute things on pinterest with family names and monograms. I want to make us some of those, but feel awkward hyphenating the name, but it seems to be the only way I could do it and be fair to both of us.
So, for those of you who have a different last name from your spouse, how to do you handle the whole "family name" thing (if it ever comes up)?
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Post by peaittsburgh on Jul 12, 2014 12:45:38 GMT
I consider my husband's last name "the family name", especially since that's our son's name too. Also, I don't mind when people call me "Mrs. <husband's name>", even though I kept my maiden name.
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Post by monklady123 on Jul 12, 2014 13:21:25 GMT
I kept my own name. Like you said, it seemed like too much trouble to change all that stuff, and I was established in my profession with my own name. (even though I've changed professions since then, lol).
My kids have my dh's last name, and I answer to Mrs. [dh's last name] if someone calls me that. Although, it does annoy me that my MIL has never ever addressed any card/letter/whatever to me by my name. 
There are two women at my church (in Virginia, where same-gender marriage is not legal, so they moved to DC in order to be married) who have two children, both of which have the same last name as the one who carried them and birthed them. In this area there are so many professional women who have not changed their name when they were married, so it's very common. Most schools put a cross-reference index in the back of the directory so everyone knows whose mother is who. lol
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Post by CarolinaGirl71 on Jul 12, 2014 13:34:32 GMT
I changed my last name when I married 36 years ago when keeping your maiden name wasn't really done, but I have always thought if I had wanted to give a child both names, I would give the child a first name, then use both parents' names, one as a middle name and one as a last name. Without the hyphen, as that can be cumbersome (IMHO).
Edited for clarity.
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Post by gypsymama on Jul 12, 2014 14:24:05 GMT
we have a similar problem, my kids (4 of them) have 2 different dads, plus my dh and i have the same last name, so all the cute pinterest monogram things, walls full of the same initial etc... just don't work in our house. i would not want to put T everywhere (our last name) and leave out the K's and the H's so we put nothing!
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Post by utmr on Jul 12, 2014 14:36:51 GMT
I don't know about initials, but I often see "The Smith-Jones Family" on invitations, announcements, etc. Even if the official name isn't Smith-hyphen-Jones.
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Post by myshelly on Jul 12, 2014 14:43:57 GMT
I just avoid them.
We don't have anything with a family name on it.
My kids all have my last name.
They have DH's last name as their second middle name. So they have 4 initials.
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Post by anonrefugee on Jul 12, 2014 15:25:31 GMT
I consider my husband's last name "the family name", especially since that's our son's name too. Also, I don't mind when people call me "Mrs. <husband's name>", even though I kept my maiden name. Same here. Now live where keeping name isn't so common. The people most bothered are divorced women who changed names for each marriage. They've had 3-4 last names, yet think I'm peculiar for having 1 in my life, lol! |
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RosieKat
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Post by RosieKat on Jul 12, 2014 15:35:04 GMT
I knew a couple who actually took their two last names, did a mashup, and used the new name for both of them. I can't remember what their names were, lol, but an example would be Royce and Taylor, to become Royler or something. (They were heterosexual, so she was able to just provide the marriage certificate if I recall correctly, but he had to do the regular name change via court. It was a pain but nothing overly hard.)
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Post by LavenderLayoutLady on Jul 12, 2014 15:41:46 GMT
I avoid the personalized items for the household.
Once the kids are all grown, I'm just going to have my first name personalized on everything that I want it to be on.
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Post by Belia on Jul 12, 2014 15:44:49 GMT
I have officially hyphenated my last name, but in everyday use, I go by my maiden name.
My kids have my (maiden) last name.
DH kept his last name.
We see a hodge podge of names in the mail, but the whole "family name" issue hasn't really come up! I'm not a monogramming type, and invitations come addressed in a lot of different ways. I don't really know!
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jul 12, 2014 16:14:58 GMT
We have different last names; the kids have mine. I have not personalized anything in our house, because it's not really my style. I have added a C and a R to our memo board. And I've toyed with the idea of making a sign that says "The Calder Richardson's, est 1999" but have not yet. I've also thought about making a sign for our house in the style of an old-fashioned business or lawyer sign that would say "Calder, Calder, Calder, Calder, Calder, and Richardson".  haha. Or maybe Richardson & Calders. |
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Post by kristalina on Jul 12, 2014 16:28:17 GMT
I would use "The Smith and Jones Family". That's what I use on return-address labels, etc.
Our kids have my last name as their only middle name and their dad's last name as their last name.
When they were young, both wanted a "regular" middle name so I told them when they got to be 15 I would legally add a middle name of their choice. (I didn't want any Disney princess names so 15 seemed like a good age.) Neither of them wanted to add another name at that point and still don't - it comes up occasionally.
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oldcrow
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Posts: 3,828
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Post by oldcrow on Jul 12, 2014 16:34:32 GMT
First marriage I changed my name because that's what you did in those days. So all my children have my x's last name. They are all grown and away from home now.
After divorce I reverted to my maiden name and second time around I kept it. I knew I would not be breeding so I wasn't worried about children's last name.
The only thing that happens is when someone asks what my son's name is. I gave him my maiden name as a first name. So people always say " you named your son Smith Smith". My answer is "sure why not"
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Post by birukitty on Jul 12, 2014 19:02:24 GMT
First time around I changed my name because that is what you did (quoting you above). Had my son and of course he took that last name. Got divorced and I took back my maiden name. Got remarried down the line and didn't want to change my name again-so in our house we have 3 last names-my maiden name, DS's last name, and my husband's last name. I've been remarried for 18 years now and it's a non-issue. It truly is. It has never caused a problem or confusion. So we don't have signs up that say "The Smith House"-big deal. I never liked those signs anyway. If you don't know you're in your own house you've got big problems  Debbie in MD. |
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Post by maureen on Jul 12, 2014 19:04:55 GMT
I consider my husband's last name "the family name", especially since that's our son's name too. Also, I don't mind when people call me "Mrs. <husband's name>", even though I kept my maiden name. This is how we do things at my house too. |
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Post by ktdoesntscrap on Jul 12, 2014 19:16:41 GMT
I knew a couple who actually took their two last names, did a mashup, and used the new name for both of them. I can't remember what their names were, lol, but an example would be Royce and Taylor, to become Royler or something. (They were heterosexual, so she was able to just provide the marriage certificate if I recall correctly, but he had to do the regular name change via court. It was a pain but nothing overly hard.) My sister and her husband did that! |
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quiltz
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Post by quiltz on Jul 12, 2014 19:18:40 GMT
I changed my name when I got married (1979), as it was the thing to do. Plus, my last name was long and his was much shorter.
Then in 1990, I went to university, where there are family members who are alum, so, I made a legal name change to maiden-married last name. I did this for my parents, so that my name would be in the same family "grouping" as the rest of the family.
h's parents just about went ballistic. Thought I was a traitor. They only found out because my diploma was hung in our home and they saw the hyphen name.
2013 - got divorced. Still using my hyphen name as it will mess up with the pension stuff that I was awarded during the divorce splitting.
I do use my maiden name as common usage. My son is married and it doesn't bother him at all. I am mom. |
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Post by lbp on Jul 12, 2014 19:23:57 GMT
For Full name projects, I would hyphenate the two last names. For monograms I would find a way to intertwine the first letter of each last name.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jul 12, 2014 19:50:01 GMT
My boss at the time took the name Smith-Jones and her wife took the name Jones-Smith. They have one child together and he has both of their last names.
My DSO wants me to take his last name when we marry. His last name is the name of our main Prophet. My parents are not going to take this very well but life will go on. I will keep my maiden name and use his socially. For other purposes I will use my maiden name. I think??? LOL
Elannah
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Post by gryroagain on Jul 12, 2014 20:06:51 GMT
We are just "the smith-jones" family on stuff with a family name. It hasn't been a problem, but I don't think I have anything monogrammed and I haven't been to interest in years, lol. Like I will title a Facebook photo album "smith-jones trip to Hawaii" or something, or put "smith jones house" on a bar b q invite. Not that we have been to Hawaii or have bar b q parties that require invites!
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Post by myboysnme on Jul 12, 2014 20:10:31 GMT
I consider my husband's last name "the family name", especially since that's our son's name too. Also, I don't mind when people call me "Mrs. <husband's name>", even though I kept my maiden name. This is basically me, but in my case my maiden name and married name is the same initial! In my first marriage it was also the same initial for both, but I hyphenated. |
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eleezybeth
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Post by eleezybeth on Jul 12, 2014 20:18:56 GMT
We use a lot of first initials and the kids were purposely given a first name that would have their own initials. On address labels I usually just use my whole name. Our family knows darn well that DH nor the children had a thing to do with mailing them anyway!  the kids do have my name as one of their middle names. |
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Post by melanell on Jul 12, 2014 21:18:46 GMT
We personally use DH's name for any family things. For us that choice came from the kids having his name. Maybe because I'm big into genealogy, but I consider myself to be part of many families who don't happen to have my same surname, kwim? So I might meet a someone with the last name "Jones" and say "Oh, I'm a Jones!", but then I explain that I mean that I had a Jones ancestor. We know of others who simply hyphenate. Their items say Lally-Mazzo or "L & M".  |
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Post by Sam on Jul 12, 2014 21:28:34 GMT
My boss at the time took the name Smith-Jones and her wife took the name Jones-Smith. They have one child together and he has both of their last names. My DSO wants me to take his last name when we marry. His last name is the name of our main Prophet. My parents are not going to take this very well but life will go on. I will keep my maiden name and use his socially. For other purposes I will use my maiden name. I think??? LOL Elannah Elannah, If you are happy, I am happy for you. I just don't understand all these vague references to things that you keep making - why don't you just give us all an update so we can talk to you about it? |
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Post by kath323 on Jul 12, 2014 21:36:02 GMT
We don't have children, so I admit that this is not as big of a deal for us as it could be. For the most part we go by our first names only and if I get anything monogrammed it's just our first names (and intertwined K and F like this:  ). We get mail every which way and I have three sets of address labels for different audiences to avoid confusion. We joke that we should be the Platistros (a mashup of our names) and some people address us that way. I don't get offended if I'm called Mrs. husband's name though because most people just don't realize I kept my name. My own brother just found out last week and I have been married for five years. |
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RosieKat
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Post by RosieKat on Jul 12, 2014 22:01:32 GMT
I consider my husband's last name "the family name", especially since that's our son's name too. Also, I don't mind when people call me "Mrs. <husband's name>", even though I kept my maiden name. This is basically me, but in my case my maiden name and married name is the same initial! In my first marriage it was also the same initial for both, but I hyphenated. Hey, that's an idea! That's it, dump the partner and get a new one who has a name that starts with the same letter! (YES I AM KIDDING!) |
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Post by oktrae on Jul 12, 2014 23:44:25 GMT
I consider my husband's last name "the family name", especially since that's our son's name too. Also, I don't mind when people call me "Mrs. <husband's name>", even though I kept my maiden name. Same here except I have a daughter and not a son. |
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Post by meeko77 on Jul 12, 2014 23:57:59 GMT
Thanks everyone! Sorry I am just getting back to this thread. I worked last night, so I am just now getting up and functioning again. I really appreciate everyone's response, and I have read every one of them, and find myself just nodding in agreement on all of them.  There really is no "right" way to do it, I know. I just think they are really cute. Here in the south, the monogramming trend is in full force, especially where I work, so I find myself admiring the things and wishing it was as easy for us as for all these "traditional" families around here. It's always nice to actually "talk" to people who aren't all the typical "traditional" family and see how things are done. Yeah, I think we are going to do that with any children as well. I am thinking of doing first name/her last name (as all children's middle name)/my last name. She really wants if we have a son to name him her last name as a first name. I told her I just feel like that's not really fair to any other children if they don't get to have part of her name as well. I don't mind if all the kids have the same middle name, but I don't want to have only one kid with her name and none of the others, or for one kid to have her last name as a first name and then the others with her last name as a middle name. Seems a bit much. I also feel hyphenated names are a bit cumbersome, but that is just me. You are from this area like me, so you know it's not all that common around here (though it is increasing in popularity) Yeah I have thought about that, that it would be awkward for blended families as well. That's hilarious, and I am not at all surprised. Some people.... I once suggested this, as the combining of our last names would actually make a last name that is not unheard of. She doesn't want to go for it... I like that! This is what is most likely going to happen with us. That's funny about the kids. I agree with the waiting until they are older to pick out their middle name. I also would be afraid of having a disney princess or action figure middle name as well. I could totally see my 11 year old nephew doing that. People never cease to amaze me. Although, it's not unheard of. I know a guy named Robert Robertson. (His parents are totally nice, normal people. Not sure what they were thinking.) Heehee. I know. I just admire them. I agree, though. I am sure one day I will look back on it as just a trendy thing. Kind of like wall words. I loved them at first, but now I see we are certainly dating ourselves with them. Still look at them and think they are nice (most of them, some are just plain tacky). Jennifer, I totally thought that was funny, since I sit and wonder why I had to choose someone with a C name when mine is a W since I know how much I love to be crafty and such. She had to be difficult...  Kath323, I like that intertwined one. I need to try it and see what ours would look like. Thanks again everyone!  |
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Post by Deleted on Jul 13, 2014 0:27:57 GMT
I will do an update when DSO and I are ready to make an announcement. For now he is just DSO. (Soon I promise!)
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haha. Or maybe Richardson & Calders. 
the kids do have my name as one of their middle names. 
There really is no "right" way to do it, I know. I just think they are really cute. Here in the south, the monogramming trend is in full force, especially where I work, so I find myself admiring the things and wishing it was as easy for us as for all these "traditional" families around here. It's always nice to actually "talk" to people who aren't all the typical "traditional" family and see how things are done. 
