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Post by susans sister on May 26, 2015 22:41:14 GMT
This weekend I had dinner with my grandson and his girlfriend. Girlfriend turned 16 last week. She lives with her Father. When I went to take her home I noticed her Father's car was not there. I asked her if he would be home soon. She said he was out of town and would be back "tomorrow night" It is not a very good neighborhood and I was very worried about leaving her there alone. Am I old fashioned or is this acceptable parenting these days?
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Post by gar on May 26, 2015 22:43:51 GMT
I don't think there is one accepted rule. I did leave my DDs alone overnight occasionally around that age but we don't live in a dodgy neighbourhood.
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Post by *christine* on May 26, 2015 22:44:17 GMT
I would not, nope, never, no way. I was a 16 year old girl once. And not a nice one.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on May 26, 2015 22:45:18 GMT
My mom had to on occasion. It was no big deal and it was almost over 25 years ago. So nothing new.
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trollie
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Post by trollie on May 26, 2015 22:45:22 GMT
It would depend on the kid.
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kate
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Post by kate on May 26, 2015 22:46:26 GMT
I think it's more of a problem if it's public knowledge that she's alone - you wouldn't want the "party crowd" at school to know, for example. I stayed with by BFF alone in her parents' house at that age while they were gone, with the blessing of all of our parents. We were good kids, though - our worst behavior was overindulging in junk food! LOL
My kids are not that age yet, but I wouldn't rule out leaving them overnight if they continue to be trustworthy at that time.
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Post by anxiousmom on May 26, 2015 22:49:49 GMT
My son is 16 and I would not hesitate to leave him alone overnight. Actually, he has stayed alone at his dad's overnight at 15 to tend to animals while his dad is out of town. My older son stayed home at 16 with my youngest at 14 over night with their younger step-siblings.
Once one of them is able to drive and they have the ability to feed and water themselves and you trust them not to invite the entire world over to party, then I think they are okay alone.
I am, however, a bit of a free range mom, and even though the boys were alone at their dad's house, I was home not terribly far away (and vice versa) and have no issues with allowing them stay alone at either house.
ETA: This is going to be terribly unpopular, but I have allowed a boy to stay alone at their dad's house for no reason other than they just needed to have a night alone away from everyone. (Their dad travels a fair bit.) I should also add that I have friends in their dad's neighborhood, as well as my ex's wife's family near by so a drive by can be arranged if needed. But I figure sometimes we all need a break-and it is a great way for kid's to earn trust and learn some pretty valuable life skills in a fairly safe environment.
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Peal
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Post by Peal on May 26, 2015 22:52:13 GMT
It depends on the 16 year old. Would I leave my (now 17) DS alone overnight at 16? Yes. Would I leave my (now 13) DS alone overnight at 16? Who knows.
How not very good of a neighborhood is it? Are there roving bands of rapists, kidnappers, and thieves on the streets?
As far as acceptable parenting. Yes, it is acceptable to trust our children with some independence/self reliance before they reach the magical age of majority and are thrust out of the nest to figure it out all at once. But I don't think that is a popular pea opinion.
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Post by 3dcrafter on May 26, 2015 22:55:06 GMT
...as a rule, I wouldn't feel comfortable, but I might allow it if there was extenuating circumstance, like a family medical emergency for example.
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scrappinmama
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Post by scrappinmama on May 26, 2015 23:08:49 GMT
I think it depends on the kid. First, do they know what to do in an emergency? Do they practice common sense, like not broadcast the fact that they are alone for the night? Do you trust that they will respect house rules (no parties, etc)? Is it a safe environment?
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Post by gmcwife1 on May 26, 2015 23:11:58 GMT
I think it depends on the kid. First, do they know what to do in an emergency? Do they practice common sense, like not broadcast the fact that they are alone for the night? Do you trust that they will respect house rules (no parties, etc)? Is it a safe environment? We have left our 16 yr old dd home alone over night. In addition to all the above we also have a house alarm and her German Shepherd Dog that would protect dd with her life.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on May 26, 2015 23:12:41 GMT
My parents never left me alone overnight when I was 16. Ever. I didn't leave DS either even though he is 1000% more trustworthy than I was.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on May 26, 2015 23:14:50 GMT
Heck at 16 I was working a job, closing a store and making deposit drops. Also babysitting for 3 kids daily during the summer, driving them to and from activities and an occasional late night/overnight babysitting job.
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Nicole in TX
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Post by Nicole in TX on May 26, 2015 23:20:35 GMT
When I was 16 my parents left me for two weeks with my 14 year old sister, my 12 year old sister, and my 2 year old brother.
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Post by holly on May 26, 2015 23:22:46 GMT
My mom wouldn't have and that was probably a good choice on her part. Even though she didn't know that half of what I was up to at 16. We have let DS stay alone overnight at 16. I have Kravitz neighbors and would know if a bunch of kids showed up. If he had a girlfriend, I probably wouldn't have. He's currently 17 and has been house/cat sitting at my moms house. He has basically been living there the last 2 weeks alone. He makes meals, does laundry and gets himself to school everyday. We do random checkups on him. He'll probably not like coming back home after having all that freedom! So far he hasn't given us a reason not to trust him so, so far so good.
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caro
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Post by caro on May 26, 2015 23:23:45 GMT
In thinking about my adult children and how they were at 16, hell to the no.
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marimoose
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Post by marimoose on May 26, 2015 23:34:29 GMT
I wouldn't. I didn't but my husband had no problem with it but I trumped his vote. Three of my kids would have been fine, totally trustworthy but that didn't matter to me. My other one, well, who the heck knows what would have gone on in our absence and oddly, she hates to be home alone now - even as a young adult. It just didn't seem right to me to leave my kids unattended, as if I were failing a parenting test but that doesn't mean that it is a right or wrong choice for all, just not right for me. I know people who were secure with leaving their 13yo olds alone for a couple of nights.
You just have to follow your gut.
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Post by doesitmatter on May 26, 2015 23:34:40 GMT
It would depend on the kid. It depends on the kid and neighbors etc. I left my 16 year old for one night becuase he had football and work and he took care of the pets while i was gone. I let the cop next door know and the pastor next door on the other side know. There weren't any issues, everyone had my contact info.
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Post by smokeynspike on May 26, 2015 23:38:39 GMT
I would say that is entirely up to the discretion of the parent at that age. I mean, heck, some kids babysit and are responsible for other children at that age, so they should be able to take care of themselves for a night or two.
Melissa
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Post by KikiPea on May 26, 2015 23:41:13 GMT
It totally depends on the kid. I was babysitting overnight a 2 and 4 yr old at 15.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on May 26, 2015 23:43:42 GMT
Before reading your post, my first thought would be maybe not if she has a boyfriend. I'd probably let a 16 year old stay home but ask a friend or neighbor if they could "drop by" for some reason while I was gone.
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Post by Miss Ang on May 26, 2015 23:44:20 GMT
No. My dd (now 20) was totally trustworthy and I don't think she would have done anything wrong. But I wasn't interested in offering the temptation by dangling a carrot in front of her nose either.
My son is currently 16 and I wouldn't even consider leaving him home overnight.
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Jili
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Post by Jili on May 26, 2015 23:46:58 GMT
No. My dd (now 20) was totally trustworthy and I don't think she would have done anything wrong. But I wasn't interested in offering the temptation by dangling a carrot in front of her nose either. My son is currently 16 and I wouldn't even consider leaving him home overnight. I agree with Angela on this, as I often do about a lot of topics.
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Post by padresfan619 on May 26, 2015 23:52:02 GMT
My parents did and my older brother threw a party. They never left me alone because of that. It was probably a good idea, too, because I also would have thrown a party. Except I would have been smarter than my brother and gotten rid of the cigarette butts on the lawn.
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kelly8875
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Post by kelly8875 on May 26, 2015 23:58:02 GMT
Depends on the kid.
I was a good kid, so it was fine for me. at this point I would trust my own kids. My brother was a different situation though...
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Post by ktdoesntscrap on May 27, 2015 0:00:36 GMT
My parents did a lot.. and not just overnight but for a week or so.
I had so many parties it was ridiculous.
I don't think I would let my daughter... but she's only 12 so time will tell.
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Post by gmcwife1 on May 27, 2015 0:10:33 GMT
Depends on the kid. I was a good kid, so it was fine for me. at this point I would trust my own kids. My brother was a different situation though... Same here except it was my sisters. My brother and youngest sister were really good and could be left alone as teens. My other two sisters should not have ever been left alone!!
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Post by Woobster on May 27, 2015 0:16:35 GMT
I was the 16 year old girl with a boyfriend whose parents left her home alone occasionally, and nope... I wouldn't do it unless it was an emergency situation.
For me, it really would have nothing to do with responsibility... I was a good kid, I had a job, I got good grades, etc. It has more yo do with the boyfriend.
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Post by hop2 on May 27, 2015 0:26:40 GMT
Depends on the kid. I would have left mine alone at 16 but she wasn't comfortable with it. So for that reason we did not. My younger one has been alobe the whole night, he didn't care and did fine. But we have a good support network nearby so that also makes a difference.
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Post by bc2ca on May 27, 2015 0:29:00 GMT
My parents left me and two sisters, taking the youngest sister with them, for a two weeks at 16. I would have been fine if left alone, but my youngest sister hated being in the house by herself for an evening, let alone all night.
At that age I was also house/pet sitting for a couple of families, so staying alone at some else's house. This is really a question that varies depending on the child, neighborhood, etc.
We never left DD alone overnight at 16 and if the opportunity had come up I'm pretty sure she would have wanted a friend to stay with her rather than be alone.
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