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Post by jamh on Jul 14, 2014 12:39:56 GMT
Another Texan chiming in here,and this sums up the discussion perfectly for me:
(Deep in the heart of Texas, all casual gatherings are assumed to be potlucks unless otherwise stated.)
Plus,if we are really lucky, the potluck is held in a barn!!!!
JamH
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oldcrow
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Jun 26, 2014 12:25:29 GMT
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Post by oldcrow on Jul 14, 2014 12:45:50 GMT
For me it depends on the purpose of the event. If the purpose is a birthday party, shower, or other event expecting gifts than yes I think potluck is tacky. But, if the event is casual and just friends gathering for a picnic, pool party, watching a game of some sort than I think that potluck is great. If I host a dinner party then I would also not expect anyone to bring anything, usually I decide on a menu with flavors that co ordinate. I agree with this. Around here a formal dinner party is rare as hen's teeth. The only thing I would take to a formal dinner party would be a hostess gift of a bottle of wine. But I would make sure she understood that it was a gift to her not something I expected to be served. At work we do potluck all the time.
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Post by Heart on Jul 14, 2014 12:49:42 GMT
Do people bring food while the family is sitting Shiva? While it's a sad time, don't get me wrong, it is so nice to have everyone there. I think I would find comfort having people i loved near me the entire time. Around here, it is the HEIGHT of bad manners not to- you bring an entire meal (salad, main, side, dessert), in approved containers and under the appropriate cooking rules. Non Jews usually ask a Jewish friend or deli to do the cooking so that dietary requirements are not a concern for the bereaved family. This is done so the grieving can grieve. The expectation is that they do not do any "work" while they sit Shiva, including cooking.
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Post by dulcemama on Jul 14, 2014 12:51:22 GMT
This is true where I live as well. None of my friends make a lot of money so if we didn't do potlucks, we would never see each other. This is also true for us. Again, if one person had to pay for everything, it would just never happen.
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Post by librarylady on Jul 14, 2014 13:00:35 GMT
Formal dinner party several have mentioned this phrase. IMO, that pea didn't mean a party with gowns/tux etc., but an event in which the host said, "You are invited to dinner in my home" vs casual dinner among friends, where the hostess said, "A bunch of us are going to eat together, want to come?"
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Post by Heidi on Jul 14, 2014 13:18:12 GMT
It's complicated. Not tacky in my book: family get togethers for Thanksgiving, Christmas, ball games, game night, etc. Tacky in my book: We were invited to a gender reveal party (no gifts please, just join us for a cookout and the reveal). We RSVP'd that we would be there and then the next day got an e-mail asking what we'd like to bring to eat. So, yeah, no gifts but oh, by the way, can you bring the food to the party WE are having? Tacky!
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Post by gardengoddess on Jul 14, 2014 13:25:54 GMT
I don't think they're tacky. Expecting people to bring food to a party that you're hosting unless you have all discussed it in advance is tacky. Most of the time when we're hosting for whatever reason, I'll tell my guests not to bring a thing and I swear every last one of them show up with a food dish, a bottle of wine or a six pack of beer.
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Post by bdawnb on Jul 14, 2014 13:57:46 GMT
This thread had really explained a lot to me. Whenever I have my friends over they are always offering to bring something and I am always saying "No thanks, I've got it covered". And they counter with "But I hate for you to have to do everything". And we both look at each other confused.
I knew why I was - why on earth would I invite people into my home to feed them and expect them to provide the food? Now I realize they probably couldn't understand why I was turning down their offer of kindness.
I still don't want people bringing anything but I will find a better way of xpressing it.
Oh, and I don't think potlucks are tacky if done under the appropriate circumstances as covered by previous posters. Casual get togethers, etc.
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Deleted
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Apr 25, 2024 2:25:31 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jul 14, 2014 14:07:38 GMT
Do people bring food while the family is sitting Shiva? While it's a sad time, don't get me wrong, it is so nice to have everyone there. I think I would find comfort having people i loved near me the entire time. Around here, it is the HEIGHT of bad manners not to- you bring an entire meal (salad, main, side, dessert), in approved containers and under the appropriate cooking rules. Non Jews usually ask a Jewish friend or deli to do the cooking so that dietary requirements are not a concern for the bereaved family. This is done so the grieving can grieve. The expectation is that they do not do any "work" while they sit Shiva, including cooking. That is just so cool for people to bring whole meals to the grieving family. I know we didn't feel like cooking and were in tears and all. How long is "sitting Shiva"? If I still had Jewish friends from University who went through a death I know what to bring. We are badly off for Jewish food here. There is a store in town that carries some kosher products but there is no deli like other big cities. I would have to find a friend who had a kosher kitchen and ask her if I could cook the food there. But still love the custom.
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Deleted
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Apr 25, 2024 2:25:31 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jul 14, 2014 14:27:49 GMT
I don't think they're tacky - they're so common now, like a way of life. However, I don't eat food at potlucks with non family members/close friends. If I don't know you well and if I haven't seen your kitchen or watched you prepare food in the past, I'm not eating the crockpot concoction, casserole, or cookies that you brought.
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BarbaraUK
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Jun 27, 2014 12:47:11 GMT
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Post by BarbaraUK on Jul 14, 2014 14:39:31 GMT
Slight hijack!! Do Americans have sausage rolls (sausages baked in pastry) at these casual gatherings? Just wondering because I'm making loads of the things for a very informal 'do' later and it occurred to me that it was something I've never heard mentioned here.
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Post by Dori~Mama~Bear on Jul 14, 2014 14:43:06 GMT
When I was a kid my family always got together for the holidays(usually at my grandmas house) and every family brought a dish. My grandma always did the turkey and my mom and aunts did the side dishes. and Grandma did the pies.
We would have a family reunion every summer and all the families brought a dish.
When we went camping as a family. usually with my grandparents we all made the meals together.
Now that I am an adult the only time I have done potlucks is when we used to gold mine in a club. There would be like 30 families and we would all get together on at least one night and have a big potluck dinner altogether.
When I bowled the league I was on had a potluck for the holidays. usually it was snacks, candy and deserts.
We do dinner for husbands employees and his partner usually brings the fruits and veggies and we usually do all the other stuff. the company pays for the food but it does help when we split the work up between the 2 couples.
If we invite people over for dinner we don't want them to bring anything. it is our dinner we are doing.
I have a friend that comes over when my husband goes out of town and she will usually bring stuff. but that is her thing and I know that she will always do this. even if she is coming over for lunch she will ask "what can I bring?" I will usually tell her something because I know it makes her happy.
I don't think potlucks are tacky if it is decided on when the gathering is planned. but if it is a dinner or party then it should be the host that supplies the food and drink.
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Post by tuva42 on Jul 14, 2014 14:45:29 GMT
I have never seen sausage baked in pastry before. We do have "pigs in a blanket" which is a hot dog baked in a crescent roll.
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Deleted
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Apr 25, 2024 2:25:31 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jul 14, 2014 14:47:42 GMT
Like this? We used to get this all the time in the bakeries in Japan. (Talk about amazing baked goods!!!)
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Grom Pea
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Jun 27, 2014 0:21:07 GMT
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Post by Grom Pea on Jul 14, 2014 14:52:49 GMT
I sure hope not, or I'm tacky, lol. I had a tiki themed party and provided alcohol, beverages and chicken with pineapple and asked my friends to bring their specialties, egg one friend makes awesome spam fried rice and another loves to make cookies so he brought macadamia nut cookies. Everyone who came had a great time and everyone pretty much asked if they could bring something except a few single neighbors who showed up with beer. In fact I almost always offer to bring food, it just seems weird to show up empty handed when I'm invited to someone's house.
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BarbaraUK
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Post by BarbaraUK on Jul 14, 2014 14:53:44 GMT
Like this? We used to get this all the time in the bakeries in Japan. (Talk about amazing baked goods!!!) Yes, exactly like that!
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Post by shevy on Jul 14, 2014 14:55:04 GMT
Of course, we like potlucks....In our garages! I was thinking the same thing! I think back to the 1800s when they had a party for barn raisings or threshing and everyone brought something to share so they could celebrate the end of the season. This midwestern German woman loves her some potluck parties!
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BarbaraUK
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Post by BarbaraUK on Jul 14, 2014 14:56:35 GMT
I have never seen sausage baked in pastry before. We do have "pigs in a blanket" which is a hot dog baked in a crescent roll. Our version of 'pigs in blankets' is sausage wrapped in bacon and baked. The hot dogs in a crescent roll sound yummy though!!
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Post by AN on Jul 14, 2014 15:23:48 GMT
If it's an occasion where guests are expected to either bring a gift or wear dressy clothes, I find potlucks to be lacking. Beyond that, I love potlucks!
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amom23
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Jun 27, 2014 12:39:18 GMT
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Post by amom23 on Jul 14, 2014 15:53:31 GMT
Potlucks have always been the norm around here.
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Post by workingclassdog on Jul 14, 2014 15:54:34 GMT
I never heard of potlucks being tacky.. (I haven't read through all the responses yet).. wanted to share my opinion first.
We have potlucks at work, church, school, etc. I know some people have an aversion to them and won't eat them and that it fine.
I would say if you were having a very formal wedding or formal party, then a pot luck wouldn't be appropriate.
But otherwise, tacky? No.
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Post by lindywholoveskids on Jul 14, 2014 16:10:55 GMT
not at all tacky in Northern CA either! we sort of expect that parties are potlucks unless the host says something different.
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Post by katlaw on Jul 14, 2014 16:24:54 GMT
We do a potluck where everyone just brings something last minute and we get together. To me that is not tacky. But...if you are hosting a baby shower, a grad party or an event celebrating someone in your family than I think you should be providing all the food not expecting your friends to feed everyone. Sometimes people just want to bring something. For my son's grad my BFF wanted to bring something so she brought the dessert (an awesome ice cream sundae bar). I did not ask her, she offered.
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Dalai Mama
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Post by Dalai Mama on Jul 14, 2014 16:28:10 GMT
I have never seen sausage baked in pastry before. We do have "pigs in a blanket" which is a hot dog baked in a crescent roll. Pigs in a blanket here are sausages in puff pastry.
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Post by tuva42 on Jul 14, 2014 16:29:18 GMT
Around here (we live in Ky) pot-lucks are very common at work, among neighbors, among families. We love them, great way to find new recipes.
I know folks think a pot-luck wedding sounds tacky, but my sister's oldest was getting married about 15 years ago, they were poor as church mice, did everything on a tight budget and a bunch of family and friends offered to provide the food at the reception in a pot-luck style. No one was told they had to bring anything, it wasn't listed on the invitations, it was just word of mouth through the young couples moms to close friends and family. It was actually very nice.
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Post by bianca42 on Jul 14, 2014 16:44:13 GMT
I think it depends on the situation.
Small get-together with family or close friends...not tacky. Small gift giving event (birthday, shower, wedding) where only close friends/family are invited...not tacky in my mind. Large gift giving event (birthday, shower, wedding) where everybody and their brother are invited...TACKY.
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rickmer
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Jul 1, 2014 20:20:18 GMT
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Post by rickmer on Jul 14, 2014 16:44:39 GMT
no, I don't find them tacky at all.... even for a shower (with gift giving "expected").
it is not uncommon to have people call and ask what they can contribute. if it's a wedding shower, it's usually hosted by bridesmaids who, frankly, dole out enough $$ to be in the wedding party I would WANT to take a bit off them by offering to bring something.
I admit I was a bit surprised when I hosted my friend's wedding shower at her place (I live far from all her guests) not one single person offered to bring a thing. Even the other bridesmaids.
we had a bunch of families at one house for easter this year - we coordinated in advance what everyone could contribute. I want to make it as easy as possible for the host so that they will invite me back again!! guess that makes me tacky too!
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Post by jeremysgirl on Jul 14, 2014 17:30:41 GMT
In my area it is very common to ask someone what they would like you to bring every time we have a get together. Really, the only person I can think of who doesn't do potluck at times is my mother because she really likes to cook. So sometimes she makes a very special meal and she wants to make it all herself. Other than that, it's usually potluck.
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Post by M~ on Jul 14, 2014 18:21:45 GMT
Why yes I do! My town is called "Miami," to you Americans.
I don't know what specific ethnicity the Latin people in your neck of the woods may be? (Peruvian, Puerto Rican, Cuban, Dominican, etc) but here potlucks are not common at all.
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Post by refupea on Jul 14, 2014 18:24:41 GMT
In my family, if it's been some sort of holiday "party"-- Christmas, Thanksgiving, labor day, whatever-- where we know we're going to get together but the "host" is selected primarily because of tradition and house size, it's always potluck. No one is the host, just the destination. On the other hand, if someone's hosting a shower of some sort, or a graduation party, then whoever's hosting is responsible for all the food. Exactly!!
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