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Post by cindyupnorth on Jun 25, 2015 18:07:14 GMT
Julie, right now my cousin is basically barely hanging on, and functioning, let along thinking of what they want done, etc. The funeral is even being delayed a bit.
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Post by papersilly on Jun 25, 2015 18:20:40 GMT
I'm not a big fan of flowers. I would gather photos that the other cousins may have of the two boys and put it into a photo book. make a collection of memories from other members of the family.
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River
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,529
Location: Alabama
Jun 26, 2014 15:26:04 GMT
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Post by River on Jun 25, 2015 18:31:00 GMT
I have no suggestions, but wanted you to know that your family is in my prayers.
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Post by librarylady on Jun 25, 2015 18:41:06 GMT
My condolences to you and all who loved these boys.
Memorial: scholarship in their names, tree or bench at the school, books to the library sound like the memorial that would be there for a long time.
I have no idea how much a scholarship fund needs to initiate it, but a university or school could tell you. Then the word could spread and others can contribute to the fund.
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Post by ametallichick on Jun 25, 2015 18:41:21 GMT
I have no suggestions to give other than the nice ideas the peas have already suggested but I wanted to say how terrible I feel for your cousins. I hope their parents and family will be able to find solace someday.
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Post by leftturnonly on Jun 25, 2015 18:57:14 GMT
I agree that the schlorships, and stuff for the school would be very nice...for later. But we would like to show her something now. KWIM? I also think it's up to the mom/dad to decide that. We are about 3 hrs apart, so I really can't do anything later such as food. Thank you for all the kind words!! This has really been unbelievable, and for those that have heard the stories on the news you will know what I am talking about. They must still be in shock and will remain in deep grief for a long time. Flowers are nice and appropriate now. If you don't think she'd enjoy taking care of live plants, make them flowers and not live plants she'll be left trying to find homes for. A card should be included with the flowers so she will have something to remember them by. It would be a gift to them to photograph all the arrangements that come in so they can be appreciated more later. The worst time is when the shock wears off and everyone else has moved on with their lives. This is when they'll need your help the most. I'm sorry for your family's loss.
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Post by mellyw on Jun 25, 2015 19:07:46 GMT
I am so very sorry, Cindy. I just can't imagine what your family is going thru.
Have they made any suggestions? My niece passed away very unexpectantly around Christmas. My Sister practically begged people to give to the Juvenile Diabetes Foundation in lieu of flowers. My niece's Type 1 contributed to her death, & friends & family who live by them know my DD is also a Type 1 diabetic, so most honored their wishes.
I wish I had better suggestions, but just being a support was what my sister needed.
Again, I am so very sorry for your loss.
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scrapaddie
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,090
Jul 8, 2014 20:17:31 GMT
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Post by scrapaddie on Jun 25, 2015 19:34:31 GMT
I would imagine that at this point in time, anything you do will hardly even faze them. They are going through a horrible time, a horrible loss, and just managing to get through. At least this is how my parents were when they lost a son the first time and the second time.
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Post by ihaveonly1l on Jun 25, 2015 19:44:43 GMT
This story has been on our local news a lot. This story has really hit home for me because my son often travels to basketball tournaments around the area. The boys had a tournament yesterday and had coordinated rides- I wasn't feeling good about it, but figured I was being too paranoid. After this happened, the rides shifted and parents did the driving.
I'm not saying this happened because it was a teen driver, it could have happened with anyone behind the wheel, but the thought of 5 teens in a car headed west on 94 to Alexandria wasn't making me feel comfortable.
I hope they find the semi that may have been involved. No advice for a gift. My thoughts are with your family.
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Post by auntkelly on Jun 25, 2015 19:59:09 GMT
I'm so sorry for your family's loss.
When my mom died, my next door neighbor brought me a pretty journal and a nice pen. I kept all sorts of lists in it (thank you notes to write, funeral preparations, etc.). I also wrote my feelings in it when the mood struck. It was a very thoughtful gift.
I also think it's nice when people bring very practical things like toilet paper, paper towels, dishwashing soap, ziplock bags, etc. There are so many people coming and going, you go through a lot of paper goods and cleaning products and hardly anyone thinks to bring these things.
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gsquaredmom
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,086
Jun 26, 2014 17:43:22 GMT
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Post by gsquaredmom on Jun 25, 2015 20:27:16 GMT
When studfents die at my school, a tree is sometimes planted with a plaque. One family did a garden bench.
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Post by Chips on Jun 25, 2015 20:57:04 GMT
I am so sorry for your families tragic loss of two young boys and my thoughts and prayers are with you.
I do not know if it is appropriate but you and your family assemble a photo collage/book for your cousin. It could be displayed at the services and give to them as a remembrance afterwards.
Hugs and prayers.
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Nicole in TX
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,951
Jun 26, 2014 2:00:21 GMT
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Post by Nicole in TX on Jun 25, 2015 21:00:00 GMT
That is awful! I am so sorry.
You could consider making a donation to their school library so they can purchase some books in the boys names.
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caro
Drama Llama
Refupea 1130
Posts: 5,222
Jun 26, 2014 14:10:36 GMT
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Post by caro on Jun 25, 2015 21:00:15 GMT
Are the boys going to be buried at a cemetery? You could purchase a memorial bench and put it at the gravesite. There are several at the cemetery where my DD is buried. They are very nice.
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Nicole in TX
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,951
Jun 26, 2014 2:00:21 GMT
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Post by Nicole in TX on Jun 25, 2015 21:00:31 GMT
Julie, right now my cousin is basically barely hanging on, and functioning, let along thinking of what they want done, etc. The funeral is even being delayed a bit. I can't even imagine. Prayers being said.
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caro
Drama Llama
Refupea 1130
Posts: 5,222
Jun 26, 2014 14:10:36 GMT
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Post by caro on Jun 25, 2015 21:03:32 GMT
Julie, right now my cousin is basically barely hanging on, and functioning, let along thinking of what they want done, etc. The funeral is even being delayed a bit. I can't even imagine. Prayers being said. I can't imagine either. Losing your children is awful especially all of them at once. Heartbreaking.
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Peal
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,524
Jun 25, 2014 22:45:40 GMT
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Post by Peal on Jun 25, 2015 22:58:26 GMT
When my SIL lost her oldest child to cancer all of her siblings pitched in to cover the cost of the gravestone as they didn't have the funds at the time to pay for it because of medical bills. It really meant a lot to her to have the money to be able to put one in right away. Is that something you could do?
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Post by Miss Lerins Momma on Jun 25, 2015 23:38:06 GMT
I am so sorry for your loss. I can't even imagine how difficult that would be!
Are they the only children of your cousin? If I were you, I probably would do a small floral arrangement for the services (maybe a nice small planter?) And then I would coordinate a bigger effort with the cousins to do a lunch or dinner for the whole family and their visitors.
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Post by trixiecat on Jun 25, 2015 23:40:18 GMT
I have been to several funerals where there are picture boards with all sorts of pictures of the deceased. Maybe this is something you could put together fairly quickly. And it would be something that could be kept. I like the idea of a book for people to write memories of the boys in. I also like the idea of putting a bench or something similar in where the boys would have hung out or spent a lot of time.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Jun 26, 2024 2:49:27 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jun 25, 2015 23:49:35 GMT
I agree that the schlorships, and stuff for the school would be very nice...for later. But we would like to show her something now. KWIM? I also think it's up to the mom/dad to decide that. We are about 3 hrs apart, so I really can't do anything later such as food. Thank you for all the kind words!! This has really been unbelievable, and for those that have heard the stories on the news you will know what I am talking about. We recently had a death at work. Instead of flowers our collection for flower donations went to some restaurant gift cards so after the meals stop coming and yet the widow isn't back to feeling like cooking she can pick up a hot meal or eat there and not worry about fixing anything or having it go bad before she gets it eaten. They were to a couple of local places she is know to enjoy (panera types of soup/sandwich) Our college has memorial benches on campus so you might check the boys' schools or their college hopeful schools and see if a memorial bench is reasonable. Or set up some small scholarships in their names for other kids planning to major in something the boys were interested in.
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Post by njinkerbelle on Jun 25, 2015 23:58:52 GMT
My condolences to the family for this tragic accident. We will say a prayer for them.
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Post by cherrie on Jun 26, 2015 0:02:28 GMT
My heart is hurting for your family Cindy! A friend of my granddaughter's just passed suddenly from a routine procedure and the town put blue balloons all over. From her neighborhood all the way to the church where the funeral was being held were blue balloons..it meant a lot to the family. I love the idea of a bench in the cemetery! I would do flowers right away and something more permanent later. Prayers for the parents!
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Post by cindyupnorth on Jun 26, 2015 0:39:50 GMT
Yes, the 2 boys were her only children. It's truly heartbreaking!
I saw this online..it was of a twig tree, in a vase, or something, and things were hung from it. I thought a windchime? would that be too odd? You see it often at weddings I think, the vases with the twigs. But this would be more somber?
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Post by anonrefugee on Jun 26, 2015 0:46:56 GMT
I'm sorry Cindy. I can't imagine what your family is going through, the ages are so close to mine I can barely read this thread.
Our highschool has a little memorial garden outside with a wall for bronze plaques.
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Post by Darcy Collins on Jun 26, 2015 1:06:17 GMT
I really wouldn't worry to much about what you'll provide at the actual funeral. A flower arrangement would be nice if the parents have not made other wishes known. To be honest, they're going to be in extreme shock at the funeral anyway. If the cousins would like to do something meaningful, I would wait a bit and figure out what makes sense. The biggest support on the day of the actual funeral the extended family can provide is helping with the logistics. Is there enough food, drink etc? Depending on where it's held and how much outside help the family arranges, the cousins can be extremely helpful in making sure the parents don't have to worry about setting up tables and chairs, dealing with trash. Young people funerals in particular will draw a whole lot of people. If you've ever tried to manage a gathering for 300+ people, you realize that it's a logistic nightmare. I'd concentrate on that for the next few days, and then decide on things like scholarships, planting trees etc. over time.
ETA I'm terribly sorry for your family's loss!
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Post by *christine* on Jun 26, 2015 1:16:33 GMT
Oh Cindy, I am so very sorry to hear about this loss your family has suffered. I don't know how I would go on.
I like the idea of a scholarship in the boys' names at their school. Even if it's only a few hundred dollars, that could be very beneficial for a student, and quite an honor for future recipients. It is a hard time for anyone to think about pulling something together so maybe you could write them a note/card to let them know you're planning some sort of memorial.
I wish you all peace and strength in the days to come.
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Post by bc2ca on Jun 26, 2015 1:32:01 GMT
I can't begin to imagine the shock & pain your family is dealing with .
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Post by alittleintrepid on Jun 26, 2015 1:36:58 GMT
I'm so sorry. Thinking of you, your cousins family, and everyone that loves those boys.
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Post by k8smom on Jun 26, 2015 1:43:50 GMT
I'm so sorry for your loss! What about offering to make a Tshirt quilt out of the boys sports jerseys and tees? She would have something tangible. Tshirt quilt
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Post by cindyupnorth on Jun 26, 2015 1:49:48 GMT
The actual site, and everything of the funeral is being handled by the small private school they attended. It's a close group, plus a big BB family that has been very involved.
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