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Post by annabella on Aug 12, 2015 13:23:59 GMT
Person A and I have been talking about going to lunch together for our awhile but our schedules have been too busy. I saw that my favorite expensive restaurant is having a lunch special next week so I emailed Person A and suggested we go to lunch next week. She hit reply coping Person B saying she can do Mon-Wed and copied Person B in case she wants to join us. Person B is in my team and I can't stand her with a passion, she's incredibly rude and I don't want to spend a lunch where more than likely the topics will be our personal lives and I don't want her to know a thing about me. I think it's unprofessional to tell Person A my feelings about Person B, but I need to know how to get out of this and possibly prevent this from happening again?
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Post by smalltowngirlie on Aug 12, 2015 13:26:32 GMT
Why would she add Person B? I don't get it.
I have no advice how to get out of it, except maybe you suddenly have a big project due and will need to work though lunch.
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Post by littlemama on Aug 12, 2015 13:27:14 GMT
I think you can get out of it by having something come up at the last minute. Ideally, if B can ONLY go one day, you can have something pop up for that day, but you and A could still go another day. To prevent it from happening again, you could say you were looking forward to just the 2 of you catching up. I'm really surprised that she copied someone else without checking with you first - normally, one would ask if it is ok to invite someone else.
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Post by annabella on Aug 12, 2015 13:34:39 GMT
I'm really surprised that she copied someone else without checking with you first - normally, one would ask if it is ok to invite someone else. I know right! I'm just worried if I say I'm busy on Monday they will reschedule it for Tuesday. Person B is on vacation so she hasn't responded to the invite.
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akathy
What's For Dinner?
Still peaing from Podunk!
Posts: 4,546
Location: North Dakota
Jun 25, 2014 22:56:55 GMT
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Post by akathy on Aug 12, 2015 13:44:49 GMT
For the future I would very gently tell A that you like having lunch with her alone so it doesn't happen again. You don't have to say you don't like B. If pressed you could just tell her that being she's on your team you see her all the time and would prefer not to eat with her too.
As as far as what you can do this time, I don't know. Pray B isn't going to be able to make it or bow out yourself at the last minute.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Oct 5, 2024 18:28:55 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Aug 12, 2015 13:47:01 GMT
Maybe you'll catch a break and Person B hates you as much as you hate her and will decline.
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sharlag
Drama Llama
I like my artsy with a little bit of fartsy.
Posts: 6,580
Location: Kansas
Jun 26, 2014 12:57:48 GMT
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Post by sharlag on Aug 12, 2015 13:48:02 GMT
Maybe A has issues with YOU, and needs B for a buffer. Does she routinely add a 3rd to your outings?
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Post by annabella on Aug 12, 2015 14:25:52 GMT
Maybe you'll catch a break and Person B hates you as much as you hate her and will decline. Yes I'm hoping for that! lol
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Post by 2peafaithful on Aug 12, 2015 14:53:41 GMT
Its lunch. If you insist on not going than come up with an excuse and be done with it. If it were me I would consider it a chance to stretch, grow and possibly learn and if it falls into place I would go.
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Post by *KAS* on Aug 12, 2015 15:23:48 GMT
It's a work lunch. I would go and not share anything personal I didn't want to share. Did person B do anything to you personally, or you just don't like her personality? There's several people I wouldn't pick as my friends but I still go to work lunches with them (in groups) because it's the polite thing to do in a business setting. Nothing wrong with hoping person B ISN'T available though.
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Post by annabella on Aug 12, 2015 15:35:33 GMT
I don't mind the group work lunch because the topic is business and I can stay silent if I felt like it. But in a group of 3 women one person can ask "so tell me about the guy you're dating, what did you do this weekend" not so personal questions but like I said I don't want to share an inch of my life with her. Person A complains about her boss to me, I've observed him and give her my opinions on situations, so she would think it odd I sit there mum during lunch because I don't want to be quoted as saying anything by Person B.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Oct 5, 2024 18:28:55 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Aug 12, 2015 15:41:36 GMT
Obviously A thinks this is a business-related lunch not a personal friend lunch. It wasn't until I left one company to be a SAHM that I realized most work friendships didn't survive past the time where you were actually working together everyday. I think it is because that is what you have in common to talk about. Is it possible that Person A doesn't want to be as personal as you do? Or like someone else stated doesn't really want to do a one-on-one lunch with you for whatever reason? Sounds like it to me especially if both of your schedules are "too busy". Doesn't sound like it is a priority to her.
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Post by krazykatlady on Aug 12, 2015 15:48:37 GMT
I don't mind the group work lunch because the topic is business and I can stay silent if I felt like it. But in a group of 3 women one person can ask "so tell me about the guy you're dating, what did you do this weekend" not so personal questions but like I said I don't want to share an inch of my life with her. Person A complains about her boss to me, I've observed him and give her my opinions on situations, so she would think it odd I sit there mum during lunch because I don't want to be quoted as saying anything by Person B. Just say something like, "that's a topic for another day" and immediately change the subject. If she pushes it then say, "I'd rather not discuss it right now" If she asks you about it later be brutally honest and tell her prefer to not talk about personal stuff in front of B.
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SweetieBsMom
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,741
Jun 25, 2014 19:55:12 GMT
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Post by SweetieBsMom on Aug 12, 2015 15:58:48 GMT
I find it weird she invited a third person. If it was someone I didn't mind, I'd go but re-direct any personal questions. If it was someone I didn't like and had no desire to have lunch with then I'd have something come up. I don't know if there's a PC way to say "hey, why did you ask so and so to come with us?" You could try rescheduling again and see if it happens again. If it happened again, I'd probably stop trying.
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MDscrapaholic
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,590
Location: Down by the bay....
Jun 25, 2014 20:49:07 GMT
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Post by MDscrapaholic on Aug 12, 2015 16:03:42 GMT
Why can't you just ask Person A why she invited Person B?
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happymomma
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,078
Aug 6, 2014 23:57:56 GMT
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Post by happymomma on Aug 12, 2015 16:08:17 GMT
I can't imagine why A didn't ask you if it was okay to invite B on 'your' lunch date? Unfortunately you are the one left holding the ball for A's faux pas. I'd probably try to ditch the lunch plan, as I would now feel like it wasn't as much of a treat if it wasn't going to be enjoyable. What an icky situation to be in.
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Post by originalvanillabean on Aug 12, 2015 16:16:31 GMT
I would have something come up last minute.
If pressed to go to lunch again, I would mention that you were really looking forward to visiting with just her.
Crazy that she invited Person B without running it by you.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Oct 5, 2024 18:28:55 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Aug 12, 2015 16:18:57 GMT
Person A and I have been talking about going to lunch together for our awhile but our schedules have been too busy. I saw that my favorite expensive restaurant is having a lunch special next week so I emailed Person A and suggested we go to lunch next week. She hit reply coping Person B saying she can do Mon-Wed and copied Person B in case she wants to join us. Person B is in my team and I can't stand her with a passion, she's incredibly rude and I don't want to spend a lunch where more than likely the topics will be our personal lives and I don't want her to know a thing about me. I think it's unprofessional to tell Person A my feelings about Person B, but I need to know how to get out of this and possibly prevent this from happening again? It sounds like your relationship with person A isn't truly a personal relationship. It if was you could say "please don't talk about personal issues while B is around" But since you can't be straight forward you two aren't friends and by inviting someone else person A is signalling she isn't all that interested in developing a private/personal relationship with you just yet. If person B comes along just keep the topics to work and redirect conversations back to work issues or world issues that aren't personal to you. But be fully aware that person A IS friends/comfortable with person B and any private conversations you have with person A over a lunch of the two of you is apt to be gossip fodder for person A when she gets together with person B. If you really want your private life to stay private you can't really talk with anyone at work. they talk to each other about who ever isn't there at the time.
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Post by Dictionary on Aug 12, 2015 16:21:57 GMT
Well if person B hasn't responded I would wait, if she does then I would reply back and say sorry this week isn't going to work out after all. Things just got too hetic to take time off for lunch. Next time you want to do lunch with person A do it in person and ask her if she wants to join you. Hopefully that will squash any of her extended offerings.
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Post by disneypal on Aug 12, 2015 16:22:26 GMT
Has person B responded yet? If not, perhaps they cannot go and it won't be a problem after all.
If person B does respond. Then I would tell person A that something came up and you can't go after all.
The next time I planned a lunch with Person A, I would let Person A know that you would like to keep lunch just between the 2 of you so you can have one on one time with her.
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MerryMom
Pearl Clutcher
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Jul 24, 2014 19:51:57 GMT
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Post by MerryMom on Aug 12, 2015 16:35:55 GMT
Make a reservation for two and let Person A know?
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Post by papersilly on Aug 12, 2015 17:02:09 GMT
I say try and get out of this one and start all over again later with another invite to person A.
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georgiapea
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,846
Jun 27, 2014 18:02:10 GMT
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Post by georgiapea on Aug 12, 2015 17:35:57 GMT
"I'm sorry, but my dentist called that they had a cancellation and I can get my teeth cleaned on Tuesday. Go ahead without me".
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Post by julieinsweden on Aug 12, 2015 17:39:51 GMT
If B is out and doesn't read mails on her phone. Then it would be possible for A to recall the mail before B even reads it.
But as pp have said it doesn't sound like A wants a personal relationship. And probably can't be trusted with a polite version of the truth either.
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Post by annabella on Aug 12, 2015 17:54:03 GMT
Well to be honest I hadn't considered the angle that Person A doesn't want to by my friend. She was the one that suggested we do lunch a long time ago but she's travels all the time for work and then I didn't push it. I just thought with this incident she thought we're all women of the same age, it would be a fun girlfriends lunch. So I thought this means Person B never talks about me to her.
I never tell co-workers that I don't like someone in the office, I just think it's bad form, especially since everyone is friendly with everyone.
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Post by auntkelly on Aug 12, 2015 18:27:38 GMT
Office politics wear me out!
On the one hand, if I were A, I wouldn't have sent that email to B announcing I was going to lunch w/ you at some future date and inviting B to come along. On the other hand, if I'm A and I've made plans to go to lunch w/ you and B comes up to me and says "How about lunch today?" I'm going to reply "I'm going w/ Annabelle, you want to come along?"
I don't like getting caught in the middle of my co-worker's spats w/ each other. I think getting too caught up in personal issues is something that really hurts women in the workplace.
I think if you are a professional, you ought to be able to suck it up and go out to lunch w/ a colleague and carry on a conversation about movies, travel or sports, even if you don't particularly like the co-worker.
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Post by annabella on Aug 12, 2015 18:32:14 GMT
I think if you are a professional, you ought to be able to suck it up and go out to lunch w/ a colleague and carry on a conversation about movies, travel or sports, even if you don't particularly like the co-worker. Fine I'll do that. lol
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Post by littlemama on Aug 18, 2015 15:44:13 GMT
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Post by cyndijane on Aug 18, 2015 16:58:57 GMT
Person A and I have been talking about going to lunch together for our awhile but our schedules have been too busy. I saw that my favorite expensive restaurant is having a lunch special next week so I emailed Person A and suggested we go to lunch next week. She hit reply coping Person B saying she can do Mon-Wed and copied Person B in case she wants to join us. Person B is in my team and I can't stand her with a passion, she's incredibly rude and I don't want to spend a lunch where more than likely the topics will be our personal lives and I don't want her to know a thing about me. I think it's unprofessional to tell Person A my feelings about Person B, but I need to know how to get out of this and possibly prevent this from happening again? It sounds like your relationship with person A isn't truly a personal relationship. It if was you could say "please don't talk about personal issues while B is around" But since you can't be straight forward you two aren't friends and by inviting someone else person A is signalling she isn't all that interested in developing a private/personal relationship with you just yet. If person B comes along just keep the topics to work and redirect conversations back to work issues or world issues that aren't personal to you. But be fully aware that person A IS friends/comfortable with person B and any private conversations you have with person A over a lunch of the two of you is apt to be gossip fodder for person A when she gets together with person B. If you really want your private life to stay private you can't really talk with anyone at work. they talk to each other about who ever isn't there at the time.This. Definitely keep this in mind.
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Post by annabella on Aug 18, 2015 16:59:54 GMT
Person A texted Person B the day before to ask if she was coming to the lunch, but then stopped short of telling me what she said, I didn't ask. I invited along Person C as a conversation buffer. Person B didn't come.
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