The beauty from ugliness *update on my mom*

I drove down to Arkansas Monday afternoon and arrived roughly 1 am Tuesday. I slept a little and then got up to go to the hospital with my brother. 

I spent all day Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday and Friday with mom, but had to leave Saturday around 2pm. 

The prognosis they gave my mother was incredibly grim. With cancerous growths throughout her entire abdomen and chest (starting with bladder cancer and spread to her ovaries, uterus and cervix as well as other soft internal organs up to and including the lungs), they expected HOURS, or days at very best. Mom's lungs are over 90% compromised and is on 100% oxygen. 

While her body is weak, her mind is sharp and she was able to laugh, talk and even sing just a bit. Her friends and church family just poured in like living water to care for her. Tuesday there were no less than 40 people in to visit her throughout the day. Her friends brought her favorite foods and drinks as her doctor has given her permission to eat whatever she likes (just in small doses as her stomach is very small). We had a gin& tonics together (one of her favorites) and a Jameson's (also a favorite). 

She was very active in the local music scene as a guitarist and singer, so all her musician friends came with their instruments and played for her. She had guitars, violins, concertinas and harmonicas serenading her. She also had prayers- Catholics, Lutherans, Episcopalians, Buddihsts, Jews- nearly every person she knew prayed for her. Several times while I was there, friends prayed over her. She is a practicing Catholic and on Saturday the priest gave her confession and gave her a blessed rosary for the Feast of the Assumption. 

I got to hug and kiss her. I held her hand many times during my visit. I combed her hair many times. She ate crushed ice pretty much non stop, so I made sure her cup stayed full. I bought a book and read to her, because some of my fondest memories are of her reading to me. I took a lot of pictures and spent a lot of time just listening to her breathe. 

She's still here, despite a very obvious and difficult decline in condition over the week. It won't be long now. She has 25 feet of tubing for her oxygen, but she can barely walk to the bathroom about 5 feet away from her bed (maybe less than that). After she goes, it takes her well over an hour to catch her breath. Her skin is cool and shallow and she can't talk for long. When she sleeps, I can see how little air is getting to her. She's has short term memory loss and confusion - very probably because she's not getting enough oxygen. It's getting harder and harder for her to do anything with her hands and her hand eye coordination is pretty bad. 

My stepfather and she decided that they will spend these last moments (however many there are) together, celebrating. This last week was a party, and it continues until she goes. She refuses to dwell or cry but instead enjoy the moments she has. I called her twice yesterday and will try to talk to her every day until she dies. We decided that she would have french dip for lunch yesterday by phone. It might seem little, but even sharing a meal with her long distance is a joy right now. 

I returned to work yesterday- at an assisted living facility. My residents have just surrounded me with love and tenderness. Every one of them was so kind and a few of them just sat with me and let me talk, and hugged me. 

There *IS* beauty in this Earth. 

I am still not ready for her to go, but I am grateful I got to shower her with love and make peace with her before it was too late.