sharlag
Drama Llama
I like my artsy with a little bit of fartsy.
Posts: 6,574
Location: Kansas
Jun 26, 2014 12:57:48 GMT
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Post by sharlag on Sept 23, 2015 18:52:20 GMT
I'm trying to put something in writing for a house guest who is going to be with me starting later this month (a young person, a friend of my daughter's). My main irritation with past house guests has been when I came home to a dirty kitchen. My other specific concerns include 1. keeping MaxTheBeagle from escaping (he's opportunistic), 2. overloading the washing machine, and 3. drinking all the Pepsi. I also have a blurb about clearing other visitors thru me, no smoking/drugs, keeping crap picked up, turning off lights and whatnot. What am I missing? ETA: This newcomer/house guest is in their early 20s. I'm just old and call that age range 'young'.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
May 7, 2024 23:57:03 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Sept 23, 2015 19:01:21 GMT
What household amenities will be shared? Toilet paper was a huge issue in a roommate situation I was once in. Internet data? Heat/thermostat control?
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freebird
Drama Llama
'cause I'm free as a bird now
Posts: 6,927
Jun 25, 2014 20:06:48 GMT
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Post by freebird on Sept 23, 2015 19:02:13 GMT
The big one for me is that everyone contributes to the household. If you're not paying rent, then you're paying in labor. So loading the dishwasher and vacuuming shouldn't be an issue for you (sadly it was too much for the 27 year old).
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Post by Sam on Sept 23, 2015 19:07:34 GMT
What you are missing is a CONTRACT signed and dated by both of you and preferably witnessed - that way, when you need to kick this friend of your daughter's out of your house, you are likely to have less of a problem!
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Post by LavenderLayoutLady on Sept 23, 2015 19:08:05 GMT
Is this someone you truly trust?
Do you think this person would resist moving back out, especially if you asked?
Remember, in most places, if a person gets mail delivered there, they are considered a resident of that place, and have to be formally evicted to have them removed if they won't go on their own.
I would have a written agreement as to all the points listed above.
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akathy
What's For Dinner?
Still peaing from Podunk!
Posts: 4,546
Location: North Dakota
Jun 25, 2014 22:56:55 GMT
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Post by akathy on Sept 23, 2015 19:09:46 GMT
I read your title and thought rules? Are ya kidding me? My brother lived here for a year and I had no rules when he moved in and no complaints when he moved out. He can move in any time:)
Having a young person move in is a completely different thing though. Very! Best of luck to you!
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Post by Linda on Sept 23, 2015 19:10:15 GMT
we had a friend live with us for 7 years - she paid a nominal rent to help cover additional expenses and she cooked periodically for the household (usually once/week when she was home - she travelled for work) at her own expense. Common courtesy covered most everything else - clean up after yourself, replace what's used up/broken, help out when needed, let people know if you're not going to be home...
we actually have the same policies for our son
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Deleted
Posts: 0
May 7, 2024 23:57:03 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Sept 23, 2015 19:11:25 GMT
keys to the house (access to the house) is not given to any one else.
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Post by littlemama on Sept 23, 2015 19:13:19 GMT
Is there an end date for this arrangement? Is the person paying rent? Paying utilities? Groceries? Doing a set list of chores?
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Post by bluepoprocks on Sept 23, 2015 19:17:07 GMT
Are there areas of the house that are off limits? like your bedroom. I know you think people would know not to go in some one else's bedroom but no everyone knows that.
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Post by rst on Sept 23, 2015 19:19:35 GMT
Quiet time hours -- unless TV and music noise won't disturb you
parking place clarified
trash and recycling rules and expectation to keep trash emptied
off limits areas -- your private parts of the house where she has no business ever
internet access -- are you going to set up a guest account or let her access your wifi?
emergency contact info -- for her next of kin and people she'd want contacted , as well as who she should contact on your behalf
the yours / mine / ours rules of food and snacks -- when we had a long term live-in, we had a shelf that was "not to share" and everything else was fair game
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sharlag
Drama Llama
I like my artsy with a little bit of fartsy.
Posts: 6,574
Location: Kansas
Jun 26, 2014 12:57:48 GMT
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Post by sharlag on Sept 23, 2015 19:58:31 GMT
Thank you! These are helpful.
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Post by JustCallMeMommy on Sept 23, 2015 20:00:33 GMT
You didn't say how young, so this might not be relevant... I would want to set guidelines on coming and going. Must she be in the house at certain hours? If she is not coming home when expected, do you want a phone call?
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Post by anxiousmom on Sept 23, 2015 20:04:45 GMT
Don't eat my Little Debbie Swiss rolls.
Don't eat the last piece of cake.
Don't eat the last brownie.
(I think I am having some pms issues.)
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TheOtherMeg
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,541
Jun 25, 2014 20:58:14 GMT
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Post by TheOtherMeg on Sept 23, 2015 20:25:51 GMT
These are great ideas. I want to emphasize specifying the move out date. That was an issue when neighbors let a friend's son live with them to finish out senior year. Everything went well until it was time for the kid to actually move out. Unfortunately, that process ruined the friendships between the adults and between the kids.
Move out date Private/No Trespassing areas Detailed list of household duties -- which chores and how many times per week or which days of the week they're to be done Any monetary contribution expected for utilities, food, common consumables (paper towels, TP, laundry soap, etc.) Quiet hours Visitor policy, including overnight guests Parking Keys, alarm code, garage door opener policy Is food allowed out of the kitchen/dining room? Mini fridge or assigned shelf in main fridge for guest? Pantry shelf? Laundry (when my older kids are home, my bugaboo is that they leave their stuff in the washer or dryer and it creates a roadblock in the laundry system) Emergency contact and where (which hospital/doctor is in their network) the guest wants to be taken in case of emergency
It sounds very picky, but I think it's best to err on the side of giving too much info than to just try to wing it and run into all sorts of things that have to be addressed on the fly. You can still discuss these things and negotiate the ones that aren't hard rules for you, but you should bring up everything you can think of, IMO.
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Post by hop2 on Sept 23, 2015 20:36:12 GMT
Be very careful if you live in California!! Lol if you do have a contract with an end date. I have friend with horror stories in cal.
Usually common courtesy covers it but with a young person you never know. Good luck to you!
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marimoose
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,282
Jul 22, 2014 2:10:14 GMT
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Post by marimoose on Sept 23, 2015 20:41:59 GMT
Don't eat my Little Debbie Swiss rolls. Don't eat the last piece of cake. Don't eat the last brownie. (I think I am having some pms issues.) You never fail to make me laugh I say as I am sitting here munching on one of the last of the hidden (heehee) Blue Bunny ice cream swirl cones. Off to discard the evidence aka the wrapper. sharlag - no rules to add as the others seem to have pretty well covered them all and no one listens to my rules in my house anyhow, so not sure what that says about my own rules
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Post by leannec on Sept 23, 2015 20:49:17 GMT
My bff has a room-mate who doesn't understand that dishes must be scraped and rinsed before putting them in the dishwasher ... luckily this person will be moving out soon or else her dishwasher could be in trouble Be clear about dishwasher rules
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Post by Sam on Sept 23, 2015 20:52:15 GMT
The great news is that if all of these got written down and agreed to, the friend wouldn't move in anyway so problem solved!
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sharlag
Drama Llama
I like my artsy with a little bit of fartsy.
Posts: 6,574
Location: Kansas
Jun 26, 2014 12:57:48 GMT
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Post by sharlag on Sept 23, 2015 20:56:05 GMT
My bff has a room-mate who doesn't understand that dishes must be scraped and rinsed before putting them in the dishwasher ... luckily this person will be moving out soon or else her dishwasher could be in trouble Be clear about dishwasher rules I actually have typed out a couple of dishwasher rules, but didn't include scraping. I think it's because that hasn't been an issue lately, so it wasn't fresh in my mind. My concerns have to do with how the dishwasher is loaded. BUT!!.... My XDH used to put a pan half-full of mac and cheese, or chili, in the sink and then fill the pan with water. So then you had the cold, goobery water with mushy food to deal with. I understand and support the scraping, then soaking of some dishes-- just don't leave a cup of the leftover food in the soaking item when you do it! This is why I came here for inspiration! I only think of what I've experienced that has irked me, and I need to pull from OTHERS' irks to flesh out the list.
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scrappert
Prolific Pea
RefuPea #2956
Posts: 7,765
Location: Milwaukee, WI area
Jul 11, 2014 21:20:09 GMT
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Post by scrappert on Sept 23, 2015 21:00:09 GMT
Don't eat my Little Debbie Swiss rolls. Don't eat the last piece of cake. Don't eat the last brownie. (I think I am having some pms issues.) You never fail to make me laugh I say as I am sitting here munching on one of the last of the hidden (heehee) Blue Bunny ice cream swirl cones. Off to discard the evidence aka the wrapper. Ok, totally off topic, but I bought some candy bars for a dish. I only put a few out as SO and daughter will eat what is there. BUT I put the others in the pantry...behind cans of food. And I KNOW neither one will look. I was asked one day where the rest of the candy was, I said pantry, he said no, I said yes. Still, he hasn't looked. They are still there. I sneak one when I want. LOL This is how I roll.
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Post by scrapApea on Sept 23, 2015 21:05:55 GMT
I would seriously check out how you can go about evicting this person if you need to if it comes down to that. Remember the whole nanny in NY that wouldn't leave? I really think you need some sort of binding lease/legal contract so you don't end up with this person in your home forever!!!
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Post by leannec on Sept 23, 2015 21:15:42 GMT
My bff has a room-mate who doesn't understand that dishes must be scraped and rinsed before putting them in the dishwasher ... luckily this person will be moving out soon or else her dishwasher could be in trouble Be clear about dishwasher rules I actually have typed out a couple of dishwasher rules, but didn't include scraping. I think it's because that hasn't been an issue lately, so it wasn't fresh in my mind. My concerns have to do with how the dishwasher is loaded. BUT!!.... My XDH used to put a pan half-full of mac and cheese, or chili, in the sink and then fill the pan with water. So then you had the cold, goobery water with mushy food to deal with. I understand and support the scraping, then soaking of some dishes-- just don't leave a cup of the leftover food in the soaking item when you do it! This is why I came here for inspiration! I only think of what I've experienced that has irked me, and I need to pull from OTHERS' irks to flesh out the list. We have a garburator (love that thing!) so we just rinse right into the sink but bff needs to do it into the garbage ... her room-mate does a half-assed job and doesn't rinse at all ... it's gross
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raindancer
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,095
Jun 26, 2014 20:10:29 GMT
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Post by raindancer on Sept 23, 2015 21:24:54 GMT
I would get a lease form from online, modify it to suit my needs and both of us would discuss it and then it would be signed by a notary. I would not leave anything up to chance. And I would most certainly include an end date, and if you want to verbally agree to discuss extending the space to her at the end of the agreement then do so, but that way you have an out.
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Post by nlwilkins on Sept 24, 2015 5:51:10 GMT
A good thing to do is to make the rules a little generic so there would not be too many and so unforseen circumstances could be covred. Such as clean up after yourself could cover broken items, kitchen duties, bathroom messes, etc. Another rule could be to be considerate of other people's downtime so loud music, late hours, nap time etc. are covered. A rule to pay your way could cover food items, toiletries, gas in car, stamps, electricity bills and more.
Someone I knew had to set a limit as to how long the showers could be cause her "guests" took 45 minute showers and used all the hot water. One doesn't think ahead that this would need to be stipulated but could have been covered by a rule about being not hogging the resources.
But, above all, reserve the right to impose new rules as needed and to revisit the contract every several months to see how it is going.
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Post by rst on Sept 24, 2015 17:03:19 GMT
Best advice is to "begin as you intend to go on". I think a lot of us tend to be very accommodating and let things slide at first, or say, well, that's no big deal, not worth mentioning, not something to make a fuss over" Then over time, those smallish things drive you nuts. So figuring out what is important to you, and setting that as the norm from the beginning is key. Then you truly can let the little stuff slide and be relaxed.
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Post by 950nancy on Sept 24, 2015 17:41:22 GMT
I just wanted to add that calling MaxtheBeagle opportunistic seemed redundant. I have never met a beagle that wasn't looking for an adventure.
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Post by scrapmaven on Sept 24, 2015 18:48:33 GMT
All bad houseguests will be chopped up and put in the wood chipper!
I think w/a young person your best bet is to reinforce that all house rules will be obeyed. While she's living as a child in your home she will respect your rules or she will live elsewhere. Give her weekly chores and curfews,etc. This is assuming she's a teenager. If she's older then obviously you can only do house rules, such as chores, no drugs/tobacco/etc.
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J u l e e
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,531
Location: Cincinnati
Jun 28, 2014 2:50:47 GMT
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Post by J u l e e on Sept 24, 2015 19:25:24 GMT
I always read the word opportunistic as if I'm rapping Bust a Move.
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Post by Bitchy Rich on Sept 24, 2015 19:36:45 GMT
I just wanted to add that calling MaxtheBeagle opportunistic seemed redundant. I have never met a beagle that wasn't looking for an adventure. We had a pug who would hop up into my husband's chair EVERY time he left it pulled out, and eat his lunch/dinner. You might think the husband would have caught on after a couple times, but he never did.
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