VENT - deleted

Yup - I get it! If I tell my Dad something he repeats it to my sister (that I don't have a relationship with), who then tells my mom (divorced from my Dad) and then it gets back to my from my Mom. Fabulous, I feel like don't you have anything else to talk about rather than gossiping about silly things going on in my life. Oh and they all deny they do this.

Also my Aunt & Uncle (my Dad's estranged sister and brother) must think I am mad at them or don't want to be bothered, but it is just what I tell one, the other one automatically knows. Word doesn't take very long to get around my family.

It makes me think of the old saying "Telephone, Telegram, Tell *insert person's name*"

It sounds petty to me as well. I find it somewhat odd that you are so bothered by this. When you said that you thought you were voluntold, perhaps your sister heard annoyance in your voice so she thought she would help out your relationship with your mother which it sounds like is strained. Your younger sister keeps you in the loop as to what is going on. People are just keeping others in the loop. I'm not sure what is so secretive about this whole situation in particular and life in general.

So do you never talk about others behind their backs? What do you talk about with people then? Always the weather, sports, politics? Nothing that is real and is going on? If you have a friend or family member you are concerned about, would you not discuss that with other concerned people?

Sounds like you are an extremely secretive person. It doesn't make sense to me but I imagine there are a lot more people like that around. Would you be upset about what happened in rainangel's scenario? People are talking behind others' backs there as well.

I don't think it's being petty. It is nice to be asked, not just assumed you will do something.

I also get the family grapevine. I can't tell my Mom anything without figuring she will tell my brother. But that is just the way she is, so I don't tell her stuff before I tell my brother.

Happy Holidays!

My family are oversharers and it drives me crazy. I'm the only one that doesn't tell them every little thing about my life because I've learned not to. Then of course they get annoyed because they didn't know 

I get it. My family gossips about each other all the time. It gets old. I hate telling them things because I know it will not only make the rounds but be completely analyzed to death (using assumptions about me and my personality based on how I was 25 years ago,) and usually the consensus will be something negative. I don't think it's petty to be annoyed by it.

Sounds like my family. I get so pissed off. I just try to keep all conversations neutral so that nothing can be said behind my back.

Nothing.
So apparently not as petty as you imply.

It's not about the money, it's about the talking about others behind their back, or do I need to spell it out for you?

So let me get this straight...no one is allowed to mention your name or say anything about you unless you are standing directly in front of them?  Discussions occur.  

i guess you DO need to spell it out for me.

and why not make a snarky comment about me not knowing how to use the quote feature.

My mother is probably the biggest gossip/shit talker I know. She's also two-faced. She talked shit about my cousin who was the primary caregiver to my grandma (her mother), calling her dumb, etc and then would praise her on FB or in person about how wonderful she is, how lucky both her and Grandma were to have her when my mom got cancer and the treatment prevented her from being the primary caregiver. It drove me nuts. I kept my mouth shut because I did not want to start any drama but I had to tell my mom to shut up about her. She does the same about my Aunt and cousins on the other side of the family. Talks shit about them and then is all nice to them in person. I can't have a decent relationship with her because I have no idea if she's dissing me behind my back. Odds are, she is. I just try to give her as little ammo as possible.

And then there's the practically nonexistent relationship between DH and his family. He can't stand his only cousins (can't really blame him though). We've tried hosting his family for a holiday dinner only to find out none of them are willing to drive the hour it took to get to our house but yet they expect US to drive it every time, every year. I don't know why his Mom tries to claim his grandparents can't drive the hour when they drive 3-4 hours every summer, twice a summer to their annual vacation spot. Plus they drive the 3 hours to MIL's place up north every year. To me, that argument is a poor one but hey, whatever. As a result, we don't see them very often. All of our invites have been rejected or met with "why don't you come over here instead?" I know our house is small but it's not disgusting or anything.

I think all families talk about each other. Unfortunately in your case, you and your mother have issues so I can see why you're irritated.

I so find your use of voluntold interesting. If you're not interested in doing it, then just don't do it. But to use that word with your sister, sends a certain kind of message, Kwim? And then of course your family will talk behind your back even more. I know I would.

We must have the same inlaws. Every decision you make is there's to discuss and have an opinion over. Drives me nuts.

You sound like you really hate your family at every measure. I remember seeing you talk about them before in other threads. They can't do anything right by you. You even hate the way they dress. If you feel that strongly about them, you should just have less contact. Bottom line. It will be better for you AND them in the long run.

My vent... Me and my 13 yo son were rear ended by a commercial truck. Thank goodness we're alive. The guy was on a cell phone and hit me w/o braking while I was at a complete stop waiting for someone in front of me to make a left. Luckily, I didn't hit them. Found out today more than 14k dmg to my van we can't afford to get a new one yet, it was paid off and had at least 5 more good years in it. They offered less than 10k for it I am in pain. I can't pick up my baby. My neck is all messed up and my son had injuries to his lower back and both knees.

Don't text and drive

I don't think it matters if we think it's petty or not, these are Freebirds feelings & her vent. Let her bitch about her family safely here, without criticism, because she sure as shit knows she can't do it with her family.

delila

I come from a long line of big mouths too. And it doesn't stop with just my family, it runs out to MIL and her friends. All they all do is sit around and gossip. It's very frustrating. MIL and my grandmother are friends and we had a big blow up not too long ago because I found out that they were talking crap about me and DH and most of what they weren't saying wasn't even true and it was very hurtful.

I've just come to expect it from them. I can't change them, but I try real hard not to get upset by or engage in their gossip. It's never good stuff that they talk about.